That's Not A Misspelling, It Really Is "Jones's"
We all know that girls keep diaries and boys keep journals. And girls write in their diaries how icky but incredibly hot guys are and we all know that boys write in the journals how they'd like to see The Spice Girls naked and go into a 22 page descricption on wonton sex acts involving said-former super girl group.
For this movie, I dug up the journal I kept in high school. I wasn't very popular and I didn't do much back then, as detailed in this entry.
"Tuesday, March 14th, 1996: Today I went to school and then I came home. My mom made me go to the store to get milk and bread. I came back home and I wanted to watch some Star Trek but that god awful 'Mystery Science Theater 3000' show was on. How I hate that show!! I am so angry now!! Time to torture a hampster."
Well, as you can see, I changed a lot. I don't feel the need to want to watch Star Trek anymore.
Anyhoo, "Bridget Jones's Diary" stars Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones. This movie takes place in England, so she has to talk in a British accent, much like Gwnyneth Paltrow did in "Sliding Doors". It'll only be a matter of time before Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, and Madonna speak in accents. Oh, scratch that last one.
Bridget Jones works for a publishing company and her boss is Hugh Grant, who plays Daniel. She sort of has a crush on him but she figures he's way too out of her league. But she feels the need to be with someone, and her mother really feels the need that she needs to be with someone, so her mother introduces her to Mark, played by Colin Firth. Mark is a stuffed shirt uptight kind of guy, as you would expect a character to be if it's played by someone named Colin Firth. There is a long running gag throughout the movie where he and Bridget talk about his birthday party where she ran around naked.
It turns out Daniel and Mark know each other. According to Daniel, Mark slept with his (Daniel's) wife and the whole thing broke his (Daniel's) heart, and every since then they haven't been very close. Bridget hears this and immedately hates Mark and tries to get Daniel's attention.
Bridget decides to start a diary and writes down how much she weighs and how many cigarettes she had and how many drinks she had. The reason for all of this is because a lot of people don't approve of those vices and so she tries to break them. While doing this, she decides to wear skimpy outfits to work so Daniel will notice her. Why anyone would think getting Hugh Grant's attention is hard is beyond me. I mean if Divine Brown can get his attention, I think Bridget has a shot here, especially if she's played by Renee Zellweger.
Daniel invites her to a party where notable writers are gonna be there, one of them being Salmon Rushdie, who plays himself. She gets some tips from her friends, whom include Jude, a neurotic chick, Tom, a one-hit wonder guy from the 90's, and...some other chick who dresses like a slut. Damn, I hate it when movies leave out character's names, makes me look stupid. Um..let's call her...Rio, cause she probably dances on the sand.
Anyway, her friends tell her not to notice Daniel throughout the party, pretend to be smart, and introduce people and somehow all of this will land Daniel. Well, I'll be darned, it works, he notices her and they go back to his place for a lil' something, something, nod nod, wink wink, say no more.
Bridget invites Daniel (whom she only been dating for about a week) to some kind of party put on by her family, where everyone has to dress like priests and hookers. I really am not making that up, for some reason everyone had to dress up like priests and hookers. So they go and she goes has some kind of playboy bunny but is informed that the whole dressing up thing was cancelled. But she wasn't the only one who dressed up, her dad dressed up like a priest and her aunt was a street corner whore. I mean she dressed up like one. Daniel says he can't make it to the party, he must go back home and work on something, so he goes. Later, she drops by his house and after a few paranoid moments, actually catches a naked chick in his bathroom. Her name is Laura, she is from America, and she probably DOESN'T dance on the sand.
Then it all turns out that Daniel knew Laura from before and they are now engaged!! Man, what a BASTARD!!!
Well, this changes Bridget's attitude to the extreme. She decides to quit her job, gets a new one as a TV journalist (get it, journalist...diary...
hahaha...no?), and tries to lose weight like crazy.
I'm gonna stop for a moment here and talk about Bridget Jones's weight. Everyone kept making her out to be like Carnie Wilson before she stapled her stomach but I really don't see what the problem is. Maybe it's cause I do like my girls with a little meat on their bones, but she wasn't anything like Gilbert Grape's mother. I mean, sheesh, I thought she was kind of hot. Plus there are like several scenes in which we see her ass. It looked like a normal ass to me. I don't really get it. Maybe it's an England thing. England, lighten up!!!
