A Wannabe Musical
There is a great Car's song called "My Best Friend's Girl". It tells the story of Ric Ocasik, the lead singer, who tells a painful story of how his ex-girlfriend, who he still wants, is dating his best friend. "My Best Friend's Wedding", however, is the painful story of Julia Roberts, and how she wants her best friend back, before he marries someone else.
Julia plays Jules, a bad motherfucker...no wait, that's Jules from "Pulp Fiction". This Jules, or Julianna (Whatever the case maybe it's very similar to Julia, which is just odd to me) is a food critic from New York. She gets a call from her ex-boyfriend/now best friend Michael, saying he's in Chicago, met a girl, and is going to get married. Oh, and he wants her to come to the wedding.
Rupert Everett is Jules' gay friend George. I thought he was the one who sang that "Pina Colada" song, but I was wayyyy off. It turns out to be Rupert Murdoch who sings that. Anyway, Jules tells George that one day, a long time ago, Michael and her made one of those pacts that people often do and vow to marry each other if they aren't married by the age of 28. So when she heard from Michael, she thought this was the reason why he was calling. Oops. Jules is still madly in love with Michael however and flies to Chicago, vowing to destroy the wedding.
Then we meet Michael, who women probably find attractive, but I found his face distracting. He has this weird thing on his lip, like a blister or something and, I dunno, I think a better makeup job could've gotten rid of that. Anyway, Michael introduces Jules to his future wife, Kimberly, or Kimmy as she is called throughout the movie, played by Cameron Diaz.
Right away, Kimmy makes Jules her maid of honor, which deeply disturbs Jules. And Kimmy is quite a character; she is super perky, drives like a maniac, and is such a horrible singer. We'll get to that in a moment. Her dad, apparently, owns The Chicago White Sox and some cable station, so they are all rich beyond anyone's means. Kimmy's bridesmaids are her slutty sisters, Samantha and Amanda, while Michael's best man is his younger brother Scott, who I think is some kid on "Malcom In The Middle". I could be wrong.
I subtitled this review "A Wanna-be musical" because it seems to me the film makers wanted to make this a musical. I dunno, maybe Julia Roberts can't sing. But it seemed like at certain moments in this movie, they just, DAMMIT!!, needed to breakout into song. Hell, the opening of the movie was a musical number. And it was so out of place also. It was a woman who looked like Christina Applegate in a wedding dress singing "Wishin' And Hopin'" while three other women sing backup and dance around her.
Sorry that I had to backtrack to the opening, but I needed to make my point. One step that Jules had was to show Michael how terrible Kimmy is at karaoke, which Michael gets into. So all three go to a karaoke bar and Jules makes Kimmy sing, which she does really awfully, but everyone in the bar, including Michael, just found it so damn adorable!
So plan B was to talk to Kimmy about all the disgusting things Michael does, like snore and spit and pee and poop and eat and all the good stuff that men are known for doing anyway, so naturally this doesn't work either because Michael lists some of Kimmy's faults and feels they are perfect together.
Plan C gets kind of complicated. Jules asks Kimmy to ask his dad Walter if he could give Michael a corporate job, so Michael can quit the hustle bustle life of a sports reporter. Jules knows that Michael would hate this and insist on breaking up and all of that jazz. But that goes down the crapper when she proposes the idea to him and he gets mad, so she says, in not so many words, "Ok, nevermind".
Plan D really made no sense and really could have done without it. She called her friend George and he flew to Chicago, where they pretended to be engaged, in hopes of making Michael jealous. Everybody involved with the wedding just adore George and doesn't think anything of the way he says "I love the shoes!!".
Another opprotunity to sing comes up at a dinner with George when he tells a made up story on how he met Jules. He says that it was in a mental institution and he was talking to Eartha Kitt...no wait...umm...damn....very similar..oh I got it...Dionne Warwick. I knew it was someone like that. Anyway, after mentioning her, he starts sing "Say A Little Prayer For You", and then not only does everyone at the table start singing, everyone in the restaurant they are at start singing it. Boy, Chicagoans can be lead to do anything, huh?
Well, like I mentioned, this didn't do any good and we could've just skipped this plan cause she admits almost right away he isn't her fiance. George tells Jules, before he goes back to New York, to just FRIGGIN TELL HIM ALREADY!!!! ARRGH!!!
But no, we gotta make the movie over 90 minutes and plus that would be cheating. So instead, Jules concocts this plan that involves her using Walter's (Kimmy's dad) computer to send Michael's boss an email, using Walter's name, saying that Michael's boss must fire him (Michael, not Walter) so he (Michael, not Walter) can work for him (Walter, not Michael's boss).
Jules changes her mind and doesn't send it but a maid (yes a maid) sends it anyway and Michael does indeed get fired. Michael is upset at Kimmy and Walter and calls the wedding off. Yay, Jules is happy...oh wait no, she's not. She's all upset cause she wrote the email and is out in her hotel lobby smoking with Paul Giavonni, who plays a bellboy.
The day of the wedding comes and Michael is torn and Kimmy failed to mention to her family that the wedding is off, so they have a pre-wedding brunch. I can only assume this is what rich people do, have pre-wedding brunchs. I been to four weddings and none of them involved a pre-wedding brunch. During the pre-wedding brunch, Jules FINALLY tells Michael how she feels and kisses him, which Kimmy witnesses. She gets upset and runs off, with Michael chasing her and Jules chasing him.
Jules meets Michael at a train station, confesses about the email, and he tells her that he'd rather be with Kimmy. ARRRGH!!!!!! So this whole movie is a big waste of time! Jesus!!!
Ok, sorry...
Anyway, Kimmy and Michael get married and George, even though he's gay, dances with Jules, which according to him, is the most important thing ever...ARRGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I'm fine...
Seriously, though, there were a bunch of weird awkward times where music just popped out of nowhere and people were dancing and singing. They should've just went ahead and made this a musical. Or not even bother making this movie at all, there is just no point. Why show us for 95 excruciating minutes Julia Roberts chasing some guy she isn't going to end up with? And give us songs and music in between? And how come there wasn't any nudity?!
Oh, right. Chick flick. I hate chick flicks.
And if you're done playing "Find Mos Def" from "Monster's Ball" you can pop in this movie and play "Find M. Emmett Walsh". He's listed in the beginning and ending credits, apparnetly playing someone named Joe O'Neal, but I'll be damned if a Joe O'Neal was introduced. That sucks cause I think M. Emmett Walsh is pretty kick ass. Maybe he was cut out of the movie cause he wasn't "Chick flick" quality but failed to remove him from the credits.
I really hate chick flicks.
1 star.
"My Best Friends Wedding" on IMDb.com:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119738/