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Jonny's
New Wig!
In Memorium:
Greg Hintz
In Memorium:
Fenton Carter
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Please advise of additional embarassing material which simply must be added!
Flagon Park Home Page
Sydenham Goats main page
Profiles:
We apologise for missing entries. Contributions are welcomed.
The Current Crop:
- Jon "Burley" BENNETT - Captain & Cashmere High School Import
Right hand Bat & number zero haircut. Jon's nickname is derived from the so-hard-to-believe but absolute and witnessed fact of his incredibly powerful attraction for members of the opposite sex during end of season fishing trips, especially when showing John Travolta how to dance at the fishy tall-tale telling sessions in the bar at the end of a long day's fishing. With Jonny as bait the fishing is sure to be good and we don't throw the small ones back. Jon is the mainstay of our batting and will always be found opening the batting and clearly showing following batsmen where leg stump guard is by gouging two vicious lines on a freshly prepared wicket. Scoring 50�s for this player is a formality, having scored more centuries than Stephen Fleming or for that matter more than any of the current New Zealand at test level. Jonny is a devastating fielder at short leg and a very part-time right arm mystery bowler (it's a mystery as to why he brings himself on). According to Simon, Jonny is fast overtaking him for the 95 kgs and Harbour Bridge tags (dream on, Simon).
- Macbeth Ahmed "MUSHIE" (have I got this right?) - Pakistan Import
Right hand bat, occasional desperation right arm off spin bowler. Nickname "Chicken Man" Ahmed has been a regular member of the team for some years and usually bats at three or four. He can be particularly vicious on sub-standard bowling, favourite shots being the cut, the sweep, the sweep and, yes, another sweep. Ahmed has had strong seasons with the bat and generally has safe hands in the out-field. However, having learned his skills on some unforgiving surfaces in Pakistan, he has also developed a strong use of his feet in the outfield. Ahmed will generally take control in partnerships with regards to running between the wickets, often testing the patience and vocabulary of partners.
- Simon VINCENT - Wellington Import
Right hand bat, part-time keeper & left arm, perfectly nude "dribbly" bowler. Nicknames "95kg�s" or "Wellington". For a time was considered rather shy due to what appeared to be long-term singledom but Emma soon scotched that rumour. In the field Simon can perform a perfect 10 for the "Harbour Bridge" fielding manoeuvre. He tends to float in the batting order, usually somewhere between 2-9, but has made useful contributions with the bat. Famous for the beached whale incident whilst attempting to turn (and slipping flat on his back ) to get back to the crease after being turned down for a quick single by Dave. As a part-time keeper Simon is noted for standing up to Scotty in a game and scaring the batsmen into giving away their wickets. Now mostly retired to mid-on or mid-off, but often brought into short cover to stop the singles ( he still has some reflexes left ) or slips because no one else wants to field there.
On his day he can absolutely destroy a batting line-up with his extreme lack of pace, drift, spin and sideways movement. Given the right conditions and a bowl Simon can be a match winner. However injuries each season have impacted on Simon's performances, plus, with having been involved in the club in so many ways, he often found it hard to concentrate totally on the game whilst he considered how many pies would later be required and who would open the bar at the clubrooms. "Wellington" claims to be a born again Crusaders & Canterbury supporter but this reporter detected pricked up ears and a greater spring in Simon's step as the windy Wellingtonians made their charge in the NPC 2000. Simon was watched closely for further signs of heresy and backsliding but has since fully redeemed himself by obtaining a Platinum ticket to Jade Stadium during 2002 season and always consuming CD.
- Lionel SCHULTE - Australian Import
Ex-Captain. Right arm used to be extremely fast bowler & right hand bat. Self proclaimed nickname "Lion-and-Length" (heah, right), but we are reliably informed that the indoor cricket fraternity know him as "Stickman", possibly because of his ability behind the sticks, but perhaps a previously unsuspected ability with his stick is another possibility. A long term team member, Lionel has been and is a prolific wicket-taker. He claims that in his prime some 25 years ago he could bowl at 135km. Miserly with runs, he has the ability to give the batsmen a taste of 10 overs of sheer famine (Jeez, turn it up! Guess who wrote the original draft for this bit?). His main wicket taking delivery is a vicious in-swinger which is the fear of many an opposition batsman. Many of his victims tend to lose some of their stumps especially the leg stump however there are very few umpires sympathetic towards LBW decisions. Injury and age plague the old fellow (presumably not his old fellow) but Lionel still picks up more than his fair share of wickets. Lionel will generally bat in the lower order, and on his day can give it a nudge.
