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[12/11/03]
Thank you, Spike TV. Or TNN. Or whatever you want to call yourselves. Doesn't matter as you're dead to me. Want to know why? That fucking travesty you call an awards show. Video Game Awards my ass. Here's a suggestion: Next time you want to pander to teen males, make a music or movie-oriented award show. Stick with something you might know something about. Don't try to pretend you know something about videogames. I won't bother to go into the show itself as I already knew who the winners were before the show even aired. Knowing who they were paid to give the so-called awards to convinced me not to view such an abortion. Here's a run-down:

Best Animation - Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball (Tecmo) - Like the bouncing boobies, eh? I'll give them this one as the game was a graphical treat. The real travesty was that most of the other titles listed as nominees had pretty mediocre animations.

Best Performance By A Human - Ray Liotta in Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (Rockstar) - This should just be called the "We Like To Drop Big Names From The Industry" category as it mentions nobody who isn't a name in Hollywood, music or the porn industry. Way to recognize REAL voiceactors.

Best Game Based on a Movie - Enter the Matrix (Atari) - What in the fuck was Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers? Enter the Matrix was a glitchy cash-in. The Two Towers was actually a damn good game. Hell, The Hulk was a better game.

Most Addictive - Soul Calibur II (Namco) - Debatable. Personally, I would think that Dance Dance Revolution or Ikaruga would be bigger contenders. Or Warioware. I hear there's a 12-step program for that game.

Best Action Game - True Crime: Streets of LA (Activision) - Meh. Personally, I thought there were better action games out, like Max Payne 2, Splinter Cell and Hitman 2. My problem is with the other nominees. I don't get how an on-rails shooter (Panzer Dragoon Orta) and two FPS (Return to Castle Wolfenstein and XIII) got labeled as action games. Oh, yeah, that goes back to Spike TV knowing jack-shit about games.

Pontiac/GTO Driving Award - Nascar Thunder 2004 (EA Sports) - Haven't played it, but some of the other nominees are a little hard to swallow. Simpsons Hit and Run? The Getaway? Have you guys even played these games?

Best Fantasy Game - Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (Lucas Arts) - Okay, I would have to agree with them here, but that's because I'm a huge Star Wars fan and I completely enjoyed this game. The other nominees are pretty solid as well. This may be one of the rare categories that they managed to get a good bit right.

Best Sports Game - Tony Hawk's Underground (Activision) - I guess the term "sports" is used loosely here. Especially with Dead or Alive Xtreme Beach Volleyball and WWE Smackdown! Here Comes the Pain being likewise nominated.

Best Fighting Game - WWE Smackdown! Here Comes the Pain (THQ) - Oh, so REAL fighting games like Soul Calibur II and Virtua Fighter 4 aren't as good as a wrestling game not made by AKI? Bullshit.

Most Anticipated Game - Halo 2 (Microsoft) - Why is this even a category? It's pure speculation and I highly doubt that it reflects that gaming community as a whole. I would think Half Life 2 would be on the wish list.

Best Handheld Game - Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell (Ubi Soft) - Meh... I guess games like Final Fantasy Tactics Advance, Advance Wars 2 and Castlevania were just too hard for them. Splinter Cell for the GBA took what made the console game special and turned it into a sidescroller.

Best Online Game - Final Fantasy XI (Square Enix) - Sure, I'll bite. A couple of the other nominees could have were just as viable, but FFXI is no slouch. I guess sometimes the dart can't help but hit the target no matter how bad you are.

Best 1st Person Action - Call of Duty (Activision) - Eh, why not? It's in good company. But, please remind me how this can win over Halo in this category yet not even be nominated in the PC Game Category?

Best PC Game - Halo: Combat Evolved (Microsoft) - Whatever. There were better PC games than this lazy ass port. Battlefield 1942 anyone?

Game of the Year - Madden NFL 2004 (EA Sports) - Or, in other words "The Game That Barely Makes Incremental Changes To Its Formula" Award. Also, who the fuck thought presenting this award FIRST was a good idea? Have you never seen an award show before?

