hi im dale winton! you may know me from my face achingly bad, televisual japery. but I only do that to fill time between fucking major land masses. you see, im so virile, that the only things on earth that can withstand direct contact with my cock and balls, are continents. its a tough break, but i don't mind because... well, because im seriously fucked in the head.

anyway, my first tale is called:

the darkest depths of africa

i tell you, from the moment i saw africa's eyes, peeking at me over the horizon, i could tell it was a dirty bitch. we got chatting and had a few drinks. I could tell africa was well up for it, and it didn't take long before it was running its hand up my inner thigh. i was really starting to enjoy it, so i suggested that we go back to my house. luckily hosting 'supermarket sweep' pays well, so my house is big enough to fit continents in.

as soon as africa saw my jacuzzi it started to strip off, unveiling its massive ugandas and sexy botswana. africa invited me in, i didn't hesitate in ripping off my horrid shiny suit that i always wear. i jumped in and let my fingers do the mind numbingly camp talking, while my wrist gurned and mugged at the camera in an attempt to make up for a lack of presenting skills.

anyway, my hand moved down below the water, and gently rubbed africa's libya. spurred on by africa's reaction and by the alcohol in my system, my hand moved lower and slowly touched its sphinx-ter (im so sorry), whilst all the time my other hand was cupping south africa.

kevin spacey having sex with africa.

africa really seemed to be enjoying itself. i decided that i wanted to try and mount kilimanjaro. i moved behind. africa didn't seem to have any objections, i pressed forward, and before i knew it i was bollock deep up the congo. well, we were both in bliss, and were going at it like wild animals...erm, lions or something. as i was so turned on and because id ran out of puns, it didn't take me long to cum.

we spent the rest of the night in various geographical positions. it certainly was a night of discovery. i had always thought that africa was dry... well, it wasn't that night for sure! but africa was definitely hungry... hungry for camp presenters cock that is!

unfortunately it wasn't possible for me to make billions of international debt to sound dirty, in any way, or the aids problems...oh god... did I wear a condom?...oh god...

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