Sam Heckman has been discovered alive and well in Schaumburg, IL. Apparently he had skipped town. Financing the move with sperm donations, petty theft, and selling M's in front of Jewel Supermarkets he now has a new place to live. The staff of The Crew Homepage have the first glipses of Sam Heckman's new apartment.
The Livingroom
The Bedroom
The Guest Bedroom
The Kitchen
The Diningroom
Have You Seen This Boy?
We have just received an message from Crew member Ron Serio indicating that Sam Heckman has gone missing. Ron recently recieved a disturbing e-mail from Sam Heckman's mother asking for help in locating him. Here is said e-mail:
Ron, I am at a great loss, I too am trying to find Sam, but to no avail. I understand that after Monday he will be somewhere in Schaumburg, yet I do not have an address or phone number. But in the mean time I can not find him either. I think he may be lost amongst the mass of boxes that have been multiplying in my basement. Please, if you should happen to find him, ask himt o call his mother as I am SO worried he may not be eating right.
Please post this on your web page in hopes that he may see it.
Thank You, Sam's mother
So if anyone has any information on Sam's whereabouts please e-mail Sam's mother at [email protected] or phone his home at (847) 888-4268. Thank you for any assistance you may bring. We are all very eager to see Sam alive, well and eating right as soon as possible.
Biggity Birthday
The staff of the Crew Homepage would like to wish Ron Serio and ex-crew--member-turned-baby-sitter Mark Shumaker a happy 22nd and 27th birthdays respectively. As a side note, if Sam Heckman would like to take part in the birthday celebration this evening he should do his best to contact Ron Serio and/or Mark Shumaker.
Official Crew Apology
Ron Serio and Sam Heckman would like to offer their most sincere and heartfelt apologies to Eddie Woods and Spike. These guys were the biggest reason Ron Serio and Sam Heckman even chose to attend Gencon, yet after only some brief pleasentries, they ditched their trip to Hooters with Eddie Woods and Spike. But as much as it hurt to leave their friends to bask in the warm glow of bussoms at Hooters alone, it would have hurt far more to not go clubbing all night with that beautiful, beautiful girl. The Crew plan to do everything in their power to make this up to their Iowan heroes.
Crew Busts Up Gencon - Treats it like the dirty whore that it is
More details to follow...
Ru-dy, Ru-dy, Ru-dy, Ru-dy
Will there be a Crew House?
Negotiations are underway on an exciting new plan that could make "Crew House" a reality. There is no official release at this time but be assured that any updates will be posted rapidly.
Attention Sam Heckman
This just in. If Sam Heckman wishes to go see the Blair Witch Project tonight at 12:45 he will need to get his pale white ass to the theatre as soon as he can after work to assure he gets himself a ticket. He will also need to contact Ron Serio so that he knows to locate Sam Heckman at the theatre. Since Ron Serio will be at the mall for a while this evening, Sam Heckman may need to leave a message on the machine.
*Update 9:30pm* - Ron Serio has returned from the mall and will now be taking calls.
*Update 10:00pm* - Sam Heckman has, though not having read the Crew Homepage, randomly deicded to call Ron Serio and has arranged to meet him at the movie theatre. You can all rest easy.
*Update 6:00pm, 2 days later* - Unfortunately Sam Heckman was unable to secure a ticket in time for the show, however Ron Serio saw the Blair Witch Project and recommends it highly.
Crew Qualifies for Team PT
Based on their spectacular performance in a 3 round, 8 team sealed tournament at Origins '98, crew members Ron Serio and Francis Keys, along with former crew member turned software mogul Kai Martin, have been given an invitation to the first Teams Professional Tournament. Rumor has it that they may try to play at least one practice draft before the event. But that doesn't really seem likely, now does it?
Woods Gets Honors
Eddie Woods is currently the featured personality on the Iowa Magic Celebrities Home Page. The Crew would like to suggest you go check it out immediately. There's even a messaging system that will allow you to communicate with the man himself, Eddie Woods. Best of all they lifted his picture from this page. The Crew are very interested to find out who the brilliant mind behind this tribute is. Whoever they are, they have earned The Crew's highest respect and gratitude. It's all good y'all, Eddie Woods y'all.
Ron Serio needs haircut - Seeks Sam Heckman's Assistance
As of yet no one has been able to contact Sam Heckman in order for him to take on the grueling job of shaving Ron Serio's head while drunk off his ass. Unfortunately, Ron will only trust sharp metal objects being ran across him scalp by one drunk. And that drunk is Sam Heckman. Any information regarding his whereabouts would be greatly appreciated. You can send any such information to [email protected].
Send Ron Serio to Gencon
Gencon is a few mere weeks away and as of yet Ron Serio is lacking the funds necessary to make the arduous journey to Milwaukee. As most of you already know, Gencon would not be the same without his presence. This is why we are announcing the opening of the first annual Send Ron Serio to Gencon charity fund. We will begin accepting donations at once. As an added bonus to simply seeing Ron at Gencon, if you donate money you may even get the chance to share a fine evening at Hooters with such midwestern magic celebrities as Eddie Woods, Sam Heckman, Spike, Mike Reinking, She-He, Francis Keys, Melissa Lang, Josh, Jason Woodburn, Aaron "Shazam" Sounders, Fink, Dustin, the other kid from Iowa with the really big glasses, Dale "Monster Rod" Taylor, the Competitor, the Competitors large friend, Yap's brother and countless more. Don't let this once in a lifetime opportunity pass you by. Send any and all donations to:
Ron Serio
2344 South Cannon Dr 301
Mount Prospect, IL 60056
To all those kind enough to send donations, Ron would like to extend his warmest gratitude. And to those who don't Ron would like to extend his cock, which you can suck.
Francis Keys and Ron Serio both played in PTNY'99. Francis finished 59th and Ron was 67th. That means Francis even got some loot. Congrats, please don't spend the money seducing my mom! Habib on the other hand lost big in Texas Holdem and I'm told just up and left in the middle of the night to walk to New York City. I sure hope I see him again, he owes me rent money.
Sam Heckman Gets Tatoo
In a moment of drunken inspiration this weekend Sam Heckman got a rather revealing tatoo.
You can view this masterpiece here.
Francis Keys Qualifies!!!
He played Sphere of Resistance, discard and Drudge Skeletons.
For Christ sake, how good is that?
Congratulations Habib!!!
New Crew Member added!!!
With the recent announcement regarding three man team pro tournaments The Crew felt it was time to get another local player on the team. Max being in Seattle and Francis in San Diego makes it impossible to practice/qualify for the three man PT. Luckily we found Habib, a strong drafter, amazing deckbuilder and all around great local player. He is sure to make a fine addition to The Crew. It was obvious even when we first met him that he posessed all the qualities that we look for in a good teammate. Be sure to read his profile and say hello to him when you see him at tournaments. Welcome aboard Habib!!
