| We're coming up on the coldest, darkest month of the year. No, I'm not talking about American Idol 2, but February. At the start of winter, we're happy to see snow. Then, come December, we like having it around to make the holidays feel right. In January, we put up with it, because we've become accustomed to it. But by the time February rolls around, you've gone completely insane from cabin fever and you swear that snow is your mortal enemy. No longer do you say chirpily, "Hey! It's snowing!" Now the reaction is more akin to, "What the fuck? It's snowing again???? Mother Nature can suck my dick! Fatass bitch!" Snow isn't charming anymore, it's annoying. You'd swear there hasn't been this much anger at something white since Louis Farrakhan tried to get served at Denny's. The major problem with all the snow is not the hassle it causes for traveling about, but the fact that it essentially keeps you inside for months at a time. But snow is very grounding for people. It calms them down. Look at all the hotspots in the globe right now. Venezuela, Iraq, Israel, all of Africa. Notice that none of these places ever get snow. Countries that receive snow are more relaxed and not as bent on bloodshed. Except for North Korea. North Korea's deviation from the norm is explicable, because they get too much snow and have no way to clean it up because they're as poor as MC Hammer's shit. If you got that much snow and no one even likes you, you'd be hostile too. North Korea is like Alberta with nukes. The other thing I love about February are the holidays. Namely, Groundhog Day, Valentine's Day, and in the United States, Presidents' Day. First off, Presidents' Day. Why do we need a special day for these men? When you're the most powerful man in the world, every fucking day is a holiday for you. Groundhog Day is just odd. We actually have a holiday based on what appears to me to be a pagan ritual, watching a rodent come out of his hole and decide on the meteorological future. Who ever managed to get this to be a holiday anyway? "Say Silas, have you noticed how every February 2nd that rascally rodent living in that borough yonder emerges and his reaction thereby influences how much more winter weather we shall have. I say we petition President Fillmore to make this a national holiday!" "Jebediah, have you been hitting the opium pipe again?" "Perhaps Silas, perhaps." And finally there is the wonderful spectacle that is Valentine's Day. Does anyone notice how contrived this is except me? It's basically created for the sole purpose of selling merchandise. Shitty, overly-sentimental merchandise they couldn't give away any other day of the year. Also, does it seem strange that a holiday in honour of romance and love between couples is named after a Catholic saint/priest? That's like having a holiday called Karl Marx Day and having its main tradition be giving others copies of Adam Smith's Wealth of Nations. With Valentine's Day there are also two ways, and two ways only that people react to it, and it relies entirely on whether or not you're with someone when the day rolls around. If you're seeing someone, you get big into Valentine's Day and say what a great idea it is to have a holiday for love. If you don't have someone special, you bitch and moan on Valentine's Day more than any day of the year and complain how overly comercialized and trite it is. If of course, am of the latter opinion. |
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| February |