Stepping into my quarters I fanned through my trumps. I frowned as I realized that my Chaos contacts were meager.  Holding my own card in my left hand I focussed on Andrew's card that I held with my right hand

Andrew answered quickly, the background that of a breakfast room *Flavel. How may I be of assistance?*

*Andrew, I'm in my quarters. Any chance you can meet me there?*

*Sorry, but I'm currently in a meeting. Anything I can help with via trump?*

*I'm in desparate need of a means of entrance to the Courts of Chaos.  Do you have any suggestions how this could be affected?*

Andrew paused and then said,  *I have a spare set of trumps in my rooms. Wooden box on the small side-table. Feel free to borrow them.*

*Thanks Andrew. I won't forget this.*  I severed the contact and stepped out into the hallway. After briefly questioning a servant as to Andrew's residence I quickly made my way.  My steps brisk.

I found the small box as Andrew described and within it was a range of trumps. One I recognised as being Sawall's gateway.  I set the rest of Andrew's cards back where I’d found them. Taking only the Sawall gateway card. As before I held my own card while slowly martialing my mental awareness at the gateway.

The scene took on depth and vitality, a French chateau and estate in the midst of chaos and Ways reflecting their owners. For a moment I felt scanned then it receded. Sawall, it would seem, guarded against intruders in a number of ways. A feeling of amusement touched me as I stepped into the scene. I sure hope Anthony updated the personnel roster or this could be a short trip indeed.

A demon with blue skin waited, "Your Highness."

I hate to correct a person during introductions but as I was a member of House Sawall I felt it would be prudent to take the honorifics of a Viscount.  Otherwise the introductions might become embarrasing if I had to deal with people above my rank within the house.

I smiled and shook my head, "Not here. Your Excellency would suffice." My gaze went round the courtyard and back to the blue skinned demon. "How are you addressed?"

The demon smiled, showing disturbingly sharp teeth "Marioch"

I figured by this point that if Marioch wanted me for lunch he would have already done so.  I've seen a lot of strange things in my life but land full of shapeshifters and demons was pretty bizarre.  Even for me.

I nodded to the Demon, "Well Marioch, I'm very pleased to meet your acquaintance. I'm somewhat new to this area, so I hope you'll overlook the obtuseness of some of my questions. May I ask what your purpose is here?"

Marioch smiled "I welcome visitors. If they are permitted here, I direct them elsewhere. If they are not, they are shown the exit."

I decided it was a good thing to not be shown the exit.

I grinned, "I can tell you’re a people person. You must enjoy working with the public. Quite a bit of variety I imagine. Say, any chance house Sawall has a library available to it's...er, members?"

Marioch nodded, "Several, your Excellency. May I enquire as to the nature of your study?"

I pursed my lips, "I wish I could but I am under geas. It might be encompassed in the sciences."

Marioch nodded and snapped his fingers. A smaller demon, also with blue skin, hurried over. Marioch says "Please esccort his Excellency to the East Library." The smaller demon bowed then turned to me. "If you will follow me, your Excellency?"

So I nodded to each in turn and followed the smaller demon. Briefly I wondered how it was that Marioch knew I was a Prince. 

Marioch seemed nice enough but engaging him in conversation was like small talking with a police officer while he writing out your speeding ticket.

The smaller demon led me to a huge library like a drawing from Escher with multiple twists and turns and bookshelves at seemingly impossible angles.

I reached out and grabbed a nearby bookshelf for support as I fought off a momentary bout of vertigo. When I gave up trying to make sense of the conflicting perspectives I felt my balance return. To the small demon I asked, "Is there any particular methodology to the cataloging of these subjects?"

The smaller demon nodded, "The staircase to the left deals with physical sciences, the right logrus and chaos sciences, the central biological sciences."

I nodded, "Thank you. I think that will be all." Turning away from the demon I headed toward the right where the Logrus and chaos sciences were referenced.  I stepped gingerly at some points in my travails, content to read the titles of books as I wandered in search of answers. 

Nothing like having to consider whether my next step will take me forward or have me falling.

As I wandered, I saw that most of the books looked to be on the application of Logrus to various aspects of Chaos society, likewise with the controlled uses of Chaos. Finally, I saw a book entitled 'The Beneficial Uses of Uncontrolled Chaos.'

I almost passed the volume by until I connected with the word "beneficial;" with a double take I stepped back to the book and pulled it from the shelf. I studied the introduction and then checked to see if the book contained a table of contents.

The book had a clear and concise table of contents. Scanning down, I saw a chapter on the uses of uncontrolled chaotic principles in shapeshifting disorders.

Taking the book with me, I walked back to where I saw some tables and chairs and seated myself. Pulling out my journal I opened it to an empty page and opened the book to the chapter containing shapeshifting disorders. Quietly I read, making notes from time to time in my journal.

The principles of the chapter proposed that in most cases, control was inimical to shapeshifting when it was disfunctional. The case then is to work with the chaos, understanding the changes until the disorder has run its course. However, given the course of shapeshifting cancer was most often terminal, a more radical means was needed. In this case, the chaos within was deliberately increased and accelerated. Although this was not always a successful treatment and does involve great pain
for the person involved, the percentages were good and after temporary personality loss and sometimes amnesia, the recovery was usually rapid. As I read on, I saw that the principle was to force the shapeshifting to either break down completely or gain the upper hand.

I nodded to myself. If the shapeshifting breaks down completely then there is no cancer. If the shapeshifting gains the upper hand then control is reestablished and the cancer is gone. Has an elegant logic. I should cross-reference this information with entries in the Biological sciences section.  I wandered back to where I found the book and carefully replaced it; noting that the author was Grimble Sawall. I then headed over to the other section of the library.

Mother always taught me to be thorough.  An extra hour spent cross-referencing was better then never coming up with a plan B.

Same as before I rumaged in the biological sciences section of the library looking in particular at the medical references. I found a section on Shape shifting. Most of it dealt with various aspects used in medical practise.

This looked to be very interesting.  Perhaps later I might explore medical techniques in shapeshifting.  A doctor never stops learning his trade.  Technically I considered myself semi-retired from the profession.  But its hard to stop wanting to help people. 

As I searched, it became obvious there were few medical problems associated with shapeshifting, with Shapeshifting Cancer being the only physically terminal one. More usual was loss of personality. In this section, the preferred method of treatment looked to be controlled chaos targetting the specific cancer cells. The survival rate appeared to be slightly lower than uncontrolled chaos and took more time to effect, but with a lot less pain.

I frowned, what's the difference between controlled, and uncontrolled chaos anyways? I'm out of my depth here. I'm not a lord of chaos. With a sigh I set the medical references back where I'd found them, and headed back outside. What we have here is a problem that cannot be solved by logical means. I cannot tell anyone what the problem is, and yet no cure can be affected without discussing this with somebody. Unless I just happen to come accross a couple bags of chaos. I wonder if it's something you can purchase in a store here? I briefly imagined ordering from a demon, Yes I'd like five pounds of controlled chaos and an equal amount of uncontrolled chaos. Yes, please gift-wrap it.

While I was thinking these thoughts, I saw one of the blue skinned demons speaking to a man.

I was wondering how long it would take before the demons reported me in House Sawall.

The man reminded me of Oberon in build, strong and large. The man had bright blue eyes and hair that was neatly divided between black and white. He wore the formal dress of Sawall, but with an easy air. He seemed ageless. The demon said something and the man glanced at me before nodding to the demon who bowed low to the man before retreating. With a cheerful smile, the man walked over and said in a deep voice, with a bow, "Well, Flavel, good to finally meet you."

I returned the man's bow. "Likewise I'm sure. You appear very much a part of the house Sawall."

The man grinned, "For the moment anyway. I'm Grimble Sawall. Your great-uncle I believe."

I forced a smile and said, "It's very possible. I hope I'm not intruding here. I would normally not arrive unanounced but events have a way of taking on a life of their own."

Grimble waved a hand, "You're family. Anyway, I welcome you and nobody will gainsay me in that. There are some advantages to being Duke and Head of House. "

Normally I enjoy dodging and ducking people who out-rank me by more then one rank.  Somehow I seemed to have come up short on that.  Though to be fair, I hardly knew anyone in House Sawall.

My eyes widened, "Thank you, your Grace. It is indeed a pleasure to be counted with the ranks of Sawall."

Grimble smiled "You're very welcome, Flavel. Your father is my nephew, the son of my late sister."

"Your sister..." I echoed, "May I ask who she was?"

Grimble nodded, "Carina Sawall. She died in childbirth with Anthony as I understand it."

I blinked at the news.  How can a shape shifter die giving birth? There's so much I'm clueless about. "How very unfortunate;" I offered. "I would have liked to have met her."

Grimble smiled a little "So what brings you to Chaos, Flavel?"

The sudden change of conversation meant Duke Grimble was either very busy or the topic was painful.  I judged it to be the latter.  More information to file away.

"I'm looking for chaos." I said evenly. "I'm not sure as to the quantity, nor am I certain if it's controlled or uncontrolled I'll be wanting. I'm sort of feeling my way through this."

Grimble laughed "It can't just be ordered like so much salt. Tell me what it is you wish to do and I'll see how I can help."

I nodded, "I had a feeling it would be something like that. Unfortunately I am beholden to a request such that my words are restricted. Your offer means a great deal to me though. I may ask a boon of you soon if you are serious in your desire to assist. You would be of great help given that you wrote the book on the subject."

Grimble was quiet for a moment then said, "Given your earlier words, I'm guessing that you're referring to the book on uncontrolled chaos. Either that or I write a really obtuse set of histories."

I remained silent for a moment before saying quietly, "I wouldn't be asking for tickets to the local opera, no."

Grimble turned and beckoned me to follow him.  So I nodded and followed.  I wasn’t certain I liked how this conversation was going.  But it’s resolution seemed to border on the ordained.  I got the feeling too that I was asking for a lot.  I would have to come up with some method of payment.  I never enjoyed asking my elders for things, and I downright hated asking favors from people I’d just met.  Still, if he was the fellow who could help…

Grimble led me into a conservatory where the plants swiveled around at our entrance. Grimble waved me to a delicately wrought metal chair, and he sat opposite. "Alright, Flavel. What is it you need from me? Just ask."

I pressed myself back into the chair. My eyes darted around the room, anywhere but upon Duke Grimble. The Duke was the equivalent of King Oberon in this house. A house I had accepted as being a member of and it's ruling authority had just demanded an unequivocal answer. An answer to a question that Grimble had every right to hear given that a measure of assistance was requested from him. Every right indeed save that I felt duty bound not to divulge Shado's condition by her own preference.

It was a situation that had  become untenable. Duty versus duty. Love versus respect. Commitment versus ideals. My eyes turned glassy as I stared at nothing.

It was a room without walls, in darkness dwelling a fine tracery imprinted upon an ageless floor of smooth stone. The burning filigree rune cast colors in whispery shades of blue painting the people standing serenely in shades of blue-black shadows. Elders all standing, encircling me without recognition. At my side a mainframe computer whose lights softly blink in the chilling half-light.

I’ve experienced this before on occasion.  Dream sequence intrusion on my conscious awareness.  A sort of mad-hatter visualization as a tool to problem solving.  Normally however, it was a technique I summoned as an aid.  I didn’t care for it coming unnannounced.  Must be a stress-triggered mechanism.  The more I learned about mental techniques, the more I wondered if they were techniques or components of my own awareness.

Turning in recognition to the complexity of machinery I whispered "Hal? What's going on? Is this a court?"

A vapid voice from a small speaker on the corrugated contraption replied with even intonations, "The law may upset reason, but reason may not upset the law."

I pondered the machine's words, Of course! If I can't solve the issue logically a court of law would be a good approach as any.

A shadow that looked like Sand stepped into the circle and spoke, "Words are the highest form of magic. We convey meaning to others by the sounds we craft. Ephemeral enchantments that last only so long as the listener may hear. Words are the first law, and actions contrary to meanings conveyed through this medium become the first crime. Flavel has so far obeyed the words and followed the meanings within the enchantment. To break with this servitude would fracture his own image. His self-image is due in part to his honor as an individual that keeps his word."

Sand retreated even as another figure, Brand, stepped forward, "Flavel is a Lord of Creation. The rules he obeys are his own, and he may break them as he sees fit for the greater good.  Restrictions diminish us, abridge our freedom. He must look to see the big picture for we are cosmic players. Squabbles over such petty details are beneath us."

Watching as elders approached and faded I mused, This isn't real.  Nobody is here but me.  I must be dangerously close to fragmenting.

The machine known as Hal stated, "Aspects only save you and I."

I turned to Hal, "What exactly does that mean?"

Hal replied, "I'm part of your reality, the others are their own, though you use them as facets to the problem you address."

Flora stepped forward and spoke next, "Love is stronger then all other bonds that we may wear. It is inextinguishable excepting a failure within your own heart. What is in conflict is the love of honor or the love of others."

Benedict came next and was brief, "Duty and honor separate us from beasts. Take the high road."

Next was Fiona, "It's dangerous to create multiple absolutes. You should have formulated your ethics better then this Pattern Lord. Come see me when you've finished cannibalizing yourself."

Well that was a cheery thought. Thanks mother. 

Random stood forward and said, "Everyone needs something to believe in. I believe I'll have another beer. Good luck kid."

The next person to enter the circle I didn’t’recognize at first, with a start I realized it was
Kynan Mazadan, Amber's chief physician. "I've heard a lot about duty but Flavel's first duty is as a physician. The oath we take as healers varies with our teachings but the basic tenants are simply that the patient's welfare comes first. Shado specifically requested you to stay out of this and yet as a physician you were duty bound to interfere. If you don't have the stomach to finish the operation then you should never have become a healer. Finish the job. I hate cleaning up other people's treatments turned butchery."

When no others came forward, Hal spoke next, "Summarization of internalized choices as follows: Divulge information, or do not divulge information. Ramifications as foll-"

I cut him off. "Shut up Hal. I've made my decision. Mazadan is correct. My previous oath as a physician over rules the confidence I share with Shado."

The room faded as the tracery disappeared. Hal's voice came distantly, "Not Mazadan, just Flavel."

A blink of an eye and Lord Grimble still sat across from me awaiting an answer.

A line of sweat felt its way between my shoulderblades as I leaned forward. "I have a patient in my care whose identy is requested to remain absolutely private. The affliction is shapeshifter cancer. Gross physical symptoms are seen soon after the subject undergoes phyisical shifting. Abnormal cardiovascular functionings, erratic pulse, and inability to maintain consistent core body temparture. Skin extremities undergo random involuntary shifting that seems to subsist after feeding."

Grimble looked thoughtful then asked "Do you know how long this has been going on?"

I hesitated, "I'm not certain. Several weeks at least. Less then a year for certain."

Grimble asked, "Why are you so certain?"

It was the kind of question that made me reevaulate my own estimations.  Perhaps shapeshifting cancer layed dormant for a period of time before physically manifesting?

"The cause of the disease was very specific and tied to an event that occured not too long ago..." I concentrated on Shado's conversation. Something that she had said. About Julia being sick much of the time on their journey to the black flame. Was Julia a baby then? If that was the case... still that fixes the time within four or five years...yes. I cleared my throat, "No, that estimate is in error. It's probable the patient has had this condition for years, not to exceed five."

Grimble nodded, "It sounds like it's deep rooted then and one of the slower varieties.  I'd recommend the more radical method of uncontrolled chaos."

"Assuming the patient is willing to undergo the treatment, is this something you would do?"

Grimble replied carefully "I could, but there are others better qualified in this than I."

I nodded, "Thank you for the honesty. The patient's importance in current events cannot be overstated. Who would you recommend to perform such a procedure?"

Grimble replied candidly, "If you wish to bring the patient here, I can bring the physician."

I stood and went to my trumps, "I appreciate the help, your Grace. Please advise the physician of the needs of confidentiality in this matter. I am already betraying a trust. I don't wish to expand upon it's magnitude."

Grimble nodded, "Trust me, the physician I have in mind knows how to keep secrets."

I drew Shado's card and focused.  I felt the link form, but it was strangely obscured, as if Shado was only dimly aware of it. He saw a dim building in the Roman manner. I redoubled my concentration and focused on her image, *Shadonia* I called out.

Finally, I felt her answer as the image of the building faded. She looked a little groggy *Flavel? I'm sorry, I must been asleep.*

*I'm not surprised, It's been quite a day. I need to speak with you in person. Can you transit to my location?*

Shado asked, *Will I be away long?*

I paused, *It's possible. You may wish to make arrangements for having Julia looked after.*

Shado hesitated *May I asky why you need to speak to me in person?*

*It's about your medical condition. I believe I have ascertained a cure. However, the treatment is not without it's risks and I wish to appraise you of the procedure and the possible side affects.*

Shado nodded, *Give me some time then. I'll call you back.*

*Very well* I severed the trump contact.

Grimble too had finished a trump call and turns to me, "How goes it?"

I shrugged, "The patient wishes a moment to make some preparations. I will be contacted soon. We have not discussed the details of the procedure as of yet."

Grimble nodded, "Do you wish an explanation of the procedure first?"

I nodded, "From what I've read it sounds very intense."

Grimble's expression became grim. "Intense and painful. Basically, the subject is forced into involuntary shapeshifting to a primal degree.  If they survive, there can be mental side-effects." 

I took a half step back and paled, "I'm not certain I understand primal shape shifting. How long lasting are the side-effects?"

Grimble explained, "Primal shape shifting is the forcing of a person back into their most primal form, usually geared for survival. The length of side-effects vary with the mental strength of the person."

Primal shapeshifting?  There were layers to this power that I still did not understand.  Shado probably was instructing me superficially to begin with. 

Swallowing I said absently, "She's young. Age 26. Very tough. Been through a lot and keeps plugging."

Grimble shrugged, "Real or Shadow?"

"Very real," I said quietly.   Real enough to me.

Grimble smiled slightly, "Then her chances of survival are better."

I forced a smile as well, "Good, then our realm's survival has improved equally."

Grimble raised an eyebrow "Ah, another one."

I wasn’t certain if Shado was all that important to the realm, but I figured it might improve her medical care if I stated her position in cosmic affairs thusly.  Grimble seemed a straight shooter but appearances can sometimes be deceiving.  Was Grimble making light of her importance or were there truly other people he considered in this category?

I replied curtly, "Just so."

Grimble waved his hand, "No need to get upset, Flavel. Do you think I would have taken your father in if I held any feud with his father's kin?"

"I really wouldn't know. For all that you say I am a member of this house I haven't dwelt in these halls overlong. Such histories are a matter of conjecture to me. Regardless, I appreciate the assistance you provide both now and to my ancestors."

Grimble smiled slightly just as I felt a tingle of trump contact.

I grasped my trump and opened my mind to the contact *Yes?*

Shado answered *I'm ready to come through. I had to tell Father though.*

It was good to see Shado wasn’t completely trusting in all things.  Very important to let a third party know where she was.  Especially given what was coming.

I reached out and took her hand, pulling her through in a rainbow haze of color. Turning to Duke Grimble, I said, "Your Grace. Allow me to introduce Princess Shado." Briefly to Shado I said, "Shado, this is Duke Grimble of the House of Sawall, Courts of Chaos."

She curtsied and said quietly "Your Grace."

Grimble smiled "Your Highness, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Shado smiled back then turned to me. "What do I need to know?"

I held myself in a stiff poise and answered neutrally, "Your condition is known to Duke Grimble. His grace is an authority on the benificial uses of uncontrolled chaos. We have conferred and have come to an agreement that your cancer is best treated by a physician
who has skill in this area. The physician will be arriving soon to interview you and confirm our opinions. We need to detail the risks and mechanics of the procedure to you."

Shado nodded, her face neutral and controlled "Please continue."

"First of all, I'd like to say that the choice of undergoing a treatment like this is your decision to make. I would advise you to undergo it but it's ultimately your call. A physician would apply a measure of uncontrolled chaos on your person such that you would undergo primal shapeshifting. The cancer would either be absorbed or destroyed in the process. There is some risk to your person, and personality. But we feel this process has the best chance of success with the least chance of...of your dying or becoming permanently altered."

Shado asked cautiously, "What are the risks exactly?"

In a controlled voice I said, "You could die. You could lose your memory. You could suffer a lose or change in personlity." I glanced at Duke Grimble, "Anything you wish to add?"

Grimble added quietly "The nature of the process means there can be no painkillers."

So much for sugar coating…I’d better say something positive or she’d bolt.