- Dave LECOMTE - Hagley High School Import
Right hand batsman-wicketkeeper. Nicknames are "Grubby" and "Puppy" , the former being appropriately derived from Dave's ceaseless searching of the web for amusing things for the boys to look at, Dave being very broadminded and having, shall we say, an interesting imagination. Usually bats at 4 or 5 but has contributed on a limited basis in recent seasons due to involvement with the New Zealand Ice Hockey Team. Dave has the ability to stick around and use up heaps of dot balls thus denying fellow members time in the middle. He is nearly as good as Ahmed between the wickets, not a pair you want to be together, or worse, batting with. With the gloves is very confident and will snaffle most catches that come his way without being one of those flashy keepers that play for New Zealand. Can be a party animal at social events, hence a valuable asset to the team.
- Richard MCKERNAN - 7th Grade Import
Right hand batsman. Can bowl when the captain lets him. Nickname "The Pest". "Pest" has been of great assistance to the bowlers each season by distracting opposing batsmen, i.e. continuously nattering about the batsmen until the point of delivery, happily giving them ball by ball commentary & assistance with their technique, and wishing them well when they depart. Perhaps Richard has some Australian heritage? He usually opens the batting providing quick runs and getting the team away to a flier - likes to charge the bowling where possible. Due to the depth of the bowling attack in recent seasons Richard hasn't bowled a lot, but a spectacular double hat-trick performance of 7 wickets for 11 indicates plenty of potential. Specialist fielder in the covers, needs to field close to enable him to communicate with the opposition batters.
- Andy "Chis" CHISNALL
Right arm opening bowler & right hand bat. Chis has slowed down markedly in recent seasons but is still capable of producing trademark accurate and lengthy spells of bowling there or thereabouts. This is sometimes to his detriment because batsmen know where the ball will be but more often they succumb to his persistent line and length. In many matches Chis has toiled away over after over simply because the rest of us bowled shit. His batting is most often to the fore during team collapses and he has often pulled us out of the mire. Chis is never hard to find at the clubrooms or at social events - he's the one with the splendid array of sweatshirts and instantly recognisable grey shoes.
- Jim "Lurch" BOYD
Right arm bowler. Nickname "Lurch", rumoured due to his height and tone of voice, not
leaning against the bar. Originally a new ball bowler, Jim exploded on the scene, taking multiple wickets first up with his high bouncing deliveries, but for a while the wickets dried up as Jim succumbed to back problems. In recent seasons Jim has been burgling wickets once again, Lazarus-like, with a change to slow bowling. From trying to dot the 'i's on a batsman's ribs, Jimbo has gone to floating deliveries down like a leaf in the breeze. Jim always fancies himself as a bat but we have yet to savour the proof of the pudding in the eating. Famous for the comment at Hagley Park on a stinking hot summers day, "It's cold out here, can I field in closer?" Jimbo had a sneaky party at his parents pad one night when they were away and followed us around with a dustbuster! - see Jason LAMONT's chunderous entry. Once suspected of being a closet virgin, Jimbo "buried" those rumours once and for all with marriage and a child.
- Stacey "Yak" GARRETT - 7th Grade Import
Right arm medium fast away swing bowler. A good striker of the ball, either a duck or plenty of runs. A good pinch hitter up the top of the order if the opposition has away swing opening bowlers, hates in-swing bowling ( sorry for giving away the glaring
secrets Stacey). Good outfielder with a strong arm and will run all day for the ball. We are informed that "Yak" may be due to an early hair style, not talking. The token Christian of the team, Stacey doesn't drink, but we can't seem to persuade him to come out on the piss with us as a designated driver.
- Shane EVANS - 7th Grade Import
Right arm swing bowler used to break up partnerships. Useful lower order slogger, not the best technique but dangerous if he staysin for a while. Another noted for turning up on Saturday hung over.
