American Wedding
Here Comes The Bride! No, It Isn't A Pie!
I'll give my readers the benefit of a doubt that they have seen both "American Pie" and "American Pie 2", because my readers, much like me, must have such high and fancy tastes when it comes to movies like these. But in the offchance someone is reading this and has not, or you just forgotten what happened in those two movies, I will give you a brief summary.
"American Pie"-A group of friends make a pact to get laid before their prom night is over. The kid who was in "Big Little League" is grown up and banging Tara Reid, Jason Biggs humps a pie, and we see Shannon Elizabeth naked. More hilarity ensues.
"American Pie 2"-Same group of friends end their first year of college and decide to go to a beach house for the summer. We see two naked women kiss, Jason Biggs gets a trumpet in his ass, and the dude who was Freddy in "Freddy Got Finger" bangs Stilfer's mom...again. More hilarity ensues.
Now that we're caught up, let's get to "American Wedding".
Everyone has graduated from college now and Jim (Jason Biggs) is still dating band geek Michelle (The hot in her own way Alyson Hannigan) and they are celebrating an anniversary at a restaurant, where Jim plans to ask Michelle to marry him. But he left the ring at home, which Jim's dad (Eugene Levy) finds and rushes to the restaurant to give it to him. Because of some vague things Jim said, Michelle thinks he wants to get freaky and goes under their table and..."serves" Jim. This is going on while Jim's Dad arrives with the ring. Eventually, she comes out from under the table and he pops the question and she says yes.
To celebrate, they have a party at Jim's house, where Michelle's parents, father played by Fred Willard, arrive, with their two dogs. And Jim's friends show up: Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas AKA "Freddy") and Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicolas AKA the kids from Big Little League). Jim says he doesn't want Stifler (Sean William Scott) showing up at all and they all agree.
Well, he does anyway. And he manages to get cake on his crotch area of his pants. Along with Jim. And the dogs rush in licking the cake off of Stifler. And a dog humps Jim's leg. And Michelle's parents walk in. Yikes.
Michelle's parents say they need conviencing that he's fit to marry Michelle. Michelle says she wants the "perfect wedding". Stilfer wants to attend the wedding so he can get laid and Jim lets him because Stifler can teach him how to dance, which is something Jim is lacking. So there's a shitload of problems already and it's only the first 20 minutes of the movie.
Jim finds out a problem Michelle is having is that she can't find the right wedding dress. She wants some dress from Chicago, so Jim, Stifler, Finch, and Kevin drive to chicago to meet up with Leslie Summers, the designer of the dress.
Stifler searches a bar for Leslie, because Leslie wasn't at the dress store. It turns out to be a gay bar, where he runs into Bear. You SHOULD know why he's called that because I sure as hell am NOT gonna explain it to you. Bear and Stifler sort of have angry words, then a weird dance-off takes place. This puts Stifler and Company into Bear's good graces and he introduces them to Leslie Summers, a gay man. He agrees to design the dress.
Michelle's sister Cadence arrives and Finch immediately falls in love with her. He over hears their conversation in the bathroom saying that she would love to "do" Finch. However, later on at Jim's house, Stifler overhears Cadence saying how she wants a proper boy.
So Stifler becomes all proper, which just shocks the hell out of everyone. And when Cadence accidently overhears Finch say "FUCK YEAH", she starts laughing, so Finch starts acting rudely the whole time. See what happened there, they switch personalities. Eh? Eh??
Another major part of the movie is the little bachelor party that Stifler decides to have at Jim's house, because Stifler thinks everyone is out of town. So Stifler, Finch, and Kevin call up Bear, who knows two strippers (real females) to come over to have the party. These strippers are "Officer Kyrstal" and the french (Or German, It was unclear of the accent) maid Brandi.
They strip, whip, tie up, pour chocolate syrup over everyone, show boobies left and right, and so and and so on...until Finch sees Jim and Michelle's parents walking up to the house. They all hide and...
Ok, this scene is one of those comedic scenes that's hard to describe. Pretty much people are hidden around the house, Michelle's parents almost run into them, the strippers come out thinking it's part of the act, and so on. This scene was the funniest scene in the movie, so just watch for yourself.
But as a result, Michelle's parents think Jim is suitable to marry Michelle so it all really worked out.
So they all head to this fancy hotel place where the wedding is gonna be held and the instant Jim gets to his room, he finds an electric razor where he shaves his pubic hair. Really. And he decides to get rid of it by throwing it out his window, which lands on the wedding cake. Ick.
Keeping up his "proper" act, Stilfer is the holder of the bride's ring, which he promptly loses when he accidently feeds it to the dogs. He waits around all day for them to shit it out, which he scoops up with a cupcake holder...thingy. You know, those plastic things that a cupcake goes in. Yeah, that.
Stilfer is walking to his room when Michelle's parents want to talk with him and they think the turd is a chocolate Eclair and Michelle's mom wants a bite. To save her from it, Stifler shoves it in his mouth---
Ok, enough of that. Next!!
Cadence agrees to have sex with Stifler at midnight that night, so Stifler goes to a room where all the flowers are, messes with some switches, and steals some champaine. It turns out the switches powers the cooling system which was keeping the flowers looking perdy like. So the flowers die. Jim kicks Stifler out of the wedding and everything, which upsets him.
Stifler manages to get the florist to make new flowers overnight and have the football them that he coaches help, which surprises Jim and Michelle. Oh and Cadence got to see the real Stifler, which she actually really likes to begin with. Finch says if she's attracted to an idiot like Stifler, he's better off not having her.
The wedding goes off like a hitch (what's a hitch anyway and how does it go off?) and they're married. Stifler accidently has sex with Jim's grandma, but that's another longer story you just need to see the movie to get. And Finch ends up with Stifler's Mom again. Did I cover everything? Probably not. Oh well.
I'm a tad dissapointed because I didn't find this third film to be as funny as the second one, or even the first one. There were some good moments, but the movie lost me with the whole Stifler/Gay Dude dance off thing. And they made Stifler really, REALLY annoying this time around. I mean I knew he was a jerk in the first two movies, but he was rather over-the-top in this one. Maybe there was a point to it, I dunno. But the bachelor party scene made this movie somewhat likeable.
And I'm not sayin that cause of the boobs.
3 stars.
"American Wedding" on IMDb.com:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0328828/