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| Raid This |
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[6/27/03]
We, as gamers, should unit together to congratulate Eidos and
Core Design for proving once and for all that if something is
so fucked beyond all belief, game companies will plaster a few
Band-Aids on their game engine and force it upon the unknowing
masses. The events of Tomb
Raider: Angel of Darkness should show everyone a textbook
case of what "biting off more than you can chew" really is.
As many Playstation gamers know, the Tomb Raider series
started off fairly well, especially with the fun adventure that
the first game was. Lots of locations to visit, enemies to shoot,
blocks to push and jumps to miss and die from. Then came number
two, which changed things up a bit, but remained true to the original.
And then came Tomb Raider 3, which was sadistically cruel
in that it was way too hard too soon to be fun. Hell, I even used
level cheat codes and I still couldn't force myself to finish.
The fun was gone. From that point, Tomb Raider spiraled
into a "slapped together sequel a year" syndrome in which only
the die hard could stomach.
So, when the PS2 came around, Eidos and Core told us they were
going to take their time (read: two years instead of one)
and make a new game engine just for the first PS2 version of Tomb
Raider. This time around, the game would take greater steps
and make up for years of churning out the same product over and
over again. When the time came in November of 2002, things didn't
seem
to be going so well. While Eidos was saying that the game
just needed some more testing, word on the street was that Sony
told them "No way in hell you're going to release this."
Then, there was another delay,
with the same amount of marketing cover-up hype to hide the fact
that the game needed a serious overhaul and apparently a couple
trips to Sony's Quality Assurance department before giving the
green light.
It's become a standard, albeit sneaky, practice to not send review
copies of a game to sites and mags if you think the game will
suck before it hits the stores. This is to trick some people into
buying the game before hearing word on the street that it sucks
like a hooker. In fact, the only review that was floating around
was for Maxim Online, but any self respecting gamer knows better
than to trust a men's magazine for honest reviews. Less than a
week after the game hit the stores, the reviews
started rolling in.
I won't be wholly cruel about the new Tomb Raider. It
is what the series has always been - lots of exploration and mundane
block pushing puzzles or jumps littered with the occasional gun
battle. That in itself is fine and if you were a fan of that,
bully for you. But, I really have to wonder who the fuck was behind
a lot of the other aspects that were crammed in here.
- Controls: Holy shit. How could you take something that
worked just fine and make it this sloppy and unresponsive. Thanks
to the delay on button presses, you WILL die from miss-timed jumps.
And a lot. Every action you perform will feel delayed and slow
in execution. And, Lara takes for-fucking-ever to get up to a
jog.
- Camera: Hey, here's an idea! Let's make a really crappy
control system and then make it worse by throwing in an inconsistent
camera system. At times, it's free-roaming. Other times, its static
and can't be moved. All the time, it seems sluggish and in the
way.
- Gameplay: Outside of the standard Lara Croft fare, there
are some new elements, conveniently borrowed from Shenmue
and Metal Gear Solid, or at least in attempt. The stealth
aspect of the game is piss-poor at best. It involves sneaking
up on retards dressed as guards and waiting until they stop walking
before you whack them in the head with Lara's breasts (well, not
really, but that would have been more fun). The A.I. is so rancidly
bad that you can basically sit on their back until they stop before
taking them out. And, that's if you feel like wasting the time.
Just whip out Lara's guns and kill them - it's a hell of a lot
more fun. And, then there's the so-called "stat building" aspect,
which is nothing more than a cleverly disguised "find a switch/unlock
a door" gimmick. You'll find a spot every now and then where Lara
states she can't open a door or make a jump. All you need to do
is look around for a block, door or ledge to fuck around with
until Lara instantly becomes stronger. Please. Just give me the
damn key finding shit over this sham.
I guess I should wrap this up. Or maybe I could pull a Eidos/Core
and just half-ass it and leave my comments incomp-
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| Resident Evil Online |
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[12/23/02]
I'm sure that all PS2ers are salivating at the thought of this
game, but not for the reason that they'll get to play Resident
Evil online, but possibly because "Look, Resident Evil
isn't GameCube only and we got the online one!!!" One-upmanship
at its finest. With having said that, I personally am looking
forward to this title as I have always been a fan of the series
despite Capcom's staunch refusal to make changes to the formula
that even I can admit has gotten beaten into the ground. Maybe
Resident Evil Online will make my purchase of the Network
Adapter actually worth the time and effort to pry it from the
carbonite disguised as packaging.
