sitting askance on my smile?
did you notice my lucide facade
slip in mirth and mire?
this torrent of words
all false, all casing
the truth in a storm
you're searching, you're chasing
find me real
find me, love
something appealing
something revealing
to be fairly fond of
blc 11/16/02
until i saw you
i was adequate
i was flying through a sense of hope
and you sling-shot me back into you
whiplash break-neck speeds
and i depleted
again
it was my fault
to stare into unreality
like it was something grand
worthwhile to just stand
blc
Drain my features from all emotion
I feel lost
Agitated and unanswered
Seconds drip condensation
From the curves of the hourglass
Hope rains morbid concentration
Morose torrents fall in mass
Blood-shot view
Of everything turned
Smiles sparse and few
Forget every thought I learned
This is maturity
Hanging from a clothesline
Dangle in the wind
Faded in the sunshine
This is the future
Unsure and dim
A vicious growing creature
Hope's antonym
11/21/02 blc
and i felt you go
sneaking out the bedroom window
like freedom entering my lungs
and all those thorns
seeping from my skin
fallen on the bedsheet
taking it all back in
everything you've hidden
everything exposed
light on my doorstep
like a kiss upon my nose
i watched you stalk down the street looking for innocence looking for meat.
i watched the fool you've become go blind in your ignorance as foggy anxiety forgets rule of thumb.
i watched you stumble as the cat pounced its prey and you fell like a rodent begging for a torn yesterday.
and i felt you die
in that moment i found my smile
liberation in the end of a life
strange bedfellows
joy and strife
now i dance
purring in delight
kitty found her vengeance
while preying in the night
b.l.c. 10/14/02
because you were so shifty leaving me shaking i was whole but now i'm breaking
beneath the weight of some expectations so horribly great i thought what was real
would never become fake smiles and uncertainty i found quaint makes me leak in my
hurt and emotionally faint in my pain only lasts a while until i force myself to endure
another ache about something that you said you'd never take my pride and now i
break my back in attempt to hide from the light in your face now that you've moved
on to another kingdom and become their prince and another beauty to melt and bend
into something they aren't and end up like me running from something they can't find
lurking in shadows far in the depths of my tormented mind it takes time to heal a wound
until you scratch it off into infection and it falls into my self-made tomb covered in black
roses and rotten dis-ease as i sit uncomfortably in a coffin of widowed dreams.
are you happy now that you don't have to fake being mine anymore? i try to move
on like ants to the far beyond so slow my progress is only in what i know is not
much it's the blow to the brain that stills your process to a bird's eye view of life from
up here isn't the same when you see it comepletely fragmented and the folding horizon
slightly demented or is it insane to think of things so completely lost i titled your name
to just a simple feeling of opression on my life and i took you off my wall and placed
you into my drawer of forgotten things and my heart grew wings and flew to a place you
couldn't find me but i tip-toed out thinking i was free and i fell back down to oblivion and
it's bloody chains. i tend to dislike people who make me cry. i try to move on feeling
shame for loitering in this state but you ripped me and i won't soon let go of my pieces
because they're the few i still own you seem to have forgotten that you have my soul
in your back pocket making it a bit difficult to turn away from a dangerous resulting in
me retreating to far corners of this world to find something that shows loves in return
to the times before i met you and remembered a grin and the safety within he gives
me a reciept so i can prove to him one day that he told me he loved me and i rejected
but believed and i rejected you and i beleived you too but i had no proof and then you
left with promises in unwritten oaths by blood i swore to comely words you never wrote.
.leave. me. alone.
blc