Characters:
1: CZ(Armageddon)
2: Amy(Aimless)
3: Sean(Sean-chan)
4: JP(God)
5: Lizbet(Poledra)
Voice: Kevin(Harbinger)

1: Long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
2: WHAT?!
1: Oh, sorry... wrong movie. Um. This is us. I am me. She is she and he’s- well, we’re not sure WHO he is.
2: Or what....
3: Hey!
1: hmmmm..... HEY LOOK OUT!
2: (with feeling) AHHHHH!!!
3: Huh? What? What’s going on?
1&2: (in chorus) Oh, nothing... (innocent smirks)
3: C’mon, you know you want to tell me.
1: Well, I supposed we could-
2: Yeah. But then we’d have to kill you.
3: (very confused) Why?!
1: You’re not allowed to know that.
2: (leaping up) DENY EVERYTHING! (everyone stares) Ooooops... (sits down looking very embarassed)
1: Guilty conscience, or what!
2: No, just waaaaaaay too much X-Flies.
4: (walking in) X-Flies?
3: You DON’T wanna know....
1&2: he he he (look)
4: Why wEre we brought here?
1&2: (“Mindy” tones) Because...!
4: No, I mean, why are we here?
3: No one really knows.
2: There’s this whole idea about Heaven....
1: Or spaceships. (music: Hey Mr. Spaceman)
2: Only the Shadow knows... whoops. Wrong movie again. (pause) Wait! Just one more! R2-D2 WHERE ARE YOU?!
3: (to camera) Sorry, she just couldn’t resist.
4: (also to camera) But we all wish she would.
1: Tee-Hee! (in a high voice) Luke, I am your Father!
2: (falls on floor laughing) Noooooooooo!
3: Yoda & I are like THIS! (fingers all messed up trying to cross them)
2: (from the floor) Remember kids- “Accidents cause people”!
4: And, only YOU can prevent forest fires!
1: Whoa, where did that come from?
3: I believe those were the immortal words of Marvin the Martian.
2: No, Bugs Bunny. (gets up)
4: Marty Cobra.
1: Yosemite Sam!

(All repeat, cat-fighting)

5: (entering room) ENOUGH ALREADY!

(All freeze in place, doing various things)

5: Helloooo?
1: Shhhh.... she can’t see us!
2: Be vewy, vewy quiet.
3: (loudly) What?!

(All jump on him and then freeze, smiling)

5: Is there someone here?
4: No buddy here but us chickens.
2: Hey, who you callin’ a chicken?
1&3: You!

(fighting)(then stop and look at 5, who has seen them)

All: (except 5) Uuuuhhhhhps.... (chorus)
5: We are not amused! (british accent)
2: We?! How many people ya got in there? (1&4 try to look)
3: (to 2) Can you(cough, hack) let go of my neck now? (choke)
2: (apologetic) Oh! I’m sorry! Here sit down, want a Pepsi?
4: SUUURRRRRRGE!
1&2: DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER! (pronounced: Dur)
3: (picks up remote) Hey, the Cooking Channel!

(All (but 3) dive to the floor, shouting. 4: Hit the deck! 5: Get down! 2: Ahhh! 1: oh, the humanity, pain,PAIIIIIIIIN!)

All: (not 3) (slowly pick themselves up, and desperately grab for the remote. A life-or-death battle rages)
3: You don’t know the POWER of the Dark Side! Now GIVE ME THAT REMOTE!!!

(3 emerges with remote, and finally changes the channel as the others lie in a heap on the floor, exhausted)

2: (exasperated and with deep disgust) BOYS and their TOYS!

(after everyone gets up again)

1: Boy that was almost as bad as... naw...
All: What?! Oh, whaaaaaaat?!?!
1: one, two three(music) It’s a small world after all...
All: (singing) It’s a small world after all
(still singing but in pain) it’s a small world after all
(writhing) it’s a small, small, world!!
4: (weakly) I love you, you love me....

(All pounce on her, shut her up)

3: (seriously) Luke, I REALLY am your Father!
All: UUUUUUUUGHH! (All pelt 3 with pillows)
3: (getting up) I’m hungry... what’ve you got?
2: hmm... (goes looking off-screen, her voice can be heard) crackers, and stuff, and... ohh, here’s some Squeezie Cheez!
3: Huh? Squeezie Cheez?
4: Yeah! It’s the almost-but-not-quite-food in a bottle! If it’s almost food but not quite, it’s SQUEEZIE- CHEEZ!

(4 is holding up a bottle labeled “Squeezie Cheez” and grinning)

3: Eeewww... um, I’m not hungry anymore, thanks.
2: (announces) I’m bored.
All: Uh-Oh!!
1: Look! (everyone looks as she points) It’s LOG!
All: (sing) What rolls down stairs, alone or in pairs, runs over the neighbors dog... (faltering, can’t recall the words... humming until-)it’s Log, Log, Log! It’s LOG! LOG! It’s big, it’s heavy, it’s wood! LOG! LOG! It’s better than bad, it’s good!
1: (t.v. announcer voice) And this concludes our gratuitous fake commercials.
5: (suddenly) No, wait!
4: What?!
5: Ummm... darn, I can’t seem to recall... hold on....

(Suddenly, as 5 stands there thinking and mumbling to herself)

Voice: OH, SHUT UUUP!

(All look aroud wildly-5 continues mumbling)

1: What was that?
Voice: THAT WAS ME, DUMMY.
1: Who are you? And why are you so rude?
Voice: I’M THE VOICE, DUH. AND I DO IT BECAUSE I CAN. SO HA.
1: You sound kinda sexy, why don’t you come up and see me sometime?
3: God, you can’t keep it clean, can you?
4: Don’t talk to me, take it up with her! (pointing)
Voice: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.

(All then look behind the curtain, of course)

All: Hi-eee! (wave)
Voice: D’OH!
1: Sorry, just joshin with ya.
2: (snickers)
1: (turns and gives 2 a Look) WHAT? (in a tone that says, “Peril”)
2: (sobers up rather quickly) Nothing! Really, it was nothing.
1: Be sure of that.
4: It’s my island, Ha ha ha ha ha ha, so Get over it! (song break)
3: That, I believe, is enough of that.
2: Now shake and make up...

(they shake violently)

4: (stuffing mouth, coming out of the kitchen) What’s shakin’?
2: Noooo! (in pain from the pun)
All else: (laugh)
3: Like I said, that is enough of that!
Voice: Anyone want to hear a joke?
4: No, but I bet you’re gonna tell it anyway.
Voice: Yes. What did the skunk say when the direction of the wind changed?
2: (in monotone) I don’t know, what?
1: (stepping in front)(breaks into song) It’s all coming back, it’s all coming back to me now. And when, hmmmmmmmmmpf....

(pounce and muffle her)

2: And THAT is enough of THAT!
5: (calling) ALBATROSS! ALBATROSS!
2: (cry of deepest horror) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............
All: (but 2&5) Whaaaaaaat?!
5: (smirk) Inside joke.

(lights blink)

All: Oh, Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?

(music: They’re Coming to Take Me Away)(All look around)

4: God says he can get me out of this, but he’s pretty sure, you’re fooked.
3: Uh-oh, they really ARE coming to take me away!
All: Buh-Byeeee!

(lights go out)(X-Files theme, a few sec)(then: Hey Mr. Spaceman all through)

2: He’s gone to a better place, my friends...
1: I wonder if Hale-Bopp’s out tonight. (is hit by MANY pillows)