Fred
"the most brilliant" flying pig
By Stephanie
Hunt
Fred the flying pig is a great guy. He always looks
out for his friends - especially when flying. No-one was ever
mean to him either. The reason for this was, of course, because
he was a flying pig and no-one wanted to be shat on from a pig
flying a couple hundred meters above him. He was a hero for standing
up to bullies (so long as he was on a cloud 1000 meters up) and
for keeping away from fights (he isn't that stupid as to pick
a fight as he was only a fat little piggy). This made him a hero
and therefore had many stories told about him many years after
his happy little death.
His life wasn't always this good as when he was a child he was
looked upon from his parents as a freak (for all those who think
this was cruel - he had wings for god's sake!!!) and at the age
of 5 months was outcast from the slaughter house (he kept flying
up to the roof when it was "his time"). This devastated
him and for quite a while he had no idea of what he was going
to do with himself. Then it came to him - he'd become a hero.
This made his life a whole lot easier and for the next 13 years
he enjoyed life to the max.
Then came the day. Oh how awful that day must have been to him.
He was just going on his own merry way after saving another poor
defensive mouse from a cat (causing the cat to die from starvation
- Fred was a very thick little piggy wiggyy who didn't know what
the words "survival of the fittest" meant) when a fat
little round thingy magically appeared in front of him on the
path. It was Little Miss Naughty turned the grim reaper!! He jumped/flew
back in surprise. He had heard the myth on "her" but
hadn't really believed it. But here she was in front of him. He
believed all he had heard now. "Well are you going to tell
me how I'm going to die?" asked the impatient piggy wiggy
looking at the bloody saith in her left hand thinking about the
fact she was left handed and no-one had ever said that in the
myths. "You are going to die by my saith! Duh!! Gosh you
are dumb!!!" Miss Naughty shook her head not believing that
she had to be in the company of someone so stupid. Miss Naughty
stared, unblinking at the piggy wiggy who stood staring in the
tree it had jumped backwards into, unblinking and unmoving.
They stood staring like this for who-knows how many hours until
a bouncy, happy baby kangaroo came around a bend in the track
and jumped straight into Death sending her saith first into the
tree holding Fred. The tree fell down with a thud, across the
track making any passing impossible. Fred and Death turned to
stare at the Kanga. "Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't hurt anyone
did I?" the Kanga said, genuinely horrified.
Death moved very quickly and horribly towards the Kanga and cut
off it's tail. The tail shot off into the air and out of the Earth
and hurtled towards the Sun where it sizzled and burned to a crisp
and disintegrated. Kanga fell over as it now had nothing to give
it any balance.
Fred and Death then left the area to find somewhere quiet to finish
their business about Fred's death (the Kanga was screaming very,
very loudly but if you're an animal lover don't worry 'cos the
Kanga acquired a nice wooden replacement tail from a very nice
passing-by lumberjack - he made one on the spot after bandaging
his tail). Fred looked at Death. "I figured that I'd be dieing
from your saith but why am I dieing?"
"Why does there have to be a reason?" asked Little Miss
Naughty, genuinely surprised.
"Well there has to be. You have to die for a reason."
"Naw. You don't really I've never paid any attention to that."
"Never? Well isn't the reason you kill old people because
they're old??"
"I'm supposed to kill old people?"
"Duh!"
"Opps" Little Miss Naughty looked around kinda guiltily.
Suddenly Death disappeared into the air. Fred didn't see her for
another two years. "I've killed them all." Death said
smiling.
"Huh?"
"I've killed them all. All the old people. There are now
no people over forty on the entire planet Earth. He-he-he!!!"
Death's eyes were sparkling serenely.
"Why'd you go and do that?"
"'Cos now I don't have to worry 'bout the old ones for a
few years."
"Silly duffa."
The two stared at each other not knowing what to say. Finally
Death said "I'm bored, I'm going to kill you now. And I'm
going to be creative."
The cheerful Little Miss Naughty got her saith and cut off one
of Fred's hooves which turned into a human hand. Both the pigs
and the human hand's wounds spurted with blood. The hand was decomposing
rather quickly. "Wow" said Fred astonished. Within minutes
the hand turned into dust and disappeared into the ground. Fred's
stump was still spurting with bright red oxygenated blood. "I
feel kinda faint..." Fred drifted off into the sky and off
to piggery heaven and formed a new star.
"Another job well done." said Little Miss Naughty after
she closed her wide, circular mouth (the sight she just witnessed
was quite spectacular). She smiled and went off to find another
soon-to-be-dead creature.
The End
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