| Live On Your Couch |
| How To: |
| COMFORT: Keep garments lightweight and loosefitting. Don't bother changing clothes.. who are you trying to impress? Though a weekend of sloth won't reduce all your muscle mass to flab, you should change your postion hourly. FOOD AND DRINK: Plant packaged snack foods around the couch, as they have a long shelf life and will provide you with valuable salt and oil. Program your cell phone with the number of a nearby Greco's for emergency pizza; in a pinch they'll deliver right to your immoblile carcass. You'll also want to arrange for a steady supply of bottled beverages, for reasons I'll discuss below. WASTE MANAGEMENT: Old number one is easy: Just keep a lot of empty bottles within reach. But solids present some logistical problems. Stick to a low-fiber diet, balancing your meals with the occasional binder, like soda crackers. Imodiun AD should keep you constipated throughout the weekend; just make sure you have a strong laxative and "War and Peace" on hand for Monday morning. LEGAL ISSUES: Since you'll effectively drop off the face of the earth for two days, there's a slight risk that someone (your mother, bartender, bookie, etc.) will panic and call Missing Persons. So unless you want the SWAT teacm crashing through your door, be a good person and let Ma' know you're potatoing it for the weekend. |