| June 2002 Archives |
| June 3, 2002 I made my way through three tests (passed at least two), a graduation party, an early morning for church, then another early morning for work where I got there early and stayed late and I still have lots to do. I have more hours this week than I had planned, and they all happen in the morning, so hopefully I can fit everything else in. No late nights this week for me. My head hurt so much--I'm not sure if it was allergies, stress, sleepiness, or a combination. And then my body has started to hate me. I don't know what I did to it--maybe it is the exercises I have added? Well, it hates me lots. To top it off, I am missing seeing people because I am busy with work and it is so hard to schedule things in because everyone has stuff at different times. I wish I didn't have to sleep. Anyway, this is most likely the last I will post for a while because though this has been my obsession for the past months ;-) I am moving onto my job as my obsession. According to all those tests, my job is always first in my life, so wow, I must be so interesting. The countdown for this month has begun again. Since it is only another year---not a special year or anything, I might get away without my family focusing too much on me. Oh wait, they never do at parties. Maybe I can get my brother to come; they love him to talk at parties. |
| June 13, 2002 Watching it all flow by, missing it now, I didn't think about it before . . . I didn't know about change and how much it can do. Days are passing, I am being lazy, and I just can't get past caring. I am strong around some, not around all. Perhaps I am just a piece of paper they all tear apart. They can label me all they want on it; it is blank for everyone to use at will. They do it, or so I am told. Why can't I be told anything? Oh, that's right, I am only a child. My parents see an adult, my friends see a baby. I am pathetic to you, but an independent woman to them. I don't want you, but I can't kick so many out. I guess I am weak. Thank you all. |
| June 21, 2002 Today I worked on cleaning the house as part of my parents' anniversary present. Then, I made them a relatively simple dinner, but they seemed to enjoy it. Every time I stop to think about something, every time I really just stop, it comes back to me. I know, I am being confusing, but I have to say it. Little things remind me. Little things like reading something and wanting to share it. Good news and wanting to tell it. There are other people to tell, but you think more of what you can't do when the times come. I can't go back, though, I can't hold the trust. My job has been keeping me fairly busy, but I still can't sleep well. I wake up at all hours, usually from bad dreams, and then just general insomnia. Some good stuff has been happening, but it just doesn't feel so good without certain people around. I feel the voice coming back to me at times. The curtain falling back on me, but just the sheers for now. I guess the other thing to mention, besides 19, is that I am still writing, but nothing I want to post for people to see. |
| June 24, 2002 The curtain has parted for a time, and my birthday turned out really great. Visits, cards, and everything really helped. As far as my page . . . people seemed unhappy that I hadn't updated, but with tons of updates, I haven't seen any thanks, eh? Let me know what you think, people!! Meh. |
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