Or how to make a Jedi Knight and a Tar Valon Witch kill each other
_________________________
Main Warning: This is a nutty, stupid and crude fanfiction, its full of unspeakable
madness and no one shall read it� Sheila has been watching too much Braveheart,
La Reine Margot and South Park, and so this fanfiction has turned up as the result.
Warning for Star Wars fans: Yes, I know that the Jedi would not attack just like that,
as they fight only to defend love and peace and stuff� and they wouldn't talk like
that, and so on� who cares, this is a nutty fanfiction.
Warning for Wheel of Time fans: Yes, I know that the Aes Sedai cannot attack if they're
not attacked first, and that they wouldn't fight just like that, and that they would never
fight with Swords because they have their Warders, and that Moiraine, Nynaeve and Rand
do not behave and talk like that� who cares, this is a nutty fanfiction.
Warning for Lord of the Rings fans: You shall better not read this, as its a very serious
insult to the Holy Creation of Saint Tolkien, who was Father of Human Imagination and
Creator of Fantasy and God of Storytelling and so on, and so on, and so on� who cares,
this is a nutty fanfiction.
This Pointless and Nutty THING was written by Sheila, and the translation to
English ruined Sheila's narrative style� many language mistakes may be found in this
fanfiction, as Sheila's natural language is Castilian.
____________________________
It was a dazzling morning of April, good nice spring in the beautiful Shire� that
wonderful and fertile land of the Hobbits was looking radiant those days, with many
Hobbit Holes all over the place.
A few and delicate smoke puffs were rising to the happy blue sky�
"Fuck, Sam" said Frodo Baggins, looking quite unconcerned- "This freaking Gandalf wants me to take care of this magical ring thingy, and he's saying that if I don�t take it to Mordor right now in order to throw it into the fire of who knows what mountain of shit, we're all fucked up"
Frodo and his loyal Sam Gamyi were laying on the grass, smoking with their pipes and
watching the clouds forming figures up in the sky.
"Mister Frodo" said Sam, exhaling smoke puffs- "Have you already seen the strange outsiders that have recently appeared here in The Shire?"
"Fuck" Frodo thought, throwing away the damn ring.
"Have you seen them already, Mister Frodo?"
"What? Outsiders, Sam�?"
"Yep" said Sam, stuffing more tobacco into his pipe- "They're pretty weird guys, that have arrived from the sky inside a huge flying thing� they wear very strange clothing, have loads of machines and they use these magical swords of light that can cut through anything"
"What's up with this idiot�?" Frodo asked himself.
"They can control your mind, strangle you from far away, some of them throw bolts of
lightning and they make stuff to float around in the air!"
"Oh, yes now I remember� I think I've heard a bit about it, Sam" Frodo said, suddenly
remembering the fact that he had seen a Spaceship flying over The Shire just a month ago- "And there's also other kind of outsiders, right?"
"Some witches, or something like that� all women, there's only one guy with them"
In that very moment Gandalf appeared from thin air right behind them, sitting on the grass with his pipe in his hand, and looking up at the sky he started thinking about the
Mysteries of the Hobbits�
How irreverent could these Hobbits be sometimes!
"And these witches, what do they do?" Frodo asked, thinking that maybe Bilbo had decided to flee thanks to this freaking uproar.
"They create fireballs, and lightning too, and they make shields and swords out of air,
and they also do funny stuff with air, and they just created a violent storm and a damn
hurricane, and they also�"
Frodo thought that Sam had just way too much imagination, even though it wasn't the first time he had heard about those things� yes, he already had heard similar stories, several times during the past few days.
Loads of Hobbits were talking about the incredible skills of the witches and the guys from
the sky, and many rumours and theories were already commonly heard all over The Shire.
"And these witches, where did they come from?" Frodo wondered, closing his eyes and enjoying the wind in his face- "The light-swords guys came from the sky, but� what about the witches?"
"Fuck! No one knows, Mister Frodo! Kind of a Mystery, really� looks like they just
appeared, and that�s it"
"Both the guys and the witches seem to be so damn powerful� right, Sam?"
