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Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle - The title sounds like a classy porno. It's all downhill from there�..Let's forget the fact that these three are no longer attractive because they're so deathly thin, or that it's a "skin flick" but only women want to see it, or just the fact that they replaced Bill Murray with Bernie Mac,�..Actually wait, let's remember those, because that's why this movie blew.
Did I see it? No. Will I ever? No. And frankly, at the risk of being labeled a sexist, I'm tired of all these "You go girl!" movies and shows, like this and Gilmore Girls. Women are now far too sassy and independent of men in films and TV, not that that's a bad thing, but there has to be some balance. The next Charlie's Angels should feature their boyfriends explaining that, sure they fight evil, but they feel really immasculated by the whole thing and would far prefer a woman who can make a decent casserole.

Lara Croft - Tomb Raider : The Cradle of Life : Quiz time! What's longer? The amount of time they spent writing this movie or the length of the title? Time's up!
But seriously, why did they make a sequel to the original? I can no longer look at Angelina Jolie and feel attracted to her for more than 2 seconds before I think, "Shit! She slept with Billy Bob!" However this film may be worth twice its weight in gold for all the "Pandora's Box" jokes we're going to be able to make.

Pirates of the Carribean: Ahoy! First we had movies based on books, then comic books, then video games. Now we have hit the near lowest common denominator: A movie based on a fucking ride in Disney World. A far more exciting movie would be one based on the concession stands in Disney World. They could call it, "The $7.50 Ice Cream Adventure With Not a Beer Cart In Sight."

2 Fast 2 Furious: Wow. Who greenlighted this? Why do they still have a job? I guess you could say he "Act a Fool." Hahaha�..But seriously, are there three more painful words to hear than "Paul Walker vehicle?" Vin Diesel was smart to turn this down, as it may have been a career killer. The one saving grace is the fact that we get to see a movie poster with Ludacris on it.

Hollywood Homicide: I remember watching the preview for this and thinking, "Harrison Ford and a 50 Cent song just don't belong anywhere near each other." The title is also, curiously enough, a foreshadowing of what's to become of the man who wrote the script for this film.

Bad Boys II: Relive the magic of the original Bad Boys�.which came out 8 years ago. I know I've been anxiously waiting�And for you Martin Lawrence fans, here's hoping we see a Blue Streak 2: Still Angry at White People.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Since when is Dorian Gray a superhero? Or Tom Sawyer? Or Captian Nemo? 19th Century literary characters do not function well in an action milieu I'm guessing. However, it was entertaining to see the credits in the advertising touting Sean Connery only, and no one else. I guess the actors they surrounded him with were so talented and famous, they didn't even need to name them!

Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde : It's hard to say whose career is being more damaged by this continuing abomination. Reese Witherspoon or the Taco Bell dog. You should never judge a book by its cover, unless it's a really shitty cover. If Bob Newhart and Luke Wilson are soon found dead in an apparent murder-suicide pact, we'll know why.

Seabiscuit: Man meets horse. Horse meets man. Man falls in love with horse. Man fucks horse. Horse wins many races. Man fucks horse some more as a reward. This movie is going to be HUGE in the South.