- Rocky "Richie Richardson" KINGI
Like the hat Richie! Ex-erratic medium fast left arm swing bowler who can be devastating on his day, noted for the odd no ball, testing the keepers out with how wide of the wide mark he can bowl. Gets snarky comments from his fellow fielders such as, "How's the impotentence, can't you keep it up?", or "How is the pitch playing?", as the ball sails over the keepers head, or "How's the toes?", as he pitches another one on his own side of half way. We enjoyed his aggressive bowling spell against BWU one day when, under instructions, he used Fat Boy Dean for target practice. Noted for turning up to cricket hung over after all night and morning sessions. Toning this down a bit now. Now retired to the keeping job and part time opening batsmen, the Rockster hits a mean golf ball and can hit a cricket ball a far distance as well.
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Legends of the Past:
- Scott TIZZARD
Right arm medium pace bowler, will bat right handed at number 11. Nick name "Scotty Dog". This may derive from the fact that he doesn�t talk and does what he is told. Can produce some useful bowling and has become a master of reverse swing as he generally bowls with the old ball. Has featured in a 50 run 10th wicket partnership. Scotty has been guilty of becoming over generous in his approach of giving up chasing balls to the boundary, and is a bowler who has not mastered aspects of fielding off his own bowling. A keen and reliable member of the team who can�t wait to check the cell phone at breaks. Also a noted fast car driver and recently started to bring his girlfriend to cricket (maybe his fielding will improve now??)
- John GOWER - 7th Grade Import
Right hand batsman who started with a flourish but then had a string of ducks after stopping practice for a while. Tried to hit every ball on the on side.
- Tim BLOOMFIELD
The young pup of the team, was still at school. Started off very shyly, but soon picked up all the bad habits from the elder statesmen of the team. Not the quickest between wickets, it takes him a while to get the big frame wound up. Useful medium paced right arm bowler and big hitting batsman when his back isn't playing up. His Daddy bought him a nifty fifty, what a great start to his biking career. Has been demoted to Second Grade for a while to bring him up to Goat standards.
- Peter "Pete-O-File" DILLON
Right arm bowler and occasional Cow Corner specialist pinch hitter. Can lick his nostrils clean, thus doesn't need a hanky. POF was a lot quicker in his youth but a perennially bad back, occasional knee injuries and increasing old age mean that he is closing in fast on Simon's reputation as our slowest bowler. Pete's "ball velocity per run-up ratio" is probably the lowest in the land. He sometimes bowls best after a huge night on the piss, especially after a few chucks just before Jonny presents him with the pill. The Sydenham Double Wicket Champion in 1976/77, POF had a big night afterwards, so much so that his chunder splattered spectacles were found beside the dunny and his dentures atop a pile of chunder in the middle of the number one block. Peter met his future wife Mary soon after on a blind date at the then annual Sydenham Cricket Club Ball. She must have been blind. Peter has played few games in recent seasons due to a bad accident in 1997 but, loyal as ever, he turns up each week at the clubrooms for pint #18 and to catch up with the boys' latest exploits. Peter has made himself Webmaster of our new Flagon park web pages, of which this rubbish forms part, and he solicits YOUR contributions to these pages.
- Mike SINCLAIR
- John CALDER
Notable wide bowler. Not a good idea to keep to JC at one end and the Rockster at the other. Johnny was so wide at Clare Park one day he lost the pill under the locked toilet doors. Flashy batsman who gets himself out at times but his better knocks are useful. Gives a golfball a big smack.
- Joel "Pies" BRITTENDEN
A steady right hand bat who sometimes rivals Dave in the dot ball stakes. Took wickets early on but has fallen away since. Noted for scoffing large quantities of pies then chundering them back up again, one lot of pies famously ending up on the bowling club front fence whilst "Pies" and the boys were waiting for a taxi after a particularly splendid quiz night.
- Tony LITTLE
- Grant MATTHEWS - Grunter #1
- Grant PHILLIPS - Grunter #2
A virtual beginner when he started Grunter turned himself into a grunty opening bat with a great eye but zero technique. He frustrated, and on some occasions destroyed, bowling attacks via the simple ploy of smashing anything within reach to the on side. A dangerous player not to get out. We lost Grant in unfortunate circumstances. His fiance & her kids used to turn up to the matches and the boys were all invited to the wedding do, but things soured somewhat when Grant's beloved went ballistic at what "Mouth" MCCOMBE and others did to their car. In the act of removing numerous items from the car she arsed over in the mud and completely ruined her wedding dress. We never saw Grunter again.
