Fluorescent Flo
just a page of my etcetras... a page of loose thoughts, rants, and raves. if you will be insulted and/or disgusted by anything said here, flames will NOT be tolerated. i have no time nor interest in defending this site. it has no need to be defended as this is, again, just a collection of my random thoughts and feelings. don't question them, just go along. if you feel you have can be of comfort and/or help, you can contact me at [email protected] VISIT MY KENSHIN SHRINE!!!!!
Date: Aug 5, 2002
Music: Utada Hikaru- Deep River
why we all so hypocritical? why we all so fake? why do we look around at society around us and expect to find a mirror... WHY DO WE LOOK AT OTHER PEOPLE TO FIND WHO WE ARE??? we all say we try to be... *original* and i kno i do too... but looking in the mirror..... i see that if there were others standing around me, i'd be just the same..... i try to be true to myself but ukno wut? sometimes it's juss so hard to kno oneself... maybe i'm looking in the wrong places? but it juzz seems so easy.. u should kno who you are rite? *sigh*
feels like i'm livin in a world where it'z like: do you believe in God? no.. BAM you're dead...... do you believe in God? yes..do you believe in MY God? no... BAM you're dead...... fuck you
Date: Aug 1, 2002
Music: BoA- Kimochi Wa Tsutawaru Do you not find it as obvious as I?
This hatred is only a law I abide
I act and simulate dissent in my mind
Beneath a facade, tis love that I hide...
But our emotions are buried, on fate's decree:
That you shall never be with me.
This war shall never cease, it seems;
Perhaps tis better if we only dream.
You tell me that ther'z only one truth... yours..... and how do i respond to that? the other truths that are out there... are they any less true than yours? so which hell will i end up in, if i choose the wrong truth? truth~ does it even matter? ultimately, we all lie; to ourselves,to others,to the world, why bother to tell the truth? does it make you feel better that more people believe in your truth? is it any more important than the truth of me? my truth? that i refuse to choose? that by not choosing, i have chosen? do i have to be dominated this way? again.....does it matter?
Date: July 31, 2002
Music: Montell Jordan- Mine, mine, mine
I feel�
Yearning�
Wanting�
Needing�
Longing�
I feel loneliness.
It's strange when one starts to have these feelings. It consumes your being and clouds your every thought, but to act on these feelings� the consequences I know that they will have. Everything will change. But why do I want it too? Need it too?
Date: July 30, 2002
Music: Filia- Somewhere Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write for example, 'The night is shattered and the blue stars shiver in the distance.'
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines. I loved him, and sometimes he loved me too.
Through nights like this he held me in his arms. He kissed me again and again under the endless sky.
He loved me, sometimes I loved him too. How could one not have loved his piercing eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines. To think that I do not have him. To feel that I have lost him.
To hear immense night, still more immense without him. And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep him. The night is shattered and he is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance. My soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.
My sight searches for him as though to go to him. My heart looks for him, and he is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees. We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love him, that's certain, but how I loved him. My voice tried to find the wind to touch his hearing.
Another's. He will be another's. Like my kisses before. His voice. His infinite eyes.
I no longer love him, that's certain, and yet maybe I love him still. Love is short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one he held me in his arms� my soul is not satisfied that it has lost him.
Though this be the last pain that he makes me suffer and these the last verses that I write for him.
Date: July 6, 2002
Music: Kiss- Because I'm a Girl (OMG! GO D/L THE MUSIC VIDEO!!!!! SOOOO SAAAD!) VANCOUVER HAS BEEN SOOOOOO NICE!!!!!!! i luv it!
No, i'm not a lumberjack or a fur trader.
I do not live in igloos or a forest.
I say ABOUT not A-BOOT
I believe that the beaver is truly a good and noble creature!
I SAY EH~ why? because it is better than saying HUH!
