I know that the last time we talked about his, I told you I'd leave it in Your hands, but...I just have to know...I'm terrible at waiting. Give me a clue.
Is there someone for me? Someone You have waiting, just for me? It seems like I've been waiting an awfully long time. I'm not getting any younger, you know.
Is he waiting for me, Lord? Have we already met, and I missed Your signal?
Is he praying about a wife right now, Lord? What is he like? What does he want in a wife?
I know....
I want to make sure he's healthy and happy. And when the day is rough I want to be the one to comfort him, or be comforted by him.
I want to make him smile, so that I can see that special twinkle in his eyes, that means he is pleased with his life. I want him to know how to make me laugh.
I want that spot next to his at the dinner table, listening to the details of his day. Knowing he cares about my details as well.
I want to cook for a man, and I don't know how to cook. Can he cook, Lord?
I want matching rocking chairs on the porch, so that we can watch the sunset together.
Is there someone for me?
I want to sit quietly by the fire with him at night just enjoying being together. Knowing each others needs without saying a word.
I want to support him in anything and everything he needs to do, to fulfill his purpose in life. I want him to support me, and encourage me when I falter.
I want to be his soul mate. His other half. I want us to be the missing piece of the other one's heart.
I want to be able to say, "This man has my heart in the palm of his hand and I wouldn't trust it to be anywhere else. Thank You Lord, for the gift of his love." I want him to be able to say the same about me.
I want to know that as long as I'm alive, I'll go where ever this man wants to be and know he'll keep us safe. I want to be his safe haven.
I don't want to invest my time nor especially my heart with someone, if it's not Your will for me. How will I know?
Is there someone for me?
What does he want out of life? Does he want a wife? Or children?
Does he need me? Does he need what I could add to his life, or do I lack something vital and necessary to him? Is there anything we need to work on, Lord, so that I'm ready for him when he does arrive?
It doesn't seem to be enough for me to sit in my room and dream about what it would be like to be cherished, and cared for by someone who had no compelling reason other than love for me.
Is there someone for me?
I want a mate.
Someone who can look into my eyes and tell me that they love me, heart and soul. Somone who accepts me as I am, not someone who wants to change me to suit their idea of a wife. Oh, I know that there'll be compromises, and adjustments, Lord, but isn't that what life is all about, when you share your space with anyone?
I don't want to remain waiting in the wings forever, Lord.
Father, forgive me for whining. I'm just not at the point where I can give up on my dreams; not yet. I've kept these things close to my heart for so long now, it's hard to let go. I know that You might need for me to serve You as a single person for the rest of my life. I know that I'll never find that "someone", if he's not supposed to be there. But, Lord, why do I have these dreams, if they aren't from You? Why do I still have this yearning inside to be half of a whole? Why do I still long for the time when I will hold my child in my arms, whether the child is born of my love or the one I choose to love as Your gift to me from some other woman? Why is there so much love built up inside me, Father, when there is no one to share it with? Where do I put it? Or do I let it die?
Is there someone for me?
Is he somewhere praying for the same things, Lord...
Is there someone for me?
(this was written in 1999, but is still how I feel.)