POLITICAL
PLATFORM

AS YOUR NEXT PRESIDENT, I PLEDGE TO PROMOTE FUN AND HAPPINESS IN THE FOLLOWING WAYS:

(1) REQUIRE ALL MEMBERS OF THE PENTAGON TO OWN A DOG AND PARTICIPATE IN "NAP TIME" ONCE A DAY
(2) LEGALIZE IT!
(3) PUMP BOB MARLEY THROUGHOUT THE WHITE HOUSE (SOMEWHAT RELATED TO #2)
(4) TURN CAPITAL HILL INTO A LOW-COST ADMISSION THEME PARK
(5) CUT DOWN ON LITTERING BY MAKING MORE TRASH CANS
(6) REPLACE THE NATIONAL ANTHEM WITH "THE MANGO SONG" BY PHISH
(7) MAKE BEING A JERK A CRIME
(8) TWO WORDS: "CLOTHING OPTIONAL"
(9) WORK TO WEED INSTUTIONAL RACISM OUT OF THIS COUNTRY - REALLY PEOPLE, THIS RACIST CRAP HAS GOT TO GO!

TO MIKE HORNER FOR PRESIDENT