11

To Kill an American

        You probably missed it in the rush of news last week, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.

        So an Australian dentist wrote the following to let everyone know what an American is, so they would know when they found one.

        An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish, Polish, Russian or Greek. (These are the superior ones, because they're white. Hence why they've been treated better historically) An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani, or Afghan. (But they really shouldn't be. We have camps for these people.) An American may also be a Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans. (Or whatever is left after centuries of calculated genocide)

        An American is Christian, or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan. (Which explains why so many terrorists have lived in America.) The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses. (Just be careful not to be too vocal with your dissent. This is a loving Christian nation, and we'll skullfuck anyone who thinks otherwise.) An American is also free to believe in no religion. (We refer to these people as filthy atheist dogs.) For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God. (Or to Bush's new faith based initiative program.)

               An American is from the most prosperous land in the history of the world. (And with a level of economic disparity unseen in the Western World since the reign of Louis XVI.) The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence, which recognizes the God given right of each person the pursuit of happiness. (And the favourable tax laws for big corporations.)

        An American is generous. (Which explains why as a percentage of GDP, America gives less than any Western nation.) Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need. (Like Chile, when they dared to democratically elect a Communist! A Communist! Well the CIA put in Pinochet and stopped that.) When Afghanistan was overrun by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country! (And that gave us the wonderful Taliban, which America professed no knowledge to helping and then took out.) As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan. (Of course they probably were more responsible for that poverty than anyone else. Yeah, wait to back anyone just because they aren't Communist. "He's a convicted baby killing rapist known to his countrymen as 'Dr. Hacker'? But is he a commie?")

      Americans welcome the best, the best products, the best books, the best music, the best food, the best athletes. (Like McDonald's "food," Creed, Explodin' Ford Explorers, and noted murderer/running back O.J. Simpson.) But they also welcome the least. (For a prime example, just look who's living at 1600 Pennsylvania.)

        The national symbol of America, The Statue of Liberty, welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America. (And after years of substandard housing and working conditions they endured to do it, we're shifting the burden to the third world courtesy of the WTO and NAFTA.) Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11, 2001 earning a better life for their families. (�by cleaning urinals for 6$ an hour before tax while executives that pissed in those toilets were making millions off his fellow countrymen back home.) I've been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 other countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists. (But you can bet the white ones were the only ones who were able to afford decent funerals.)

So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin, and Mao Tse-Tung, and every bloodthirsty tyrant in the history of the world. (Yeah, every one of them. Like Caesar, Genghis Khan, and Ivan the Terrible, because America's ruled the world forever and always will right?) But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself. (Trust us, we can do that for you. And burn your hut too. Ever hear of My Lai? Why kill yourself when we can save you the trouble?) Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. (Just the white, protestant, European males who hold power.) They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. (Slavery! cough cough!)Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American. (But stay out of country fuckers! America is for Americans. Like my grandparents who came here from another country to kill Indians.)

        Pass this around the World.

I'm sure this will make me some enemies, but what the hell? I received an 'inspirational forward' from a friend that her aunt sent her. Then I added comments to it in parentheses. Enjoy.