The Coen Brothers Do It Again...No, Wait...
It's sad to say that until tonight, I only saw two Coen Brothers films, "Fargo" and "The Big Lebowski". Well, three if you count "Bad Santa" but they only produced it. And from what everyone was telling me, I really needed to see Raising Arizona. My girlfriend couldn't believe that I haven't seen it and insisted that I watch it or else she'll leave me for Randall "Tex" Cobb, who, coincidentally, appears in this movie.
The ten minute prologue starts with narration by Nicolas Cage, who plays H.I, or Hi. He is a convict who robs conveinent stores and he keeps getting caught and thrown in the same prison. He falls in love with the female cop taking his mug shot, Edwina, or Ed, played by Holly Hunter. After being paroled a third time, Hi proposes to Ed and they get married. Her dad set them up with a mobile home in a desert and gave Hi a job drilling holes in sheet metal. The next logical step is to have kids, but Ed finds out, much to her dismay, she is unable to because she is barren. Then they see on the news that Florence Arizona, who is married to Nathan Arizona, who owns Unpainted Arizona, a store that sells furniture. (The impression that I got from the place is that Unpainted Arizona is a 80's proto-type of IKEA.) Florence gave birth to what the media dubs "The Arizona Quints". Not knowing what else to do about being childless, Ed and Hi think logically that The Arizona have way too many kids to take care of so they're gonna just nip in and take on, if they don't mind.
In a scene I don't truly understand, Hi picks up all five of the kids, keeps putting them on the floor, in chairs, in the crib again, on the floor, and probably held it out the window with a blanket over it's head, while the kids scamper away and get in trouble. The parents named the Quints (if I'm not mistaken) Harry, Larry, Barry, Garry, and...Nathan, Jr.
Didn't see that coming, did ya?
After ten minutes, Hi decides on Nathan, Jr, I think. He and Ed take the newborn back to their place and give it a homecoming party. While Hi and Ed learn how to become parents, two convicts break out of prison. They are Gale, played by John Goodman, and Evelle, Gale's brother. Since they were friends with Hi in prison, they drop by after breaking out, via a tunnel they dug, which wound up in a sewer. So they don't smell to pleasant. Ed immedately don't take a likin' to them.
Then Hi, that night, has an odd dream about a biker dude who looks like he escaped from "Mad Max" and "The Road Warrior" films, who destroys bunnies and lizards in the desert. It turns out there is actually a guy like this, which makes me wonder if The Coen's are trying to say that Hi is psychic.
The next day, Hi and Ed get a visit from Glen and his wife Dot and their five annoying kids. Glen, played by Sam McMurray, an actor who you'd recognized if you saw him, tells polish jokes and is just an all around ass. Dot, played by a young Frances McDormand (The pregnant cop in Fargo), is harrassing Hi and Ed about getting shots for the kids and whatnot. All of this is starting to bug Hi. Then Hi really reaches his boiling point when Glen reveals he and Dot and "swingers" and he wants to get it on with Ed. Hi politely tells him no by punching him in the face.
Then, later that night, the funniest chase scene I've ever seen in a movie takes place when they need Pampers for Nathan, Jr., whom they keep calling Nathan, Jr. throughout the film. It's kind of hard to describe the chase scene, but it involves a conveinent store clerk, an old man in a old pickup truck, several dogs, the police, and Ed.
When they get home, Ed, who is pissed off at Hi, tells the two convicts/fugitives that they must leave by morning. Gale tells Hi to leave the bitch and go rob a bank with them. Hi, who has had enough with the baby and the responsibilities of taking care of a baby, says ok sure, and he writes a long letter to Ed saying why he must leave.
The next day, Glen comes by saying he knows their new baby is actually Nathan, Jr. and instead of turning them in and getting the reward, Glen decides to keep the kid himself. Gale and Evelle, hearing this, decide to take the baby themselves and collect the reward money.
But first they must fight Hi for the baby and, well, Hi loses. I mean, we are talking about John Goodman here. I'm a fatass but he could squash me, nevermind Nick Cage. Especially Nick Cage in the '80's. So Gale and Evelle take Nathan, Jr. and are on their way to rob the bank when Junior has "an accident". So they stop and get some Pampers and, well, they lose Junior.
The Road Warrior dude makes a stop in Unpainted Arizona to meet with Nathan, Sr. He says his named is Leonard Smalls, or Lenny, and he is played by Randall "Tex" Cobb. I'm willing to bet Randall "Tex" Cobb actually dresses like how he dresses in this movie, even to this day. Anyway, Lenny says he is a hunter, a seeker, whatever and will find the baby for Nathan, Sr. but for more money then the asking reward price. Nathan sort of kind of accepts and Lenny vanishes into the desert...afternoon.
Ed returns, unties Hi, and they go after Gale and Evelle to get Junior back. Gale and Evelle rob the bank, carrying Junior, and, well, they leave them at the bank. Things get worse for them when the bag they had the money in also had a canister of paint, which exploded all over them and the car. Hi and Ed catch up to them and find them babyless.
So they go back to the bank where they find Lenny waiting for them. He grabs the kid and a big showdown occurs between Hi and Ed. Ed gets the baby from Lenny and takes off, leaving Hi to face Lenny, and quite a battle it is. It only ends because Hi accidently took a pin off a gernade Lenny had strapped to him and, well, I'll just say the Arizona Highway Department had a big mess to clean up later that day.
In the end, Hi and Ed say they should get divorced because they're both selfish people and two selfish people don't belong together. And Ed realizes that it was wrong to take Junior and so they take him back. Nathan, Sr. catches them, realizes they took Junior, and because he had some compassion for them, doesn't call the police.
Hi has another psychic dream where Gale and Evelle returned to prison, Glen gets arrested for making Polish jokes to a Polish cop, Nathan, Jr. grows up to be a football star, and Hi and Ed do end up with kids, and then have grandkids, and they grow old together. Probably in Utah.
NO! Not Utah!! That mean's they're Mormon's!!!!
Dear Lord, this movie kicks fuckin' ass!!! I now see why everyone thinks I'm nuts for not seeing it so long ago. Now I can finally say, "HA!! I finally saw Raising Arizona and I thought it was the most goofiest but greatest comedy ever!" Then I pull my pants down and do a weird Chicken dance on their lawn.
Eh, maybe that's too excessive.
4 stars.
"Raising Arizona" on IMDb.com:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0093822/