I looked back at Shado, not quite meeting her eyes, "This procedure does offer the best chance of a complete recovery and the quickest recovery time. Another possibility is the use of controlled chaos but this would be an ongoing treatment that would take some time. The chances of success are also smaller."

Shado looked down at her feet "May I have some time to think about it please?"

I answered. "Take all the time you need. There is one other thing you should know. This is not a threat, nor do I mean to coerce. But I cannot have you on the team in your current condition. You cover your affliction well, but in moments of stress where you need to use your abilities you could be a danger to us all. If I'd known of your disease prior to your offer to tutor me I would never accepted. You're burning yourself out Shado. I can accept a weakened team-mate who is improving through recovery. I cannot risk a weakened team-mate who is slowly crumbling. I won't have that on my conscious. Nor would it be fair to the others."

Shado nodded once "I'll take the uncontrolled chaos."

That was grand manipulation in a style that would have made Fiona proud.  I even had a ruling Duke as witness to my compelling.  Wish I could have felt good about it.  Maybe I would if things turned out well.

Shakily Flavel turns to Duke Grimble, That's gotta be a new record for dirty pool

"Sooner is best I would think."

I didn’t want Shado to have time to think about what was happening.

Grimble nodded "If you will both come with me, I'll take you to him."

I followed, by way of faltering small talk I said to Shado, "These are relatives of mine on my father's side. I haven't been here all that much but their knowledge of chaos is first-rate."

Shado nodded though she seemed distracted then she answered quietly "You don't have to stay."

I nodded and in Latin whispered, "You could not turn and I could not but follow."

She smiled slightly, her cheeks reddening, and whispered back "That's sweet of you."

I hope she feels the same way when this is over I thought darkly.  Holding my voice to a pleasantness I didn’t feel,  I replied. "I won't make light of it. It's a trial but there will be
an end to it."

Shado nodded "I know, but your point was a valid one."

"Whatever happens I'll be there for you, and Julia. In the darkness or the light."

Shado smiled then grew sombre. "If I don't survive this, teach Julia what it means to be Roman. Please."

"You have my word."

My word of honor had taken some abuse of late, but I could carry through with raising Julia if it came to that.  Assuming Julian would let me.

Grimble stopped up ahead then ushered us into a sterile white room.  Waiting there was a gnarled demonic figure with bright yellow eyes.

Grimble bowed low to the figure "Master Suhuy, thank you for coming."

Suhuy grunted something in response then stared at me and Shado. "My my, you do have it bad, both of you, but yours is the more fatal condition I think, lass. Come here."

Shado looked uncertain then walked over to Suhuy. Grimble left the room, nodding to me as he left.

I returned Grimble's nod. Though it was gesture of a man on automatic pilot. My thoughts and focus were on the Master Demon Suhuy and Shado.

Suhuy concentrated for a moment and I felt something enter the room, something alien to the Pattern within me.

Repressing a shudder I waited quietly. I'm a Roman and a Prince of Amber. By Apollo I'll not panic in front of those I care about!

Suhuy finally dismissed the Logrus then turned to me "You best leave now, lad."

"I'm staying." I replied evenly.  As much as I wanted to leave, he’d have to throw me out.

Suhuy chuckled "I'm glad to see some of my blood survives in your generation." then gestured and a shaped bed with restraints came into being. Shado swallowed as Suhuy gestured for her to lie in it, but after a moment's hesitation did so.

I walked over to where Shado lay and knelt at her side, taking her hand in mine.

Suhuy placed a clawed hand on her shoulder and concentrated. I felt her tense and saw sweat break out on her forehead. Underneath my hand, I felt the skin ripple and change, the changes working their way over her body.

Suhuy looked at me. "You best step back lad."

I’m not certain what was going through my mind when I replied, "I have another hand Master. I don't have another Shado."

Suhuy wasn’t my master and I had every reason to let go of Shado’s hand but something inside me felt that, if I kept holding her hand, no matter what, it would work out.

Suhuy nodded and concentrated again. Now the changes came faster and more violently. As Shado's concious mind retreated and the primal shapeshifting took hold, the remaining creature, a darkly scaled demonic beast, fought against the restraints both physical and magical and a scream of pure pain and rage filled the air.

Her scream was like an icepick to my ears but I tightened my grip on what was once Shado's pristine hand, oblivious to claws and barbs that exude. The beast's strength was so amazing I had to hold the grip with both of my hands. "It evolved and involved us. Revolved glowing phosphorous, disolved into Tartarus. I wait for you wherever you may go."

The barbs pierced my hands and I felt pain rip through me as we unconciously linked.

I redoubled my grip and siezed the link, locking it to my own awareness as my eyes remain rivetted to Shado's demonic form. The pain a cleansing fire to my own turmoil. I'm here, I'm here, I'm here... my thoughts echoed to her.

I felt the glyph on my hand pulse and a primal need to survive, to escape the pain echoed back in response to my thoughts. Soon even that was gone, submerged in wave after wave of pain.

I’m pretty tough and very resiliant, but this was like sticking my hand in a deep fat fryer.  I couldn’t even imagine what Shado was feeling.

My consciousness began to fragment in the constant pounding surf of pain that poured through me. Chunks of thought bubbled in my mind devoid of coherency. "Roman. Pain. Shifting. Shado. Glyph. Pain. Chaos. Love. Pain..." Spiraling downward. A sense of feeling that I’d grasped a high-tension power line and couldn’t let go. Didn’t dare let go.

A final spasm of pain and then there was an eerie stillness as Shado layed utterly still, now back in human form.

I drew in air through laboring lungs. My hands numb from exertion. Piecing together my awareness I turned to Suhuy. In a cracking voice I queried, "well?"

Suhuy answered slowly "Now, we wait. Your glyph altered things.  Whether that is for better or worse remains to be seen. You best get your hands seen to." I saw now that they were bloody and torn in many places, though many of the cuts were closing.

I nodded and collapsed by a wall mumbling, "I'll be allright.  I'll just wait here for now."

Suhuy shook his head and muttered something. I saw my hands heal up. The Keeper of the Logrus said quietly "Get something to eat and drink, Flavel. She's like to be out for a while. The cancer is gone though."

With a collosal effort I got to my feet. Swaying slightly as I walked I muttered, "Hooray for our side. I don't think I can take too many more of these pyyric victories." I stopped abruptly and collected myself and turned to Suhuy. This was no way to act in front of the Keeper of the Logrus.  It was in times of turmoil and crisis that we showed either our best or worst side.  Amberites needed to look good regardless of circumstance. "Thank you for what you've done." Before anything else can be said he walks out of the room on pure will.

Grimble was waiting and guided me to a nearby room where food and drink waited.

I poured myself a tall glass of something strong with shaking hands. Taking a deep gulp of the biting beverage I hissed, "That was as bad a scene as I ever hope to never experience again."

Grimble nodded "I'm surprised Suhuy let you stay."

I nodded raggedly, "Part of me wishes he hadn't. "

I worked triage before in military field hospitals.  Shado’s treatment reminded me of performing amputations sans morphine.  Of course, amputations only took, at most half a minute.  This was more like watching somebody you love being burned alive, with the added bonus of getting scorched.

Grimble asked "So why did you?"

I slammed the glass down and looked Grimble in the eye. "Because I forced her to do it! I plucked her strings singing of duty and she hadn't a choice! Not really. I wouldn't twist her arm and then walk away. I'm not that much a scoundrel." The last of my words came out in a whisper.

Grimble replied quietly, "I never said you were, Flavel. For what it's worth, I think you did what you had to.  I've seen people die of that cancer and it's a slow and painful death."

I took another swallow and ripped into some bread and cheese, "Aye, I know your right. I'm tired and not thinking clearly. It was a hideous thing, and my part in it has left a sour taste in my mouth."

Grimble shrugged, "Was it worth it?"

"If she can hold her daughter again and laugh I would say yes. My mind tells me it's a simple thing. The cure could kill, but even painful it would be quick compared to the slow degeneration and madness she'd have suffered...and suffered on those she loved. Yes, we did what we had to do." I continued eating for a while and then said. "I'm sorry we had to meet in such circumstances. I usually prefer more relaxed meetings."

After a while Grimble rose. "Stay here as long as you like. I'll let you know any news as soon as I have it."

I nodded to Grimble and continued eating. After a while I withdrew my journal and flexed my hands. Quietly I wrote down notes of what had recently transpired. As I flipped the parchment to begin work on a fresh page I realized I had completely filled my journal. No new pages await me. Time to revisit Lemuria I mused. But after this has taken its course.

Time passed and eventually a demon came to lead me to rest, saying "Master Suhuy sends word that you should sleep."

Why is it the Master of the Logrus cares a hoot what I’m doing?  I’m wasn’t the patient

Snapping my journal shut, I allowed the demon to lead me wherever. "It only hurts when the bleeding stops." I whispered to nobody in particular.  It had been that kind of day.

I was led to a suite of rooms. Part of me dimly registered that they were furnished in the Roman manner, but even that was soon lost as exhaution finally gave way to sleep...

I woke slowly, my body aching a little. From somewhere nearby there was the sound of surf breaking gently on sand. A light breeze and sunlight warm on my face told me of windows open to the day.  I saw that I was in a bedroom furnished in the Roman manner with three doors leading from the room.

Rising from the bed, I padded to the doors and with a little experimentation found the bathroom where I mechanically cleaned myself up even as my mind wandered.  Most of my thoughts being on how Shado was recovering; hoping that she was recovering.  Further lines of speculation had me imagining explaining a botched recovery to Julian and I winced as I accidently nicked myself shaving.

Finished with the natural chores I doned fresh garments of black, and draped a green cloak over my shoulderbag and shoulders. Belting on my shortsword I waltzed out onto the beach where I took a moment's walk along the shoreline. The clean salt air cleared my head and before long I found myself heading back inside to face the events of unknown hours past.  I wanted desparately to see Shado and discover how she was doing but these moments alone were necessary.  Better to find balance before jumping back into the fray.

My chambers led back into Sawallways. A demon directed me to the dining room where Duke Grimble was having lunch.

Grimble smiled as I entered "Feeling better?"

Smiling I essayed a short bow. "Your Grace, I've been better but I think I'll survive." I said easily. With a hint of concern edging my voice I asked, "Any changes in the lady's condition?"

Grimble replied quietly, "There have been difficulties. Master Suhuy removed her to a faster Shadow where she may recuperate."

"That's most unfortunate." I replied neutrally. "I'd like to visit her."

Grimble nodded and slid a trump over to me, "That has been anticipated."

The trump was of a woodland scene, a temperate climate possibly, in spring.

I took the trump and studied it briefly before looking back at Duke Grimble.  Win, lose, or draw, House Sawall had helped me tremendously.  I needed to find a way to repay them, at least in small part for their services. 

"I would like to be of service to house Sawall given everything you've done for us. My duties as a servant of Amber require my presence at the negotiations as a neutral observer. I see no conflict with detailing a copy of the report to house Sawall at the conclusion of the conference. It may even serve to improve the impartiality of my observations knowing the report will be widely read. Would you accept this?"

Grimble nodded, "I would, thank you. What will you do now?"

I focused on the card. "Now I will visit a friend, and pray the damage is not insurmountable." A moment later my rainbow afterimage glowed and faded.

I found myself in the depicted woodland.  From nearby, I could hear cheerful voices talking away in Latin and it sounded as if I was near a settlement of some sort.

I called the pattern to mind and walked briefly parallel to the sounds I heard. As I passed trees and shrubbery my renaissance attire changed to a Roman knee length tunic. My boots became sandals, and other articles of clothing transitioned to the new time period. As my transformation completed I began to make my way toward the voices.

I found myself approaching a busy vineyard, the accompanying villa in the distance presided over well tended vineyards and fields.

I shook my head, damned if this place isn't familiar. I walked up to one of the field workers and asked in Latin, "This villa...what is it's name?"

The worker replied, "It is the home of the Quintarus family, my Lord. Do you wish me to escort you there?"

My bi-coloured eyes grew wide momentarily. Nodding I replied, "I am Flavius Abastillas. Yes, I would appreciate the courtesy."

The worker bowed then escorted me to the elegant villa where a house servant welcomed me.

The servant bowed and said, "I am afraid the family is currently at their city residence, my Lord, unless you are here to visit their guest."

"I would like to meet the guest currently in residence"

The servant nodded and indicated a copse some way distant. "The Lady Livia took some food and retired there to read we understand. Would you like me to escort you there, my Lord?"

I considered momentarily. "I'll find my way as you've directed. I reached into my bag and handed the man a dupondius (copper piece; worth a loaf of bread) by way of thanks and headed toward the copse of trees.

As I neared the copse I heard the sound of running water and merry laughter.

Hmmm...this is now the 3rd time I've approached Shado to the sounds of laughter and running water. A strange though not unappreciated coincidence.  As I neared the copse, but before I was seen I called out, "Livia! I seek audience with you."

Shado's voice called back "Approach then."

…and so I approached. As I neared her location I first unbuckled, and then set my gladius against a tree, before moving closer.

I saw Shado in a white dress, her hair loose for once, kneeling beside a small stream, watching something intently.

I moved to sit with my back to a tree some ten feet from Shado. A move calculated to be the least threatening. "How have you been Lady Livia?" I asked softly.

She turned to face me, a polite smile on her face "Very well, thank you." She smiled more widely "Please forgive me, but to whom do I speak? You seem familiar somehow."

I noded and smiled, "I'm Flavius Abastillas. A distant cousin of yours. We met briefly some time ago. I'm glad to see you looking well."

Shado brightened "You knew me? Would you tell me who I was please? I fear I cannot remember anything."

I shrugged, an eloquent gesture, "Is it important for you to remember?"

Shado thought for a moment then answered "I think so. I have the feeling something important was happening in my life, but I can't remember what."

I nodded, "They may come back to you. They're your memories and nobody elses. I wish I could give them back to you but it never works out that way."

Shado looked curiously at me. "Were we good friends?"

"I'd like to think so. We shared a few experiences. Some good. Others...not so good."

She nodded as if this confirmed something, "I knew we must have been close because I trust you."

I chuckled, "Even as I trusted you. Still do in fact, and your right.  Something important was happening in your life. But the most important thing is you’re all right. You had a bad experience and your mind wants to take a vacation. I think it'll all come back to you in time. When your ready."

She smiled up at me, her face seeming much younger and innocent than it has been of late. "Very well." She looked back at the stream then grinned, "Oh good, they're back."

I slowly stood and made my way nearer to were Shado was looking. Peering where she looked, I asked, "What is it you appraise gentle lady?"

I saw a small waterbird and her chicks paddling in the stream. Shado watched them with a smile on her lips "Aren't they lovely little creatures?"

I nodded, "Just so. The wetland fowl I've often thought graceful. One of my favourites being the Great Blue Heron. Though any avian that touches water appears regal to me."

Shado paused "A blue heron... Do you have one as a pet? No that's not right either." She sighed "I've been here a week now and it feels like everything is just out of reach."

"Yes, I imagine this must be very frustrating for you. All the doors locked and you can't find the key. Do you recall anything from when you were little?"

She nodded, her face brightening "Yes, I remember diving for shellfish just off Cypara. It was very warm and sunny and Claudius had taught me how to dive and adapt a little. I can remember Mama taking me somewhere. I didn't want to go I think. I can't remember after that."

I grinned, "Well that's something. See? Not all your memories are gone. I think the rest will appear soon enough. It's like a song whose words you forget. Then later on you remember the beat and lyrics fall into place."

Curious that her memoiries stopped just before she essayed the White Flame.

She smiles "I suppose you are right. I had armour and swords when I came here, but I can't imagine fighting anyone. I don't think I'd like to kill anyone."

"I don't think you ever did. Besides, killing was not what you did best."

Well I hope it wasn’t what she did best.  I never saw her fight.  To my mind she was more minstrel then warrior.  I hope that estimation never changed.

She looked up, curious "So what did I do best?"

I took her hands and gently pulled her to her feet. "You asked for something happy. Near the Court, one of the Shadows specialize in wine making. This is the song and dance of that time." I sang quietly at first, the words clear and strong.  A song of summers by the Rhine, a happy carefree time for the most part. Without missing a beat, I led her into the dance, simple yet flowing with its own rhythm.   The fact that she had taught me the song I hoped would bring her to recall something of the moment we shared in Avalon.

She smiled as we moved through the dance "I was a musician? Or a dancer?"

"Was, is, what's the difference? You dance and so you are." I said with a grin as I led her through the end of the steps completing the dance. "Things have been getting so serious of late. It was good to cut loose. Even if it was for only a moment's time."

She nodded, "I like this. It feels familiar. You feel familiar too."

I bowed, "Indeed, it was as enjoyable the second time as was the first."

She stared up at my face, as if searching for something "It's strange. I feel... " She smiled and pulled back "Would you like to share my lunch with me?"

Nodding, I replied, "I'd be honoured."

She set out a flagon of watered and sweetened wine and bread, lettuce and a soft cheese. "Please help yourself."

"Thank you"; I picked discreetly over the fare. Presently I lifted the flagon and remarked; "If I'd known I would have company I would have brought another glass."

Shado smiled and conjured one for him then stared surprised at what she had done.

I poured a measure of wine for her. As I did so I meet her eyes and chuckled. "I haven't learned that trick yet."

She asked, her eyes wide "How did I do that?"

"Was, is...what's the difference? You can do it so you did it. Like you've always done it. I'm just reminding you is all."

Shado didn’t look entirely convinced but siped her wine anyway before having some bread and cheese. "So who else do I know?"

I shook my head and laughed. "Doesn't work that way. You know who you know, I can't tell you for you. For instance, I could say; oh...you have a daughter. But your mind will reach and pull away simultaneously, and all you'll have is more frustration."

She laughed, "Alright, but I thought it was worth a try. Are you always this stubborn?"

I nodded slightly, "If I can answer, I will."

She laughed merrily, "I don't believe you. I think you could avoid any answer if you wanted to."

Even with amnesia, she knew me too well.

I raised my left hand and the silver glyph glistened wetly, "Guilty as charged."

She reached out and traced the sigil "I remember this... Everything was pain and I couldn't escape, just like before. I heard you. You were there, reassuring me, making things better." Her eyes widened and I saw emotions flit over her face, pain, sorrow, rage, then finally calm. She took my hand "Is it gone?"

I nodded, "It's gone. We were afraid you'd gone as well."

Shado grew very still then drews her knees up to her chin and lowered her head, sobs wracking her small body.

I took her in my arms and held her as she cried. Gently I stroked her hair and whispered, "Shadonia Livia Caesar, what a life you have lived. One day I would speak to those above and discuss the unhappy portion they have provided you."

She shook her head, her voice muffled, "It's relief mostly. For four years, I've accepted that I wouldn't live to see Julia grow up or have children of her own. Now, that thought is gone and it's good, but strange too."

"Yes. Some progress has been made. We seem to have a small measure of luck in the company we keep. Grimble's knowledge and Suhuy's expertise. To my knowledge, these are the only two who know of what has occurred."

I still felt bad I had to divulge her condition to others.  A case of the lesser of two evils maybe, but I never liked making such decisions.  Make enough of them and you turn black regardless of intentions.

She shook her head "Julian. He insisted on knowing what was wrong.  I'm not very good at lying to people I care for."

I chuckled and rose, pulling Shado to her feet. "Even your failings carry virtue. Julian is amazingly perceptive. I think it comes from all the hunting and tracking he does."

Shado wiped away her tears, "How long has gone past in Amber do you think?"

I looked out at the expanse of vineyards. "I had slept several hours in the courts while you were here. I don't believe more then a day or two has past in Amber by my reckoning." I led her over to where I’d dropped my sword and retrieved it. "You should be heading back to Amber now. For all Julian's steely reserve, your absence is probably sorely testing him."

I hoped my forcing her recovery so quickly would not push her overall health.  In some ways I think I had been forcing a great deal on her.  She definitely was tough.  A lesser sort would have rebelled at such gross manipulations; however necessary the were.

She nodded, "I have some belongings back in the villa. It's been nice here though. I miss being in a Roman culture."

Escorting Shado back to the villa, I passed the trump Grimble had given me as we walked, "In case you wish to return some day. I know what you mean. This place is somehow familiar to me. I feel like I'm home."

She smiled and said, "Thank you. So what was your home like?"