"Right indeed�" Sam said, scratching his hairy Hobbit head- "Who would win if they had
a fight?"
"How very interesting!" Frodo whispered to himself� and then, in that very instant,
his restless Hobbit mind generated a very spooky idea.
"Don't you dare provoke a fight, you Hobbits sons of a bitch!" Gandalf roared, and the
very scared Frodo and Sam jumped to their feet.
"Gandalf!" Frodo yelled, all covered in tobacco- "Hey, about the magical ring thingy�
well, you can take it to Mordor yourself, because I don�t give a shit about it and I don�t
wanna get killed by orcs just thanks to your stupid ring shit, you son of a bitch"
"Right! I knew, I knew, one is not supposed to give such a thing to a bastard Hobbit" said
Gandalf very sadly� he got up, looked for the ring, found it and walked away looking
very hurt and crestfallen.
Frodo was cleaning the tobacco from his clothing, Sam was stupidly scratching his head,
they both picked up their pipes from the grass and walked away in a very unconcerned
Hobbit style.
"Hey Sam, what if�"
_______________________
Frodo and Sam talked about the outsiders for quite a long time that night, damn extremely drunk in the worst night club of Hobbiton�
They had come up with something terrible, a cruel and awful idea, and considering the
big fuss that there was in The Shire, they started their nice little plan the very
next morning.
Following their SICK Hobbit impulses, they went together to the big camping sites that
both kinds of outsiders had installed in The Shire� they met them all, and were very well
treated by the funny-looking and mysterious outsiders.
Of course� the outsiders had no idea about what these evil Hobbits were planning -they
just wanted to take some nice vacations- and they thought that the Hobbits were just
happy, nice and lovely creatures.
Yes, happy, nice and lovely creatures� oh yeah.
Later that very day, Frodo and Sam went all over The Shire and started spreading rumours around, exalting everyone everywhere�
"Who would win if the guys from the sky fighted the weird witches?" Frodo was yelling all
over Hobbiton, and the afternoon�s sky was gloomy and red, just like blood- "Come on you bastards, be brave and start making bets!"
So, the entire Shire was betting during night, risking property titles of Hobbit Holes
and gargantuan amounts of the very best tobaccos� and now, only one thing was left to do.
Merry and Pippin, wicked partners in crime, visited the outsiders at daybreak, and what
they told them was�
_____________________
It was a very gray and cold evening, perhaps the most cloudy and depressing evening that
The Shire had ever seen.
Thousands of Hobbits, maybe the entire Hobbiton population, were sitting in impressive
wooden stands that were about a hundred feet high, and all of them had little flags in
their hands and also some funny and colourful hats.
"These bastard Hobbits�" Gandalf was thinking for himself, standing beside the stands
and looking as if he was just about to puke- "Fuck, sons of a bitch!"
The Hobbits also had little drums, and they were playing them, and also clapping with
certain funny rhythm that was very like�
Now we Play We Will Rock You� don't you dare ask Me where it was coming out from there in the freaking Shire, I have no fucking idea, damn it!
"We will, we will ROCK YOU!" clapping, drums- "We will, we will ROCK YOU!" the Hobbits
were singing, trying to increase their nice little fuss, the sooner the battle began, the
better for those sick Hobbits.
"Sons of a bitch!" Gandalf thought, quite worried about what was just about to take place-
"I shall better get the fuck out of here!" and he disappeared in a flash of light.
The drums and the clapping continued shattering the air�
"We will, we will ROCK YOU!" clapping and drums- "We will, we will ROCK YOU!"
__________________
The scene was ready for a glorious and fierce battle�
There, under the gray and gloomy sky of that awful day, two enormous armies were preparing to kill each other.
On one side there were at least three thousand of those weird witches, all of whom were
wearing beautiful medieval dresses, and each one of them was clearly displaying signs of a
very nasty mood.
A similar amount of guys from the sky were standing at the other side of the battlefield,
half a mile or so away from the witches�
They were wearing elegant and quite futurist stuff, they all looked so modern and cool,
and just like it happened with the witches, it was very clear that they weren't happy,
no, not happy at all.
