Where is the control?
Modern woman likes to look at what has been accomplished in the past two decades, and congratulate her gender on having arrived. Women have now climbed through the glass ceiling to the pinnacle of financial success. Jobs, once considered the private domain of men are now being competently held by women. No longer is woman�s place considered to be in the home. But when it comes to interpersonal relationships between men and women, men are still the conquerors, they are in control, not because of superior strength or intelligence, but because women just do not comprehend passive resistance.
Let me illustrate. Susie, a successful professional woman, met Bill in the most approved way, through a mutual interest group. Over a period of months a genuine friendship seemed to develop. Now Susie was taking the idea of friendship and embroidering it with her own needs and fantasies, until she thought of Bill as her future lover. Bill was just along for the ride. However, the night finally came when Susie�s fantasies became a reality. Bill was an active participate; he said and did all the right things. He gave every indication that this was the opening chapter of a life long novel. For Susie the earth moved. She had asked for no commitment, but they made elaborate plans to travel extensively together. She believed him.
Susie�s heart soared. All her dreams and fantasies were coming true. He was the answer to all her needs. She was independently wealthy. She wanted a companion. She wanted to share with him all that she was and had
.Throughout the next day, she waited for the phone to ring. It didn�t. She opened her e-mail ten times. No message. "Oh, he is just busy. He has to work today." Susie would have understood, if Bill had said, "It was a mistake. I'm sorry we got so involved. There is no future for us." But he didn�t. He said nothing. His passive resistance was really settling in and like a woman, she didn�t recognize it. Passive resistance is best described as pushing cooked spaghetti uphill.
So she valiantly tried another approach via e-mail. "I have tickets to that ball game you wanted to see next week. Can you go on Wednesday?" No answer. Three days later she wrote, "I really have to have an answer about the tickets, so they don�t go to waste." The day before the big game comes this reply. "I don�t want to do that just now."
Now what is that suppose to mean? He doesn�t want to go to a ball game? He doesn�t want to go just now, but he would at another time? Or he doesn�t want to go with her? She dangles like a spider on a thin silken thread of hope, knowing that at any time, the winds of reality could blow it all away. Bill went "pooff".
For Susie the relationship had a miscarriage before it was properly formed. Not enough nourishment to sustain its life. It broke her heart. She couldn't understand what had happened.
Bill�s passive resistance amounted to the abortion of a life that was not wanted. He didn�t have to say a word. He didn�t have to take responsibility for the failed relationship. He just did nothing. And she never knew why, so naturally, she blamed herself.
A woman gets involved emotionally and physically in relationships. A relationship is a "doing" thing. She cooks for him; she buys clothes she thinks will please him; she shares her innermost secrets with him. He takes what he wants from a relationship and then ignores the rest. He feels no need to share his thoughts or feelings.
This male attitude carries over even into marriage. She say, "I need a shelf in the bathroom. Will you build one for me?" He says, "yes." He never builds it. If she asked about it later, she is nagging, as he has already said he will do it. But by just ignoring it, he has no responsibility for building a shelf.
How often does a woman talk to a man, and he never hears a word she says? She asks questions; he doesn�t respond. She feels helpless. A woman is very vocal; she put her feelings into words. She expects her man to respond in kind. He doesn�t. She is totally perplexed.
Until a woman can learn how to develop a defense for this male passive resistance, you haven�t come so far after all, Baby. It is still a man�s world where it counts.