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| The Hulk: The Hulk was an excellent, excellent film. It was very well done, and actually focused on emotions and not just showing off computer graphics or explosions like most summer films. The editing was particularly neat, as it was cut like a comic book. However, The Hulk is incredibly boring. Don't get me wrong, it's still great, but it's not a fun superhero movie. We know that Bruce Banner is tortured, don't spend two hours driving the point home. Just have someone kick him in the nuts so he can go on a rampage. Or couldn't they have airlifted him to Jurassic Park to fight dinosaurs or something? Come on! I want carnage. On a side note, this movie is purely enjoyable from the "Hey, Nick Nolte looks just like he did in that mug shot when he was arrested for drug charges a few months back" standpoint. Matrix Reloaded: Man, what to say about this hunk of crap. Basically everyone I've talked to said the same thing, "Yeah, it was slow and the dance scene was gay, but the fights ROCKED!" I don't care about that. The fights in the original were amazing as well, but that movie didn't subject you to hours of philosophy. It felt like the Wachowskis stole a first year university philosophy textbook and flipped to the glossary to write the script. Also, does Keanu Reeves have any expression other than the, "Whoa, I'm in a movie?" expression? He's the same character in every movie he's been in, be it Speed, Dracula, or Point Blank. Except for Bill and Ted, in which he sadly had more personality than Neo. Here's praying that Revolutions helps us forget this Hegelian nightmare. T3: Around the time that previews for T3 and Reloaded came out I was thinking that T3 was a desparate cash grab while Reloaded was a well-made sequel. How wrong I was. T3 turned out to be far better than expected, and even a fun popcorn movie, whereas Reloaded left me searching for Kevorkian in the phone book. Arnold is still in good shape, unlike the script for this film, which is a bit weak. The action scenes more than make up for it. It has an action to "shitty dialogue" ratio of about 3-1, whereas Reloaded had the opposite. God, did I ever hate Reloaded. Finding Nemo: Yes, I saw this. It was fun, ok? Pixar realizes, unlike many studios, that mindblowing graphics are all well and good but you need a story. Not like that piece of ass lint Reloaded�. A lot of celebrity voices in this one, from Albert "Come on, I'm kinda funny" Brooks, to Ellen Degeneres, to Geoffrey Rush, to Willem "Don't call me William" Defoe "Don't call me Dafoe." Fun for the whole family. Even more fun if you take the kids out to see Finding Nemo, then stop off a Red Lobster and say, "Guess what kids?" Bring a camera, capture the moment. X-Men 2: An impressive sequel that stays true to its roots, just like the original. Fun script, solid comic book plot, and we finally get to see Wolverine go on some nut-twisting rampages. A lot of in-jokes for X-Men fans such as myself that leave a lot of dorks laughing and everyone else going, "Jesus, not another in-joke." The ending is a cliffhanger, but finally introduces the Phoenix, Jean Grey's alternate identity. Oh sorry, was that a spoiler? Tough shit, you should know that anyway. Side note: Why couldn't Reloaded take a note from this film, huh? Apparently Andy and Larry said, "Nah, fuck writing, let's merchandise!" Bruce Almighty: Is this what Jim Carrey was reduced to? He's comes out with Man on the Moon and Truman Show, two awesome flicks see him turn in brilliant performances, and he gets shit for them, and the general public hates it. So, he is forced to go back into movies where he gets laughs out of making contorted faces. "Oh, look, he's like rubber. Laugh!" Side note: Is there anything more awkward than trying to laugh at a joke that you know is funny in a movie, but you've seen it so many times in previews that it's lost all meaning. That was Bruce Almighty folks. The Italian Job: Edward Norton looks like he's in pain for every second of this movie, and he's really indignant about it. He's too good for this. Michael Caine recently turned in a great performance in The Quiet American, not to mention his long, illustrious career. He's too good for this. Mos Def, Seth Green, and especially Jason Statham are too cool to be in this movie. They're too good for this. Charlize Theron is hot. She's too good for this. Mark Wahlberg sang "Good Vibrations." He needed a prosthetic dick in Boogie Nights. He's far too untalented for this. Someone call Mark when they remake another mediocre movie, like Logan's Run or something. |
| Summer Movies Part 1: Movies I Saw |