I swept an arm at the vineyards, "Just so. Vineyards, and villas. The time period even feels close. Castra Regina was in the northern provinces on the German border. The third italic legion was stationed there. My family was minor nobility with some exceptions that I didn't understand at the time. Plenty of brothers and sisters. I think, in retrospect it was something of a training ground for me. We had our squabbles and differences at times. Still, the memories are pleasant as is this place."

Shado led me to her chambers, her hand resting lightly on the black and gold armour "You know, for maybe the first time in my life, I'm not sure I wish to don this again."

I nodded, and gestured at my sword. "I used to go unarmed until Julian cornered me one day and explained that noble princes carry arms as a statement that they would defend the realm they serve. So I carry my lodestone as a duty. In truth, it's a part of me know. I think yours is much the same."

Shado nodded, "You raise a good point." She hesitated then said "What you told me, after you came back from Tir. Clovis too has told me he feels this way about me. I'm not sure what to do. I didn't think I would have this decision to make."

I smiled, "The river will flow where it will. I prize your friendship. As for the rest..." I shrugged, "I think while I'm team leader that such issues twixt us must remain in limbo. Your resolution with Clovis, is of course, your affair."

Shado leans back against the wall "I think that leaving things unresolved may damage matters too. Decisions one way or another are usually better than not." She rubs her face "However, this is something I need to think about at length." She moves over to him and hugs him "Thank you for giving me options."

It was getting progressively more difficult to maintain the high road in these dealings.  Almost like she was becoming a part of my reality.  A frightening thought.  What if I couldn’t walk away from her?  What then, if she chose Clovis?  Maddening how these things occur. 

I hugged her back before releasing her. "I won't think less of you whatever you decide. Affairs of the heart have little to do with the realms of the rational."

Shado smiled up at me. "I don't think you're always as rational as you think you are. It was not a logical thing to stay and get your hands pierced through."

I grinned. "I've grown quite attached to you tis true."

She smiled, "In some instances literally. You know, I hope, I didn't hurt you deliberately."

"A few nicks and scratches. I heal quickly. No harm done."

Shado nodded, "I wonder what would have happened if your glyph's abilities had not entered my bloodstream?"

I shook my head. "I don't know. Suhuy mentioned that the glyph changed things but he wasn't certain if it was for better or worse. All I know is your cancer is cured, your memory restored, and your sense of humour seems no worse then previously." I grinned as I said the last.

She laughed, "No worse? Perhaps even more mischief waits yet." She stepped closer, her smile mischievous "For example, right now I have you all to myself."

My heart leaped into my throat and my reflection felt distorted. 

I smiled, and took an uncertain half step backward, "And what mischief would my lady entertain?"

Shado smiled gently "Don't you trust me as I trust you?" She turned away, her expression hidden "Don't worry about it." and packed her few belongings in a rucksack.

Kit, Ryoden, Zeta, add to that Shado.  It seemed any girl I met, sooner or later experienced a negative reaction to me.  Perhaps this way was better.  I was but a simple doctor trying to remedy a medical condition.  My work was done.  Clovis could pick up the pieces.

As Shado packed her belongings I withdrew a trump card and began to focus. In a voice that carried like dead leaves I said, "It is my own wyrd that stills me. I've the tiger by the tail and I don't know how to let go. It might be better that you cling to Clovis." A rainbow image grew and faded, leaving Shado alone in the room...

As he arrived in my private quarters in Fiona’s residence on Shadow Eart, I felt the tingle of a trump call.

Never prevent a woman from having the last word.  They will hunt you down…

The call was heavy upon my awareness. For long seconds I stood motionless undecided. Finally, before I could change my mind, I accepted the call. *Hello?*

Shado stood and asked quietly *Would you bring me through please?*

I extended my hand and brought her through. I raised my hand, "That was ill spoken of me."

As much as I hate apologizing it seemed the only way to get the conversation on anything like an even keel.   For that matter I had lost my taste for counting coup with her.

She shook her head "I shouldn't have teased you. I know it's not easy for you to trust another."

I swallowed. "It's more then that. I..." I paused as i searched for words to say. "I've never told anyone this before."

Shado said quietly, "Go on. Please."

I began pacing as I spoke quickly, "You asked me before how I managed to control my emotions, and I told you that I used guided imagery and other mental techniques. I gave you a half-truth. To operate as I do I've made a devil's bargain and literally walled off parts of my psyche. It's beyond control. Its, its...like they aren't even there."

Shado asked quietly "Doesn't that do you more harm than good?"

I stopped pacing and fixed my blue and green eyes on her. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was operating alone amongst my elders without other cousins around. I was under a great deal of scrutiny. A never-ending test it seemed. By removing those portions of myself that could be targeted there was little enough anyone could touch. My mental acuity was without distraction. My memory became photographic. I was, in many respects very hard to pin down in any kind of game that was afoot."

I turned and began pacing again, "It was further complicated by a pact I made with myself never to love or hate till I understood the ramifications of my intentions. You see, I never knew anything about my father. Half of me was a mystery even to myself. How could I dare create or destroy without knowing my own place in the web of life? So the lobotomizing of my own mind I held in place as it was convenient to my own oath. But now current events have lifted the conditions of my oath from me. I know my place, and have discovered my heart is no longer my own. So now it should be an easy matter to reacquaint me with myself. But that's not as easy as it sounds. It's been over a century that I've been as I am. Do you have any idea what would happen if I reverted?"

Shado shook her head, her dark eyes large and fixed upon him "No, I don't. Do you?"

I looked back at her. Quietly I said. "No. I have no idea what would happen. Nobody to my knowledge has ever done such a thing. But one thing is for certain. I would not be the person you now know."

Shado took my hand and led me to a sofa where she sat beside me. "Flavel, whatever else I may or may not be, I'm your friend. And I'm worried about you. You told me that you wouldn't accept me on the team as ill as I was. Right now, perhaps you should also apply that to yourself. Do whatever you need to do to heal yourself. I'll still care for you."

She smiled a little "Whatever else Flavel, you are my friend. That won't change."

I nodded, "Thank you Shado. Now you know everything about me. There's literally nothing else to tell...nothing except..." I motioned for her to follow as I made my way to the door.

She followed as I indicated.

Taking the stairs two at a time I made my way outside the house.  Parked in the driveway was a Yellow Mercedes. I opened the passenger side door and indicated for Shado to be seated.

She looked curious "What is this?"

Realizing that Shado was confused by the car, I remarked. "It's a high technology chariot. No horses, mechanical combustion engine powered. It's used as transportation here."

Shado smiled hesitantly "Alright, I've just never seen one before. Where are we going?" and she got into the passenger seat.

I shut the door behind her and made my way to the other side opening the driver's side door and getting in. Amazingly the keys were in the ignition. Shutting my door I said. "It's tricky to get to. I don't make it there as often as I'd like. It's where I sometimes reside when I've a moment's rest. I need to stop there anyways and collect a fresh journal." he started the engine and rolled out into the street.

Shado looked a little worried as the car started up but gradually relaxed. After a few minutes, she turned to look at him "Is there anything I should do or not do in this place? Are you sure you wish to take me there?"

I shrugged, "It's a fairly cosmopolitan place. Golden rule applies for visitors. I thought you might find it interesting and it may explain some things about me. Still If your not up for it, I'll understand." The Mercedes darted through the traffic with ease. All the stop lights showed green in their path. "Have you much experience with high technology shadows?"

She smiled "I would like to see the place. I just didn't want you to feel you had to take me there. And no, I haven't much experience at all with high technology. The Empire forbids it."

I blinked at this information, "Interesting. Then this will be a little different." The Mercedes took an on-ramp and soon was buzzing down the highway. Details in the scenery swiftly changed. "I'm shifting shadow a bit." I remarked. To pass the time, I showed Shado how the radio worked. Privately I was amazed not to hear my theme song. Perhaps, because, the song was right beside me.

The mountains began to rise up around us and the road climbed steadily. Soon enough, a dense bank of fog cut across the roadway completely obscuring anything beyond. I slowed the car to a stop and cut the engine. "This looks right." I murmured. Opening the car door I stepped out onto the deserted highway.

Shado opened the door and moved over to stand beside me, "Where now?"

I took her hand and indicated the fog. "There's nothing to it. Just a short stroll of maybe a half-mile up the hill. Just don't let go my hand." I proceeded forward at a casual pace.

She squeezed my hand gently as we got started climbing the hill. After a few minutes, she said quietly "What you said, back at the villa. I'm not even sure it is an option. Clovis was disappointed when I was reluctant to shape shift and delighted when I did, especially into the shape of a male."

She looked down as we walk on "I don't know so much if, despite what he says, it is more that he loves the idea of a lover who can become whatever he wishes rather than me. He has been kind though to both Julia and I; and I owe him much."

The dense clouds obscured us as we climbed ever higher so my face wasn’t readable. My hand tensed slightly and I said, "For all the songs I've sung I don't really know that much about this thing called love. I think Clovis has much to offer in his own way. More so then I in some areas. Perhaps it's a case that Clovis desires your potential and I crave your substance."

Shado shrugged "I don't know. I have little experience myself. And Clovis has been a good friend to me in a number of ways. Perhaps I do him a disservice. "

One day Clovis and I would have to chat.  Sooner would probably be better.

I said carefully, "Your relationship with Clovis is nothing I would dare advise of. I think you would do well to consult with a disinterested third party. Perhaps Flora, or Salome. Both seem well in tune with matters of the heart." Perhaps too I need to take my own advice.  I haven't taken tea with Flora in a very long time.

Shado glanced at me "You don't think they would mind talking with me?"

Unseen, I nodded, "Actually getting them to shut-up is more of a problem. Though they'd keep your secrets."

All at once we emerged from the cloudbank. It was nighttime and the stars blazed fiercely in the high alpine air. The land continued to rise before us toward snow-covered peaks. Although sunless, the landscape was well lit in many areas. Colossal domes a mile wide dotted the distant ridges. Dozens of skyscrapers glowed in pastel hues through their crystalline structures. Even at night the place seemed busy. Odd-looking vehicles hovered and floated through the air in odd contrast to the fir trees that cover the slopes nearby. We found ourselves on a yellow walkway that seemed to flow along the edge of the fog bank. As we adjusted to the surroundings it appeared that this was some sort of incredibly large island in an ocean of clouds, and that the two of us were standing on the equivalent of a beach. I turned to Shado and said simply, "Lemuria."

Shado smiled, her wonder and delight unfeigned and genuine. For a moment, she said nothing simply gazing around with wide eyes then she turned back to me "Are all high technology worlds as lovely?"

I chuckled, "Some are, some are not. This one is unique. It is, in fact a mega-university dedicated to the collecting, codifying, and instruction of knowledge. I was hell riding one day and I maxed out the variables of education, magic, technology, and knowledge. What you see here is the result. Each of the domes carries an environment of a different shadow. This place is a nexus though I can't pretend to understand its exact nature."

Shado looked around again then turned a dazzling smile on me "Thank you for bringing me here."

I bowed. "Your smile is thanks enough. Come. I don't think we've time for the nickle tour but I could show you Hal. He's the fellow that keeps my journals for me."

Shado smiled "Alright." and took my hand again. She smiled shyly then leaned forward and I felt a butterfly touch of her lips on mine before she just as quickly pulls back. She looked again at the domes "Which one does Hal live in?"

At Shado's kiss I blinked several times and my eyes glazed momentarily. That could have melted ice.  "Hal actually lives underground. Though his senses reach widely. It's likely he has noticed our arrival." We walked past several maintenance androids busy repairing a cargo lifting platform. Nearby an ebony skinned humanoid dressed all in silver waved a wand and disappeared.  Everywhere there seemed to be something happening.

Shado looked puzzled, "Hal is a mage?"

By way of answer I ushered Shado onto a purple disk etched in fine circuitry that sparkled in static discharges. "This may feel, a little weird." I rattled off a code sequence of random letters and numbers and suddenly everything appeared uniformly white and without depth. A feeling like falling in a dream encompassed us and in an instant we appeared in a large spherical room 200 feet in diameter. The room was filled with pipes and wires, conduits and valves. In the middle of the room was a large vat filled with steaming liquid nitrogen. Sitting in the smoking vat was a mountainous pile of equipment that defied description. Lights blinked, devices whirled, and pistons pumped giving the gizmo an almost fun-house appearance. I pointed at the contraption. "That is Hal. Short for Heuristically programmed algorithmic computer." I bowed towards the conglomerated device. "Hello Hal"

Shado curtsied then smiled up at Hal "Hello Hal."

A machine like voice in soft intonations replied, "Greetings Programmer, and hello unidentified person."

I answered back, "Hal this is Shadonia Livia Caesar. She is a friend of mine. Special authorization Alpha mark 2." The device replied "Alpha mark 2 authorization recorded. It is good to see you again programmer, and a pleasure meeting your acquaintance Shadonia Livia Caesar."

Shado replied "It's a pleasure to meet you too, Hal." She looked distracted and mouths 'Trump call.'

Flavel voiced, "Secure 7 hold." Hal and I waited quietly.

She finished quickly and then said "That was my father. He sends you his thanks."

I nodded, "We best be getting back to Amber." Looking up at Hal I said, "Epislon secure."

Hal replied, "Did you find an adequate solution to your moral issue programmer?"

Shado looked curious, but stayed quiet for the moment.

I stammered momentarily, "Uh, yes. I believe an adequate resolution presented itself." I turned to Shado. "I had an odd dream sequence where Hal and I had to figure out a solution to a bizarre problem. I didn't realize that Hal had become so closely attuned to my reality. Interesting." I reached into my shoulder bag and withdrew my journal. A mechanical hand emerged from a opening slot in the floor and grasped the book pulling it out of sight. Soon the arm reemerged with another journal. Hal stated, "Journal 275 now on file. Blank media 276 now in possession of programmer.  I look forward to reading your latest work."

Shado asked curiously, "What was the problem?"

Tucking the journal into my shoulder bag I stated, "This may take a moment to explain. Chairs please." A pair of futuristic flowing chairs emerged from the floor underneath us. I sat without looking behind me; fell into the chair with the grace of somebody at home with technology.

Shado sat in her chair more carefully then again focussed on me.

I swallowed then said, "I was having difficulty resolving your desire for confidentiality regarding your condition with the needs of helping you find a cure. Duke Grimble asked me point blank what the problem was when I asked for his assistance. I found myself on the point of the sword trying to find a resolution between my duties."

Shado looked apologetic "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to cause you any problems. "

I shook my head, "On the contrary, I learned a few things about myself that I would not have had the decision been easy.  That's the way these things sometimes happens."

Shado nodded, "If it's any consolation, you've made me re-examine a few things too."

Hal queried, "Was Shadonia Livia Caesar the focus of your introspections programmer?"

I answered back, "Yes, she was the catalyst that forced the juxtaposition."

Focussing my attention on Shado, I asked, "may I ask what your conclusions were?"

Shado replied quietly, "I'll tell you when I know. I'm still considering a number of factors. So many things have changed since we got to know each other, especially of late with the events in Chaos."

I smiled, "It has been turbulent. We're normally busy but lately the pace of events has become extreme. Self-analysis becomes difficult during these times."

She smiled, "Just a little. So what do you intend to do when we get back?"

I rested my head in my hand and massaged my temples. "Back?  Yes, good question. I was supposed to be learning sorcery under my father's tutelage. That sort of fell by the way side. I need to let him know what's happened. I might see about gathering our mission group and doing a formal meeting. Best get everyone on the same sheet of music. Then there is Clovis. I think I need to clear the air with him. There's much to do."

Shado looked nervous, "May I ask what you will say to Clovis?" Again it struck me how young Shado was compared to most of the Amberites, even to Clovis and myself, how transparent and honest she still was.

I will be saddened when she loses this innocence.

I shrugged, "I really don't know. Maybe we can come to an understanding. Maybe we'll settle things the old fashioned way. Hard to say. I don't know much about Clovis."

Shado looked worried "I never meant to be the cause of any problems. Maybe it would be best if I just kept out of the way as much as possible."

I smiled, "You're not the problem. If anything, I think you're the solution. I was getting old, and brittle. You've reintroduced me to the dynamics of life."

Hal interjected, "I concur. Your previous journals were highly technical this one is full of-" I interrupted the machine's commentary, "Thank you Hal. Another time."

Shado laughed and said, "Hal, would you have any objections to me visiting you on my own?"

Hal replied, "My resources are at your disposal. You are cleared for all access save programming and authority to grant rights. Your account shows universal credit."

Shado smiled, looking directly at me. "Thank you, Hal." To me, she smiled and said, "You did say to find someone to talk to."

I nodded and then my eyes widen at the implication, "Well, yes. Hal passes the Turing test. Uh, well yes. I guess that wouldn't be so bad. Hal has quite a few resources he can turn to."

I coughed politely and got to my feet. "Unfortunately I don't have a trump of Hal. I've never mastered the art and this is the first time I've brought anyone whose family."

Shado smiled "I can make you one if you like. We best be getting back now though if you don't mind."

Hal stated, "It was good meeting you Shadonia Livia Ceasar. Please come again if you are able. And programmer. You should bring your family over some day. You're not embarrassed of me are you?"

I chuckled, "No Hal. I'm not embarrased by you in the least. I'll bring other visitors some day soon if I can…."

I knocked on the door to Fiona's residence. As I waited for an answer I looked down and realized I was still wearing the knee length tunic of a Roman worker. Hades! I should have changed or at least worn a toga over the tunic. Anthony is going to think I've been out picking grapes.

I shrugged and tried to affect a pose of nonchalance as I waited.

 

Anthony opened the door and welcomed me. After a brief pause, Anthony replied drily "While I do intend for these lessons to tax you, I do not think you will need to labour."

 

I laughed and replied, "I was caught up in a brief maelstrom of events and forgot about such details. Suffice to say I feel like an actor whose scenes have shifted faster then his wardrobe."

 

Anthony smiled, "Really? Would you care to begin with a summary of these events?"

 

I shrugged, "A confidante was diagnosed with an strange morbosity that required an unusual 'sine qua non' to alleviate the condition.  The regimen ran a gamut of physiological, and psychological remedies. We had to consult with a number of specialists in the course of the treatments."

 

Anthony nodded then turned to look out of the window, "Sorcery lessons will begin once you have returned suitably attired." He smiled "At least for your mother's standards."

 

So I bowed and retreated from Fiona's quarters. As I walked the hallways back to my residence I mused, I ought to garb myself in a space suit. No, it would probably be considered a Chaos tuxedo, and regardless I'd have to return to change again. Period fashion is high Medieval to Renaissance. At least I didn't arrive wearing Xel's costume. Interesting that he dismissed me as he did. Almost as if he felt Fiona was adverse to Roman fashions. A touch low born and archaic but not too unusual. Tunics haven't changed much by way of styles through the centuries. Did he dismiss me to check my story? I doubt very much he'd think to contact house Sawall on my where a bouts. No there's not much to follow unless he stumbles upon it...

I continued in this line of thinking as I changed out of my Roman clothing and dressed in a silk shirt of deepest purple, a black jacket and matching pants. A thin line of purple etched the outside seams of the pants. More black worn in the way of boots and belt. A cloak of some supple material shimmered in shades of purple more black then any true color. Black doeskin gloves I jammed into his belt.

As I walked back to Fiona's residence I thought If Anthony doesn't like this I'll raid Droppa Ma Pantz's ward robe.

Again I rapped on the familiar door.

 

Anthony opened the door and nodded approvingly. "Better." He looked briefly worried as he closed the door adding quietly "There are matters we need to discuss."

 

"Very well." I replied neutrally. "I'm not adverse to discourse."

 

Anthony waved me to sit down as he did so himself. "While I am not asking who your confidante was, I am concerned that you are endangering yourself needlessly."

 

I relaxed into the chair and steepled my fingers, a moment's reflection ensued, He has not stood idly by while I changed. I would wager he dismissed me for no other reason then his own requirements for reflection. The question remains, did he confine his actions to musings? Why is he so determined to probe? Key words...you.endanger.yourself. My actions precipitated this.

Presently I replied, "Your concern is certainly appreciated. But I wonder how you can question the needlessness of the situation. Need is a value relative to the appraiser. My own diagnosis was not without the benefits of training or the caution of research."

If I don't now how I've endangered myself - what have I done, that I
didn't know in the doing?

I flinched as a new line of thought came to me. Pivoting my left hand slightly so that my glyph shined toward Count Anthony, I said, "This...became involved, though it's utilization was unintentional. What are the affects of its administration on another?"

Whispered threads of physics caressed my memories; Power is never created or destroyed. Power is transferred. Transference can mutate the power to the observer's perception as potential becomes kinetic...but never is the power destroyed.

