Whom
My lover vanished right under
My nose while I was sleeping.

There was no warning
To what he was doing
A few miles away from me.

I knew that something wasn't
Right when I woke up
And got ready for school.
All day I felt that something
Was missing from my soul.

When I walked through
The doors to my home
I felt a chill go up
And down my spine.

I ran to the phone and
Saw his number on the caller id.
And that's when I knew something was wrong.

I called his apartment and
His mother answered.
I asked for him and
All she said I'm sorry.
And she hung up the phone.

Just then down came
A thousand lines of tears.

I hung up the phone and
Ran out of the house.
I ran all the way to his apartment
And when I saw the cops
I couldn't believe that this
Was happening to me again.

Why was God going to have me
Lose another boyfriend?

I just dropped to the floor.
His mother ran to me,
Held me and told me that it will be okay.
We will get through this.
But I didn't want to get through this.

I wanted him back.
Back in my arms,
Back in his room,
Back in my life,
I want him back with me.

To whom can I tell all of my pain to
Now that he is gone?

It was like someone took
A wrecking ball and
Shattered my heart into a million pieces.

He's the only one that I called a friend.
Please tell me that he didn't make this the end.

Oh, whom can I lean on
Now that he is gone?

He always believed in me
And made me believe that I could
Do anything if I set my mind to it.

To whom can I tell all of my dreams to
Now that he is gone?
Every night i dreamt that him and I
Were going to have a family together
And live in a nice house with two dogs
Because he loved to have dogs.

But I never dreamt that he was going
To do this to me.
Just leave me out in the cold
To be all alone without him.

Well now it was time for the funeral.

I wouldn't go.
I didn't go.
I just couldn't go.

I didn't want to let him go.

The pain of separation was to deep in my soul.
I was like a fish without water,
Like the sun without the heat,
Like the night without the stars.

It hurt me deep inside when I finally said good-bye.

Friends offered words but I just rejected them.
Without him I didn't want to live.

My lips called out to him
But he never did answer.

A few weeks went by and
All alone I sat on my bed.
And I imagined  that I held a gun
Against my own head.

I asked him what this meant?
"Does it mean that I shall see you soon?"
In the pure light,
My tears just fell.

Then I imagined being with him,
Beyond the bitter sea of loneliness.
I grabbed the knife and put it against my own flesh.
I thought of all the good times that we had
I thought of how much pain I have been through.
I just thought of us and how we will
Never be together again like how we once were.
So I dragged it along my pulsing vain
But I couldn't put any pressure into it.
I just didn't have the guts
To give up on my life.

The crushing heart ache
Of the passing days
Never grew lighter.
My heart pounded as if it
Would break through my chest.
How would I ever escape from this torture?

Who can measure the grief
Of my lovers that are now gone?
Whom can I tell my everlasting sorrow for the dead?
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Copy Rights to Tonantzin Lopez 2002
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