"So, these are the useless bastards who dared to say that we were fucking bitches" said
Moiraine, shaking with fury and leading her army- "Well, let's see what can they do against
the One Power! It was so nice from the midgets to tell us"
Rand, right beside her, had his sword in his hand and, smirking and looking very confident,
was staring furious at the huge Jedi Army� Nynaeve was there too, with a nice dreamy look in her eyes.
"So, these are the fucking bitches who dared to say that we were useless bastards" said
Yoda, shaking with fury and leading his army- "Well, let's see what can they do against
The Force! It was so nice from the midgets to tell us"
Anakin Skywalker, who was glaring at the dreadful Aes Sedai Army, tried to fight down his laughter when he heard what Yoda said� as Yoda was a freaking midget too, very short
indeed even though he was riding that strange creature of his.
Obi-Wan Kenobi and Mace Windu were there too, leading the Jedi Army, beside Anakin and Yoda, and the four of them looked confident and happy.
"Come on bastards, let the massacre begin!" Frodo yelled violently- "We want some fucking
blood, you sons of a bitch!"
"This is going to be as good as a fuck!" Sam thought for himself, very excited- "Come on
my witches, I betted even my ass!"
The Jedis were so calm, as well as the Aes Sedai� both bands were concentrating as much
as they could, and then it finally started.
________________
In just an instant these huge fireballs came out of nowhere, and they flied with incredible
speed across the battlefield, in their way to the Jedis!
Many Jedis gaped, and when the fireballs hit many of them got fire and, running around
in panic, quickly died yelling with pain� but then The Force made the fire to retreat and
raise very high floating in midair, and then the fireballs were on their way back to their
creators.
Moiraine and Nynaeve watched with surprise how their own fireballs had been sent against
them, how the fireballs were being directed by that Mysterious Force� and then, the air
above the Aes Sedai Army turned into a liquid and then into a solid, creating a powerful
protective dome.
It easily protected them from the impact of the fireballs�
"Fuck, insolent sons of a bitch!" said Nynaeve as a reproach- "Kill these bastards!"
The Aes Sedai sent more fireballs immediately, but this time the Jedis were better prepared and used The Force with their hands� sending back the attack with absurd ease.
The fireballs crashed against the protective dome, but this time some Aes Sedai were
touched by the flames and had to run like crazy looking like human torches, howling in
awful agony�
But then, the Jedis felt that something weird happened to the air around them, which
suddenly turned into a jelly-like thing that was trying to squeeze and asphyxiate them!
"Fucking bitches!" Anakin thought, and he used The Force to break the jelly-air and send it away- "Alright now� they shall DIE!"
The Jedis raised their arms, and instantly loads of Aes Sedai yelled and were thrown away, flying like dolls through the air� they were very surprised, and many others were being strangled or died when The Force crushed their bones or their organs.
But they answered soon, and a terrible burst of lightning hit the Jedis and killed many
of them� most Jedis had managed to stop the lightning with The Force, but the unlucky
died before the now horrified eyes of the Hobbits.
The Jedis kept using The Force violently -some Aes Sedai were just blown up- and they also sent their own style of lightning� the Aes Sedai counterattacked with fireballs, but
many balls were deflected by The Force and hit the wooden stands of the Hobbits, killing
loads of them- the survivors ran away in terrified retreat.
The exchange of lightning and fireballs continued for long, while the runaway Hobbits were yelling like crazy, many of them in fire, and then�
A most horrible storm was quickly appearing from nothing, right above the battle!
The awful cloud of darkness, looking big enough to eat the entire sky, roared violently
and stormed the Jedis with impressive bolts of lightning� and rain too, so they were
soaked, but before it could kill all of them Yoda concentrated and used The Force to
disrupt the Aes Sedai-created storm, vanishing it in mere seconds.
In the surrounding fields many giant rocks were raising to the sky, taken out of the
ground, Yoda was very concentrated� many Jedis laughed, thinking they had a sure victory, and the terrified Hobbits could not believe what they were watching with their very own Hobbit eyes.