 

Anthony replied quietly "It would depend on what aspect of the glyph was being employed and how. It has many aspects that only emerge at certain times."

 

I dropped my hands and sighed. "And I won't pressure for specifics as it's obviously a function of illumination and emotional revelation. That does, however, limit whatever we can discuss about the incident. I wasn't planning to use this wooden nickle. It just happened as it happened. In the future I may take to wearing gloves to limit its inadvertent employment."

 

Anthony thought for a moment "Alright, perhaps we should tackle this another way. Tell me how you felt, what you thought, during this time. This will help me to narrow things down."

 

"No. I won't have my father playing hide-and-seek with me for answers, and as her physician I need to know the possible consequences my scar has had on the patient. I will provide you the information and trust your own judgement as to the confidentiality."

My eyes lost clarity as I extended my mind into the hyperfocus of total recall searching for Shadonia's medical record.

As I sank into an awareness of my mind, of all that passed, I found something new. There was a weaving as strong and as fragile as a spider's silken web. It felt both strange and familiar.

I paused and sank deeper into my awareness. Sights and sounds receded. In my well-ordered mind this was unforseen and unexpected. To the exclusion of my previous intentions I followed the weaving to its source.

The weaving I soon found derived from the sigil. As I examined it, I saw it pulsed bright within my psyche. Almost bright enough to cover the other faint trail that led from it.

Interesting. I had not realized glyph resided here. There are facets to this thing I was unaware of. My attention focused on the faint trail leading from it. This is unexpected. Is it risidual? Where does it lead?  Deeper in trance my awareness flowed along it's length.

As I followed the link to its source, I found myself in a Roman building, a temple perhaps.

I toured the building seeking clues. Marvelling at the architecture. This does not like soemthing of my manufacture. Is it a product of the glyph's construction? Where am I? It feels familiar enough.

As I walked, it seems curiously empty, though statues filled its galleries and paintings its walls.

It seemed ordered somehow, as if for easy access.

What would a place like this be used for? On impulse he calls out, "Monstra Mihi Pecuniam!" [show me the money]

A sphere appeared before me, irridescent and shining with all colours.

I stared at the sphere, transfixed. Charon's silver, what have I just evoked?

It showed a scene from a viewpoint of someone obviously small, a child perhaps, of a white villa on an island, the sea blue behind it.

Cautiously I approached the sphere, studying it.

As I did so, the scene changed to a bright meadow.

Gently I moved my hand forward as if to touch the sphere. A hair's breath from the sphere my hand stopped and I murmered, "what am I toying with?"

The scene changed to a single word 'Memories.'

I backed slowly away, "I know my memories perfectly. These are not mine. Who is the author?"

I saw a movement in the shadows at the opposite side of the room, then the sound of a door opening.

I turned to appraise the new comer. Perhaps this was the summons of the author? If so, there were questions to ask.

A raven haired child, a little girl, eight years old perhaps, watched me with unblinking black eyes.

I bowed to the child. "Hello. My name is Flavel Abastillas."

She curtsied, her small face polite. "Hello. My name is Shadoania Livia Ceasar."

"Is this your home Shado?"

Shado giggled "You're being silly. This is where I remember everything and where I think and dream. Papa taught me how to organise it properly."

I swallowed and took a step backward, "I think I may be guilty of monstrous intrusion. Something is very wrong that I should be here. Your a component of Shado's psyche. The id possibly, maybe her ego. Please advise your consciousness that I was here and that the intrusion was unintentional. I'll be leaving now."

The little girl laughed, "You know, you are being silly." She held her tiny hand out.

I noded, my face serious. "I excell at sillyness. I get deeper into sillyness everyday it seems." I stepped forward and took the little girl's hand. "How is this possible that we are here?"

She led me on deeper into the strange building "I don't know. Maybe because of the link. My older self hasn't noticed yet, but she's been caught up with other things."

Allowing myself to be led, I said, "Linked by what we went through. You're certain your older self won't be upset by my being here?"

The child Shado nodded "She won't mind. She's dreaming anyway. And yes, the link. Happens when a Ceasar bonds."

I stopped abruptly and looked at the girl, "I don't normally make it my business to ask the facts of life from a child, but any chance you could explain to me what this bonding business is?"

Shado rolled her eyes "She loves you. You love her. When that happens, Ceasars leave a little of themselves. Risky business loving someone. They could die. So best to keep a link in case of trouble. That's how we work."

Shado smiled "Always happens. Your papa must have a link to your mama too."

I nodded, "That would explain how they could both reside on opposite sides of the multiverse. How clever. They carry on a relationship and nobody was the wiser."

Shado shrugged "I don't know about that, but it would let the Ceasar know what was happening."

I chuckled, and resumed walking with the younger Shado. "This is amazing. How long can such a link last?"

Shado smiled "Forever. We play for keeps."

My eyes widened at that. "Oh brave new world, I know not what's to be, but at least we have fine company." I paused briefly and said, "Does your older self know of this little development?"

Shado shook her head "Not yet. She went to have a talk with Clovis and things got mixed up. Lots of feelings running around. Then she came back and went to sleep."

"This is shaping up to be the grandmother of all complications. I wonder how long you will be unaware of what has happened. As far as this bonding thing."

Shado laughed, "Oh ages probably. We don't do much mental work. And my older self is confused."

I joined her in laughter, "I'm laughing with you, not at you. Seriously, what do you think we should do?"

The child shrugged, "I don't know. It's mixed up. She likes Clovis and he makes fire for us. but she loves you and you don't want us."

I shook my head, muttering "So that's the way of it. I might have known. Listen Shado, I love you but it's a love without need. I have no desire even as rage is unknown to me. Those were the components I excluded. You must feel that you love a stone for all the warmth you recieve."

The younger Shado looked up curiously "What do you mean when you say you might have known?"

I smiled, "Even though I lack qualities that others possess I can still observe. Grant that I am at least a student of human nature. You love me and desire Clovis. Clovis desires you even as I love you. The symetry of needs is complete even if it does branch strangely."

Shado shrugged, "It is not complete."

My smile faltered, "Like I said, a student. I think I need to find a way to piece my psyche together...and soon."

Shado nodded, "As does my older self. Lots of fractures. "

"Hmmm...not meaning to pry, but is there anything I can do to help? Something I should be doing or not be doing? I'm terribly new to all this. I don't want to hurt you."

Shado laughed again, "You are helping. Do you know how long it has been since we talked to a Roman who was not afraid of us or saw only what reward Quintus would give? We miss home, but we will survive. Ceasars breed their children to survive. We knew that when we were twelve and sent away."

I shook my head, "Yours was a different sort of Rome. My father had me raised in a gentler version. I think this was intentional."

Shado shrugged, "I said we play for keeps."

I leaned down and kissed Shado's forehead whispering. "Deal me in." As I straightened I began to awaken from my trance.

As I awoke, I saw Anthony looking on, a mixture of concern and sadness on his face. Ever so quietly he said, "Are congratulations in order?"

I shook my head. "She doesn't know. Or rather, she is not conciously aware of the situation."

Anthony sighed, "How do you feel? Do I speak to Julian?"

I blinked several times, "No. At least, not yet. This is frightfully complicated. You were going to instruct me in sorcery. Let's up the ante. I wish to essay the Logrus."

Anthony nodded, "How is your shapeshifting?"

I replied with an upturned hand, "Decent. I don't think I'll win any awards in a shifter's competition. But I can perform the basics."

Anthony was quiet for a moment then answered, "You do know that the Logrus can kill you? And that there will be a period of madness after."

I nodded, "Life is risk. The madness worries me more. But if I am ever to understand my heritage, this must be done."

Anthony nodded, "Then listen well. When you traverse the logrus, there comes a point that you must surrender your mind to it, to follow its demands, let it control your shifting. From thence comes madness, but it is the way to survive it. After, I will take you to a very fast shadow in which you may work out the worst of the mania."

"How will I know when the time is right to...surrender my mind?"

Anthony smiled grimly "You'll know."

Flavel chuckled, though the effort sounded forced, "Alright, I guess I will at that."

Anthony took out a Trump "Come then."

Flavel clasped his father's hand and followed...

When the swirl cleared, I stood with my father in a comfortable sitting room. A gnarled demonic figure lounged in a large orange armchair. It growled "Speak up boy. You wish to walk the Logrus?"

I smiled thinly, "I see word travels fast. Yes, my intention is to walk the Logrus."

The demonic figure then gazed at Anthony who bowed low as he said, "I bring my son in keeping with tradition, Master Suhuy." Suhuy nodded, "Good enough." He rose with surprising speed from the chair and ambled out into a corridor.

I darted a questioning look to Anthony, and began to follow Suhuy.

Anthony nodded and followed Suhuy. Again, we came to the great double doors. Suhuy lifted the bar and opened them, ushering us inside.

I swallowed. Inwardly I was amazed at the speed at which all this was happening. As my eyes fell once again on the Logrus, I suppressed a shudder. Then again, maybe speed is a good thing. I don't have time to turn into a basket case thinking about this.

Walking into the cavern I began to approach the artifact. I turned to Anthony and in a voice harsh with control said, "I'm trying to come up with some appropriate words before I start but all that comes to mind is Caveat Emptor."

Anthony nodded "Always. Flavel, I will back you even now if you wish to turn back."

I shook my head at the thought and my jaw tightened. I am a lord of creation and I will not be humbled by power. Not in front of my elders...not ever. "If this turns out to be a mistake, tell Fiona that there was no coercion involved. This was first and last my idea. Occupational hazard of being what we are." Before Anthony can reply I walked forward purposely.

As I approached I could see two points of entry, but which was the start and which is the finish?

With a brief hesitation, I chose one randomly and entered.

Almost imediately, I felt the Logrus heat under my feet, the warmth soon becoming painful to my unshifted form.

In response, I thickened the soles of my feet, changing the texture and form in an effort to resist the heat. Here we go. I thought fleetingly, before the efforts of shifting took all my attention.

Change followed change with me shifting to keep up. So far, it has been taxing, but not particularly difficult given my training.

Hmmm...I've run harder races. I mused, there must be a point where it runs wild...what will be the sign though?

Just at that moment, the changes came rapidly, and I felt control slipping away from me as my body strove ever harder to merely survive.

Ever the control freak, I attempted to keep pace with the rapidly changing environment. My perceptions becoming more and more focused. Without consciously being aware of it I began employing soft disciplines of martial arts attempting to dodge, deflect, and redirect the energies in a style of movement that Akido was never intended to incompass. I became double, and treble jointed. Bones became rubbery soft, muscles stretched like taffy as my body took in impossible configurations to geometries that grew more, and more complex.

As my body stretched to encompass the changes demanded by the Logrus, I became aware of long-suppressed emotions rising to the surface, also demanding attention.

My control began to slip fractionally, as emotions, perceptions, and needs, conflicted with my timing. I shuddered as issues of scale, and distance began to come apart in some sort of bizarre non-Euclidean play. A pressure began to build behind my eyes, something alternating bright and shadowed, like smoke from a distant fire racing to engulf me.

Voices rang in my ears of taunts and jeers, followed and mixed with screams of terror, and groans of pleasure. Mocking laughter rose in pitch and volume. Followed by the echoes of a small child crying. I stumbled, and turned towards the sound of giggling only to see my sword dancing next to me in the tempest. In rapt fascination, I stared at the blade, How in hades can this length of metal surv- In a the space of a lightning strike the sword flashed into my vision blotting everthing else out completely. A burst of pain, like a star going nova, slammed into my skull as rage and desire ripped through my very being.

In the wake of the pain, the Logrus tore through and I felt myself blacking out, falling...

*********

Far away, in a room in Amber, a silver mirror exploded outward in a rainbow of glittering shards...

**********

The bright light pierced my eyelids and with it came a sense of conciousness, of sudden waking.

I opened my eyes to look around, my face showing confusion.

I lay in a grassy meadow, bright with wildflowers. A short distance away from me, my other self sat.

I sat up and inhaled the fresh air as I tried to calm myself.  I looked over at myself puzzled at how odd things looked. "What are you doing here friend?"

He shrugged, "Me? I'm just a means for you to work through this. We're not separate any more and you're still traversing the Logrus."

Springing to my feet I grasped my hair in my hands and screamed, "We've been unhinged! The govenors are missing!" I looked around wildly.

My other self laughed "Of course they are. We don't need them anymore."

Stomping closer to myself I stopped abruptly as I noticed a gaping socket of oozing red where my double's green eye used to be. In shock, I whispered, "Your eye..." even as I became distantly aware of a trickling wetness on my own face. I brought a hand to my cheek and examined the blood on my fingers. "What has become of us?"

My double smiled, "We have lost that which reminded us of Amber every time we looked in the mirror. It will regrow in time. Now come, you have the rest of the journey to complete."

I clasped my double's hand, "For better or worse Flavel. I am myself."

My double smiled then vanished. In the distance a stone arch appeared.

Quickly I made to the archway and passed through it thinking. I hope I have a body that I can return to.

The meadow vanished and I found myself in a dry sandy land. Nearby stood Clovis, a secretive smile on his face.

I walked over to Clovis, my jaw set firmly. "Still tripping over cousins I see. And least you're keeping your sense of humor about you."

Clovis replied with a smirk, "Ah, but dear cousin, I'm here simply to help you face the emotion I represent to you. Now, can we guess what that is?"

I sneered, "You're such a complex fellow Clovis! Are you my natural proclivities toward homicidal mania?"

Clovis laughed, "Oh why not? You're a Ceasar after all. Why don't you ask them?" and he turned to look into the distance. Following his gaze, I saw a walled building, beyond which there was the sound of merriment.

I appeared to swallow something unpleasant, finally I shrugged, "I am whom I belong to. I have never dined with the Ceasar's. Hence, such inclusions are suspect." I looked over at the walled building, "Come along then. Let's come to terms with this."

Clovis grinned, "Oh but the invitation is for one only. Do have fun, won't you. I shall be quite jealous." He then turned and walked away.

I smirked, "I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine." But I headed towards the sounds of revelries nonetheless.

In a short time, I reached the gate and saw beyond it a masquerade party, bright and vicious.

I raised an eyebrow at the festivities, which caused me to wince momentarily. Realizing I was feeling warm, hot nearly, I reached up and removed my cloak letting it fall to the ground. I stepped towards a nearby servant and took a mask and put it on my face, saying, "Strange how we all wear masks isn't it?" There was a trembling in my extreminities...a sense of nervous excitement. Abruptly I snatched the mask of my face and hurled it aside, my breathing ragged. What is this farce!?!?

A dancing girl skipped past me, "You're no fun. Just as well the guest of honour is somewhere else."

I took a step toward her and grabbed her wrist. In a strained voice full of distractions I asked, "And who is the guest of honor?"

She laughed and answered, "Our Emperor's youngest. She turned twenty-one this day."

I let go of the dancer, and trid to puzzle the meaning out. The sights and sounds so distracted me I finally stepped outside the building with trembling hands and ragged breath. "It's like a drug. Pleasure without consciousness..." I leaned against the wall for support, but then what did you expect? She was from the court of Rome. You've heard the stories...but wait! She was not in attendance! If that even means anything! This isn't Tir, it's the serpent in my skull...

From within the building, the sounds suddenly faded and the sky above darkened as if I stood still while all around time advanced.

With a shrug I turned and walked back into the building. It's like dream theatre. Surrealism in motion.

The people of before were gone and slaves quietly moved about, tidying and clearing the debris of the party. In the distance, a small figure sat with her back to a pillar.

I picked my way through the remains of the party.  Past an overturned sofa and a fallen candleabra. As I approached the figure I asked conversationally, "How was the party?"

A younger Shado looked up "Hello. It was very nice thank you. I don't feel so good though. Quintus says I must have eaten something that didn't agree with me. He's going to arrange things then he's going to take me to my room." She smiled sleepily up at me. "Quintus is my oldest brother. He's always nice to me and looks after me."

I stared at her in shock. "Arrange things?"

Shado nodded, "Yes, arrange for the doctor to see me he said."

I took a step forward. "Ah, yes that does make sense as I happen to be a doctor. With your permission?" I approached Shado.

Shado nodded "Alright."

I leaned down on one knee. I quickly and thoroughly went through a basic medical diagnostic. Pulse, condition of pupils, smell of breath, heart beat, noting perspiration, skin temperature, visual acuity. Distantly I realized the scene was familiar.

My examination showed the young woman to be drugged. A distant memory nagged at me, a sense of premonition.

My thoughts became kalidescopic. Can I change what happened? Does it even matter? What does this mean?  I scooped up Shado in my arms, "You've been drugged my lady. I think a breath of fresh air may do you more good then staying here inside." I began to carry her to the outside doors. Ironically I knew I wouldn’t get far.

And indeed at that moment, Quintus emerged, his eyes narrowed. "Shado dear, come here."

I stood, and turned to look at Quintus. I setd Shado down then rested a hand on Shado's shoulder. "IMPUDENS ES LENO”

Shado turned, "Why are you calling my brother a bad name?" Behind her Quintus smiled then mouthed silently "Mine."

I looked at her coolly, "You've been poisoned. Purge your system shapeshifter." I pushed her behind me interposing myself between her and Quintus. "This will not happen!" I shouted at Quintus.

Quintus laughed, "But it already has. You're just interposing into a memory that isn't even your own. You know that."

I trembled at the truth of Quintus's words, abruptly I nodded and snarled, "Fine, then get thee gone!"

Quintus took a step closer, "Ah, but you're missing the point. You wouldn't be here if there wasn't something here you needed to face.  Now, I wonder what that could be? Your inability to help the one woman you love perhaps? Or is it just general stultifying inertia, bound round in vows and ideals?"

I reflected a death's head grin as I too steped closer, "And you? You would presume to teach me? Rapist, destroyer, ravager. You're but a sick reflection of the worst choices I could make."

Quintus smiled, "Ah but at least I make choices. You hide behind your principles and feel nothing."

I stopped, and slowly a smile began to form. "You had me there for a moment. You're wrong of course, I merely filtered my feelings like another man would where sunglasses. And I don't hide behind my principles, I stand in front of them." I pointed a finger at Quintus, "You have neither the right nor cause to accuse me of anything! You! Who should never have been born!"

Quintus laughed, "Nevertheless you cannot stop me from what I did or what I will do. Like losing?"

My smile faded, "You always were a meglomaniac Quintus. I'm going to stick you in a box and have Ryoden study you."

Quintus studied Flavel for a moment, "What's this? Hatred?"

It's not real. My mind is cannibalizing it's memories. Twisting
feelings and conjectures... I ignored Quintus and looked back at
Shado. It seems so real though... "I'm not a stranger to hate. But
nor will I let it rule my life."

Quintus walked past me and stood just behind Shado, his hands on her
shoulders, "We'll see you later, shall we?" before the scene faded
around me I again found myself in a new setting, this time a
dressed stone passageway.

I stared where Quintus was, "You can count on it friend." With a
deep breath I looked around.

I stood at a four way junction of the stone corridors.  Each was
uniformly blank and led into darkness.  Above the entrance to each
though was a different symbol.  A wheel, a flame, a mirror and a sword.

I mused at the symbols. It was obvious I was to choose one of the
passagways. Suits of Tarot? Time, power, reflection, death? I
shook my head at the possibilities. "I would never take flame I
think so that one I will choose." I walked down the hallway with the
symbol of the flame.

The passageway stretched on and gradually changed into a wide courtyard, paved with marble. In its centre a white flame, dazzling to gaze upon, stretched upwards.

I looked around in consternation, "This can't be right. I don't have any memories of the white flame. Where am I getting this from?"

I heard a polite cough behind me.

I turned around, in a voice heavy with irony I muttered, "The world is always behind me."

Shado chuckled, "You and me both. This is my memory."

I smiled, my poise conveyed a hint of nervousness, "Nice memory you have. How is it...?" A thought came to my mind that I'd shared blood once a while back when Shado taught me shapeshifting. Blood memories?

She explained, "The mind link we had. There's always stuff slips through without concious choice."

I nodded, looking back at the White Flame, "The nuances of magic... It's very beautiful Shado."

Looking now at Shado, I said, "I'm negotiating the Logrus. It's confronting me with...memories...situations... Say, I wonder what would happen if I attempted to negotiate the White Flame while negotiating the Logrus. Wonder if that would make for a package deal." My voice carried a light, bantering quality to it, but my nervousness remained.

