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The exact moment you step into an auditorium you are no longer you--you are now and audience member. Whether it is a play or a concert, you just became the most foul creature on the earth. From day to day you are you. From day to day you are considerate of others. From day to day you make sure you are polite to everyone that crosses your path. No matter how awake or how tired you are, you become the scum of the earth the millisecond you enter a concert hall. You sit in your assigned seat next to your date and settle down for a nice pre-concert chat. As the lights dim, you don?t notice the orchestra has started to tune; you don?t notice that other people surrounding you are sending a harsh glare for you to silence yourself, you only care that your date is into you. The maestro comes out and takes his welcoming bow. The concert finally start, but you have no idea what the first piece is (you think it is a Bernstein, after all, the concert was entitled ?Bernstein?s Best,? but it doesn?t sound like ?West Side Story? to you) so you take out the almighty program to see what the piece is called. As you do so, you wiggle and squirm, trying your hardest to get enough light to make out the small print; the program is bent, folded and makes enough sound to cover for the percussion section that night. You see that the music you really wanted to hear isn?t until after intermission. Eyelids grow heavy and slowly they are shut, only to be popped open again at the start of intermission by your red faced date who informs you of the snorts that were emitted from your nose and mouth during the first half. Around you are people whispering into each others ears, mocking you. They find you obnoxious. They think I?m obnoxious. It never crosses your mind, although you now feel a bit self conscious. The concert resumes and you drift back into Dreamland. You wake up just in time to hear your favorite work of all time and swiftly jump to your feet to help give a rousing standing ovation. Everyone hates you; the people around you, the orchestra, and the conductor. They know you?re in the audience sitting there pretending to be interested in what?s going on., yet you go on with your life, telling co-workers over the next several days about the spectacular concert that you attended the other night. |
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