I refused to look back as I walked out the door,

My anger took hold and had left me blind.

I had had enough; I couldn’t take any more,

My controlled emotions began to unwind.

I couldn’t see past this sudden flow of tears,

My mind was numbing, my heart was breaking.

You were my love Seiji for all of these years,

But you couldn’t see the mistake you were making.

I try closing my eyes but all I see is your face,

I think about calling, just to hear your soft voice.

The memories we built fill my mind and this space,

I try not to recall them but I haven’t a choice.

Seiji can you see that my heart is breaking in two,

The pain keeps on building and won’t go away.

I want you to know that I’ll always love you,

Even if it was my heart you did betray.

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(Touma stared at the words scrawled on the paper; his eyes blurred from the tears that just kept on flowing and cascading down his cheeks.)

Seiji, please believe me when I say this; this is the only way I know of to end my pain. I only hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

I’m sorry about the fight we had, the one that led to me losing you for good. I thought for sure that after a few days you would come looking for me, but you never did. Why?

(Touma blinked back more tears; his heart ached so badly. It had only been two weeks, but seemed like an eternity to him. Running a shaky hand through unwashed hair he thought back to that night. He wanted Seiji to finally tell his family about their relationship, but Seiji said he wasn’t ready. The result was a nasty fight that ended with them going their separate ways.)

Seiji, my love. I am so sorry I just felt so unloved at that moment, like you were ashamed of me, of us and of what we had. I figured that since my parents had accepted us so readily yours would as well. I know I was being selfish, and for that I’ve paid the highest price there is... I lost you!

(He looked at the object lying along side his thigh, knowing that shortly all his pain would end for good. It was a nagging pain that seemed to permeate throughout his whole body and soul. A pain that left him numb and hollow.)

I saw you yesterday with Nasutei; you both looked good together, you looked happy, I‘m glad. I’m sure that your folks will welcome her with open arms. Something they would never do with me. I want you to promise me that you won’t blame yourself for any of this. If there was another choice for me to make, I’d make it. I am so sorry.

(Touma gave up on stopping the hot tears from falling, his whole body shaking with the force of the sobs. He missed Seiji so much; he couldn’t bear the thought of seeing him with someone else, especially since Nasutei and Seiji had had a past together at one point. Now it seemed as though they had found their way back to each other. Touma knew that he could have accepted it if it weren’t for one simple fact.... He was still very much in love with Seiji.)

Please tell my parents that I love them, and to forgive me. All I want is for you to be happy Seiji, and if that means having Nasutei in your life, then it’s okay. I just can’t go on like this. I’m nothing more then an empty shell now for it was your heart and soul that made me whole Seiji. It was you that made each day worth getting up for. Most of all it was because of your love that the stars I loved so much, seem even more brighter and beautiful to me. It was because I was sharing them with you.

(Touma picked up the gun...)

I love you Seiji.

(Placing it at the correct position and angle...)

I will always love you.

( It’s now or never he thought. Wait! One more thing... He laid the gun in his lap.)

I will wait an eternity for you, my love, my Seiji. You are the very essence of my heart and soul. I know that someday we will be together again, hopefully by then you will have forgiven me and maybe then we can find the love we somehow lost.

(Touma placed the note on a special journal he had been writing in; filling it with poetry he wrote for Seiji. He had started it when he first realized he had feelings for Seiji. His heart was in that book, which was to be a gift for Seiji’s birthday next month.)

Okay, I can go now. Goodbye mom, dad, forgive me. Guys thanks for your friendship. Goodbye my darling Seiji; my love for you transcends all time and space. Farewell heartache and pain...........

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(Seiji watched as the Space Shuttle took off; taking with it, NASA’s newest space probe, which would be deployed in space to head for the edge of our solar system. Onboard the probe was a little something extra. Seiji wept openly and uncontrollably as the Shuttle and probe carrying Touma’s ashes disappeared from view. Friends and family could offer little comfort to ease his grief. Collapsing to the tarmac; his tears and pain just too much to bear, Seiji looked to the skies once more.)

You’ll be home soon my love, wait for me, I won’t be long. I have so much I need to tell you. I need to tell you that Nasutei was only there asking for advice on Ryo; it’s like we always suspected, she does love him, that‘s why I looked so happy. My heart is with you my love. I forgive you, and I’m so sorry. Your pain has ended; mine just begins... but soon Touma, soon we will be together again. Once I have you in my arms again, I’ll never let you go. You will be mine for all of eternity.

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*** Okay so what did you think? Real sappy huh? I know Seiji and Touma are grossly OOC but then again they don’t call it fiction for nothing, ne? Don‘t forget to leave a review. Anyone that knows me please be kind and I may post “Test of the Hearts“ here so you can get the latest chapters sooner!***

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