| My goal: To look like the guy from the beginning of Spongebob who says the stuff To get there, I must make certain, drastic changes in my lifestyle. 1. Trade brother for a boat 2. Stop bathing 3. Grow a beard, or steal one from the pirate museum 4. Locate a crocodile arch-nemesis 5. Eat all meals at Long John Silvers 6. Build a rum distillery in my garage 7. Replace hand with hook in freak high-seas accident 8. Say ARRRRRRRRR a lot 9. Cease using scissors in favor of a scimitar 10. Begin a pirate pyramid scheme in order to obtain necessary booty 11. Call my cat Polly, feed it only crackers |