'Well, if you're not comfortable with that, which obviously you're not.. I didn't mean to push you into anything,' Van Hauten apologised. 'Erik. Listen.' 'No, you listen to me first. I mean.. I'm sorry. But hear me out first, okay?' Clare nodded.

'When I came to London to work on the case, I never thought I'd leave without having had one 'quicky' at least. I know that sounds horrible, but it's the truth. I never thought I"d meet someone who was worth waiting. I didn't know that you were this hard to get though. I mean, I care deeply for you, the feelings I have for you run deeply in my vains. I just don't know how to get them to you.' Clare was smiling and she didn't know why. 'You're doing a pretty good job 'till so far, Erik.' He smiled back.

Van Hauten was far from finished. 'The love I felt for you last night was beyond anything I could ever have imagined feeling for Mary. I loved her, of course I did. But I keep thinking. If that was love, then what is this? I'm really bad at showing women whom I care for what I feel, I just don't know how to get the message over to them.' Clare interrupted him softly. 'I've noticed that and I don't care. I love you for trying so hard.' Van Hauten moved closer on the couch and took her face in his hands. 'I wouldn't have bothered so much if you weren't such a very, very special woman, Clare. I want to spend more time with you. I don't want to drag you into something you're not ready for, but I'd like a confirmation from you. I don't want you to leave in a couple of days and never come back.'

'I won't.'

Van Hauten looked at her. 'You won't... come back or you won't leave?' 'I won't leave and never come back.' Van Hauten struggled with that for a while. 'So.. You're leaving anyway?' Clare laughed. 'Look, I have like three blouses and four pants over here. Do you want me to spend the rest of my life wearing those?' Van Hauten laughed back. 'So.. you're also coming back?' 'I will. But I'm not promising you it's forever.' She saw his troubled face. 'Erik. Look at me. I don't know if I want to get.. committed to you like that.. But I want to come back at least once.' He nodded. 'I can live with that.'

They decided to do nothing that day. Julian had to be picked up at 12 and be brought back at 1, so there was no time for a lunch together. Clare didn't mind though. She made the table ready while Erik went to pick up Julian. During her time alone in his house she thought about the whole mess she'd gotten herself in this time. To be honest, she loved it. She'd always wanted a child like Julian. He liked her, and she had grown to love him already. She also knew Van Hauten wouldn't mind if she stayed. She didn't know if she wanted to stay. Clare decided to leave on Thursday, two days from the present. She'd come back the week after and tell Van Hauten what she'd decided. She just hoped he'd be okay with whatever she decided.

When Julian was back at school and Erik had arrived home again, Clare was waiting for him in the living room. 'So, what do we do now?' Van Hauten asked. Clare knew he was a little angry with her for not assuring him she'd stay. She thought they should fix that.

'I don't want you to be angry with me,' she said and she walked towards him. Taking his coat off his shoulders, she put a kiss to his cheek. 'I have to think about this. Don't tell me you don't.' Van Hauten sighed. Clare hung up his coat and in a second, Van Hauten was behind her, his hands on her hips. 'All I need to think about is Annabel's funeral and how much I'm going to miss you when you're gone,' he said. 'And that's the wrong order. You come first.' Clare turned around in his arms. 'I think you're upset and you need someone to talk to.' Van Hauten let go of her. 'You think I'm using you as a distraction?' 'Of course not. I don't doubt the feelings you have for me. I just doubt if they'll stay.' 'Let me show you,' Van Hauten said and he advanced on her again. Kissing her softly, he took both her hands in his. 'This one is for you, Clare. And don't ever doubt my feelins again.'

'What time is it?'

'Damn.'

'What?'

'It's time to go. I have to pick up Julian. I'm sorry, Clare.' 'What time is it?' Clare asked again. 'It's 14:45. I'll be on time if I leave now.'

pause.

'Clare, can you let go of me, please?' 'Oh. I'm sorry,' Clare giggled. She'd been holding Van Hautens arm without even noticing it. 'I'll come with you.' 'No, you don't have to. I understand if you're not comfortable..' 'I'm coming with you,' Clare repeated. 'I promised Julian I would.' 'He's going to introduce you to his teacher, to his friends, to the headmaster.. You won't be able to avoid them.' 'Look. I know Julian would like me to come, so I'm coming with you. Now if you'd move, I can get dressed as well.'