"Look what he's doing, that green midget son of a bitch!" yelled Moiraine- "Now they shall
see�!"
Yoda tossed one of the giant rocks against the Aes Sedai Army -it crushed hundreds of
them- but then Moiraine instantly created a huge pit of fire beneath the Jedi Army� they
yelled in terror and fell to the bottom, and hundreds burned to death.
The Aes Sedai were laughing now, listening to the screams, and they thought they had a sure victory but then�
Thousands of Jedis came unscathed flying out of the pit, flying thanks to The Force, and
all of them, at the very same time, took out their LIGHTSABERS!
The dazzling beams appeared at exactly the same time, the Jedis were smirking while
flying, their deadly weapons showing a collection of all colours� they landed, and Yoda
pointed his Lightsaber at the gaping Aes Sedai�
Thousands of Jedis yelled with fury and run like a damn cavalry charge, wielding their
Lightsabers.
"What the FUCK are those freaking things?" said Moiraine� in her medieval world they had never seen a Lightsaber.
____________________
The murderous Jedis were drawing closer and closer�
"Do something now, you Dragon Reborn!" roared Moiraine at a gaping, silly-looking Rand.
"Fuck, use Balefire, Rand!" said Nynaeve- "Cant you see these bastards charging at us with
those, those� that shit, whatever those are?"
"We'll use it too, Nynaeve� but let Mister I-Hear-Voices try it first, and we shall see
what happens"
Rand concentrated, thinking that he could wipe out the Jedis in one single hit� and
directed his attack against the green midget son of a bitch -Yoda- who was bravely leading
the terrible charge of his army.
A beam of something that looked like white and extremely dazzling liquid fire was shot
directly at the Jedi Master and Leader�
Yoda roared with fury, and using his Lightsaber as a damn baseball bat he hit the Balefire
beam and instantly sent it back straight at Rand�!
"FUCK!" was the last thing Rand ever thought� or he never thought that, because he never
shot the Balefire and Yoda never sent it back, so Rand has no reason to be dead, which
means This Shit Has No Meaning At All.
Yes, I know that according to Wheel of Time rules Yoda would not be able to do this� its
just pointless, but as Balefire is pointless too, its perfectly logic and fair for Yoda to
send it back with a pointless counterattack� Cool, eh?
Well, Rand is dead anywayz because this is a nutty fanfiction.
"Oh my god, they killed Rand!" said Moiraine, horrified.
"You bastards�!" screamed Nynaeve.
Thousands of Aes Sedai attacked again with fireballs, but the Jedis sent them all back
with their Lightsabers� loads of Aes Sedai were hit, and then they tried to stop them
with a wall of solid air.
Something happened to them in that moment�
The Aes Sedai of Tar Valon were suddenly feeling like they had been drinking too much
Wine� Moiraine was badly surprised when she realized that this strange Force thing was
messing up her mind, making her think that she was unable to channel the One Power.
They all were so confused, big nasty headache� the One Power counterattacked The Force, so the Aes Sedai were not controlled or forced to kill themselves, but they were really thinking that they had lost their ability to channel!
The Jedis were quickly drawing closer, wielding Lightsabers like wild lunatics thirsty of
blood.
Then the Aes Sedai were lucky enough to escape the mind trick a bit, and the first and only thing they could do was to make their swords out of thin air!
The shiny and deadly swords appeared in the hands of them all, just in time and ready for
the terrible battle� now, without One Power and without Warders and only with swords,
they would have to face the Jedis in crude physical fight� Kill or Die.
Moiraine remembered her dear Lan Mandragoran, whom she had left behind instead of taking him with her to vacation.
"Wish you were here!" she thought.
Moiraine, furious and proud, pointed her sword at the Jedis� and the entire Aes Sedai
Army yelled with courage and charged at once.
Here we see a scene identical to Stirling Battle, from Braveheart -thanks, Mel!- with
both armies running madly, yelling and claiming the enemy's blood, wielding weapons�
We play now End Of All Hope, from Nightwish!