- Jim CANNON
- Darren TATOM
Darren's arm was more bent than Hanse Cronje but who were we to complain when the most dubious deliveries of all took wickets? . A veteran of the early 1990s fishing trips, Darren distinguished himself on one of them by sleeping through most of it due to self inflicted narcosis. Darren took heaps of wickets with tremendous variations of pace line and length (intended), the most devastating ball being the occasional ripper that flashed past the bat at three times the speed of light.
- Mike "Six and Out" PEARCY
Ex-Captain. A big hitting right hand bat who seeks to strike most deliveries on the All or Nothing Principle - frequently nothing, but now and again Mike keeps the good ones out long enough to end up with a good score . Mike is a former captain of our side and throws a great party, the most memorable of which has to be his lavish wedding breakfast at the top of the tallest building in Christchurch. Nearly as memorable was Mike's stag do - we've still got the negatives Mike! He supplied the crappy straw hats we were forced to wear at the clubrooms after games if we didn't want to be fined. Mike has graduated to Presidents these days, perhaps in an effort to get even more drinking in.
- Nick "Wardrobe" HOFFMAN
Nick was one of our most successful players ever. Nick's bowling could be astray at times but it didn't matter because his immense variety of deliveries moving substantially both ways through the air and off the pitch bought him bag after bag of wickets. He was the ideal man to have at the other end if you were opening the batting - you may as well have taken an armchair to relax in while you watched him bludgeon the ball to all sections of the boundary on his way to one of his frequent fast half-centuries. Why "Wardrobe"? As far as I know, the story goes that after awakening one morning after one of his usual huge nights on the piss, it was discovered that he had at some point micturated in the wardrobe. Nick never really left the team, he just didn't turn up one Saturday. Legend has it that he was obliged to depart NZ in rather a hurry without advertising the fact.
- Brad STOCKTON
Right hand bat & Party Animal. Sometimes found opening the batting Brad is a constant source of frustration to any opposition with his 'zero technique' style of smashing the ball off the block. On some occasions, due to piss poor performances, Bradley found himself sporting the dreaded Team Tie, the ugliest tie in the world, during and after matches. Most famously, Brad was once awarded the team Ball & Chain which he was required to wear all night but, far from being a hindrance to his usually pathetic romantic endeavours, the Ball & Chain proved to be an irresistable babe-magnet and Brad was swamped with offers all night.
- Dick DUNN
- Greg HINTZ
- Fenton CARTER [at left in image, Coon is at right]
- Steve LUKEY
Steve had 5 wickets for no runs once but foolishly bowled further and finished up with 5/15.
- Steve "Dr Bob" SAWYERS
"Dr Bob" looked good in a flashy kind of way when he first started but usually contrived to get himself out early, however he later produced handy scores. Likes to get on with it. We wondered about his scoring off the field too, as he went through a string of girlfriends. Steve bought a flash new Sydenham playing jersey but his dog ate it within the week.
- Mark "Bruiser" FOSTER
Right arm opening bowler. "Bruiser" earned his nickname off the field against our then most hated opponents, Easts, ably assisted by Kevin "Mouth" McCOMBE. He should've swapped his batting gloves for boxing gloves that day. Mark generally bowls line and length and moves the ball both ways, and snared many wickets as a result. The performance we remember best is the day he had the ball on a string just on or outside off stick at Elmwood Park snaring six wickets for 1 run, the solitary run being scored from a soft push that went between the fielder's stupid legs.
- Kevin "Mouth" McCOMBE
Righthand bat, fast bowler & brilliant fieldsman. A match-winner. Somewhat mouthy, Kevin took no prisoners and many times won matches for us with his dynamic batting, aggressive fast bowling, and wonderful fielding. His aggressive attitude and big mouth not only cowed many an opposition player, he cowed us too. His attitude rubbed off on the rest of us and we all played better when Kev was in town.
- Tony DANNENBERG
Tony opposed us for several seasons in the old Lions versus Christians days but in latter times he has seen the light and played some seasons for us. We have not seen the last of him I'll wager. Tony's batting is best described as 'steady-as-she-goes', he is a consistent accumulator and great to have as your partner at the other end. Another party animal.