Shado shook her head "Not a good idea. Order conflicting with Chaos.  Just like your last scene. Hate conflicting with love. You do like opposites don't you?"

"Just the opposite really, I abhore extremes. I even went as far as to... avoid extremes in an extreme manner. Death to all Fanatics! That kind of thing. In retrospect I'm beginning to wonder if that was a good idea."

Shado smiled wryly, "Isn't a pure middle path just as extreme?"

"It's not an extreme when your uncertain as to the waters you swim in. I dislike making choices in the absence of information."

Shado nodded, "Fair enough. So where has it got you?"

"It's got me a good understanding of places and things in our realm.  Less so people. I am like a tree that has never moved but always stood observing. I have seen much, and done little."

Shado smiled, "And where or what do you want to be?"

My nervousness began to feel more profound, "I move forward in one direction, I'm moving away in another. Everything is action and reaction, cause and affect. There's so much to understand...what do I want to do? I want to learn, and understand. I want to pass on what I know. This is my karma. What better wheel can there be? Ever improving."

Shado answered, "Ever alone."

I stared at Shado, "Alone? What do you fear?"

Shado chuckled, "This isn't about my fears. This is your mind, Flavel. Your emotions and your memories."

I shook his head, "You're just another logrus construct, aren't you? I'm just chattering away with the serpent." I looked around and shouted, "Hey snake! Why all the smoke and mirrors? You want a piece of me? I'm right here!"

Shado laughed, "Logrus construct no. You made me, or part of you did. Whichever emotion wants to be heard. Whichever feeling the Logrus has stirred up in you."

I looked again at the white flame. It seemed to me to symbolize purity, truth, or maybe raw power in all its glory... "I never made you. It was you that changed me. You're a part of me now, but in truth...it's the best that I am."

She asked quietly, "In what way? Who are you?"

I shrugged, "I am Abastillas, Barimen, Sawall, Ceasar or so they tell me. I am the poet wanderer lost in rythms. I am the scholarly diplomat weaving politics. I turned away from love and hate, and discovered instead obsessions and fears. Thus they labeled me paranoid. In the final accounting...I am Flavel."

The scene again faded around me and changed to a grey flat plain. Feelings long-suppressed now burst forth in all their bright and terrible strength.

I clutched my arms to my sides as the feelings rip through me. A line from a song passed through me. ...of a thousand psychic wars, I've been livin' on the edge so long, where the winds of limbo roar...

I felt so much long feared rip me apart and yet, miraculously, I reformed. Time and time again. Beneath me a star filled rift opened up and I again fell...

 

I woke to the sound of water running somewhere in the near distance. A darkness over one eye, though light was seen redly through my other eyelid.

He sat up gingerly, and reviewed my surroundings. "What's next on the list?"

Again Shado to the sounds of running water…

I saw that I was in a comfortable bedroom. Nearby, Shado slept soundly in a large armchair, her feet tucked up underneath her.

I stood, and swayed on my feet briefly. "Conjured memories, shouldn't be sleeping. What's on the agenda now?  Shall we review the various hells of rejection or do we dance on threads of misunderstandings?"

Shado woke slowly then smiled up at me.  "Oh good. You're awake. How are you feeling?"

"That's the third time now you've asked me that. Yes! I feel love, I feel hate, I know power, I can create. No restrictions, it's a blank slate."

Shado blinked, "What are you going on about? Your father just asked me to keep an eye on you while you slept. I was worried when I tried to trump you and I couldn't get hold of you, you didn't even register, so I tried your father and he said you had walked the Logrus, then asked if I would mind looking after you for a bit in a very fast shadow. Of course I didn't mind, so here I am."

I closed my eye, and scratched my head. "Well whatever you are, I'm always glad to have you near."

Shado shook her head, "Thanks, I think." She rose and gently led me to sit on the edge of the bed "This may hurt, but I need to check the wound. You know you lost an eye?"

I nodded slightly, "Did they ever recover my gladius?"

Shado chuckled, "I think so. As far as I know, you walked the Logrus, collapsed and were brought here. Your belongings are through in the other room. I was more concerned with you. That was a potentially fatal thing to do, you know that?" She carefully changed the dressing. "This isn't too bad. In a few days time, you should get away with just a patch."

I giggled, "Yeah, quite dangerous. Shouldn't have brought along sharp pointy things." I slowly stood again, "I feel like I've been sat on by an elephant." I looked around suspiciously, "You're certain we're not in the Logrus? Never mind. Stupid question. Memory constructs would say anything."

Shado looked upwards at the ceiling, "Minerva protect me from mad Amberites." She sighed "You want me to beat you unconscious or do you want to believe me?"

I quirked at her rebuke, "You have a wonderful bedside amour-- mean, manner. Styx! Where did that come from? I'm not myself these days."

Shado chuckled, "So I see. Are you hungry at all? It won't take long to get some food."

I looked at Shado, "Yes, I...I do hunger, for food I think. I can't believe how hard and long I shifted."

Shado nodded and picked up a warm, comfortable robe handing it to me, "This will help keep you warm while I make something."  Impulsively she stepped forward and hugged me, "I'm glad you're still alive," before she quickly retreated out of the room.

I hugged her back with feeling. As I waited, I absently began chewing on my fingernails.

A short time later, she brought a tray back through with some soup and warm bread, "This will do to start with. You've been unconscious for a few days now, so take it easy to begin with."

As she set the tray down I grabbed her wrist and said in surprising intensity. "I appreciate your concern. At the time I thought it was necessary to do this. Now though, I realize it was imperative." I snapped my hand back as if stung and looked at it like it was some strange creature brought to life. "Anthony warned me that inhibitions are scattered when the Logrus is essayed."

Shado nodded, "It was like that for me with the Black Flame. It was a strange time."

I tore into the soup and bread with gusto, between mouthfuls I said, "I thought negotiating the Logrus would help me to understand you, but in truth I faced myself and what I had become. In the understanding I changed again, I think. You can take the man out of the Logrus, but you can't take the Logrus out of the man."

Shado asked gently, a look of surprise on her face, "You took the Logrus to understand me? Why?"

I tore of a hunk of bread and chewed it rapidly, "No guilt trips intended. I am a student of perspective. I would probably have taken the trip regardless just to understand what it was all about. But I needed you." I blinked momentarily, "I needed _to_ " I stopped and collected my thoughts. "I wanted to know you. I did it because I love you and if there's anything more complex then that it's beyond me."

Shado blinked once, "Um, alright. So how do you feel now?"

I chuckled pushing the empty bowl away. "I feel lots of different things. Feelings are all about me like snakes writhing through grass." My eye darts to the corners of the room and my voice shaded into nervousness. "You sure we're not in the logrus?"

Shado nodded, "I'm sure. Would I be feeling surprise at you showing motions if we were?"

I nodded, "I guess you're right." My thoughts returned to the Logrus and I exclaimed, "What a rush!"

Shado looked worried, "How are you feeling?"

I giggled, "Not bad, not bad at all. I used to see a million shades of gray. Now it's ten thousand shades of color." Gingerly I touched the bandage over my eye and laughed, "Depth perception is a little off though. You can call me Cyclops."

Shado chuckled, "So what do you see with all this colour and no depth perception?"

"It's a sight of the mind. It's out of sight." To my eye I saw tentacles swimming lazily throughout the room on currents of ether never before envisioned. "I'm in the spider's lair only to find I am the spider."

Shado raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Well, if you are the spider, who is the fly?"

A rictus grin appeared on my face, and a tentacle wrapped itself around Shado's waist pulling her closer to me. "Come here tasty fly." An instant later I kissed her deeply.

Shado pulled back and said quietly, "Flavel, don't do anything you will later regret."

Tentacles began flaying around the room in agitation, a potted plant took a direct hit and exploded. A look of rage on my face appeared only to be replaced by one of puzzlement. Like somebody dragged the phonograph's needle across a record in play. I closed my eye and the tentacles faded. "I'm out of control." I whispered. A blink of an eye later I said, "kinda fun actually."

Shado hesitated then moved closer again, "I just don't want you to do something you won't like later.

I chuckled, "You mean I might hate it and not want to do it again?" I sat up and abruptly the room started to swim. "Whoah! Somebody grab the reins."

Shado took my hands, "Just take it easy alright? You've been through a lot." She smiled mischievously, "So I could ask you anything and you would tell me how you feel about it?"

I shook my head negatively, and said, "Of course I would."

Shado chuckled, "That makes sense. Alright, would you object to me leaving the team?"

I loomed over her and thundered, "LEAVE THE TEAM? Why! Is my leadership that bad?" a tear fell from my undamaged eye.

Shado looked surprised then shook her head, "No, your leadership is not in question." Gently, she wiped away the tear.

I clutched my hands to my head and moaned, "I'm the one who's supposed to be crazy."

Shado took my hands carefully in her own "Why do you think I'm crazy?"

A shudder ran through my frame and for a moment my blue eye seemed clear and focussed. In a gentle and even voice I replied. "You're not crazy. I'm just not understanding what your saying through the fog of my own confusion. It's difficult to maintain a rational framework in which to conjecture anyone's motives when mental and emotional parameters keep changing."

Shado shook her head, "Don't worry about what I'm saying."

I swallowed, "If you wish to leave the team I won't stop you. I'm sure you have your reasons."

Shado watched me carefully, "How would you feel if I did?"

The room slowly tilted in front of my eye. Noticing the floor was right next to my face I realized I’d fallen over. Gosh I hope nobody notices. This is so embarrassing. Resting my head on my hand like it was my sincere intention all along, I looked up at Shado and said, "It would depend on the reasons you were leaving now wouldn't it?"

Shado shook her head and helped me up, her tone light and conversational, "So what would you classify as good reasons?"

I turned and slammed my fist into the nearest wall, "Spell it out for me Shado!" I snarled, "I can't make a projection to save my life. There's too much colour in the way. It's all murky." I looked closer at the wall and realized it was solid stone.  I sniffed, and in a small voice said, "Ow. That really hurt."

She led me away from the wall, examining the fist, and said gently "I think I love you. That's why us working together may not be a good idea."

My hands caressed her hair and I whispered, "You would step aside that I would lead?"

She nodded, "You were right. It would lead to too many tensions within the unit."

"If you step aside what will you do then?" I asked softly, "Your father Julian would be disappointed. Your standing in Amber could be jeopardized. The king himself, may find fault with you."

She bit her lip "I'm not sure. I still need to be there to bring my brothers and the legions through. If I stay though, there could be problems."

I closed my eye and appeared lost in concentration. I tried to focus but it was like using a magnifying glass with a shattered lens.  My well ordered mind was in disarray. Variables whirled around in a maelstrom breeze. A crystal shard of memory flitted past me of my father, Anthony saying "It is, but sometimes you just have to choose your happiness. If I had chosen to be wise, I would never have come here."

I opened my eye to the sight of Shado staring back at me.

Taking her hands I went down on bended knee to look up at her.  Slowly I recited...

"Does it not seem strange?
Shadows painted cross your face as you stare back at me?
Within, without it was there,
I said, "It's not to be in me."
I will not atone for that unknown,
But it evolved, and involved us
Revolved glowing phosphorus
Dissolved into Tartarus
And I confess an aversion for the brightness you extricated
For the love you generated
A never ending lightning stroke
Washing away pigment and paint
All the shadows have run away this day
Unfurling my feelings again.
Grant that I may glow in your rainbow
Take my hand,
Tell me I can be your man."

Shado's eyed widened and she went to speak then stopped. Finally, she smiled and said "Yes."

Briefly I kissed her hand and then slowly stood, a look of elation on my face. Impulsively I hugged her close to me and said, "I'm so happy and crazy I can't think straight!"

She nestled into me and smiled "Are you sure this is what you want? And it's not just the effect of walking the Logrus?"

"My own mind is a stranger to me Shado. But, I think the decision was made long ago. I agreed to this amidst fires though my conscious knew it not. In truth we are already married and the shackles I wear freely. I hope you feel the same way."

Shado nodded, "I do, though it has taken me some thought to recognise that. So what happens now, here in this land of Amber or Chaos?"

I turned away and ran my hands through my hair, "I'm not certain. I'm not certain of anything anymore. There's a yawning chasm in my mind that my thoughts fall into." I giggled again, "I need collect my conscious and repair the rend, before I drown in the deep, deep end."

Shado smiled, "How about we just wait until you're more together?"

I nodded vigorously, "Yes, an excellent idea. I am more and less myself then I've ever been before."

She shook her head, and smiled slightly then kissed me, hesitantly at first then with growing feeling.
**********************************
The sensation of free fall took me as I encompassed Shado in my arms and returned her passion.

As the kiss ended, she smiled up at me. "This is very different."

I hope she meant that in a good way.  For myself the intensity of the experience burned.  I didn’t know where my insanity ended and desire began.

I sighed raggedly, "I think we play with fire. Perhaps I should..." I searched for words, "arrive at some sort of balance before we..." again I paused searching.

 

I’m usually very good with words, but this wasn’t a situation I was accostumed to.

Shado nodded "As good as this feels, I agree. You need to rest and recover. We both do."

I nodded as well and slipped away from our hug. A look of disappointment on my face. "I hope this is a really fast shadow we stay in. I've a lot of sorting out to do."

Shado gently kissed me on the cheek "We both do, but things will work out somehow. Anyway, look at it this way. It will take time for our respective fathers to arrange the contracts. Time that will help us."

I snapped my fingers, "Contracts! That's what I was trying to remember. Though it does seem terribly out of sequence. I need explain this to my father."

She chuckled, "And I to mine."

I sighed. "Paperwork and contracts. The bane of nobility. Can't kiss and hold hands in public without a charter."

Shado laughed, "It's the price of many other freedoms." Just at that, a knock came from the door.

I called out, "Enter of your own free will and choosing."

A greeting rendered in Antihiron, a shadow I once resided in.  It was a greeting that conveyed a veiled threat.  It seemed appropriate given my recklessness that possessed me.

Anthony entered the room and bowed to us both. "How are you today, Flavel?"

I flashed Anthony a bow. "I'm at loose ends but not in a bad way. How are you?"

Anthony smiled a little, "Glad to see you recovered." Shado nodded and quietly slipped from the room.

With Shado’s departure I decided to come straight to the point.

I laughed briefly. "I would use the word, recovered, very loosely. It comes and it goes like a stone skipping across water. I proposed to Shado. She accepted."

Anthony smiled then became more serious "How do you feel about that?"

Like I’ve been hit on the head with a ton of gold.

I grinned, "Good. I feel...good about it. Though events of recent have gone faster then ever I could imagine. It was only a month ago I was off recording Shadow storm data. I'm not even sure who that person was anymore."

Anthony nodded, "If it's any consolation, it was like that with me. I think I broke records in the speed with which I pursued Fiona."

I giggled and shook my head at the image of Anthony in passionate pursuit of the most self-possessed lady in all creation.  Abruptly I stopped and said, "They play for keeps."

Anthony nodded "We do. It's in our blood."

I nodded as well, "I thought I had suppressed it but it just circumnavigated my conscious mind. The end result was much the same and I have no complaints in the final accounting."

My father smiled, "Good. Now you should rest some more. This is a very fast shadow and you need to make as much use of that as you can.  When you return, there will be duties for you."

I nodded, "I will endeavour to recover quickly." I smiled briefly, "and I have the added motivation of wishing to be well before being wed."

Anthony smiled then became business like, "Anything you wish to be included in the negotiations?"

I nodded, "I wish to formally adopt Julia. Package deal. Instant family. The issues of dowry, and other tangibles I leave in your capable hands. Try not to strip Julian of his armour. He hasn't had a daughter for terribly long so I would doubt he has positioned himself for such an accounting. As we are house Sawall as well as Amber we may wish to step carefully given the high level negotiations that are taking place."

Anthony smiled, "I will tread carefully. Do you know who the child's father is?"

I massaged my temples, "His name was, was...it'll come to me.  Quintus."

Anthony raised an eyebrow, "So you would adopt the heir to the Empire?"

I fixed Anthony with my one-eyed stare, "in a word, Yes. I'm not entertaining any thoughts of usurping Julia's birthright. I know where that can lead, and I will not repeat that mistake. Julia can have the empire if we can make it so. I wish only to raise her as a Roman, with a Roman father guiding her."

Anthony nodded, "Alright. Though she will also take on Amberite qualities I daresay, Chaosian too. Children mimic those around them."

I nodded, "I don't mind a broad representation of culture. She will need to be adaptable to situations and able to relate and work with all varieties of people. I won't shelter her. But I will force her to think, and give her the tools in which she may succeed."

Anthony smiled, "As I did with you.  Now get some rest. I'll be back later."

I stifled a yawn. "Yes, I will need do that. Already my mind is going another way." I turned as Anthony left and laid back down on the bed. “I should talk with Oberon some day. I'm either a loose cannon, or his Jack of Diamonds." I fell into slumber and dreamt of long strands flowing on forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&7

 

 

 

 

 

 

I leaned back in my chair and sighed. A glance out the window showed
a promise of dawn soon arriving. It has been getting colder of late.
It was the quiet hours that I seemed at my best of late.

The season's change had been distant background music to the
frenetic pace in which I assailed an understanding of the workings
of Logrus, Sorcery, and my own mind. In the beginning it had been
difficult.  Lately I had attained some degree of balance.  It was a fragile thing.  But such was life.  

My father, Count Anthony Sawall had explained that the recovery of
my sanity hinged on my becoming adept with the Logrus, but why
sorcery and shapeshifting at the same time made much less sense until the previous evening. Learning spellcraft, shapeshifting, and the workings of Logrus had gone hand in hand with his mind's reconstruction.

Now it seemed such things were deeply woven into my psyche even as my sanity had been rebuilt. I still had my moments, but the episodes were less frequent or intense.

The scent of a nourishing breakfast drifted through to me, reminding me of the energy expended the previous evening on more shapeshifting lessons, provided this time by Anthony.

Glancing down at the open books at my desk I weighed the effort of continuing my studies for another hour. The thought came to me that I wouldn't have even noticed the distraction in years previous. I rose from my desk and stretched before tossing on my cloak and making my way towards the scents of good food. I never had to contend with  shapeshifting either. I thought with a smirk.

Anthony was dishing up a hearty breakfast for the two of us. He smiled, "How are you feeling this morning?"

I stifled a yawn, "Hungry. My eye has been giving me fits of late.  Feels like there's a never-ending line of ants marching into it. I know it's a product of accelerated healing but--" I shook my head as I eated myself. "Anyways, I reread the chapters on transmatic abjurations since sleep was going to elude me."

Anthony nodded, "I always had to revise that one too when I was starting. It looks simple enough, but it can be tricky in the detail."

I helped myself to some muffins, bacon, oatmeal, and orange juice. "I think I got it figured out. The verbal intonations were just confusing was all.”  I looked at my hands and flexed my fingers. "Oddly enough the somatics were easy.  Must be from all the chord work I did as a bard."  I eat rapidly but with a touch of my old grace and formality in my actions. Presently I said, "What's on the agenda for today?"

Anthony poured himself some tea, "How prepared do you feel?"

I smiled, "I think I've reached a plateau in my skills. If we stay here much longer I might begin to feel comfortable with what I have become."

Anthony smiled, "I agree. Time for you to refresh your other skills in Amber. I have been in touch with Bleys and he has promised to keep an eye on your team." He paused then added, "You may have problems waiting for you in Amber on your return."

I flashed my father a sidelong grin, "Anything I should know about in advance or will it be more fun to find out on my own?"

Anthony responded quietly, "Clovis has vanished from Amber. Our spies
report that one matching his description was seen talking to Shado in
Hendrakeways. She came back to Arden in a state of agitation."

I grimaced, "This does not bode well."

Anthony nodded, "I agree. You know Clovis better than I do. What is his
interest in Shado?"

I stared at a small bowl of sugar on the kitchen countertop some
distance away. "Romantic" I uttered with quiet intensity, and the
bowl flew into my outstretched hand. A small amount of the sugar
spilled.

 

Anthony was always pushing me to use what I learned in everyday life.  I guess the theory was to make the skillful use of power second nature.  Paradoxically, in public I was also cautioned not to go around displaying powers as it would provide intelligence for others.

Anthony is quiet for a moment then asked, "Do you have any reason to
think he could dissuade the young lady?"

I shrugged, "It's been going on at least as long as when were in Tintagel. I'm not sure if they are now just friends or what their
relationship is. My own conversations with Clovis have been stilted
to say the least."

 

Typically I make it a point not to pry into other people’s affairs but I had a feeling I’d have to do some digging.

