Rubick's Cube: The Movie
For the longest time I heard about this movie and I was dying to see it, especially when I saw there was a sequel to it. But then when I started the movie, I found out, much to my surprise, the movie had nothing to do with rapper Ice Cube.
Ha-ha-ha...
The movie begins with a dude named Alderson, waking up by himself in a cube shaped room. He find four doors, two on either side of him, one below him, and one above him. He looks through all three before settling on the forth one. He walks two steps and invisible piano wire comes through the walls slicing his entire body into ice cube shapes.
Whoa.
Then, sometime later, meanwhile, at the same time, I dunno, a door opens and Quentin, a police officer, comes through a room and finds this dude named David Worth lying on the floor passed out. While trying to wake him up, another door opens and this old guy named Rennes, pronunced "Wren", steps through. He is a famous escape artist dude who escaped from 17 prisons. Then a nerdy but somewhat cute girl named Leaven steps through, and finally a female doctor who looks like a cross between Amanda Plummer and Ione Skye named Holloway also appears. They are all confused and remember they were doing mediocre things before waking up in their giant cube rooms.
Rennes throws his boot into one room and finds it is booby-trapped, therefore certain rooms are safe and certain rooms are trapped. So for awhile they keep throwing boots into rooms to see if it's trapped or safe, until Rennes makes a mistake and gets sprayed with a chemical that melts his face off. It's kind of cool to see actually.
They all freak out and wonder how long they can go on doing this until their faces melt until Leaven notices numbers that are lined against the little doors that go into the cube.
It's at this point I got sick of the movie because the answer to everything was math, which is my worse subject. If you ever see me attacking you and you want to stop me, ask me what 1,987 divded by 86.9 times 4 squared is and I'll just stand there, dumbfounded. In which time you could kill me.
Anyway, Leaven notices the numbers, which look like this:
467,878, 998
-are prime numbers and deduces that the rooms with prime numbers are safe.
So we get a sequence of them going through rooms with Leaven saying "yes it's a prime number" and so on.
In case you're wondering, each person is important in some way. Leaven is a math genius apparently. Holloway is a doctor who is suppose to patch people up, but she's one of those "There's a conspiracy everywhere" type person. Worth is, well, worthless. Quentin decides to be the boss man.
The prime numbers thing works until Quentin steps into a room and he almost gets caught in vertical piano wires, which would've of cut him vertically. But he jumped out in time. Confused, Leaven has to do MORE MATH to figure out how to get out.
While she's doing that, Quentin starts to slowly go insane and supsects that Worth is a spy and after beating him senselessly, Worth says, "um, I kind of designed the thing". Well, he decided the outside of it, the shell, which is cube shaped. Armed with this information, Leaven does MORE FREAKIN' MATH and somehow figures out that if they find a certain number cube, it'll take them to the exit.
So while they do that, Kazan stumbles in. No, Kazan isn't some type of wizard from Harry Potter, he's this mentally handicapped dude. They're all surprised he didn't get killed, which made me want to slap this movie for being so judgemental on special people.
So they all run through the cubes, testing them and so on, looking for this certain cube, meanwhile Quentin is really going psycho, wanting to beat up both Worth and Kazan, picks fights with Holloway, and makes poor Leaven decipher numbers.
Finally, they reach one end of it and they open a door and find pitch blackness. They wonder if they can get to the other side and try to swing over to it by using their clothes as a rope. Holloway volunteers, and she tries to get to the other side, but it's hopeless. Then there's this big rumbling which jars everyone and Holloway almost falls down but Quentin jumps out and grabs her. While pulling her back him, he turns psycho again and lets her go, making her plumment to her death. He claims to everyone else that she slipped.
The rest decide to take a rest and they do so. But Quentin wakes up first, wakes Leaven up, and tries to leave Worth and Kazan behind. But Worth wakes up and they argue again, more fighting, more match, blah, blah...
All of this math and fighting was getting aggrivating.
Anyway, they get into a cube and they find Renne's faceless body. Quentin thinks they're going in circles but Worth points out that the room Rennes got sprayed in is gone. Leaven, using math of course, deduces that the rooms are shifting, which explains the rumbling and the loud noise. Then she also deduces that the one room with the weird ass number must be a bridge to the other side, which should be the exit.
Hooray!!
Oh, time for another fight. Quentin really goes psycho, beats the crap out of Worth and keeps throwing him into cubes, until Worth had enough and fights back (finally) and throws him down one and locking him in.
All through the movie, they kept dragging Kazan through the cubes, wondering what his purpose is. It turns out he's sort of like Dustin Hoffman's character Rain Man and does something with math that Leaven can't do, which points out which is the safe rooms.
FINALLY, they get to the room, wait for it to shift, and viola! A big white light. Here is an example of what I hate about most movies. Throughout the movie, they make it a point to say "hey we gotta hurry or else whatever won't be there much longer", so they hurry to get to that cube, knowing it's gonna shift probably any second now and when they get to the exit, they just stand there, looking at it. In awe. Worth collapes, Leaven tries to get him up, Kazan is confused when...
Quentin comes out of nowhere, kills Leaven, then attacks and stabs Worth with something that Quentin must've found. He and Kazan is about to walk out when Worth stabs Quentin and they fight. Kazan walks out of the cube, Quentin grabs his shirt, arm sticking out when...yep.
Shift. Arm. Bye-bye. Ouch.
Worth dies, Quentin dies, the poor cute math girl is dead, and Kazan walks into the light and end credits start.
Wait...end credits?!?! NO!!! What happened?!?! What was outside?!?!? ARRGH!!!!!!
(It is at this point that Jason went crazy, grabbed a knife and stabbed the movie repeatedly.)
Aw, shit, this was a rental.
Anyway, I should point out real quick that I learned on the Internet Movie Database.com that all the characters are named after prisons. San "Quentin", which is known for brutality, "Rennes", which started many of today's prison's policies (I wonder if that includues anal rape, cable TV, and using cigarettes for currency), "Holloway", which is a female prison, "Alderson", the guy by himself, supposedly uses solitare a lot, and "Laven" and "Worth", Leavenworth, a strict prison which is owed by a corporate.
Wow. Anyway, this would've been a good movie if they had more to do, there wasn't all that math crap, and maybe had giant aliens chasing them. I hope the sequel is better. Or else I'll threaten the world, tear everyone limb by limb and...what? What's the square root of 1 million? Ummm...
1 star.
"Cube" on IMDb.com:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0123755/
(The number is probably a prime number or some crap)