- Simon "Smasher" NEWBERRY
Simon had just a couple of seasons for us but in that time he produced a number of awesomely fast innings consisting mostly of enormous sixes and fours, including a a couple of superb match winning knocks, plus he set our all-time record for the most runs hit off a bowler in one over. Poor Simon went for 26 and Jonny never bowled him again.
- Jason LAMONT [in middle of image]
Jason was hit and miss in the batting department, more miss than hit much of the time, but he played the occasional solid innings when we were otherwise down the gurgler. Jason participated in most piss sinking sessions but his eyes were bigger than his belly when it came to the amber fluid. Most infamous is the time Jim BOYD was foolishly sucked into inviting the boys to his parent's pad for a party when his parents were away. Jimbo panicked re possible damage to the house & fittings to the extent of following us around with a dustbuster (!), his worst fears being realised after Jason crashed in one of the beds and later chundered in the kitchen. What a champion!
- Rob KELLY
Another shy starter but, like Tim, he soon picked up our bad habits, mostly the off-field ones. Flattered to deceive with an early bowling performance or two. Took a demotion to the Vikings and with maturity has steadily improved his performances with the willow and behind the sticks. Has now some fifties under his belt and has graduated to beer.
- Brian "Dad" BLAIR
Ex-Captain. Right-arm bat & slow bowler & brilliant fieldsman. "Dad" hasn't played in recent seasons but he is another of our most successful players. Brian played some handy innings over the years but we mostly remember the many humungous sixes. He took lots of 'bags' over the years with his tremendously varied pace, line, drift, spin, swerve & direction - a sort of reverse "Wellington".
- Des SKENE
Right hand bat & bowler. Even older than "Dad". A no-nonsense, stylish batsman with solid technique who was an example to the boys of what a real batsman actually looks like. Des worked the ball mostly on the ground, and his flowing drives were a sight to behold.
- Kyle SKENE
Right hand bat & opening fast bowler. Des's little boy, Kyle began by filling in at backstop if we were short, then graduated to batting at number 11 when he got a bit bigger. Little Kyle couldn't hit the ball further than the edge of the cut wicket, but, like Topsy, Kyle grew and grew eventually developing into a better player than most. A huge hitter of the ball, an aggressive fast bowler and a brilliant fieldsman, Kyle became a match winner.
- Paul DEARSLEY
Right hand opening bat and in POF's view one of our best ever batsman. Paul was one of our early team members, a batsman with excellent technique who played in the "V" and on the ground, and consequently racked up big scores. I believe he could have scored more runs for the team over the years than "Burley" had he not abandoned cricket for music. Paul was the kind of batsman whom, when instructed by Jonny to go out and get a big score because we needed it, would do exactly that.
- Damian ??????
Rocky's mate.
- Steve ??????
left arm fast opening bowler. Smashed a great 50 against Riccarton.
- Steve "Starch" ARCHER
- Jeremy WHEALLENS
- Robbie RICHARDS
- Dean "Shoeshine" HALL
- Dean "Blobby" FRASER - Otago Import
- Mike BLAXALL
- Franz "the Bastard"
Played lots of games but owed rent to one of the Sandridge Soccer Team boys and was a bastard about paying it back, so stuff him.
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Ring-Ins, Fielding Subs & Guest Appearances
- Murray FREETH
Another throwback from the old Lions versus Christians days, Murray was kind enough to sub field for us but broke his glasses in the process. That's dedication for you.
- Darren HICKSON
Another ex-opponent from the Lions versus Christians days, Darren has been a ring-in for us on several occasions in recent times when he batted and bowled well.
- John LOVELL-SMITH
- Bert "Banana" WALKER
Just two games as a "ring-in". Bert's introduction to 6th grade was being smacked for 6 runs off his first delivery. A stylish "banana" performance by Bert at tea is also well remembered.
Bert is a LEGEND
- Stephen FLEMING
Yes, Flem boosted our numbers as a ring-in on one occasion. He was somewhat younger at the time. No doubt it was a character forming experience for him.
- Carlos MCGILLVRAY
Flem & Carlos helped us out the same day. They were still schoolboys.
- Glen "Hoops" HOOPER
One game, big score, fielded slips (where else?).
- Keith THOMSON
- Ivan THOMSON
- Andrew STACE
- Tony ?????
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