CANADA IS THE SECOND LARGEST LAND MASS IN THE WORLD AND THE BEST COUNTRY IN THE AMERICAS!
my name is JOY and I AM CANADIAN!
haha like my lil monologue? ahaha~ juzz the thoughts of the day ukno? and MIKE! ahha you rock! CASTLES IN THE SKY! hahah obsession obsession o.O!
erk, i'm beat..... 2 in the morning lol~! earlier than usual but ahhah..... i've actually added *sleep* back to my vocab! lol~ all for now la.......more vancouver stuff l8a
Date: June 18, 2002
Music: Elva- yi ge ren de jing cai
iiitt'z SUMMER!!!!!! it'z finally summer... imean, after how long? it'z finally here~!!! you cannot believe how happy i am... went to the beach yesterday! it wuz as fun as anything... can you believe it wuz actually my first time there? well, first time in the water ^.^; but i mean, you really can tell it's summer when you go to the beach on a MONDAY! here, in sd, you can prolley go to the beach any season but summer is the ONLY season where you can go to the beach on a MONDAY!~ *shrieks* ITS SUMMER!!!
haha, only bad thing from yesterday tho was that i like killed one of my arms and i really can't do anything with it.. it got..sprained? idunno, it's not painful enough to be sprained but i have to say it is being quite the bitch rite now.. i say it wuz worth it tho... first time boogie boarding! wheeeeee~
i am so ecstatic these days cuz i'm going to VANCOUVER!!!!!! aaaaahhhhhhh i gawdamned miss mah family... heh, i luv mah sd friendz toooooo! you're great.....
this is gonna be a tight summer tho, i can feel it... imean, there'z summer skewl (hate to remind ya) but imean, there'z all this other time and you have soo much time.. hey, anyone wanna volunteer at the library w/ me? it'll be stuffy but.. hehe, it looks GOOD on your transcript~ ^__^ and people! we go to del mar fair soooon okay? like this week cuz otherwise... summer skewl starts and bleh... wut else must i accomplish this summer? i want a job... anyone have info, puuuhh-lease email me... or im me ... bowtoxelloss.. i want a job! or else summer'll be pointless as anything... i wanna make sum money gawd or else i'm gonna be broke at the end of the summer.. cuz ukno? all spending and no..making...hahah
spending..... hmm...shopping!!!!!! ack... please please pleeeaase let'z go shopping!
AND!!!!! does anyone wanna go get bubble tea? (ohya... boba.. stupid americans) cuz i promised i'm gonna take sally to get bubble tea.... anyone kno of a good place please get in touch w/ me... or sally OISHI! aww, sally has a yummy name! ^^
wow... this wuz long..... see how exhilarated i am about summer? gonna go do more summery things now?like eating watermelon!
Date: June 10, 2002
Music: M-flo- PRISM
That was a strange entry? I think it�s juzz cuz so many ppl I kno are changing?and going on to their own things? Things are happening so fast that I just feel.. left behind?no, that�s not rite.. not left behind cuz I AM there for everything.. I feel?. like I�m standing there but everything�s surreal?kno wut imean? Like?you�re there but not really?ppl see you and you see them and you talk and converse and stuff?but none of it�s?real?then you get one of those movie blur feelings when there�s a flashback of a dream?like everything gets all quiet?. mb I�m a dramatist.. mb I�m juzz.. overreacting to the normal change that happens through the year?and yet?
ok joy, no more thinking?too much of it just leads to the white room.. oh yea�that sterile white room? *wanders off muttering to self*
Music: M-flo- PRISM
Changes: they�re? necessary rite? Not just to the greater path of life and being and that junk but to just.. a person rite? For them to grow or wutever? Things are more comfortable without change tho?I, for one, dun welcome it?. specially rite now, when I wish everything could stay the same for..ever? yea, I kno it�s a long time but?does that matter? why can�t we all just be kids? What does growing up really mean? You grow up, get a job, work? mb have kids?. but where does that go? What if we could all just be kids? where everything was free so we wouldn�t have to work? huh? Cuz now?you get an education to have a good life and an enlightened being rite? Well that�z all good but where does that all go? We live to die in the end? We all die?and with that death, everything we did?was our being really that significant? What if we all stayed the same way forever?
Music: Utada Hikaru- Sakura Drops
PMS; Wanna take it outside?
Date: June 6th, 2002
Music: Utada Hikaru- Letters
Today's mystery of life: What are rinds? if any thoughts, please email me or contact ms. sophia xie.
Anywayz.....
