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What ever happened to baseball? It used to be the All-American game, now it's the All-American joke. Remember back in the day when the Jays were racking up the World Series wins and baseball seemed fun? Then in 94 the Expos were the best team in the league and an All-Canadian World Series seemed possible. Then, the strike. Now most people will tell you that the strike came about because of labor disputes. That's horseshit. It happened because the fat cats running the MLB didn't want to see two Canadian teams face off for the title of World's best. So they pulled the plug. And why did player salaries jump after the "strike?" No, it wasn't because the players negotiated it. MLB paid them off to keep quiet about the anti-Canadian actions. Do you think I'm lying? You think the Grizzlies are any better off in Memphis? No, they're in a smaller market with the same shitty record. David Stern and the NBA brass are just too scared that Bryant "Big Country/Misaligned Eyes" Reeves would turn it on and take the Grizz to the Finals.

And steroids. What the fuck is up with steroids? It used to be that baseball players were comparatively smaller than they are today. Remember Kelly Gruber? And Hank Aaron? He could hit the long ball just as well as today's players, but he was the skinniest motherfucker you could imagine. Somalia used to watch the World Series back then and feel sorry for baseball players. Nowadays the guys are the same size as most middle linebackers. And don't tell me that weight training had anything to do with. You don't put on that much muscle in as little time as these MLBers do with just workouts. Like Bret Boone. He miraculously put on 40 plus pounds of muscle in 2 months. The only "weight training" in baseball before present times was done by Babe Ruth. Babe Ruth was the biggest man in baseball for decades, and he did it without steroids. How? He ate hot dogs like pigeons were going to go extinct, drank alcohol like Winston Churchill on a bender, and the only exercise he got was from fucking a dozen prostitutes a day.

Baseball used to be exciting too. In the old days I'd stay up until 2 am watching games and my heart was always racing. Nowadays I feel like Jabba the Hutt when I'm watching a game. I used to wonder why people drink so much beer at baseball games and why they couldn't just enjoy the atmosphere. Now I know why they do it.

Finally, there is the matter of injuries in baseball. Apart from when pitchers' shoulders become dislocated during mid-throw (You better believe that's happening to Randy Johnson. "Johnson winds up and BAM! Good lord ladies and gentleman! Randy Johnson's shoulder has just exploded, and there's blood everywhere! And to make it worse, the umpire is going to call that as a balk.") there are no gruesome injuries in baseball that justify missing a game. This past year, Tom Glavine sat out the All-Star game with a blister on his hand. A blister. NFL Quarterbacks throw with pins in their hands for god's sake, and with 450 lb. juiced up psychopaths trying to kill them on every down. Brett Favre would never walk up to his coach and say, "Yeah Mr. Sherman, I can't play on Sunday. I got a nasty callous on my pinky yesterday when I was doing some gardening." Brett plays damnit. If Donovan McNabb's arm came off in a game he'd just stay in and play with the other one. But not in baseball. They sit out for the weakest stuff. Like catchers always say they have sore knees. Quit bitching. You get to sit there the entire game without moving. At least goalies sweat. Cal Ripken's streak was not impressive to me. Sure it was for 2000 odd games, but in each game he only had to sit in the dugout except for 3 at bats and maybe have a ball hit to him every few innings. If Cal Ripken is the Ironman then George W. Bush heads a Mensa chapter.