Set after 'Resolutions', they've just returned to the ship.

'I want a full report in the morning, Commander.' 'Aye Ma'am.' He sounds so cool, so harsh. Maybe this is what I deserve. I told him to keep his distance and that's just what he's doing. I don't like it any more than he does, but I know this is the only way we're getting this ship home.

The Thing That Goes Unnoticed.

Ch. 3

I wake up to find Chakotay watching me. Where am I? I'm not in my own quarters, not in my own bed. Suddenly I remember everything. I sigh and close my eyes again, deciding to enjoy the feeling of lying next to Chakotay for a few more minutes. Chakotay has other plans though. 'Hey, don't go back to sleep, sleepyhead. We have to be on the bridge in an hour.' 'We'll be late,' I tell him. I hear him sigh and he pulls his arm from underneath me. 'Suit yourself, I'm going to take a shower.' He stands from the bed and the cozy warm feeling goes with him. No longer feeling sleepy, I sit up. I try to stretch my neck but the stinging feeling stops me. Chatay notices the pain on my face. 'If you don't want me to help, you really should go to the doctor with that neck.' 'Now that you mention it, would you mind...?' I ask him carefully. He turns immediately and walks back to the bed. 'Of course not. Lie on your stomach, please.' 'You don't have to do it right now, tomorrow would be fine, somewhere this week,' I tell him but he won't buy it. 'I've got time now, and you're experiencing the pain now. I'm going to help you. But why the sudden change of heart?' he asks. I knew this was coming.

'I trust you,' I simply say. He looks shocked. 'Didn't you trust me before?' 'I did, of course I did. Yesterday was the Captain speaking.' 'All evening?' 'No, eversince we sat on the bed you were talking to Kathryn.' He smiles and I lie on my stomach. I feel his strong, but soft hands carefully explore the area around my neck and shoulders. Softly, he starts kneading the tense muscles. I close my eyes. 'Will Kathryn disappear when we exit the bedroom?' he asks. I open my eyes again. 'When we exit your quarters, yes. But she'll still be there, under the captain's cloak,' I say. 'That's good to know,' Chakotay says as he continues working on the muscles in my neck. I moan softly. 'Damn, you're good.' 'Thank you.' I decide to do him a favour. With a little difficulty, I hit my comm badge, which is lying on the nightstand. 'Janeway to Tuvok.' 'Tuvok here, Captain. What can I do for you?' 'I'm giving the Commander a day off today. He'll be off duty until tomorrow morning.' 'Aye, Captain.' 'I'll be on the bridge soon. Janeway out.' Chakotay has stopped massaging my neck, and although it feels better I'd wish he'd continue. 'I don't need the day off, Kathryn. I'm not that ill.' 'You do need it. Sort things out. Between you and me, but also with yourself. I know you don't want to be pittied, but you need it. Believe me.' He nods. 'Okay. I'd like to invite you to dinner, though.' 'I'd like that,' I say. I sit up again and watch him struggling with himself for a second. 'Kathryn, what you said last night.. about loving me.. Was that true, or were you just trying to comfort me?' How can he ask? 'It was true. Every word of it. Don't ever doubt that,' I say.

That day, I can't seem to focus on anything. Harry has to call me to my own staff meeting, because I was in the mess hall having day-nightmares. I feel so stupid. At the end of our weekly meeting, the doctor stays behind. Normally it's Chakotay who stays, but since he's not here I suspect the doctor wants to talk to me about something. 'I think I might have found a way to help the Commander,' he says. I smile at him. 'Doctor, you're great.' 'I know, although this might not be my best idea ever.' 'Why's that?' 'It's a pretty dangerous procedure.' I nod curtly. 'I'll talk to Chakotay about it.' 'Actually, it's dangerous for both of you.'

'What do I have to do with it?' I ask. It sounds harsh but I really thought Chakotay was the one needing a cure. 'I'm going to try to use your antibodies to attack the viral cells in the Commanders blood. I'll need you two to connect in a Vulcan mind melt, and then we'll have to see if the antibodies you gave to Chakotay can kill the virus. This will have to be a very deep melt, you'll have to... order the antibodies what to do.' 'I didn't even know that was possible,' I say. I'm amazed. 'Neither did I. It was Lieutenant Tuvok who told me it was possible.' 'You told Tuvok.' 'He knew there was something wrong with the Commander. When you were so absent-minded today he came to see me. I had to tell him,' the doctor tries to protect himself. 'It's okay, he's a good friend. I'm glad he came up with the idea.' I hesitate, not sure if I want to know the answer to the question I'm about to ask.

I ask it anyway.

'How is this mind melt dangerous for both of us?' 'It could destabilise your neural pathways, maybe even your heart activity. And if the virus is stronger than we thought, we might have to do it twice which is always a risk in mind melting.' 'Thank you, doctor.'

'May I advise you to take the rest of the day off as well?' the doctor asks me. 'That's really not neccessary,' I say. 'Come on. It's already 1600h, you're off duty in two hours anyway. Nobody will miss you, and if they do I'll tell them you're on deck 16, section C. Or somewhere else around the ship.' This crew is just too kind for me. 'Thank you, doctor. I really need all the time I can get.' I smile at him, letting him know how much I appreciate this.

At 16.30h I stand at Chakotay's door. 'Chakotay, can I come in please?' I ask when Chakotay answers the door. He opens it and I step inside. 'Thank you.' I just stand there, just inside his quarters. He's dimmed all the lights and candles are burning on every table. 'I was trying to reach my spirit guide, but I can't concentrate. You're off early.' 'The doctor told me I could go, so that's what I did. Officially, I'm on deck 16, section C. At least, for everyone who's too lazy to come and find me there.' 'And for the rest?' 'I'm off duty.' Chakotay smiles at me. The lights in the room make his smile even more beautiful than it was. 'We need to talk,' we say simultaneously. I laugh. 'It seems we agree on at least one thing then,' Chakotay laughs with me. 'You go first.' 'No, you go first.' I sense his denial coming up. 'Really Chakotay, what I need to talk to you about can wait until at least after dinner. You really don't want to hear that now,' I convince him. 'Okay. I'll go first.'

'I've had an entire day to think about a lot of things,' he starts. I can see he's having a hard time, so I sit on the couch and keep still. 'I've thought about my family, if I want to write them or if I'd ask you to tell them. I've also been thinking about the crew, when and how I'm going to tell them I'm dying. Neither of these things were very hard, I'm going to write letters to my family and I'm going to tell the crew on my birthday next week.' I have to interrupt him here. 'I can tell them. You don't have to do that. Tuvok can tell them. The doctor can.' 'I want to do it myself, Kathryn.' He stops walking around and sits down next to me. 'The other thing that has been keeping me busy for a few hours before you arrived is how we're going to continue from here. I think you're the only one who can answer that.'

'First of all, I don't want you to think I"m only doing this for you, because your odds aren't exactly positive. I'm doing it for us. I probably wouldn't have done it in normal circumstances. But these aren't normal circumstances.' I wait and watch his reaction. He is watching me intently, looking me deeply in the eye. 'I want us to spend whatever time we have left, together.'

>> I'm working on Ch.4!

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