Hearing Aids
------------------------------------
A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt 
unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they run?" he asked the
clerk.

"That depends," said the salesman. "They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Let's see the $2.00 model," he said.

The clerk put the device around the man's neck. "You just stick 
this button in your ear and run this little string down to your 
pocket," he instructed.

"How does it work?" the customer asked.

"For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesman replied. "But when people
see it on you, they'll talk louder!"

Available Force
------------------------------------
A man was going up to bed, when his wife told him he'd left the 
light on in the garden shed; she could see it from the bedroom 
window. But he said that he hadn't been in the shed that day. He 
looked out himself, and there were people in the shed, stealing things.

He rang the police, but they told him that no-one was in his area, 
so no-one was available to catch the thieves. He said "ok," hung 
up, counted to 30 and rang the police again.

"Hello. I just rang you a few seconds ago, because there were 
people in my shed? Well, you don't have to worry about them now. 
I've just shot them all."

Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the 
area, an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the policemen said to this man, "I thought you said you'd 
shot them!"

He replied, "I thought you said there was no-one available."

Teaching Math 2002
------------------------------------
Teaching Math in 1950:  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for 
$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price.  What is his profit?

Teaching Math in 1960:  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for 
$100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80.. What is 
his profit?

Teaching Math in 1980:  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for 
$100.. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your 
assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math in 1990:  By cutting down beautiful forest trees, the 
logger makes $20.  What do you think of this way of making a 
living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: 
How did the forest birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down 
the trees?  There are no wrong answers.

Teaching Math in 2000:  A logger sells a truckload of lumber for 
$100. His cost of production is $120.  How does Arthur Andersen 
determine that his profit margin is $60?

Horseback Riding
------------------------------------
I had a near death experience that has changed me forever. The 
other day I went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until 
the horse starts bouncing out of control. I tried with all my might 
to hang on, but was thrown off.

Just when things could not possibly get worse, my foot gotcaught in 
the stirrup. When this happened, I fell head first to the ground. 
My head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or 
even slow down. Just as I was giving up hope and losing 
consciousness, the Wal-mart manager came and unplugged it.

Thank goodness for heros!