A Player's Career...
By Yap

My magic career was filled with brilliant memories, which is why I find it so difficult to leave. Its hard to believe something that started so innocently could turn out like this. It all started one day when I was in Mc Donalds eating some french fries, when I saw this geeky fat man "slinging spells" at this other geeky fat man. The next thing I knew I was telling my friends "I WANT TO BE LIKE THAT GREASY FAT MAN!".

So there I was, talking to greasy fat men in Mc Donalds trying to figure out just what it was that was going on, my friends had all left howling with laughter saying things like "goofy bastard", but I would show them! I would go on to lead a magnificent and fun-filled magic career!

I befriended these two fat men, and the next thing I know I am welcomed into their "lair". This lair can only be described as the smelliest, dirtiest apartment in the middle west. Once I got over my initial disgust, I was taken aback by the wonders that filled the room. There were empty cartons of food that must have been rotting for months. There were strange books and pamphlets. I believe I even saw a gigantic stack of pornography in the corner! These two fat men sure lived the good life!

So we began playing, and play we did - into the night, and part of the next day! "WHAT WAS I DOING WITH MY LIFE?" I was found asking myself as I lost all of my "normal" friends and only knew people who talked about spells and creatures.. This was only a minor setback, because I was on my way to becoming that which meer mortals can only dream "A POWERFUL SPELLCASTER!".

These fat men took me under their chubby wings and taught me how to tap mana and cast spells, I was taken aback by the powerful abilities of the creatures, the humor involved by frying your opponent to a crisp, and the cleavage art! Oh the cleavage art.... Before long I found myself taking part in magic tournaments. These tournaments were filled with lots of people I had begun to become accostomed to. Fat greasy weird dudes!

Unfortunately, all was not as sweet as it sounds.. In fact my love life was on the rocks, i'm sorry to say. You see, I decided to teach my girlfriend how to play this wonderful game. She just couldn't quite grasp the delicate concepts, because she's a simpleton. She would cry and bawl when I beat her with my plague rat deck 20-0. I'd become violently angry with her stupidity, which is when I started to beat her.

The police were not sympathetic to my cause of becoming the greatest magic player known to man, which led to several arrests. THE SIMPLE FACT IS THAT EVEN THIS DID NOT DETER ME FROM MY GREATER PURPOSE!

I turned adversity around, and used that as the fuel to fire my magic career into what would become TRUE GREATNESS!

So begins my tournament career. I was no longer just some dork playing with fat men in his spare time, now I was some dork playing with LOTS of fat men in my spare time! I proudly took my "necro ball lightning" deck to the top 8 only to be beaten out by some strange man with a black tooth. He really worried me, but that's another story.

The next few months would be filled with exciting tournaments, and practicing for them! I mean, it's all I did and I loved every minute of it! You will probably not know what I mean until you feel the thrill of going 5-2 against some of the toughest minds around, now THAT'S excitement!

At this point, my magic career really started to take off! With some of my friends who were already on the PT, I designed a deck which you all now know as "Balls and Walls". With this powerful deck, I qualified for the US Nationals, the most prestigious gaming event known to man!

In the final match, I got a churning feeling in my deepest bowels - when I felt that I KNEW VICTORY WOULD SOON BE MINE! (My bowels have yet to fail me) The resulting smell was sweet consolation indeed! So onward I went to the US nationals, everyone was in fear of me (being the creator of BALLS AND WALLS), in fact several people asked if they could SEE my balls. I couldn't let a fan down, of course...

Walls and Balls - US Nationals Version
4 Ball Lightning
2 Vanishing
4 Floodgate
4 Dark Maze
4 Wall of Air
 4 Fog Elemental
4 Voldalian Illusionist
3 Teferi's Veil
1 Zur's Wierding
2 Wall of Fire
 2 Fireball
4 Thawing Glaciers
2 City of Brass
12 Islands
8 Mountains
Sideboard:
4 Hydroblast
4 Pyroblast
 Sideboard (cont):
4 Shatter
3 Pyrokinesis

-


But it was not to be, defeat greeted me once again. I began to sink into a deep and horrible depression. It wasn't because I couldn't win against these people. I mean, these are the height of our evolutionary scale! The minds at magic tournaments are unparalled in greatness. No, I was not sad to lose to these people it was something more. I realized that I had nothing more to prove, I had already built the greatest deck in the world (Walls and Balls - or Balls and Walls if you prefer). I had already won the Iowa standard championships with this great deck, yes there was nothing more I could accomplish.

It is with a tear in my eye that I bid you all goodbye, I only hope that your magic careers could be halfway as fulfilling as mine was. IT'S BEEN ONE HELL OF A RIDE

Yap G. Stelzer -
Ranked 1958th in Type 2 (15th in Iowa!)
Ranked 200th in Sealed (14th in Iowa!)
Winner of the Iowa Standard Championships
Winner of the Gamers Gameshop weekly type 2 tournament (twice!)

Back to the Crew main page
Hosted by www.Geocities.ws

1