Ok, back to the movie. She gets an assignment to interview some Turkish guy who was in prison and his girlfriend who isn't Turkish and didn't do anything wrong. She misses the interview with him but it turns out Mark is his lawyer so he agrees to be interviewed by Bridget. It is here that she starts to fall in love with him. Oh, and another factor was he told her that he likes her just the way she is, meaning he isn't a shallow asshole who can look beyond the weight, the smoking, and the drinking and just love her for her. So, yeah, naturally you say these things to a girl, they're gonna fall head over heels.
Later on, not sure if it was the same day, she is getting ready to cook for her friends cause it's her birthday...wait...if it's her birthday, shouldn't THEY cook for her?? England is one confusing country. Anyway, while trying to cook, Mark shows up and realizes how bad of a cook she is and tries to help the best he can. Then Tom, Jude, and Rio show up and they all "oohh" and "ahhh" over Mark. Everything is going great until...yep, you guessed it...Duran Duran came in and sang "Rio".
No, wait!! I mean Daniel shows up. He tells Bridget that he was an idiot for leaving her for Laura, and he wants her back. But only because Laura dumped him. Well, anyway, Mark is rather pissed off at Daniel's arrival and decides to do something he should've done a long time ago. Sing to him "Rio".
Damn it, I am sorry, normally this doesn't happen.
I mean they go outside and have a big fight, a brawl if you will. This scene turns into a spoof movie when Tom runs into a restaurant, who was just minding it's own business, and yells out "FIGHT!! FIGHT!!" and all the customers and waiters run out to see the fight. The fight ends up in the restaurant and then, out of nowhere, they both fly through a plate glass window.
I'm sure there was no point to any of that, I'm sure both Hugh Grant and Colin Firth just wanted to jump through a plate glass window. Bridget, still thinking that Mark was the one who stole Daniel's wife, felt sorry for Daniel and Mark walks away dejected. Daniel says to Bridget, "Well, ok I guess I'll take you because you're the bottom of the barrel" and, well, those weren't exactly the most romantic thing he could've said at that moment so she says no way, Jose and leaves Daniel there in the middle of the street, all beat up. I'm sure afterwards everyone pointed and laughed at him, then they all sang..."Hungry Like The Wolf".
HA! Got ya!!
A subplot I forgot to mention included Bridget's parents. Her mother got a job as one of those women you see on the Home Shopping Network handing jewelry and whatnot to the host of the show. And it also just so happens that she became romantically involved with the host of the show, who tanned himself so much he has orange skin. Her dad, feels rather upset about all of this, and so to cheer him up, Bridget spends Christmas with him. But Mom decided to come back because the orange skinned host became purple and was just too much to bear.
The next day, they're invited to a party by Mark's parents and Bridget doesn't wanna go until her mom tells her that, wouldn't ya know it, it was DANIEL who slept with MARK'S wife!! Just when you thought you could trust Daniel.
Upset by this, Bridget rushes over to the party to confess her love to Mark, but alas, too late, not only did he get a promotion, it's in America, AND he's engaged to an uptight bitch. Well, all of this REALLY bums Bridget out and to help her cheer up, Tom, Jude, and Rio decide to go to Paris. While leaving, Mark shows up to say he didn't take the job, dumped the ice princess, and came for Bridget. Yay!
But when they get in the apartment, he finds her diary which just so happens to be turned to the page where she said some rather nasty things about Mark, like he's a jerk, he has a bug up his ass, he likes to masturbate to Duran Duran. Stuff like that. So he leaves and Bridget, wearing nothing but a very tight tank top and leopard skin undies, chases him through the streets of London, at night, in December. She finds him, apologizes, saying it was just a stupid diary and he says (get this), "I know, that's why I bought you a new one."
Ha-ha-ha!! He left only to buy her a new diary!!! How sweet...I guess.
We end the film by showing home movies of Mark and Bridget, as kids, and it is true, Bridget did run around his birthday party naked. I wondered if that was borderline child pornography, but hey we are talking about England here, they are kind of weird over there.
I'm just gonna say I liked this movie only cause of the funny parts. I can do without the romantic crap and I wished everyone would've stopped making comments about her being fat. There's suppose to be a sequel in the works, I wonder what it's going to be about. Maybe it'll be about her love triangle with the band Duran Duran.
3 stars.
"Bridget Jones Diary" on IMDb.com:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243155/