9) Thus did Great Archon Chris summon Joe the Acolyte and sacrificial Peeps, placing them upon a hastily constructed altar.
10) Joe the Acolyte, according to ancient ritual, made of the Peeps a burnt offering unto Ozzie, the Squirrel-God, whilst Great Archon Chris offered supplication, saying,
11) Ozzie, we know that thou art powerful, and that is within thy might to smite down the blasphemers and protect the Faithful. Ozzie, recognize therefore the peril of your followers, and the dangers posed by these heathen Copley-priests.
12) They have withstood our gentle rebuke, and even now continue to deny us the right to make our pilgrimage to worship thy greatness, and they exercise powers which are beyond the powers that thou hast given us.
13) Therefore, O Ozzie, accept these Peeps as a sacrifice unto your greatness, and smite those that stand in our way, that we may continue unobstructed to our place of worship. Amen.
14) Believing themselves filled with the power of Ozzie, Dan and Chris went forth against the Copley-priests, armed with holy relics and the power of the Peeps.
15) But it availed them nothing, and in that hour the Copley-priests had the victory, smiting down the Great Archons with apparent ease.
16) And the Copley-priests rejoiced, praising Elvis and taunting the fallen Archons.
17) Therefore did the pilgrimage go awry, and the supplicants returned to their city without having completed their mission.
18) But it is said among the Faithful that the defeat was not due to the inferior power of Ozzie, but rather that he was displeased with their sacrifice, which was deemed insufficient.
19) And thus the righteous had hope still in their hearts, that at some point in the future, an acceptable sacrifice would be found, and that Ozzie the Magnificent would strike down the Copley-priests at the very height of their riotous blasphemies.
1) And it came to pass, in the year 2000, that some disciples of Ozzie were traveling towards the city of Akron, led by the Great Archons Dan and Chris.
2) Along the way, they encountered heathen priests of Elvis, who practiced unholy rites and perverted the ways of Ozzie.
3) Upon sighting the faithful followers of Ozzie, the Copley-priests, for such they were, did break out into riotous acts of sacrilege and chanting to their heathen gods; yea, so loud was their worship that the very Earth groaned in torment.
4) Seeing the demonstrations of the Copley-priests, Great Archon Dan stood forth in the path, beating his staff upon the ground three times and proclaiming in a loud voice,
5) O, thou servants of Elvis, destroyer of all that is healthy and Master of Wickedness, stand aside for the Archons of Ozzie, or he will lay waste to your sacred places, your groves, your altars, and other havens of iniquity even as he hath deprived the squirrel of its life.
6) Therefore, ye sons of hell, if ye will not now give way to the light, we will call down the power of Ozzie and destroy you utterly, sending your souls back to the pocket lint from which they came.
7) Under this stern rebuke the Copley-priests did not falter, but sent back much taunting and displays of unwriteable horror.
8) Then did Dan beckon to Great Archon Chris, summoning him from the crowd of supplicants, and prevailed upon him that he should make