The crash was quick and ferocious, with Jedis and Aes Sedai flying through the air� yells,
horrible swear words, howls of pain, flashes of light from Lightsabers and Swords, blood
everywhere and cut off body parts flying around too�
The Swords made from Air with One Power were dreadful, able to face Lightsabers and mutilate Jedis with great ease, but the infamous Lightsabers were already tainting the air of the beautiful Shire with an awful smell of burned meat.
Severed heads flying around, awfully pierced bodies and depressing howls of agony,
biblical splattering of blood, a few fireballs and lightning, The Force doing its squeeze
thing, unstoppable fire and ghastly death among shadows and smoke�
Obi-Wan Kenobi was running madly through the battle, yelling nonstop and wielding his
Lightsaber like someone who just escaped from an insane asylum� one Aes Sedai was severed in half, another was cut in a vertical fashion and split in two, one more was decapitated and another had a Lightsaber stuck up her ass.
Yoda was performing similar actions, riding his animal around and delivering Lightsaber
blows at any Aes Sedai within his range� he was also using The Force to squeeze his
enemies or send them flying away.
But the dreadful Aes Sedai were no easy prey!
Moiraine was killing any Jedi brave enough to stand in her path, running through the
fire and darkness� she pierced one in the chest -blade emerging out of the Jedi's back
and big jet of blood coming out- then she decapitated another with a powerful blow and
next she got one more Jedi from behind�
She grabbed his head with her left hand and sliced his throat with the sword, screaming in victory.
The dead Jedi fell to the ground, Moiraine was all covered in blood� and when one more
unlucky Jedi tried to stop her, Lightsaber in hand and ready to kill, she raised her sword
high above her head with both hands, and screaming in cold fury she delivered a massive hit on the poor Jedi's head.
The head was cleanly split open in half and then exploded with violence.
Occasionally Moiraine was able to create some fireballs and burned a few Jedis to death, and she was also throwing lightning� slowly she was getting rid of the nasty mind trick, and then she saw, impressed, how Yoda and his creature were drawing closer running through the shadows and the black, acrid smoke.
Yoda looked tired and he was coughing again and again, but he was still wielding his
Lightsaber and decapitating any Aes Sedai brave enough to stand in his way� he looked
around and saw the blood-covered Moiraine, standing alone in the middle of the massacre.
"YOU...!" he yelled, raising his Lightsaber and charging at her!
"BASTARD!" screamed Moiraine, preparing her sword- "COME FOR ME!"
Yoda was yelling like some wild and savage creature, charging at his prey blinded by madness and fury, and Moiraine made a stand just waiting for him, waiting for the moment to attack� and a millisecond before Yoda delivered the fatal blow, Moiraine suddenly
crouched and cut off the creature's legs.
Yoda did not yell or cry when he hit the ground, but he did whimper while slowly getting
Up� this means he wasn't quick enough for Moiraine, and when Yoda turned around to see
what was happening it was already too late.
Moiraine raised her sword above her head again and delivered a massive hit on Yoda, blowing up his green head� blood and brains flying through the air, Yoda's pointy ears landing several meters away.
"Oh my god, they killed Yoda!" said Obi-Wan Kenobi, who had watched it from a distance.
"You bastards�!" yelled Mace Windu.
Moiraine was ecstatic with her victory, a headless and blood-covered Yoda laying dead at
her feet, but then a voice yelled somewhere nearby amid the shadows...
"Come here you bitch witch!"
Anakin Skywalker came out of the fire, and with his dazzling blue Lightsaber he cut off
Moiraine's left leg� she wanted to scream, but then her belly was instantly blown up
by The Force -intestines flying away- and Anakin finished by decapitating her with an
impressive Lightsaber blow.
"No, Moiraine!" screamed Nynaeve, who was busy nearby slaying her own bunch of Jedis- "You, you, YOU!"
Anakin's cell phone ringed suddenly while he was still celebrating his victory, and looking
quite unconcerned he answered the call�
"Padme, you call in a very bad moment!" he said, surprised- "No, I cannot talk now, we found these witches and I�m in the middle of a massacre! What? I'll call you later, right?"