Anthony frowned, "Hendrake do not normally interfere in Sawall business. I would prefer this matter clarified before I speak to
Julian again."

"I'll ask her where she stands with Clovis."

Anthony nodded, "That would appreciated, for negotiation if nothing
else."

 

The nothing else being where I fitted into the picture. 

I smiled at my father, "Your own sense of circumspection in these matters is, of course, admirable. A proposal is not a relationship. Things have progressed quickly and we have not yet developed any sort of roles." I arched an eyebrow as I thought of Shado and her capabilities. "She is not a typical roman woman."

Anthony smiled, "Probably just as well, given the lives you are likely
to lead."

My tea sweetened, I took a sip. "Boredom is the slowest of tortures. I think we shall be spared this."

Anthony chuckled, "Not at your young age I would say."

 

An interesting reply.  Does Anthony mean that he sometimes feels bored with it all?  Hard to say.  I never did ask as to his age.

I nodded, "Regardless, if you think me ready enough to hazard the intrigues of Amber, and the wiles of women maybe I should be about.  It will be different, in that I am now different. This might give me a moment's protection in which to find a new way to operate."

Anthony nodded, "I need to be away for a time. Be ready to leave by this evening though." He smiled and handed me a small, decorated
leather-bound book. "Here."

I took the book and looked at it with a question in my eyes. "Thanks. More light reading?"

Anthony smiled, "Open it."

I ran my hands across the cover feeling the fine leather. Opening it carefully to the first page I was surprised to see that there was only a first and a last page, both blank.

I blinked and looked at Anthony. "It's a little thin in the middle."

Anthony's smile widened, "Try putting one of your trumps in the middle."

Reaching into my trump case I placed a random trump in the
middle. "Is this like what I've seen Shado employ?"

The trump was pulled into the middle and joined the book as if it had
always been there.  Anthony nodded, "It is. To remove a trump, just give it a little tug. It's a traditional present amongst the Caesars on
coming of age from parent to child. I fear yours was a little
delayed."

I chuckled, "I'll treasure it. Thank you." I gently closed the book and set it on the table."

Anthony smiled and finishes his tea then rose, "And now to other matters. I'll see you later." He said, while drawing out his own book of trumps.

I set down my tea, got to my feet, and bowed. "It's been a pleasure. Take care father."

Anthony bowed back, "Likewise. Take care, son." With a rainbow shimmer,
he vanished.

I sat back down and carefully arranged my trumps while finishing my tea. My fingers hesitated at certain cards. Gazing at the icy images with a new perspective.

I saved two cards for last. Setting my book away in my shoulderbag, I held my own trump. With my other hand holding Shado's card close to my face, I stared intently at her visage...

 

*Hello Shado. It's wonderful to see you again. This shadow has been
an aegis to me but it's been at least a score of days since last I've
spoken with you. If you are not busy, I was hoping we might be able to go for a walk.*

She nodded, her manner seeming somehow more subdued than normal and
held out her hand of which I grasped.

She stepped through into the dining room, looking around. "Morning, I
take it."

 

Her lack of inflection to make a question out of her comment worried me.  A sign of depression possibly, or maybe she was very tire.

I nodded, "Yes. It's morning here. The days are getting shorter and
there's a chill in the air. A good time to walk and perhaps talk of
things." He led her outside. The land ws shaded in darkness with a
strong eastern light in evidence. A road winded it's way past wheat
fields recently harvested.

Shado smiled a little, "It's nice here. I didn't really notice it last
time."

I grimaced slightly, "No, I imagine not. I was very much out of control. Pure emotions running wild." The frozen grass crunched under my boots in the still morning air.

Shado answered quietly "You were out for near days, unconscious mostly. I took that time to think. I was glad you were asleep. I was so tired."

Her breath clouded slightly, misty in the cool air, "What was it you
wished to talk about?"

Her statement bothered me.  Did she mean that I was too much for her to deal with?  Possibly.  She had been sleeping a lot.  After affects of her recovery from shapeshifter cancer, or possibly afteraffects of dealing with me…or Clovis.  I hoped my own questions didn’t brutalize her further.

I nodded, "Clovis. What does he mean to you?"

She flinched slightly, "He is someone I care about that I hurt deeply
by loving you and not him."

I hadn’t intended for there to be winners and losers.  All’s fair in love and war was a universal saying in most shadows, but it loses a lot of it’s meaning when people are immortal.

"You felt you had to make a choice. By loving me you had to shirk
Clovis.  For that I'm sorry."

Shado nodded, though she seems pensive.

"You could have remained friends with Clovis. I would not cage you
like a rare bird. It's your love I desire not your freedom."

She shook her head, "Clovis would have nothing more to do with me.
That was made clear."

I felt relieve that is wasn’t my own actions that hurt her.

 

I shook my head slowly, "I'm so sorry Shado. You deserved better
then that."

She shrugged, looking down at her feet "I can't blame him. He believes
I broke my word to him."

That statement rocked me back.  I hadn’t known Shado for very long but in everything she’d said and down she always seemed honest; painfully so in some cases.

I turned my head sharply at hearing that. "Strong words. I don't
believe you'd break your word at the drop of a hat."

Shado frowned slightly, "I didn't think I had. I asked for time to
think and I took three days. Apparently because it was three hours for Clovis, I broke my word. That, and accepting your proposal before talking to him I think."

I shrugged, "In matters of perspective, I believe my dear cousin
would rather be wronged then slighted. " I fell silent for a time as
we walked the deserted road. The sun's rays peeked over distant hills with a promise of warmth.

Shado bit her lip then asked, "Flavel, did you know that there is a
rumour going around the Courts that you proposed to me at your father's
behest? At least, that's what Clovis said."

More lip biting.  She’s uncertain.  Uncertain of what?  Me?

I stopped in my tracks and looked up at the fading stars.  Stroking my
chin I murmured, "Now that's a novel interpretation. Actually when he
learned I was learning shapeshifting from you he advised me to be wary of White Flame Romans.  He also voiced the opinion that their women
were even more dangerous. When he ascertained that I was fond of you his only instruction was to not choose wisdom over happiness. A singularly odd piece of advice from a man who taught me political science and duty."

Shado smiled hesitantly, "So it's not true?"

I shrugged, "Not to my knowledge. Maybe he hit me with a compelling when I wasn't looking? I tend to doubt it. Do you detect anything amiss
about my person?"

She shook her head then smiled warmly up at me "I believed, I
needed to believe, that you loved me. Thank you for confirming this."

I smiled as well. "Shado I think there may be events moving around us
that we do not understand. Oberon meddled in White Flame affairs, Arielle has her blood curse, Quintus reaches from afar, so to do those who love or want us for their own needs. Julian, and Anthony. Sawall and Barimen. We are spied upon by at least one house that I know of. If ever you begin to doubt don't hesitate to check with me. You know the thread that binds us.  My memories, as jumbled as they are, are yours for the viewing. Or talk with HAL. He has all my journals and can bore you to tears about me."

Shado smiled, "I might just do that." She then reached up and kissed
me lightly before whispering "Thank you."

I blushed and inwardly I was thankful of the dawn's dim light. "The
pleasure is mine, and I will be even more pleased when I speak with
Duke Richard of House Hendrake."

Shado smiled shyly, blushing a little herself, then looks puzzled "What does he have to do with us? And do you mind me kissing you?"

I grinned, "My mind is the first thing to go when you kiss me like that." I leaned down and kissed her in return.  For fair was fair and the duty was a pleasure if I could reasure in such a manner.

Shado smiled and nestled into me, kissing me back. When the kiss
broke, she looked up at me with a grin "Alright, I don't kiss you when you're trying to think."

My eyes grew serious, "Richard would know of any rumours in his own
house or, failing that, he'd root them out." my eyes narrowed in
calculation.  "Actually though, it may be wiser to let the rumours run their course.  Challenging rumours may only serve to increase their circulation.  Still, some sort of response is called for. If I continue to hear such garbage spew from the house of Hendrake they will find out why the Sawalls are known for politics."

Shado shook her head, "I knew I should have paid more attention to those politics lessons. What if Clovis was exaggerating though?"

I arched an eyebrow. "If I discover this was merely Clovis speaking
ill then I will return the favour; at your discretion of course."

Shado looked saddened, "I hurt him, Flavel. I can't blame him for trying to hurt me back."

I can blame him though…  I wrestled the uncharateristic emotion down.

I nodded. My single blue eye unblinking, "I will not respond to
this incident then. Let us hope there does not come another. Perhaps
this was just something born out of hurt and anger. A brief fire that flared and soon died."

Shado looked into the distance, "I hope so too. He did give a parting
present to Julia and told to her to be a good girl for me. Let's talk of other matters. What would you like to talk about?"

A gift? Did Clovis mean well by such a gesture or was this also a
parting shot? I never did understand his motives completely. Perhaps I
worry a moment's innocence. I cleared my throat quietly, "Anthony has
left for a time. I don't care to be alone as much as I once did. I think I shall be heading back to Amber soon. I need assemble a meeting of our team, and outline our objectives. I am removing Clovis from the team. It's unfair perhaps, but I cannot work with him. I do not trust him, nor do I trust myself near him. We will have to find another shadow from which we can bring in the legions."

Shado nodded, "We still have time to do that. I am sorry it came to
this, but you have to trust your team."

I shrugged, "Life happens. Part of trusting is learning who not to
trust." A moment's uncertainty came over me, "I wish to formally adopt
Julia when we wed."

Shado was quiet for a moment then nodded, "She needs a father as much as a mother."

"I can't say I've had much practice in this arena. I'm good at
instructing.  As to the rest...it would be a learning process for both her and I.  I would like to be a father for her."

Shado smiled, "I think it will be a learning process for all of us.
I've never been a wife either."

Flavel smiled, "We will flow into whatever roles is necessary for Julia.  Beyond that, I hardly expect you to stay home and tend hearth. Your own education and training would have you miserable in such an existence."

Shado smiled slightly, "Even a daughter in our family is trained to be
a warrior. That's just the way we are. What would you expect from me?"

I chuckled, "I'm not a warrior. Its a rare day indeed when I unsheathe my sword. I would expect you to follow your path by dint of your own
training and inclination. If Julia's birth-right includes learning martial skills, I wouldn't deny her destiny. What of me? What are your
expectations of someone such as I?"

Shado smiled, "I'm not sure. I would be quite happy to run your household though. I got that training from my mother. How do you see your role?"

My role?  I couldn’t think up a good definition so I spoke my heart and hoped it was close to her exectations.

I pondered momentarily and then replied, "Safeguard and protect our
house and all it encompasses. Provide the best possible training for Julia and secure her dowry. And for you I will be whatever you need."

Shado smiled, "I like that. And I'll be whatever you need."

At that moment the sun's rays burst over the hills giving light to
her smile with the dawn's new day. I turned and looked at the sunrise with all its promise of warmth. The simultaneity of conversation and sunrise profound to me. Turning back to Shado I said, "I could ask for nothing more."  Which was more then I could ask as she already was everything to me.

Her smile widened and she nestled into my embrace again. Quietly, she
added, "I'm sorry that I couldn't help you with the shapeshifting lessons.  Suhuy told me that I'm not to shapeshift until I'm better."

Could be that she was cold and looked to me for warmth?  In truth it was chilly and she was still recovering.

I wrapped my cloak around the two of us as we watched the sun spilling
maroon, gold, and lavender about the sky…I halfway raised my hand in
greeting/supplication to heaven's charioteer. "You showed me my potential.  I could not ask for more.  As for your own abilities, I love you for who you are. The rest is just so much finery.  We will play at hawk and heron another day."

Shado smiled and said, "Thank you for letting me be myself, for trusting me and letting me trust you, for loving me. "

I returned her smile and kissed her gently. "And thank you for showing
me what love and trust is, and for being you."

She smiled up at me, "I think I like the idea of being your wife."

For a walk that started with Shado feeling depressed we seemed to be ending our brief sojourn on a good note.  For my own feelings I could honestly say this was the best conversation I had with anyone in all my years.

"Sweeter words were never spoken." I took her hand and led her back toward the dwelling where it was warmer. As we walked I said, "I need write a note to Anthony, then I will take my leave of this place. It's time I return to Amber and be about things." My eye was drawn to Shado and I asked, "It may not be protocol, but how is your dear father taking this news?"

Shado chuckled, "He's bemused I think. He made a comment about the number of engagements of recent."

"Yes, I had made a made a joke regarding the number of weddings
planned to my mother; Fiona. This was before our own engagement. I fear she will tease me about this upon my return."

Shado laughed, "Well, according to my father, Fiona's children have the
largest percentage of marriages planned, so perhaps she does not have
too much room to comment."

"Perhaps." I winced at a phantom pain behind my eyepatch. "I've often
perceived what I think to be odd signals from Fiona whenever Romans
are discussed. I should ask her outright what her reservations are, if
any. I could be mistaken. She is so devilishly hard to read."

That was an understatement.  The thing was, you spend enough time around people and you pick up on their signals.  In Fiona’s case, it was more a matter of cluing in on what she didn’t signal.

 

She looked up at me as we reached the small dwelling place, "What is
it?"

"Fiona and I are two of a kind. She has her secrets and I have mine. I
rarely confided in her beyond the necessities of answering her questions.  We rarely pried into each other's affairs. I think I might have counted her in amongst the host of those I did not trust. Our conversations were often duels over a background of pleasantries. I need to reconsider what has gone before."

Was that really how it was?  I still wasn’t certain.  Fiona and I had an unusual relationship for mother and son.  We certainly did dance around several issues.  But who was leading the dance?

Shado put a pot of tea on, "How do you see those conversations now?"

I set out some saucers and teacups before taking a seat at the table.
"Good question. I think I might have blurred the distinction between
her educating me, and what I thought to be her interrogating me. I wish
I could recall conversations like I could in the past. That would make the reviewing much easier. Don't get me wrong. I was always very fond
of her.  But...wary. I never really let down my guard. Do you think this was a mistake?"

Shado shook her head, "You did what you felt you had to. If that is no
longer the case, then yes, change. However, the past is the past and
cannot be changed, even if we want to."

Ever practical this gal.

I harrumphed at that. "I guess I'll play it by ear. Our mother and son
roles always were a bit formal. More my doing then hers. Formality is a
great way to keep somebody at a distance. In retrospect I think I feared her perceptiveness more then anything else."

Shado chuckled and poured the tea, "I wonder what she will think now."

I grinned, "I have no idea. This will be new territory for all concerned."

For a moment, Shado looked nervous. "Do you think she will accept me?"

My grin faded, replaced with a look of uncertainty. "I hope so.  But then again it's never been a subject we discussed. In my previous
incarnation it would been like trying to describe opera preferences to a tree. I'm not at all certain as to her inclinations in these matters."

Shado sipped her tea then smiled, "Well, let's not think on it just now
and enjoy the time here. It's a nice Shadow."

"It's been a good place to relax." I took a sip of the tea, and on
impulse withdrew my gold flute. Before I could do much with the
instrument it twisted in my hands becoming a guitar, a pan flute, a mandolin.  In a mixture of shock and surprise my grip failed on the shifting instrument and it fell to the ground. It bounced once or twice and shifted forms each time it landed coming to rest in the corner of the kitchen. Once more appearing as a gold flute.

Shado stared, "Does it normally do that?"

I stared as well, "Well, uh...not usually. Actually no. I've never
seen it do that before." I rose from my chair and gently prodded
the flute with my boot.

It didn’t change any more. Shado asked thoughtfully, "Where do you
normally use it? Did you have it when you walked the Logrus?"

I reached down and scooped it into my shoulderbag. Standing, I replied, "I haven't played it of recent what with my studies. Yes, it was
with me when I essayed the Logrus. Curious." I dumped the flute on
the table along with the contents of my bag.  My eye shaded to a
brighter blue as I summoned the Logrus to my vision.

Strands of logrus weaved their way through the material of the flute
itself, like the veins that ran through a fine marble.  It appeared the rest of my stuff was untouched.

I glanced up at Shado. "I believe there is something of the Logrus
inherent in the flute. It seems to be part of its makeup.  Everything else appears normal. I didn't realize this was possible."

Shado nodded, "My armour changed after I undertook the Black Flame. It
became more flexible."

I swallowed and dropped my Logrus vision. Carefully I placed my equipment back in my bag save for the flute. "An instrument of chaos." I murmured. Gingerly I placed my hand over the flute and I felt the
slippery forces of creativity writhing through it's metal.  I lifted
it and it remained a gold flute. "Should I play it I wonder?" I said, half to myself.

Shado smiled "If you wish to play, I would like to hear."

Cautiously I brought the flute to my lips.  I experimentally played a
few bars and then played through a range.  The sound floated and echoed
through the room in a supernatural clarity.  I paused and murmured, "The range...it's unearthly." With a shrug I launched into a concerto in A minor. The music seemed to spill from the instrument like honey.
Each note of the music rimed in impossible vibration. The song increased in intensity. Teacups rattled, and the curtains began to move to the music's melody. Of a sudden, individual musical notes normally only seen on sheet music poured from the instrument.  I stopped playing but the music was still heard as the notes floated around the room. They floated out under the door and with their passage the music faded.

A look of wonder was on Shado's face. Slowly, she said, "That was
incredible and so beautiful."

I stared at the flute in awe.

 

Fractal harmonies personified.  I wasn’t certain what the flute represented but it was obviously a power.  I had always been fond of it and often carried it about, as it wasn’t too heavy to carry.  Now it seemed I had an instrument that could change form into other instruments and actually influence reality.  I would have take it slow figuring this thing out.

 

Presently I swallowed and set the flute back in my bag. "A most...unusual instrument. I'll hang on to it. It has some lovely qualities." I smiled and took another sip of tea. "I'll give
the Logrus its due, its manifestations are amazing."

Shado smiled, "The player has more than passing talent too."

For you I’ll play any melody.

I blushed under the compliment. "I had a good teacher. I don't
know if I'll ever be his equal, but he did open my eyes to the
possibilities of music. It must be that the Logrus manifests itself in what we consider important, or value highly."

She nodded, "That would be a sensible conclusion I agree." Her smile
became mischievous, "I wonder what else would make you blush."

I smiled and rested my hand on hers, "I blush at your voice and
burn at your touch."

Now Shado blushed, smiling too. "This is definitely a change from the
Flavel I knew. A good change though. You seem more complete, happier."

I grinned, "Red looks good on you Shado." I gestured with a hand, "Not
completely changed. I sometimes feel as I did before. It comes and
goes like slowly revolving facets. Perhaps a role I can wear if it becomes necessary. But yes, I do feel happier, and you make me complete."

She smiled, "I am glad you feel that way. I suppose we have much we
need to discuss yet on our future."

I nodded, "Yes. It feels mundane to speak of such things. But
these are the routine questions that all new families must ask of themselves.  Where we would live and our goals for the future. I know you have sought only to find a measure of security for yourself and Julia. If we assumed for the sake of argument that you and Julia were safe. What would you have of the future?"

Shado replied softly, "Sometimes mundane is nice when the goal is so
nice.  Alright, somewhere pastoral I think, rather than a city, where we would have space to walk and to dream." She looked down, blushing, "A good place to raise a family I suppose."

The idea of a family warmed me.  With little Flavels and Shados running around amongst vineyards…and Julia.  I would not forget her in this.

I smiled, "I don't doubt we could find a place like this. For example;
the Vale of Garnath is pastoral, and near to both Amber and Arden.  I'd like for Julia to be close to the nobility.

She looked thoughtful, "What is the soil like in Amber? Does it give
good vineyards?"

I nodded, "Amber soil is black and fertile. Lord Bayle owns several
vineyards over in Baylesport I believe. A city some twenty miles
Northwest of Amber city along the coast. He's the royal vintner to the court of Amber.  His Reds are decent but the whites can leave something to be desired."

Shado thought for a moment then asked, "What would you like?"

I smiled, "I've never turned my hand to winemaking but I do know the
process having been raised by a family who made it their business. I
think Bayle could use a little competition. It helps keep everyone honest, and we'd be off the dole. Not a bad thing in the eyes of the citizens and poorer nobles. Still it would be mostly a background to our duties to the crown. Somehow I think our families will contrive to keep us busy."

Shado chuckled, "I know a little about winemaking, but I know horses
too. I started out in the cavalry too. And yes, our families will keep us busy, but we need to have our own lives too."

