Even Santa Needs To Get Laid
For the past couple of years, sequels have become very trendy. It seems like if a movie is made, a sequel is already in the works. To help you grasp onto this just look at this list of movies that came out since 2000 that have sequels already:
Charlie's Angels
Spy Kids
The Fast and The Furious (Why???)
Tomb Raider
Rush Hour
And the list goes on... I wouldn't be surprised if I wake up tomorrow and open the newspaper and I read they're making "8 More Miles" or "Mystic River 2: Cry Me A River". And it gets even more desperate, it seems, when they make sequels to movies from years back, such as "Bad Boys " and "The Santa Clause" in which tonight's movie will be the sequel that was released last year.
It's however many years later and Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) has become comfortable with his role as Santa Claus. He makes toys, plays with the elves and leads his regular jolly life. He even partakes in the annual meeting of Mythical Figures, which includes Cupid, The Tooth Fair, Father Time, The Sandman (Whom by the way, the band America, who I understand, is running from), and some black chick who is either suppose to be God or Mother Nature. I wasn't exactly clear on it, but she's played by Aisha Tyler.
Bernard, still played by the same person as the first movie and who I think was the dude who was Doogie Howser's friend on the show, and Curtis, the bookkeeper elf, find a second "Clause" (Not Second Claus, those helpers in the mall, ha-ha-ha...) stating that Santa must get married by Christmas Eve or else he loses all of his powers, becoms a regular human being and, I suppose, the world ends. As if that wasn't enough, Charlie, Scott's/Santa's son, wound up on the naughty list for spray painting not so nice things about the school principal, Principal Carol Newman.
So Scott/Santa needs to get a wife and handle Charlie, but he needs to be up in the North Pole making toys and getting ready for Christmas. So Curtis devises a plan to duplicate Santa, making a "Toy Santa" who is made out of plastic. The Toy Santa takes care of things up in the North Pole, in his own off-kilter way.
Meanwhile, Scott is slowly going back to looking like his pre-Santa self and he is on the prowl, look out ladies! His wife Wendy sets him up with some country singer chick played by Molly Shannon, but a bad parody of a Shania Twain song scares him away.
Scott deals with Charlie, who keeps going around spray painting bad things about Carol and Scott starts to slowly fall in love with her. While asking her out on a date involving noodles and pie (He hasn't dated in awhile, you see) she invites him to her faculty christmas party. The party is a snooze fest with people all depressed and wanting nothing more then just to go home and masturbate to midget porn. Oh sorry, this is a family movie...um..to go home and...play...Spin The Bottle. There.
So Scott uses what's left of his Santa power (The longer he goes without a wife, the more power he loses) to bring Christmas joy to everyone at the party. Carol falls in love with him but is put off when he tries to tell her who he really is. She become mega bitch (my cute nickname for her by the way) because she got beat up one day when she was a kid for believe in Santa Claus and her parents told her, "HEY!! THERE IS NO SANTA!! HA HA!! FOOLED YOU!!!" I think they could've been nicer about it.
Meanwhile, Toy Santa gets a little too full of himself and decides that ALL the kids in the world are evil snotrags (They are up to a point, but that's just my observation) so instead of making toys, he makes the elves make coal. And to make sure the elves don't step out of line, the Toy Santa created an army of toy soliders to keep them in line. So now the North Pole has become that one country in "Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom". Curtis flies to where Scott is (Somewhere in Illionis is all I remember from the first movie) and tells him he needs to save Christmas.
And now the movie gets weird.
Scott and Curtis, who have no way to get back to the North Pole, call on The Tooth Fairy to fly them there. The Toy Santa has all the elves locked up and is on his way to deliever the coal. Scott calls on the new reindeer Chet to fly him up to the Toy Santa before he leaves the North Pole. Scott fights the Toy Santa (In a G-rated type way, this is Tim Allen, not Mel Gibson...although that would make a cool Santa movie as well) and his plan is stop. The elves, now free at last, free at last, thank god almighty they're free at last, fight the toy soliders. The Tooth Fairy, who is a guy in case you were wondering, brings up Charlie and Carol, who now believes that Scott is Santa. Scott proposes to Carol, she accepts, he becomes Santa again, and, well, yay happy ending!! Santa's gonna get himself some in the off season.
It's good to see Judge Reinhold not star in a god awful movie (See anything he did since 1998) and I'm glad that they got all the same people to play the same parts, most people who make sequels don't seem to care about stuff like that. Like I heard in the sequel for "XXX" Ice Cube is going to take Vin Diesel's party. Yes, that noise you hear is me cheering loudly. And so the movie features at least one little kid, they gave us Lucy, Charlie's step-sister, who had red hair, while neither Wendy nor Neil, Jude Reinhold's character, has red hair. I think Neil should go on Maury Povich and take one of them DNA tests.
Despite the fact this is a sequel in a long line of other movies that had sequels, I liked this movie. It was as charming as the first movie and there just might have been a scene at the end that I found touching. There I said it, ok?! What are you laughing at?
I wonder what other sequels are going to be coming out next year? Well, Dr. Suess did write a sequel to "The Cat In The Hat", so we should expect that. And then that Grinch movie was just made two years ago. Hm...I got it!!! Cat vs Grinch!! Yes, brilliant!!!!
3 stars
"The Santa Clause 2" on IMDb.com:
http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0304669/