"You have Me to answer to, you son of a bitch!" yelled Nynaeve, so furious that she was
just about to go nuts!
And she threw her sword with incredible skill, which hit Anakin hard in the chest piercing
him in a rather crude scene� Anakin howled in pain when the blade, all covered in blood,
emerged out of his back throwing away the heart and parts of the spine.
Obviously Anakin fell dead, but just when Nynaeve was screaming in victory Obi-Wan appeared coming out of a cloud of dark smoke� he delivered a Lightsaber blow at Nynaeve, but she blocked it with a sword that had just come out of nowhere and she even managed to block three more attacks!
They fought for twenty seconds, until Obi-Wan was too fast� the searing Lightsaber hit
Nynaeve hard in the waist and cut her in half, killing her instantly.
"Anakin, I need to talk NOW!" Padme's voice said, coming out of a phone that had landed
just before Moiraine's head- "What the fuck is happening there? Who is that woman who called you that? I knew, I knew you had another woman! Anakin, IM PREGNANT! ANSWER ME! ANAKIN! Anakin�? YOU SON OF A BITCH!"
Meanwhile, in other part of the battlefield Mace Windu and his purple Lightsaber were
having serious difficulties against seven Aes Sedai, until one got him from behind
and sent his head flying away� a jet of bright red blood raising several feet into
the air.
Awful, ghastly battle� the Aes Sedai were very affected by the Jedi mental trick, but it
was pretty hard for the Jedis to keep them in that state and were weakening quickly� the
massacre continued, the atrocious bath of blood, many Jedis were running around in fire
and it seemed that the thing would not stop as long as someone was alive�
"WAIT!" screamed a little Hobbit, in the middle of the battle- "STOP THIS CARNAGE, FUCK! WHAT WE TOLD YOU WAS FALSE, WE LIED!"
Many stared at Frodo Baggins with surprise, so the battle was stopped for a brief instant.
What had this dirty Hobbit just said?
Sam, Merry and Pippin were there too, beside Frodo, and the four of them were trembling
with fear and looking so pale, really terrified.
"WE JUST WANTED TO SEE WHO WAS STRONGER!" screamed Sam.
"WE EVEN HAD BETS ABOUT IT!" yelled Merry.
"YOU HOBBIT SON OF A BITCH!" roared Obi-Wan Kenobi, and threw his Lightsaber at them!
The searing weapon pierced Frodo's chest, who howled like a pig to the sky so horribly
that never in The Shire had they heard something like that� and he fell dead, with the
Lightsaber still stuck.
A headless Moiraine managed to get up on one leg, hopped to draw closer and sent violent
fireballs against Sam, Merry and Pippin�
"YOU BASTARD HOBBITS!" yelled her head, lost somewhere in a sea of blood and mutilated corpses.
The poor little Hobbits were in fire, yelling in agony and running around, until Obi-Wan
Kenobi got back his Lightsaber and decapitated the three of them with one single blow.
The battle continued as bloody as ever�
___________
The entire Shire was incinerated and wiped out in the worst fire disaster that Middle
Earth ever witnessed, not a single Hobbit managed to escape, Gandalf didn't give a shit
about it and the infamous battle left a horrible field of ashes and blood, pieces of
Jedis everywhere and pieces of Aes Sedai everywhere�
Certain riders sent by Sauron visited the place the very next day, looking for certain
little thing� and they were quite surprised by the gross and awful scene that extended
before them, all over that thing that used to be The Shire.
They went back to Mordor, and described the thing with two quick and easy words� Total
Slaughterhouse.
No one survived the battle� or maybe someone did?
___________
The deep and freezing darkness, the silence and the solitude� those horrible mines
were so deep underground and so incredibly complex that Moiraine, who had gotten lost there three weeks ago, was still trying to find a way out.
The little ball of white light that she had in her hand was barely enough to let her see
her own foot, and her new wooden left leg -a stick she had picked up during her travel-
was making a very spooky noise down there in dark Moria�
"That stupid old man" She muttered to herself in the dark- "He knew, he knew and he did
nothing to stop it! You'll pay for this� oh, as soon as I reach the other side HE WILL
PAY! Wait for Me, Gandalf!"