One of the major aspects that I immediately took notice of was
that the game has eight playable characters, but only four people
can together, which leaves four computer controller NPCs to aid
you in your quest to escape from Raccoon City. To this matter,
Capcom has gone on record to state that they're programing a level
of A.I. into the NPC characters that will supposedly make gamers
not know if they're playing with a real person or NPC. While I
find this ridiculously hard to believe, I do have some suggestions
for Capcom on how to pull this off:
1) Make the NPCs walk around like they're struggling with the
series' cumbersome control scheme. Have them run into walls and
make multiple attempts to face in the right direction just to
pick an item off a desk. Any character that moves around smoothly
is sure to clue us in as computer-controlled.
2) Make them talk in annoying half-phrases and "leet"
speak. Make sure that every line they deliver is in broken
English or a jumble of numbers and letters. Or, make one of them
constantly yelling the same things over and over again with no
purpose but to annoy other players.
3) Make them hog all the items in the game, even grabbing them
in front of your face just to show you how greedy and spoiled
they are.
4) Have them hit on anyone posing as the female characters in
hopes of "hooking up" with a female gamer.
I think these suggestions alone should give the computer controlled
NPCs enough "realism" to make you wonder if they're real or not.
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| More of the Same |
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[11/19/02]
Resident Evil - a series that lies near and dear to my
heart, no matter how diligently Capcom refuses to make grand changes
to the basic formula. With the recent release of RE0, I
got to thinking about how formulaic the series has become (or
has always been).
Now, let me preface this with why I refuse to give up on a series
that even I can admit is just rehashing itself. The original Playstation.
The first Resident Evil. House-sitting a house that isn't
just empty of people, but also furniture and lighting, except
for one room. I'm working the night shift, so when I get home,
it's after midnight. Playing the original Resident Evil
in this kind of setting placed an impressionable mark on me that
I continue to hold onto, even to this day. Now, with that said,
here's my diatribe....
The controls - I've heard the reasoning behind the control scheme
and even partially understand the reasoning behind it. Something
along the lines of making the game "too easy" or "too fast"
with a Devil May Cry control scheme, because you could
conceivably run circles around monsters (like this would make
you able to kill the monsters or something). With that said, Capcom
could still implement an easier control scheme and just make the
enemies tougher. And when I say tougher, I mean challenging, not
the cheap "stand here and pump as much ammo as possible into
them" kind of challenge, where defeating a foe is directly
linked to the number of bullets you throw their way.
And, how hard is it to put reasonable, intelligent puzzles in
the game? I find it disturbing to believe that a company like
Umbrella has nothing better to do than make elaborate puzzles
just to enter even the smallest, most insignificant room.
"Yo, Rob, I got to take a shit. Where's the can?"
"Oh, it's at the end of the hall, but you need to get the green
key for it."
"Okay, where's the green key?"
"Well, you see, it's hidden in the statue in the foyer."
"Hidden? What kind of crock is that?"
"Yeah, but to get to it, you have to find the three crests hidden
around the building."
"No shit. Well, where are they? I really got to go."
"Well, the first crest is in the 2nd floor bedroom, but you
need a toothpick to unlock the door."
"Okay...toothpick."
"The second one is in the cellar, but you'll need to bring a
gun. There's a big snake down there."
"Okay...toothpick, handgun..."
"And the third one is broken into two pieces and-"
"Oh fuck this. I'm just gonna take a shit outside."
"Be careful of the dogs out there."
With that said, maybe we can petition Capcom to get their heads
out of their asses and make some puzzles that require some thought,
and not just some ability to match up colors and symbols. I feel
like I'm in fucking kindergarten. Supposedly, this place is run
by smart people - scientists and businessmen, even. Also, it seems
that Capcom is seriously running low on ideas. Hell, RE0
reuses a number of puzzles from previous games, like the silly
"replace item X with item Y to keep the secret door from closing
behind you" and the "push things around, but be careful
not to set off the poisonous gas" puzzle.
So, why do I keep going back? Nostalgia. Yep. That and the fact
that I can't pass up the chance to kill even more zombies. I will
have to admit that I still think the limited item inventory is
a pretty good idea and the new ability to drop items anywhere
is a nice touch. Now, if Capcom can just do something about the
puzzles, control and even the damn static camera angles. |
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