| I'm guessing I'm just soft. Today was an absolute garbage day for me. I woke up, went to work in a good mood, and came back with the worst attitude I've had in a long time. Very bad. So bad that I just did not want to talk, touch or even see another living being for fear that I would lose all control and start screaming at them for being alive. I haven't had a vacation in three years. So, while I tried to avoid human contact, for the sake of the innocent, I found myself in a situation where I had to restrain my rage and actually have a conversation. And all I wanted to do was punch something. Bad news. I'm feeling better now. I went for a walk, played with the cats, and indulged in a quick fix of everyone's favourite sedative, television. Hopefully I'll be all perky when Gary comes to stay tomorrow. I can still feel the demons crawling around in my skull. And, no, I don't want to talk about what set me off. Thanks. For a peek into a mind even more messed up than my current state, please visit this domain of deviance. Steven August 13, 2001 1:13 am |
| Sorry I haven't posted in a while. And I'm especially sorry, because this post isn't worth the wait. Gary, the cute Wintle Brother, is down for a couple of weeks. His visit makes it the first time it's really felt like summer for me this year. I'm living kind of out of the way now, so I don't get much visitors. So, for the last couple of days my brother and I have been having a good time, and we were eagerly anticipating seeing all my friends at our weekly get together at a dance club in the Falls, 30 minutes away. This is really my last regular interaction with beings other than my cats and dog. A chance to cut loose, shake it up and get silly. One of my friends said last week that he would drive. I couldn't get a hold of him today to finalize plans, so I called a mutual friend who was also getting a ride. He heard that our friend was having some trouble with his car, and this friend would call and let us know what was happening or just pick us up. I left a message on the same friend's voicemail, and he never called back. I called other friends who were going and they said they'd call back in an hour. Three hours later me and my brother were sitting in the living room wondering what had happened to our wonderful night. I felt so bad for letting him down. No one has called back yet. This uncertainty happens every week. And this week I told people I would meet them there. If I had known, we would have taken the bus. I can't get mad at my friends for not wanting to drive, if that's the case. I appreciate it when they do. But, as of tonight, finally, I've decided I'm not going to accept rides from them any more. If I can't make it on my own, I just won't go. I can no longer trust or depend on most of my friends for even the simplest courtesies, like a return phone call. And that's making me a little depressed. Steven August 17, 2001 2:29 am |