Moiraine was limping through the darkness -She wasn't very used to the new wooden leg-
and then she suddenly stopped� yes, she thought, she had heard it again� something
behind her, something that was hiding in the shadows.
It sounded like steps, like a pair of little feet that were carefully following her all
the way through the mines� now Moiraine was standing still and carefully listening, but
she heard no more.
She continued her way�
"My Precious�" Said a creepy voice behind her- "My precious!"
"This silly thing" Said Moiraine, looking at the ring she had found amid the ashes of the
battlefield the night she had spent looking for her lost leg- "Who needs this piece of
crap?"
Moiraine threw the ring into the first deep dark hole she saw, and kept limping through
the shadows of Moria� and then, her head suddenly fell to the ground!
"DAMN IT!" She yelled- "YET AGAIN�!"
It was the seventh time it had fallen just like that -Moiraine wasn't great shakes at
sewing- and she picked up her head and took out the needle to start all over again� she
just hoped, quite sadly indeed, that the work she had managed to do in her belly was going
to survive a few hours more.
Her OP healing powers were barely enough to keep her alive, and she knew that her total
recovery after what Anakin had done to her was going to take many weeks� Moiraine really hated this, especially after that gloomy morning -six weeks ago- when she managed at last to put her intestines back into their place.
She went into a cave, and never heard those footsteps again�
____________
The white, searing light that Gandalf had casted around him had serious trouble to deflect
yet another Balefire beam, which went and hit a nearby giant three reducing it to nothing� it was such a cold night in Lothlorien, and the so-called Gandalf the Grey was leading a huge army of elves!
Eighty thousand, maybe a hundred thousand of them were standing still behind the great
wizard, waiting for any order from their elvish commanders to charge� Elrond and Galadriel were beside Gandalf, and Moiraine, a hundred meters away, was throwing at them everything she could.
"STOP IT, YOU!" Gandalf screamed- "AND GIVE ME THE DAMN RING I LOST!"
"You knew, you knew those awful midgets were playing with us!" Moiraine cried out, shaking
with fury- "You knew and you did nothing to stop the tragedy! Six thousand dead, Gandalf!
SIX THOUSAND�!"
"I DON'T GIVE A FREAKING SHIT!"
Moiraine screamed with fury like a beast and started channeling so much OP that she could hardly believe she had so much power� she had never concentrated like this before, but Moiraine knew that something really big was needed to deal with this idiot.
A giant bolt of lightning appeared from nothing in the space, high up in the sky� it fell
faster than light, sliced the moon, burned a hole in the atmosphere and then hit Gandalf
straight in the head!
The wizard yelled in pain, his funny light unable to cope with such a thing� this was enough
energy to incinerate Middle-Earth, and yet Gandalf was managing to absorb it- However, he was getting very purple and smoke was coming out of his ears.
"YOU� WITCH!" Gandalf screamed, glaring at Moiraine� then he exploded violently in a
ball of fire and a cloud of smoke and ashes, his wooden stick flying many miles and falling
in flames to the ground.
Sixty-feet wide crater right were he was standing, Gandalf was no more�
"Oh my God, she killed Gandalf!" yelled Galadriel.
"You bastard�!" said Elrond, horrified, and he finally gave the order to his army� the
elves prepared their weapons and charged.
____________
The Armies of Lothlorien did not survive their encounter with Moiraine, and she quickly took control of the place� a few days later the dwarves sent many armies, but everything was useless and futile.
Volcanoes appeared suddenly all over Mordor, and they all exploded and blew everything up before the Orc armies could even leave their bases� the little forces sent by Rohan and Gondor were annihilated by storms of fire, and so, slowly but firmly, Moiraine took over Middle-Earth.
She ruled them with iron fist and was known as a great but dreadful Queen, beautiful but feared, delicate but cruel� and had a great palace of ice, and lived very happily�
Until one day she got a weird, horrific STD from Aragorn and died within a week.
THE END