Van Hauten smiled at her. 'You know, this means a lot to me. I also know Julian will love it. Thanks, Clare. You're helping him so much.' 'I know. I love him,' Clare said. Van Hauten didn't miss the sad tone of her voice.

A few days later Clare had to leave. She'd been getting calls from London and by the look of it, Sumpter wasn't very pleased with her. She could understand him, but she didn't want to give in to him either. She had decided to go back though, see how things were, help, be a Commander again and.. think.

'I'll drive you to the station,' Van Hauten said softly. 'No, that's okay I think I can find it by myself,' Clare tried. 'I've already bought train tickets. Julian loves watching the planes on Schiphol airport,' Van Hauten answered. 'You're leaving me no choice, are you,' Clare tried to lighten the mood a little. 'Nope.'

They drove to the station in silence. Julian didn't understand why his dad was angry with Clare, and Clare didn't think Erik would appreciate it if she tried to explain. She just sat next to Van Hauten and hoped this would be a quick ride.

Clare lifted her suitcase out of the car. 'You shouldn't bring that much clothes,' Julian told her. 'She's a woman, Julian. They take all their clothes with them, wherever they go,' Van Hauten told the boy. Julian laughed. Clare smiled at him. 'I can't live without having something new to wear every day.' They moved to the train and found a place for the three of them and the suitcase. Clare looked out of the window, all too aware of Erik's eyes on her. Just when she thought she couldn't take it no more the train started to move. It made it all so real, she's leaving, she doesn't even know if it's right.

They arrive at the airport a couple of minutes later. Clare stands up and Julian breaks the silence that has been hanging over them since they left Amsterdam. 'I want to carry your suitcase, Clare.' 'No, I'll do that, Julian. It's way too heavy for you,' Van Hauten told the boy. He just smiled at Clare and Julian tried to convince his dad he was strong enough, but Erik wouldn't have any of it.

They walked, side by side, Clare in the middle, over Schiphol Airport. Suddenly, Clare felt Julian trying to grasp her hand. She looked down at the boy, who was also looking at his feet. She took his hand and Julian looked up at her. 'Why are you leaving?' he asked. Clare wanted to answer, but she didn't get the chance. 'She has a life back home, Julian. A home, a job, friends, family.. You know, just like we do here.' The boy nodded. Clare looked at Van Hauten. 'You're really sorry, aren't you.' 'Sorry, for what?' Van Hauten asked her. He didn't look at her. 'For me to leave. You would have liked it so much better if I'd said I'd stay. At least for a while. But you know..' She was interrupted by him. 'I know you think you don't belong here, you have a life and you can't let it go. And even if you had said that you'd stay a while, it'll never be enough, Clare. It's better this way.' He didn't sound all that convinced though, and Clare had her doubts herself. 'We'll see. I'll stay in touch, and I'll certainly be back before you know it. I just can't tell you for how long.' Van Hauten smiled at her. It was a small smile, a sad one.

Then, it all went very fast. Clare had to go, she had to check in so Julian and Van Hauten walked with her until they couldn't go further. Clare embraced the little boy, and he kissed her on her cheek. 'Bye, Clare. You have to come back, there are so many things to see here!' She just smiled. Then she turned to Van Hauten. 'Erik..' 'Don't say it. I know,' he said and he kissed her softly. So softly, it made Clare want to turn away from the airport and go back to the one place she'd felt happy in for the first time in months, his place. She knew she couldn't, though. So, she did the only thing that could reassure him of her return. She kissed him back and gave him a small bag. 'Keep this for me, I'll be back for it.'

Turning away she knew the two were looking at her. Looking back would have meant death, so she didn't and just kept on walking. She walked, and walked, until she was in the plane. Once she was settled in her seat, she thought of everything that she had to think about in the coming days, or weeks. It would be a hard time for her, she knew that. She had to think clearly though, and staying here would have disabled her of doing just that. She just hoped that Van Hauten and his son wouldn't be spooking around in her head all day and night, like James and Sarah had done before.

The End.

I'll write a sequel.