Anonymous from the web
I am one of those who once arm-wrangled my ex-boyfriend to answer the BIG commitment question:
When the hell are we getting married?
And it used to bother me when the non-committal response from him was "When I have the money to feed you."
These words would get me up all night thinking and pondering. How the hell is he going to save up, he bums around most of the time!
But I no longer fall into that trap. Ironically, I now brandish the same flag of non-commitment waved at me in my previous relationship.
Call me cynical, jaded or a commitment-phobic but I'd like to think I'm just being plain realistic.
It's like doing a bungee jump. You'll never know how strong the rope is until your feet are off the ground. Relationships are like that, too.
You may be swooning with love for that someone, but there is always the nagging voice at the back of your mind: What if he's not the one? What if there's someone who's more suitable?
This brings me to my next question. How do you know when to stop trying at a relationship? At which point do you admit to yourself: "This is it. We are just not compatible. This is going nowhere. We can't carry on."
Having played agony aunt to many friends, I have come to the conclusion that taking one day at a time and keeping an open mind is the only way to grow and learn in a relationship.
Breaking up is hard to do, but sometimes letting go may be the best favor you give to yourself. Yeah, easier said than done, you grumble.
Notwithstanding the love you have for that person, the reason that some of us are staying on in unhappy or less-than-ideal relationships is fear. Fear of never finding another soul mate after the one that got away.
It's a feeling expressed by most of my girlfriends: "Most people feel like they will never fall in love again after someone leaves."
Ditto if we are not treated with love and respect. We can't bring ourselves to walk away.
Ditto if we know there are irreconcilable differences; we shove them under the carpet and carry on.
My bestfriend stayed with her boyfriend for eight years--they fight, make up, fight, make up. They absolutely have nothing in common.
As a bystander, I may not fully understand what my friend was going through with her boyfriend but I dare say that I see much more than she ever did.
I see how miserable she has become.
I see how her life revolve so much around making her boyfriend happy while she feels empty and unfulfilled inside.
More importantly, I see how much happier she is now, without her boyfriend. Yes, she broke up with him after eight long years. And guess who didn't stop nagging till she said goodbye to him.
Finally, I'd like to say I'm neither a bra-burning feminist nor single. Just a girl who wants to be happy.
I do that by taking a leaf from a friend of mine who says: "Don't be afraid to move out of unhappiness. The one that got away isn't necessarily the best."