"I agree.  There's several ways to go about this. The most ambitious
would be to find a shadow suitable for entrance within the golden circle and make it our own. Though this may take more work then we can presently afford to spend time doing. My long range goal is to provide Julia with her birthright and this will take some doing."

Shado was quiet for a moment then said, "What if she does not wish it?"

I shrugged, "Then Pluto take the White Flame for all I care. But she is
young and she is a Caesar. Ambition tends to run hot in our blood.  Your own mother knew nothing of the her history until she was a young
woman and when she found out...I would not care for history to repeat itself."

Shado nodded, "For that reason, I have not hidden her origins from her.
She knows who her father is, but she is also aware that what he does
hurts many.  I am not even sure our family should continue to rule so absolutely."

"We could always balance an emperor with a senate, or further, stablish a triumvirate. Plenty of ways to dilute power. I used to think absolute
power corrupted absolutely. It's not really true. Absolute power attracts the absolute corrupt. You don't desire the thrown and neither do I, or my father, Count Anthony. Julia could rule with a senate to advise and veto her decrees. She would work with the people she ruled. Ruling by consent of the governed. It's not an easy thing we would give her. More work then pleasure really, but it is her inheritance."

I was rambling a bit.  It all seemed rather far-fetched to walk into a place akin to Amber and rearange the political scene on a grand scale. 

It seemed that I had gone from not making any decisions, to making plans that were beyond the pale of reason.  Middle ground was such a difficult thing for me.

Shado nods then smiles wryly "Only if Quintus has not taken a wife and
produced another heir."

"Yes, I imagine that is possible. Though I project this to be unlikely. He seems to be fanatically attached to you. I truly believe he will
have to be killed or you will die. I don't think there much middle ground in his ambitions. Very unhealthy for all concerned."

Shado looked down, "He's never been denied anything I think. " She was
quiet for a moment then said, "I used to adore him. He was the big brother who always looked after me, trained me how to fight even."

I recalled how Random looked in the hospital and Bleyss' uneven walk.
They were sliced and diced! And Bleys is one of the best fighters
we have.  What chance do I have against such a force? "Yes, he's most
formidable.  It will not be easy to oppose such a person."

Shado looked up, her eyes wide, "Flavel, don't go up against him.
Please. I've seen him fight and he just takes damage and shrugs it off." She muttered, "A direct ballista hit might do it."

I shook my head. "I won't play his game Shado. If I stand any hope
at all of defeating him it won't be in combat."

Shado nodded then smiled, "Good."

She stood and moved round to stand beside me, leaning against the
table.  She smiled "You know, this is nice. Just being in company with each other."

"I agree. If this is what married couples feel I could grow accustomed to this very quickly. It seems a natural way of living life. A relaxation of the soul."

Shado smiled "Yes, that is just how it feels. An ease of the heart."
She leaned forward and kissed me, "I love you, Flavel."

I returned her smile with a kiss and gently caressed her ear whispering, "As I love you. You were right. We play for keeps."

Shado blinked, "I said that?" Shrugging, she added, "It's true though.
Will it cause a problem me being on the team or should I stay off the team?"

She smiled and added, "I like what you are doing though."

I blushed slightly, and said. "I need you with me on the team.  Hell, I
need you with me period. My background is Roman, and I can jump into the persona quickly enough but it's been ages since I've been immersed in the culture. I've lost my total recall. I can't conjure memories to fit the situation anymore. These Romans may say or do something, a ritual or diplomatic gesture that could catch me unaware. I need a steady counsellor nearby. Somebody who can read their intentions and tell me where we stand in their eyes."

Shado nodded, "I will." She blushed and asked, "Do you know the date our fathers have set yet?"

"They are still negotiating. I don't believe a date has been set.  Part of the confusion lay with your relationship with Clovis. My father was reluctant to press any negotiations with Julian until it was known the substance of your feelings towards Clovis." I grimaced, "Welcome to the world of living in a fish bowl with spies all around."

She blushed, "Well, you know the truth now. There was a strong attraction between us, but it's over as I said."

I nodded, "That is the substance of my note to Count Anthony. I only hope such hagglings don't get written into the larger negotiations that are afoot."

Shado nodded, "I hope so too. It may be a good idea for us to settle the matter before my brothers arrive. They cannot object then."

"I agree. Julian as your father has final say, but I'd prefer not to
have our relationship turned into a bargaining chip."

Shado smiled, "I agree. There are likely to be enough politics around
us as it is."

"I'll just be a moment." I withdrew some parchment and wrote out a
quick letter to Count Anthony. Taking out a wax seal I embossed the
note with my sigil. As I finished I summoned the Logrus and a tentacle
picked up the letter. Presently the letter vanished.  Through space
and time the tentacles reached out looking for Count Anthony...

Shado looked on curiously, "Efficient. So what do you want to do now?"

I withdrew my book of trump, "I need head back to Amber. I've been
away overlong. I owe my dear mother a chat. Bleys and I need to speak of the adjustments to the plan that likely will be needed, and random
chance favours those in the centre of things."

Shado looked amused, "You know it's only afternoon there now?"

I looked puzzled. Slowly I put the book away. "I keep forgetting how
fast this shadow is. I've been here for some time and my natural
proclivity is to leap back into things."

Shado nodded, "I know what you mean. I've had horrible shadow lag."

I smiled, "It seems we have the world to ourselves today. What
would you like to do?"

Shado smiled, "This is your shadow. What would you like to do?"

I chuckled, "I'm not even certain where is is.  Let's explore
and see what the day may bring us. I know there are some horses stabled
nearby.  I'd like to see if you ride as well as you claim."

Shado laughed with delight, "How about we pack a picnic too and stop
when we find somewhere we like?"

I clambered to my feet and started rummaging through the cupboards and
pantry. Setting out food and wine for packing. "Shado you're a genius.
You know just the right way to tackle a day."

She kissed me on the cheek, "And you are very sweet." She smiled and
started packing the food in a hamper she found in a cupboard...

***

The sun was an hour risen and the day looked to be warm as we took to trails on Arabian mounts.  The air was still cool enough for faint vapours to be seen from the horses.  Galloping and laughing through autumn meadows rich with the fragrance of falling leaves we went on our way exploring the scenery that was ours alone…

 

The sun shined warmly down upon my face as Shado and I sat by a small
river, the remains of a picnic on the blanket.  Shado smiled and poured us both some more wine; the mood was one of relaxation and delight in the day.

I was relating a story from my youth. How I had once set a trap for a
deer that had been eating grapes out in the vinyards but then I didn't have the heart to slay the beast. So instead I had it brought back to the family’s residence. How I had begged my foster mother to keep it as a pet, and the ensuing commotion that caused.

Shado smiled at my vivid description of the commotion that ensued and
listened on. Just as I went to continue, I felt the tingling of a
trump call.

I never had a chance to complete the story.  For the curious, my family got the deer roaring drunk at a Dionysis festival and let it free the next day.  The poor creature had such a hangover that it never again touched our grapes.  My family was wise in such matters.

I grasped my own trump card and accepted the communication. *Hello?*

Anthony smiled back, "Hello, Flavel. Up to some visitors?"

I slowly stood and stated aloud. "Certainly father. Shado and I
would be happy to entertain visitors."

Anthony smiled, "That will save time." and extended my hand.

I grasped Anthony's hand...and my father appeared along with Fiona and Julian.

Shado rose smoothly to her feet and curtsied.

I bowed to my elders and said, "Mother, this is Shadonia Livia Ceasar.
Shado, this is my mother. The high princess Fiona." With a smile, I added, "Unless I'm mistaken, everyone else has been introduced."

Fiona smiled, "Shado, come walk with Anthony and I for a time." Shado glanced quickly at me then followed Fiona and Anthony, their conversation muted.  Julian smiled slightly, "Your mother can be very blunt when it suits her."

I nodded briefly. "She often speaks in precise intersections. Yes." I
glanced at the retreating forms before facing Julian.  I hoped they wouldn’t be too direct with Shado. "I take it this meeting is born out of my recent proposal." I asked, my words more statement then question.

Julian nodded, "Your father and I have agreed contracts. We are mutually inclined to keep our children from being an extra bargaining chip at the negotiations."

My single blue eye widened slightly at the news. "That is appreciated
by both of us. Though I am somewhat amazed at the speed of which a formal agreement can be made."

Julian chuckled, "I would suspect your father of having worked on the
agreement some time prior to this. There was very little that needed
changing. Of course, that is not impossible given the vagaries of time in Shadow."

"Yes, that sounds like my father. He seems most efficient." I paused
and then asked, "What are your feelings in this matter?"

Julian was quiet for a moment then asked, "How do you feel about my daughter?"

I replied in stone-faced seriousness, "She is everything to me."

Julian smiled a little, though it's a smile tinged with sadness. "As her mother was once to me. I wish you both well, Flavel."

An unreadable look flickered across my face. Arielle. How was it
that you could trade love for hate?  I nodded to Julian, "Thank you. If I may ask, has a date been set?"

Julian glanced at me then answered, "Tomorrow, Amber time."

I coughed in surprise. "Uh...yes, that certainly evades any possible
chance of having our union becoming part of the Amber-Chaos negotiations."

Julian chuckled again, "The day after, most of the Court will be moving to Tintagel. This evening and Flora would have our guts for her next set of garters."

I laughed, "Indeed. I'm glad I am not one of the servants right now."

Julian smiled, "On the plus side, the ceremony itself is to be held in
Arden."

I smiled as well, "Arden is a good place for beginnings. Sunlight through trees is the equal of any Cathedral."

Julian nodded, "Your father will give you the details of the contract, but I have gifted you both a small estate between Amber and Arden, in the seaward side of the Vale of Garnath. I understand it is tradition for the groom to take possession of the house first to prepare it for his bride."

I looked at Julian blankly for a second.  Of all the things I studied with abject seriouness, I never gave half a thought to wedding ceremonys.  There were customs for them in my culture. "Yes of course. and thank you.  This is very generous of you."

Julian smiled slightly, "I have but one daughter, and she has chosen you."

I nodded, "I am indeed indebted to fortune."

Julian smiled more widely, "I'll say one thing for Roman weddings. They look to be quicker than many I've seen."

I looked somewhat nervous. "I'd better find a book on this subject." I
muttered.

Julian looked at me then laughed, "You and me both. Perhaps your father could brief us both."

I absently rubbed the back of my neck in thought. "In honesty this
wasn't a topic I'd spent much time studying. I always imagined it would be a gradual thing instead of a lightning stroke. Cupid's arrow flew fast indeed."

Julian laughed softly, "Things never come the way we imagine they might. The best we can do is just make the most of what we find."

Flavel nodded, "Yes. That does seem to be the way of it."

Julian looked up as Fiona and Anthony returned with Shado. He smiled wryly, "And now I think we exchange." He nodded to me and moved over, drawing his daughter off to the side as Fiona and Anthony approached me.

I caught Shado's eyes an arched an eyebrow in amusement. A whimsical
look that seemed to convey *are we having fun yet?* before turning my
attention toward my parents. "I dare say this is the first time I've spoken in conversation with you both together." and what a fun conversation to get the ball rolling with... I pondered with wry amusement.

Fiona replied wryly, "An interesting time to choose to do so."

I smiled, "You chose the time when you knocked on my door in shadow.
The rest has been action and reaction, founded, compounded, and
confounded."

Fiona laughed softly then said quietly, "You've made a good choice."

My smile turned into a grin as said unabashedly, "Yes it was. Though
I'm not entirely certain who did the choosing."

Fiona's smile became secretive and almost pleased as Anthony said quietly, "Funny, I remember wondering that myself at one point." His gaze was affectionate though as he looked on Fiona. "Now, to details."

I chuckled, "and the devil his due."

Anthony smiled, "Julian has settled a dowry of a sizeable estate in Garnath along with a lodge in Arden, a good monetary sum and a matched pair of brood horses. In return, Sawall has agreed to gift you and Shado a section of Sawallways in accordance with your rank of viscount. Should the marriage end before issue; the settlements revert to Shado and you respectively.  Sawall also formally recognises Julia as a member of the House."

I blinked at this information. "The most important being the last,
though all is a treasure."

Anthony replied, "This is a good move for all concerned. It also prevents a degree of bargaining."

I smiled, "Very wise. Being already recognized and accepted by both
sides, how could she be utilized as a lever? I like that, even as I like the idea of her having resources and friends at both ends of the universe.  She may need them one day."

Anthony nodded, "Resources always help. Fiona, Would you get the details Flora asked for while I talk to Flavel, please." Fiona nodded and moved over to Shado and Julian. Anthony asked quietly, "How are you feeling? Any questions?"

I looked slightly worried, "Julian hinted at a Roman wedding. Any chance you have a script lying about? I don't have the foggiest recollection of its protocols." I hissed.

Anthony smiled and passed a page on which the running order of the wedding was set out.

I briefly scanned it and smiled with relief. "Okay, I can remember this."

Anthony smiled, "The preparations. I'd recommend a breakfast. The rest is up to you."

I chuckled, "Breakfast, I can manage that at least."

At least, I think I could.  Come to think of it, I never had cooked a breakfast.  More to the point, I had never cooked at all.  This might be a problem…

Anthony though then answered, "The main point is to welcome your new wife to her home. Each groom has their own take on that."

"Yes. Just as each couple is unique."

Anthony nodded, "We'll be heading off now. You could probably do with some time to talk. We'll see you later."

I nodded, "Thanks for the advice."

Anthony smiled, "My pleasure. I'm glad to see you happy."

I smiled, "It's good to be happy; at least occasionally.  Helps with
the balance I think."

Anthony nods then bowed and moved away, Julian and Fiona joined him in a swirl of rainbow colours. Shado smiled hesitantly, "How are you…?"

 

"Good I think. Hadn't imagined the wedding to be set for tomorrow. I'm glad they notified us." My face broke into a grin, "Would have been unseemly for us to miss the occasion."

Shado laughed, "That is very true. I'm just surprised at the speed of it all."

"I agree with their reasons. But yes. Very fast." My contenance grew serious, "I think we need to explain to Julia what is going on."

Shado noded then bit her lip, blushing, "Flavel, about tomorrow. I, um,
well it's just that I've never been with anyone other than Quintus..."

I nodded, "Such was my understanding."

She looked deeply uncomfortable as she added in a whisper, "I don't want to let you down."

I smiled, "I appreciate your candor." I gently hugged her. "I don't think it wise to put to many expectations on our wedding night.  Besides, my experiences with intimacy are somewhat limited."

She smiled, "Thank you for understanding. And Julia needs limits, she needs a family."

"I will endeavor to be a good father to her. But I expect your counsel in these matters. You know the child far better then I."

She smiled, "As a mother. Sometimes as a pretend sister. It was a way to keep her safe when people were looking for a mother and a child." Shado stepped forward and nestled into me, "I'm so tired of running."

I held her tight, "We will do what we can." And a dark thought wormed its way into my brain. I will kill a man. I will find a way to be the
instrument of his destruction as surly as there is breath in my body I will dance on his grave.

 

There it was, the problem before me.  Shado would never be truly free until Quintus was dead.  I was her mate; it was my duty and responsibilty to protect her and Julia.  I would have to slay Quintus for his transgressions and the fear he generated or die in the attempt.  As I had fallen into love, so to I now realized the other side of the spectrum required it’s own accounting.  I wasn’t certain how I would go about such a task.  In truth it might be a venture doomed before it began.  I could only make the attempt.

Shado smiled up at me, her face curiously young and innocent, "Well, at
least I can cook. Wait until you meet my legion. They've known me since I was a little girl."

I chuckled, "I look forward to it. Both you’re cooking and meeting your
legion. You must have been quite a Tribune to command such loyalty that
they would march to another realm to serve you again."

Shado smiled, "I cared about them. They were my fa- my stepfather's legion.  I inherited them."

"And they are your responsibility too. We will need to find a place for
them when this is all over. If not in the White Flame realm then someplace here."

Shado nodded, then grows sombre. "War comes." Just as quickly, her expression changed to one of wonder. "You are a good man."

What did she see in me?

Flavel blinks at her sudden change of expression. "Thank you Shado. And
you're a wonderful woman. Who knows? We may even survive this, and if
not, the knowing of you was worth it."

She smiled, "Mater always said I could turn mood on a pin's head." She blinked then smiled, "I see what you mean about this link. I wonder..." She reached up and kissed me gently at first then with growing fire. As she did so, I felt a strange touch at my spirit, as if we were joined in more ways than one.

A moment's alarm impinged me as feelings rushed through my frame. I returned her passion in a mixture of elation and lightheadedness. A feeling of freefall that transceded the physical.  I broke our kiss and whispered hoarsely, "With you, the agony was worth the ectasy."

She looked up, her eyes wide and dark. In a whisper she answered, "I did not realise what the link meant. To touch each other's soul..."

I nodded, my eye sparkling, "One soul, two identities." I felt her heart beat as we held each other. A smile touched me and I said softly
to myself, "I was wrong. Words are not the most powerful magic."

Shado smiled slowly and gently raised her hand to trace my features, her touch soft and yet sensual.

I closed my eye as I surrendered to her grace.  Her touch traced a
filigree of fire to my senses.  My own hands were lost in her ebony hair.

I heard her take a deep, shaky breath as she pulled her hand away, as affected by the touch of my hands as I was by hers. Her voice soft, Shado said, "Perhaps we should return now..."

I opened my eye and nodded hesitantly. "Yes. Plenty to do." My tone
conveying a man who had quite forgotten what he was supposed to be about.

If there was one thing better then arousal, it was being able to arouse the woman I loved.  There was pleasure in this power stronger then anything else I’d ever known. Enraptured senses of…I don’t know, it seemed wrong to trivialize the experience with a description.

Shado nodded, her own expression distracted and her dark eyes large and focussed on my face, "Yes, lots to arrange I would suppose."

"Perhaps we should speak with Julia. This will be a big change for the girl. She deserves to know what's going on."

Shado nodded, her expression became more focussed as she also blushed slightly. "Yes, just give me a moment please."

I chuckled and smoothed her hair.

She smiled ruefully, "I blush easily."

"It's one of your endearing qualities, love." I brought her a glass of water before saying, "I'll saddle the horses for us. I won't be long."

She took the water gratefully. Once finished, she packed up the debris of the picnic and handed me the hamper.

With the horses saddled and ready for travel, I packed the hamper and led Shado's mount over to her.

 

She climbed into the saddle easily and smiled, "Arden, Amber or the dwelling first? I can trump Julia if that helps."

Taking to my own saddle I replied, "Arden first. Tis quickest."

Shado nodded and flipped open her book, opening a way to Arden's green lanes.

I motioned my mount closer to Shado's horse and I reached over to
grasp her hand.

She took my hand and led us through into Arden. Looking around, I said, "We're near to Julian's lodge, where Julia was playing as I recall."

I nodded and cantered my horse forward.

We came to Julian's lodge in short order. Julia played with two other children under a nurse's and a Ranger's careful gaze.

I glanced at Shado, "I hope my eyepatch does not alarm her."
Dismounting from my horse, I called to the young child "Julia! Your
mother and I wish to speak to you."

Julia obediently rose, nodded to her friends, a girl of her own age and a little boy. She walked over, clearly interested in the eyepatch. "Hello, Uncle Flavel. What happened to your eye? Or are you pretending to be a pirate? Is this a game?" her manner was open and honest.

I smiled slightly, "Not a game, though I wish there was time for such.  I had a bad accident befall me. It's what happens when we are not careful."

She nodded then asked, "Does it hurt?"

I nodded, "Sometimes." I replied honestly. "I think its getting better
but healing takes time." I hunkered down so as to see eye-to-eye with her, "Have you been happy here Julia?"

She nodded, though her manner seemed a little subdued, "Uncle Clovis has gone away."

I shot Shado a questioning glance before returning my gaze to Julia.
"This we sometimes do. Noble people sometimes have business that carries them far and wide. He will return eventually."

Shado shrugged and Julia thought over the response then asked, "Do I have to leave here?"

I felt like I walked a tightrope.   Julia would either accept me or she would not.  If she didn’t, it would necessitate setting the wedding back or more nasty longterm complications could arise.  I had given her little reason not to trust me.  Perhaps I had a few things going for me.  He mother liked me, and I spoke latin and my background had it’s origins there.  Still, this was throwing a lot at the little girl all at once.  I only hoped this went well.

I smiled, "You are perceptive Julia. But it won't be so bad. Here you are a guest, that's what people are when they visit, and you can return here at times and see your friends.  We, your mother and I, would like to give you a home that you can call your own. Your friends could visit too when they can.”

