BRR!! The Apocolypes Is COLD!!!
Nothing like watching a movie in December about snow storms killing off human beings.
Thanks to Roland Emmerich, the dude who gave us "Independance Day" (Another movie about the end of the world with the word "Day" in it), we get a lesson in global warming.
Dennis Quaid is Jack Hall, some scientist dude who goes around the world yelling at foriegners about global warming. But the foreigners won't listen to him, so Jack goes back home where he deals with his son Sam, played by Jake Gyllenhaal, who has a hot sister named Maggie, who appeared naked in some movie. Ask my girlfriend, she seen it.
Anywhoo, Sam and Jack live in Washington, D.C and Sam is going to New York to be in some smart competition with other smart peole from other smart schools along with this chick he likes named Laura and a nerdy dude named Brian.
Meanwhile, Toyko gets bombed (hey I said bombed, not nuked) by chucks of ice and Los Angeles gets attacked by three, count them, three tornadoes. Jack tells everyone that this is the beginning and it's gonna get worse for people above the Mason-Dixon line.
Figures, the hillbillies have nothing to worry about.
Well, the epicenter of the apocolypes is in New York City where Sam is and fucked up things happen there: first a BIG ASS WAVE of water comes crashing down onto the city, making everyone, including Sam, Laura, Brian, and this dude that Sam is jealous of cause he's making eyes at Laura named J.D, go into the New York Public Library.
Sam finds a pay phone and calls Jack. Jack tells him that things are gonna get really, really, REALLY freakin' chilly because the blizzard is coming and it's in shape of a hurricane. And to make things worse, when the eye of the blizzard/hurricane gets over New York, things are gonna get so cold that if you're not near heat, you gonna freeze to death, quite literally. Oh and Jack says he's gonna walk from Washington, D.C to New York to save him.
Oh, and there are some wolves that are missing. I think I covered every plot point.
When the water outside freezes up, people decide to leave to get help but Sam tells everyone what Jack told him and they laugh at him and leave anyway. Only people that believe him are Brian, Laura, J.D, a homless dude and his dog, and two library workers who might be bigger geeks then Brian. Sam takes everyone into this old room in the library and starts throwing books in to keep warm.
But the shit hits the fan when a cut Laura got earlier gets infected and she is near death. Outside the library, frozen, is a big ass ship that made its way through the waters through New York. Sam makes a guess that there's medicine in the ship and he, J.D, and Brian head there to get it.
Then we meet the wolves.
To take a break from this action, I should mention that everyone freaked out and started heading South, and tried to get into Mexico, but the Mexicans, realizing they have us American by the cajones, says NOOOO!!!! But us Americans don't take NOOO! for an answer and we break in. Oh and there's a vice-president who looks like Dick Chaney, who becomes President when the President dies on his way to Mexico.
Ok, back to New York.
Sam distracts the wolves by locking them in a room in the ship and they all leave the ship. But the eye of the blizzard is overhead so they have to run back in for warmth.
Jack and his friend Jason....
Oh, that's another thing. This dude named JASON is the most incompetent idiot ever!! In the beginning, he's in Antartica with Jack and he causes Antartica to break in HALF!!! I mean, JESUS!!! Let's just have EVERY person in EVERY movie who's a blathering IDIOT Named Jason and he ENDS UP DESTROYING THE WORLD!!!!!! YES LETS DO THAT SHALL WE???????
Ok, sorry...I'm back.
Anyway, Jack and Jason are on their way to New York when SOMEHOW they end up right AT the Statue of Liberty.
What the hell??? How the hell did they walk from Washington, D.C to The FREAKING STATUE of LIBERTY!!! So that means if there wasn't a blizzard and the water wasn't frozen, they would've walked into the Atlantic Ocean and drowned. SHEESH!!!!
Ok, i keep getting sidetracked. Sam and Jason make it to the library where Sam and company are safe and warm. They all fly back to Mexico/United States Part 2 where everyone hugs and learns a valuable lesson.
AWWW!!!!
Ok, this movie wasn't THAT bad, but I didn't think "ID4" or "Godzilla" were that bad either, and they were made by the same dude and about the same thing, more or less (New York gets destroyed one way or another, same thing, huh?) but movie people alike seemed to hate this movie. The odd thing is, I can see their side. I mean there are some hokey stuff in it, like the voices being dubbed for no reason and that dude breaking Antartica, I mean, come on???
So what's Roland gonna do next? How about...giant...lobsters invade New York...no! Giant lobster ZOMBIES invade New York and humans have to watch out for the giant turds these giant lobster zombies make. And there'd be at least one good looking guy in the movie.
And some doofus named Jason to ruin everything.
3 stars.
"The Day After Tomorrow" on IMDb.com:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0319262/