Best Music - Def Jam Vendetta (EA Big) - I could debate this one, but it is in good company. Tony Hawk Underground, True Crime and GTA Vice City all had great soundtracks, but I have to wonder why there's no respect for original music scores? Or is this category just for companies who shelled out the cash for recognized music acts? Hey, Spike TV, give some credit to those companies who wanted a soundtrack that fit the mood of the game.

There it is. Personally, these "winners" show they're either Spike TV is completely incompetent or they should have just come out and stated that the awards were based on how much money the publishers were willing to foot them.

[10/23/03]
Hi. You might have thought we were dead. For all intents and purposes, we might as well have been. Hopefully, this token rant will bring us back into good favor.

As some of you may know, we here at Forever Kingdom tend to post at GameFAQs, so we see some pretty interesting individuals, some of which are cool, smart and fun to talk with. And then there's the other group - composed of shit-stirrers, bored children and people who have no grasp on reality. Here's a few of my "favorite" comments, topics, etc (paraphrased to spare the guilty).

"What will [insert gaming store] give me for these games?"

I don't know. Fucking call them. The only answer I can give you is NOT ENOUGH. Seriously, they're only going to give you less than half for what they can resell them for. And if it's an annual sports title or something that's to see a "re-edition" expect to get two things: jack and shit. Don't like it - don't sell them back. Or try to use EBay.

"[Insert overhyped game] got a bad grade from [videogame media]..."

This type of topic is usually just begging for insults, generally tossed at the magazine or website in general. The two biggest sites that draw insults like flies to shit are Gamespot and Gamespy. Apparently, the fact that they don't toss out good grades to every second-rate piece of shit means they hate whatever console you prefer. And by "good grades", I mean anything between 8.5 and 10. Personally, I'd rather read a review site/mag that hands out a harsher grading scale and actually uses everything from 1 to 10 than a site/mag that only uses a range of 5 to 10 because they're too chicken shit to admit that despite taking sponsorship money from a developer/publisher, the content delivered isn't good enough. It's not like these games won't be bought. People buy crap games and then defend their poor decisions to their dying days. Guess what? You can admit you bought a bad game. I have.

"[Insert website/magazine] is biased against [insert preferred console]"

Are reviewers biased? Yes. Is there a conspiracy by certain websites/magazines? Doubtful. In fact, so doubtful that unless you're a disgruntled jackass, you'd realize that. If you go on some sits, you'll see the actual review and consumer reviews/grades listed. They're almost always different. Why? because consumer grades are based by people who most likely don't have the game or bought it and refuse to admit they bought a piece of shit. But if you want to go on about how someone is biased, remember one thing: You are biased, too. Hypocrite.

"Convince me to get [insert console]"

No. I will, on the other hand, convince you to do the planet a favor and kill yourself. If you need other people to tell you why you need to buy a gaming console, it's obvious that you need to learn how to do your own research. Nobody else is going to know what games you like or whether you'll find the games you want for a title. And, if you're going to let total strangers convince you on how to spend money, I can think of better ways it can be invested. In fact, send me money so I can invest it wisely in what I KNOW that I want.

"Games cost too much"

Go find another hobby. It's generally accepted that games run between $40-50 new. Don't like it - quit gaming and take up something less money-intensive, like collecting pennies. Or lint. And, to be honest, most games, if you're patient, go down in price anywhere between 3 to 6 months after release. If you play games 6 months behind the rest of the "hardcore" gamers, you most likely will never pay more than $30.

"[Insert popular game] is overrated"

This is generally followed by a rant on the poor qualities of the game and maybe even amended with some lesser-known, and often sub par, titles that the topic maker prefers. These topics are generally made by people who think it's cool to buck a trend and complain that their favorite title doesn't get much attention. Some games that people love to single out include Final Fantasy X, Metal Gear Solid 2, Halo and Star Wars: KOTOR. While these people may have valid points, they're often delivered belligerently and without a grasp of the concept that people have different tastes and opinions. In recent weeks, I've seen one person state that Final Fantasy and it's ilk were shit and that the King's Field series were superior in all matters. Then I was directed to a link in which the same person stated Daikatana was a masterpiece. Hopefully, this person's stupidity will be the death of them.