She looked to Shado who nodded. Julia then looked back at me. "Where are we going?"

I pointed to a line of foothills to the east. "Our home is on the other side of those foothills. About as far away as Amber is from here."

Julia said quietly, "What is it like there?"

I smiled, "its a lush valley, though not so thickly or massively wooded
as here, it slopes gently but steadily toward the distant sea."

Julia thought for a moment then asked, "When may I see it?"

"Soon. Probably tomorrow if all goes well. What your mother and I would
like you to understand is we have grown fond of each other. I have invited her, and you to live in my house.  It would be our house, and we would be a family."

Julia looked thoughtful, "Are you going to get married?"

I nodded, "That's the way of it Julia. Shado will always be your mother
but she will also be my wife. You would be a daughter of mine, and I hope you would call me father."

Julia bites her lip "Does that mean my other papa isn't my papa?"

"He is your father by birth. But I would raise you and call you my own."  I shook my head. "It's not an easy thing to understand. Sometimes those who bring us into this world are not the ones who can stay by us.  Shado, your mother can. Quintus cannot. I can."

Julia thought on the reply, her tiny face concentrating then she asked "I get to stay in one place for as long as I like? And you'll love me like Mama does?"

I decided to stick with honesty.  I didn’t dare promise would I could not deliver.  Julia was young so tempered my answer as best I could.

I gently placed a hand on Julia's shoulder, "We will stay in one place
as best we can. I can't promise you forever. If a storm comes we have to run for shelter. As for the second. I love you and your mother. That will never change."

She smiled, "Alright. May I go play with Basma now please?"

As quick as that, Julia had made up her mind.  I was accepted and she was willing to live together as a family.  It could be that she did not understand all the ramifications.  Such was life for the very young.  Still, she did appear very smart for her age.  I didn’t doubt for a moment she would hold me my promise to lover her as Shado did.  Not that I minded.  I was beginning to understand that the more I loved, the more it came back to me.

I chuckled and slowly stood, "Have fun Julia, and say hi to Basma for
us."

She smiled, "I will. We're playing with our dolls and Basma's big brother is keeping guard."

"That's awfully nice of him. Be sure to thank him for me."

Julia nodded, "I will. Thank you." and she walked back to her friends. They chatted briefly then Julia ran back, "Can my friends come to the wedding please?"

I nodded. "With their parent's permission, yes they may."

Julia nodded, "Alright, thank you." and ran back to her friends.

I turned to look at Shado, "How'd I do?"

She smiled, "You're accepted."

I climbed back onto my horse. "She's a good kid. You've done well with her." I watched the children play for a few minutes. Presently I said, "I think now we should look upon this home of ours."

She smiled, "I'd like that. How do we get there?"

"That's a good question. Perhaps I should ask Julian as to its location."

Shado chuckled, "That's a good call." She paused then smiled, "You know, I really feel things can change."

"Change is part of life. Having you and Julia in my life is a change for the better." I opened my book of trump and fished out Julian's image.  "I feel silly trumping my Uncle in Arden, but he moves around a lot even in this locality." I focused on Julian's image. My own trump discreetly in my other hand.

Julian answered, "Flavel."

"Hello Julian. Your daughter and I would like to view our future home if this is convenient."

Julian smiled, "A moment." and he reached for something. There was the sound of rustling paper then Julian extended a map through to me.

I took the map. "Thank You. This will be easy to find if you wrote the map."

Julian smiled, "Not I, but it is reliable nevertheless."

"My appreciation. Until tomorrow." he severed the connection.

Shado nudged her steed over, "So where are we?"

I unfolded the map and looked it over thoughtfully. After a moment's reflection I turned it right side up and showed it to Shado.

She looked at it, "By the look of it we have access to the sea. That will be nice."

I nodded, "I see too that there is a small river on the estate.. That will certainly prove useful. Shall we travel there?"

Shado nodded, her smile widened, "Let's. I'm keen to see what's there."

 

Together we rode through forest land as we make our way through towering trees. After a few miles the trail meadered more and rose in grade through forested foothills. A couple hours later and they arrive properly in the Vale of Garnath. The green hillsides was studded with decidious trees and lush grasses.

Following the map, we came to what woudl be our estate, as yet unnamed. A solid building of red stone, softened by a climbing honeysuckle. Around it were a mixture of fields. Some wide and expansive in grass. Others layed fallow and ready for whatever it was to be planted there. There was woodland too, clustered around the small river as it made its way to the sea. Around the house itself, a sizeable garden was planted, complete with a courtyard, gently shaded by ash trees. From the house, the land sloped gently down to a sandy beach.

Shado smiled and whispered "It's perfect."

I smiled also, "Indeed. Proportions and variety in harmony.  There is much in the way of potential here. Your father has been generous."

Shado nodded, her expression of delight evident. "He approves of our match I think. He told me you were less given to the games of his siblings."

"That sounds like my Uncle. More Ranger then Courtier. I always counted him amongst my favorites even if our lifestyles were vastly different."

Shado smiled then grinned mischievously, "Race you there." and galloped towards the house.

I laughed and galloped my horse after her. "Whatever you do.  Don't step on the threshold." I shouted lightheartedly to her.

She called back "I won't, I promise."

I pressed my mount forward, but it was soon evident I didn’t stand a chance with Shado's superior riding skill. The fact I outweighed her by a few stone didn’t work in my favor either.  I briefly considered trying to employ sorcery or logrus but discarded the thought as unsporting and besides it would take to long to set up. Ah well. Another day.

By the time I reached the manor, Shado was just dismounting. She smiled happily over, "See. I'm still outside."

I chuckled. "Your equestrian skills are top drawer lady, but in tech shadows I still get to drive." I dismounted as well.

Shado nodded, "Absolutely. Chariots are my limit. At least for a while."  She looked around and led the horses to a small stable. "I think I may expand these if we start having lots of guests."

"Well if the vinyards do well, I imagine having guests would come easily enough." I said agreeably. I led my horse over to the stables as well, and busied myself removing it's saddle and gear. Glancing at the stables my eye took in details, "Looks like good construction. Julian even has fodder in storage."

Shado smiled as she settled her horse.  "My father likes to be prepared I've discovered." As we walked out, she looked through an archway. "That's good. Raised beds. Lots of room for herbs." She smiled, "My mother taught me about herbs. She kind of mellowed towards the end.  She wanted Julia named such."

Hades on a pogo stick! She was mellow in the end? I'd hate to have met her shade when it was seriously bent. The incongruity of the thought startled me and I pushed it aside focusing on the moment. "Roof looks strong. The whole place looks relatively new."

Shado nodded, "I got the impression my father likes to invest in property. Maybe this is one of his newer projects." She tilted her head "Do you hear that?"

I perked my ears, "No, what do you hear?"

I heard it then in the moment's silence. A splashing sound. Following it, we found the courtyard shaded by ash trees. A fountain in the corner. Shado dipped her hand into the water and took a drink. "A spring. This is very useful. Taste it."

Flavel smiled, "When I picture you it's as by a fountain. So many times have I found you thus." I cupped my hand and sipped the fountain's water.

The water was cold and had a faint mineral taste to it, like a mountain spring, refreshing. Shado smiled "I always picture you in moonlight. I guess it goes back to the times we've met."

I nodded, "Just so." I looked round the courtyard. "I'm glad for the fountain. It's a peaceful sound."

She smiled, "It is. I think we'll spend a lot of time here. Shall we look around the house now?"

I took Shado's hand and led her to the front door of our home. Turning the latch the heavy oak doors opened soundlessly and with little effort; a product of superb balance and machining. As I turned to let Shado by I lifted her in my arms and carried her over the threshold  with a grin, "Janus was my patron. You can't be too careful."

Shado smiled, "True. We don't want bad luck." Still in my arms, she looked around. From what we could see, the house was elegant and comfortable, but obviously unlived in. There were no personal touches or tastes.  She smiled in satisfaction, "Good. Ours to make our own."

I setd her down gently. "Yes, this will be fun moving in. For my part I have only a few things having mostly traveled in shadow." I laughed and went on to say, "Not that you have more then I. But we will find furnishings and momentoes to color the place."

She grinned, "Yes and that will be fun itself. Besides, I'm not completely ignorant of making things either."

I chuckled as I strolled into the kitchen, "I doubt we will lack for wine glasses with your talents."

Shado chuckled, "I'm being serious. I didn't get away from the usual domestic skills."

I opened a couple of the drawers and pantry doors. One door I found led downstairs into what might be a wine or root cellar. I was relieved to see there were some foodstuffs already in place. Probably something my father arranged. "I don't doubt you in the least. You seem very adept in many areas. Which is fortunate for me as I had become somewhat specialized in areas. I'd probably starve if left to my own devices."

Shado laughed, "Trust me, when you're in the army, you learn to cook.  Anyway, Julia was a fussy eater when she was younger." She looked around, "I like this. That cellar will be good for our own wine store too. " She walked over, "I'll be a good wife, I promise."

I took her hand again and led her in exploration of other areas of the house saying, "As I will be a good husband."

 

Which would be easy enough to manage if I was compared to Quintus.  Still, I do take my duties seriously.  There was few matters more important then family.

She smiled shyly, "I have no doubts." The lower floor of the house was sprawling. A wing for any servants was spacious and comfortable as throughout, something which Shado clearly approved of. The views from the windows were likewise restful and relaxing.

I looked at the rooms and commented. "A couple of servants would be good for the house. Lots of upkeep in a place of this size."

Shado nodded, "I agree. A family preferably."

"Makes sense. Shall we see what awaits us upstairs?"

Shado nodded. As we moved upstairs, we found a number of bedrooms and some studies.  Shado enthusiastically marked out one for Julia, overlooking gardens, explaining that Julia liked flowers. As we explored, we found a wing with two linked studies and a single door.  Shado smiled, "I'm guessing this will be ours."

I smiled and opened the door.

The room was larger than the others with adjoining rooms for dressing and bathing. The view though looked over the estate and out to sea. In the distance both Amber and Cabra could be seen.

I stepped into the room. As I admired the views a puzzled look came to him.

Shado asked quietly, "What is it Flavel?"

I chuckled, "I just realized I've been waltzing through unknown rooms without a care in the world. Normally I'd be scanning rooms and imprinting the visualizations. I've changed. I've lost my furtiveness."

Shado smiled and moved into the room, "This will be our home. Maybe that's it." She moved over to the window, "Flavel, come see this.  Isn't the view wonderful?"

I thought the view was quite lovely with my bride-to-be obscuring the landscape.

I walked over to where Shado was standing and looked out at the expanse of countryside. "Yes it truly is. I hope Julia comes to think of it as home as well."

Shado nodded, "I'm sure she will. More than anything else, she wants to be in one place for more than a few weeks I think."

I smiled. "From where I'm standing this is a place that won't grow old quickly. Already it feels such that I'm in no hurry to leave."

Shado smiled, "It's a good place to come back to. It's a pity we can't station the legions here."

I nodded, "With Clovis gone, I will need to find a place for the legions."

Shado turned to me, "I'm sorry I've caused such division. It was never my intention to do so."

I waved a hand in languid dismissal of the thought. "Your intentions have always been pure. There is nothing to apologize for. It was a twist of fate that brought this happenstance."

She moved over and hugged me, "Thank you." She trailed a hand over my cheek, "This has all happened so quickly, but being here, now, with you, I am happy."

I nodded as I hugged her back. "Welcome home Shado."

She smiled up at me, "Welcome home Flavel." then kissed me gently.

Shado tilted her head slightly, "When did you know?"

I smiled, "When I carried you through the entrance. If this place was a tent it would still be home with you by my side."

She smiled slowly, "Do you think the link is this strong because we're both capable of it?"

"It's this strong because we both agreed to it."

Shado searched his face, "Do you think we had a choice?"

I frowned slightly as I pondered Shado's question. "I don't really know. It was not a concious decision for either of us.  Reason is a province of the skull, while love is borne in the chest.  Our link was a product of the proximity of our feelings. There is little enough I know of Apollo’s mark but it seems to be a work of emotion and intuition, and less so conscious control. Which may explain why I've never understood it."

Shado replied musing, "Nemesis and Iris and now Apollo. An odd triad.  Did you know Iris helped Apollo and Artemis to be born?"

I nodded, "So I had heard. Hera's handmaiden; yes?"

She shook her head, "Messenger. To both Zeus and Hera, and a sister to the Furies. Iris defied Hera to bring Leto relief in childbirth so she's compassion too. Nemeis isn't that bad either. She's justice."

"Justice, and compassion. An interesting mix.  Assuming it can be mixed; and now Apollo with his attributes of healing, and arts. If we have children I wonder what they may become."

Shado smiled, "Loved."

I chuckled, "Indeed. Just that and all the rest. They will not lack for a good home and the best we can provide. I did notice that the home has several bedrooms." I stifled a laugh as I added, "I'm surprised Julian didn't have a cribs installed."

Shado laughed then blushed, "You think we will need one soon?"

I smiled as I held her close to me, "Maybe. I've heard that newlyweds are occasionally gifted with children."

Her blush deepened, "It's more common with shape shifters I've heard. If we do conceive a child, what then?"

"I imagine we find you maternity clothes, and pick out a crib. Somehow, though, I have difficulty seeing you surrounded by ladies in waiting when you also command a legion."

Shado laughed merrily, "I may yet surprise you. I am not only a soldier."

I chuckled, "That was my earnest hope."

She chuckled too, "I think your hope may just be rewarded."

I leaned forward and kissed her gently. My hands lightly caressed her arms and neck.

She returned the kiss softly, her hands lightly traced patterns on my lower back.

My pulse quickened at her feathery touch, and I cupped her head in my hands kissing her deeply.

Shado returned my passion, moving closer into my embrace, her hands moved up and into my hair.

I broke our kiss briefly to whisper in her ear, "Would that we never part company."

She smiled and whispered back, "Partings only make the meetings more welcome." then trailed a line of soft kisses along the line of my jaw.

My hands roamed lower, rubbing her neck, and then further...coming to rest briefly on her...armor? A brief look of puzzlement creased my features as I ran my hands upon smooth steel devoid of hinges or clasps. Memories of Shado's words that the armor was magical came to me. Presently I whispered, "My lovely turtle, won't you please come out of your shell?"

She blushed then concentrated. The armour morphed into a soft gown of red silk. She smiled, "Better?"

I smiled and my hands trembled momentarily as I felt her softness. "Like rain in a desert."

Shado smiled, her eyes widened slightly, and I felt her tremble beneath my touch. Softly, she answered, "Wearing armour is a habit, one I think I will break."

"For the world I would see you wear it. But only to the world." Sensing her trembling I wondered to a moments pause. My fingers went to hers and gently intertwined as I whispered, "If there is fear you feel I would understand.  We have all time and I would wait upon eternity herself for you."

She smiled shyly, "A little fear perhaps, but the greater part is the same source of your trembling."

I smiled and picked her up in my arms, "Then tremble for me as I do for you." In an eternal moment I laid her on sheets of cool silk and held her to a kiss.

She kissed me back, her hands on my shoulders, a haunting intensity in her touch, her eyes.  Finally, the kiss broke and she whispered, "Flavel, should we wait until we are married?"

I chuckled, though in my eye there was reflected intensity and need. "In the eyes of the Pantheon we married when you were held to the rack and I burned in your flame. It is your pleasure I desire in the hour of your choosing."

Her dark eyes searched my face and there was a moment of stillness, then she drew me closer, her lips soft against the skin of my throat and her hands moved lightly over my back.

I yielded gently into her arms. Slow movements of exploration. Wonderment shaded into awe as the room's shadows lengthened with the passing afternoon. The evening arrived unnoticed as we sang love's requiem to innocence gone by...

*************

The sound of blackbirds heralded the dusk.  The setting sun filtered through to us as we lay in the darkened room, now still and silent. Shado shifted slightly inside the circle of my arms, her dark eyes like midnight in the dim room.

I rested quietly, content to hold Shado even as my thoughts ranged outward. The understanding that I now stood in the circle of life to which most creatures resided. The concept seemed natural to me but the ramifications ran deep to which I mused. The calling of blackbirds lifted my thoughts. In another place and time such avians were considered messengers.  I kissed Shado once more and said, "Fires turn to softly glowing embers."

She smiled back, "Even Amberites have to rest.". Sighing, she added, "We will have to head back soon."

I nodded, and slowly rose up out of bed.  I stretched briefly in the evening sunlight and then regarded an empty area of the bedroom.  My hair shimmered as if from an unseen wind as I stared at the floor. A feeling of wildness in the room, the smell of a thunderstorm.

A minute passed, and then another. Suddenly a gust of wind preceded a rip out of nowhere and a large brass tub of elegant design appeared in the empty area of the room. Wisps of steam rose betraying its contents to be hot water, and Rose petals floated on its surface.  I turned to Shado and smiled saying, "I'll scrub your back if you scrub mine."

Shado grinned in delight, "That sounds a lovely idea." She paused, her gaze distracted, then after a minute said, "That was Bleys. He's invited us to dinner at the Castle later."

"Excellent, I was wanting to speak with him." I tested the water briefly and smiled at Shado, "Ladies first."

Shado smiled and rose from the bed, she paused briefly to breathe deeply of the scent of the rose petals with obvious pleasure. Carefully, she lowered herself into the hot tub, then smiled, "This feels wonderful."

With the tub easily large enough for two, I slipped into it's water as well with a sigh of pleasure.  My hand emerged from the water with a soft scrub brush and washcloth that I used gently on Shado's back and shoulders. I whistled a lovesong absently as I did so and Shado noted a quality to my melody not unusual for bards.  I had perfect pitch.

She smiled, listening to me, then in turn washed my back and shoulders, singing softly in her musical voice, the words an echo of the melody I whistled. For a moment, she rested against me and said, "I love you."

The muscles in my back rippled momentarily at her words. "As I love you."

She smiled then said, "Was that ticklish?"

I laughed momentarily, "I haven't been ticklish in over a century."

Shado chuckled and ran her hands lightly over the muscles in my back.

I started to giggle and leaped away from Shado to stand dripping on the floor. In a moment I caught my breath saying, "My siren plays me like a harp. I bow to the better bard. " I did indeed bow, my eye shining amusement.

She laughed and said, "I think the better bard is outside this lovely tub." Dripping herself, she climbed out and moved over to me, "And now, we need to find some towels."

I chuckled, "I'm sure theres some towels her somewhere.  My eye focused on a nearby closet door. Abruptly I winced and rubbed my eyepatch. With a shake of my head I walked over and opened the closet door, extracting a pair of large bath towels, one of which I handed to Shado.

She took the towel gratefully then asked, "Is your eye hurting again?"

I nodded curtly as I dried myself off. "It comes and goes. It seems to flare up when I bring the pattern to mind." I shrugged. "It's not as bad as when I recently recovered from the Logrus. I couldn't even think of the pattern without a bad headache.  I'm guessing it's just the powers finding a balance."

Shado nodded, towelling off her long hair. "It takes time. At least it did for me with the two Flames. I guess we both have to recuperate."

"Galling, but yes I agree. It's odd being able to touch both ends of the spectrum. There's a sense of tension within me, like a spring. I have learned not to summon the pattern within Logrus sight though."

Shado finished drying herself off and kissed him gently on the cheek "Good. I prefer you not getting hurt."

Flavel chuckled, "Even contemplating it with any seriousness can lead to some rather wild feedback." I began clothing myself as we talked.  Part of me marvelled at my own casualness.

Shado asked with interest, "Such as?" as she too clothed herself.  Hesitating for a moment, she wore again the elegant red silk gown. "Do you think this will be suitable for dinner?"

I smiled, "It's very nice. You shimmer as if a flame. Even Salome would know envy."

She smiled brightly, "Thank you. I'm glad you like it." Looking thoughful, she asked, "I'll ask my father to send someone to collect the horses."

I buckled on my swordbelt and briefly combed out my hair. "To answer your question about the feedback, I know of only two things that adequately describe chaos and order together. One is music, and the other is life itself. For all my effort in either of these areas I am not their master, and I flatly refuse to entertain working primal powers so diametrically opposite in nature twice. The feedback was like a symphonic crescendo of birth and death enraptured to a strobe light and tied to a tornado. It left me with a headache that lasted days."

With our dressing completed I dismissed the tub of water while Shado briefly confered with her father about the Arabian horses. A ranger was dispatched to bring the animals back to Arden.

As the mundane details of housekeeping were taken care of, we trumped to the Amber castle courtyard.