Today..... hmmmm..... wut fools these mortals be! anywayz again... ^_^;;
i wanted to say that so bad in english.. lol OMG!!!!!!!! ORCHESTRA IS THE MOST FUCKED UP CLASS EVER!!!!!!!!
*sigh*, how stupid and depressing this world has become: nobody is nice and says "hey, wut'z up" anymore, instead, they now use the term, "wut the fuck is up yo!" STUPID WANNA-BE *HOMIE*-G PPL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WTF?!!!! it's HOMEY to you miss!
most people with any sanity in their minds at the moment will have now lost my train of thought and left to carry on wut is left of their meagre lives.. i instead, choose to waste the rest of MY meagre being typing up the my being for the whole of cyberspace to see... shait i'm sad! by the way, sophia says hi y'all!(from to kill a mockingbird... it's contagious... perhaps THAT is actually Maycomb's usual disease huh? hill-billy-igtis!)..... that is all......
Date: May 30th, 2002
Music: Ayumi Hamasaki- Wishing
Hey?I�ve been thinking, like everyone else has lately it seems, and it�s been really getting to me how little ppl really talk. I don�t mean like say hi and grin and laugh about wut�s happening, wut�s the hw, etc. I mean like.. not that superficial stuff?nobody openly talks about how they are feeling?when you ask, how are you? They reply: fine w/out thinking?and on bad days, they go, I�m tired or It hasn�t been a good day? Then you sympathise and go awww but you never get down to it and say: I�m sad?I need to talk to you?. and then you really share sumthing? Everyone here is so nice and there are barely fights but ukno wut? If all this *nice-ness* is fake, I�d rather go w/ a fight?b/c w/ anger and fights and stuff, you grow? Have I been rambling? Most likely?nvm?. I�ll rite more later
Date: May 27th, 2002
Music: Utada Hikaru- Sakura Drops wow! it's almost been a week since i last rote in this! how meager my life is...
something i just thought about: i work with pixels... tiny squares of color or shades that come more or less together to form lines, dots and spaces... these same lines, dots, and spaces more or less come together to form shapes, sketches, until finally, it's a complete picture... isn't it strange? oh hey, here is one of these pictures drawn with pixels ^^: .... one of the picz i'm actually slightly proud of... silly joy! ^^;
Date:May 21th, 2002 Music: Ayumi Hamasaki-A Song for XX
ergh!!! I JUST LOST A OEKAKI I SPENT 2 HOURS ON!!!!!!! I HATE THIS!!!!!!! *sigh* i guess that's juzz what i get for getting so distracted from my english project huh? ohwell iguess... OH! thot of the day: "A Jedi must not know love, must not know fear, must not know anger..."~lea well, me gots mosta the love and fear parts down but anger? as many ppl have mentioned: *cough* anger management *cough* lol...... i wish it would rain..... that would just make my day. Cuz you know? even though sunniness is all happy, in san diego, it just feels fake... LIKE THE SUN IS SHINING! LET'S ALL BE HAPPY...when actually, there's no reason to be happy..... nothing particular to be UNHAPPY about but..... ya......
tha'z it..... i'm too tired to do anything..... gonna work on english some more...
Date:May 19th, 2002 Music: tha beautiful sound of silence~
k, my thoughts... i just began this blog so i guess it'll take awhile for me to get into the flow of things... to tell you the thoughts of my life, to really get into letting the rest of cyberspace know about the details of my day,of how i feel about, well, eveything. for sure this will bore anyone to death but i think it's about time i kept a record of my meagre being. so! here goes...
3 days ago was my bday and i have to say it was awesome! i luv you all so much... ashie, the flowers are blooming.... star wars: aotc was, as expected, tight~! luved it! i mean, adventure, romance, hot guy, what else can you ask for in a movie? *grins* no more thoughts for today... i'm off to draw a VERY late bday pic for nat ^^" til the next time i update my blog......
~always,
joyjoy
just a page of my etcetras... a page of loose thoughts, rants, and raves. if you will be insulted and/or disgusted by anything said here, flames will NOT be tolerated. i have no time nor interest in defending this site. it has no need to be defended as this is, again, just a collection of my random thoughts and feelings. don't question them, just go along. if you feel you have can be of comfort and/or help, you can contact me at [email protected]
.... one of the picz i'm actually slightly proud of... silly joy! ^^;