Personal Testimony (this is somewhat long)

Intro: Why a personal testimony? A good question. To share what God has done in my life, changing me from dead to alive through Christ's death, the eternal hope I have in Him, and just to tell you where I've come from. Now, I know a little bit in Christian apologetics, so I may be able to answer theological-type questions, but I dont know that much. You can probably out argue me 24/7, 52/365..... I'm just sharing with you my experinces in the Christian life; from yes, as personal-emotional-mushy-as it may seem, the bottom of my heart.

Also, I dont intend to trap-trick-lure-deceive anyone into reading this. You dont HAVE to read this. Many will be offended and wanting to cut ties from me---others more understanding---others blessed by it---others no reaction---and any other reaction you can think of. You would probably find this stuff out sooner or later. And since I'm not much of an oratorical (is that a word?), or speaking, person, typing it out is much easier.

So here goes.......

Well, here I am on June 7, 2000, sitting in the computer room of my Dad's place in Chester, Maryland. How did I get here might you ask? You're about the find out. On March 21, 1985 (what a great day, huh?), I was born in Boston, MA. After moving around shortly a couple of times, I ended up in Seattle. I started pre school there and kindergarten and all that fun stuff. We moved north a little in the same county to Shoreline which was when I was around in first grade. I somewhat enjoyed elementary school. I attended there until 4th grade.

Because my father was an Episcopal minister, I was brought up in those teachings. When I was younger, he ran a small church, but in the latter years in Washington, we just moved around to different churches. Church to me was part of the weekly routine. As we recited the creeds and responded to the verses, nothing really clicked for me. I attended Sunday school many times, and of course learned the usual Bible stories. Then, in April 1995, we had to move to New Jersey because my dad got a job in the Air Force as a chaplain at McGuire Air Force Base in southern NJ.

We moved into 68 Ridgewood Way in the semi-rural, suburban town/city of Burlington Twp. It was a short drive across the bridge from Philadelphia. There, I lived from late 4th grade to the end of 7th grade. Although the Air Force chapel had many denominations, my dad ran an early service that was much similar to the Episcopal layout I was accustomed to. I attended Sunday school when it was in and came to VBS during the summers. Like it was in my earlier years, God and the Bible really didn't click with me. I came to services as a custom, or part of the weekly ritual. As it was before, whatever was said in the services was either empty to me, or I didn't see the real meaning.

In early 1998, you could say that tragedy struck. My parents decided that after my brother and I finished off school, that they were going to separate. I didn't know how to react. I was just stunned, but didn't show it in my feelings. The plan was that my mom, brother, and I would move down to Georgia. We were going to live somewhere near my Uncle Paul and Auntie Agnes (Dad's side) in Tyrone. This would be good so that my mother would have at least someone she would know to help her get situated. My dad stayed in NJ for the rest of the summer and then moved to Maryland.

Before I knew what was coming, my dad was leaving, and now I was moving to a whole new region. I hadn't been to the south to many times, save going to Disney World and other trips. As I look back, I think I was so confused, I just didn't know what was happening before my eyes. So around mid-July, we flew in to Hartsfield-International, not knowing what was next. My uncle and aunt and cousins were very hospitable to us as we used their home temporarily for the summer. Within a few weeks, I got my bearings down after touring around Fayette County. We (uncle's family, us three, and grandparents) took a week vacation to Germany. It was an awesome trip and a way to temporarily get away from reality. We had a great time. By the time our trip was over, and we were back in Georgia, it was almost back to school. "This is going to be great!" I thought because I was going into a brand new school, knowing absolutely no one. What a great way to start my last year of middle school. However, I didn't know that God was going to use this unfortunate situation and use it as my spiritual wake-up call.

In the few weeks of summer in GA, for church, we just went with our relatives to a Chinese church they attended north of Atlanta. The Sunday before school started, and after my mom obtained her own car, we decided to go to a church by ourselves around here. We picked First Baptist Church, Peachtree City. I didn't attend Sunday school, but we attended the 11am service. It was very different from what I was used to. It didn't follow an outline as much as the Episcopal formats. During many of the songs, people sounded more into it. I still don't remember what the sermon was on that morning, but I had a good enough impression of the church.

After that, it was the dreaded (suspense music) First Day of School!!!!!! It was inevitable, so I might as well have gotten over with it as soon as possible. I visited the complex twice, once while registering and during the open house. The school was so much larger compared to WA and NJ and I even got lost in the mirror-image high school side of Starr's Mill. The first week of school, we were still staying at the house in Tyrone. We weren't moving into our apartments in PTC until the following weekend. Therefore, my mom had to drive the both of us to school.

So there I was sitting in the cafeteria in the morning, lonely as could be, waiting for the dreaded day to start. As usual, most everyone was happy to see each other after 10 weeks of summer. After, my first day, it wasn't as bad as I thought. The class sizes (overall population) were almost 4 times as much as my previous middle school years.

Then came Geometry. (What? You might be thinking. What does this have to do with your testimony?) Unfortunately because it was a project so early, but in the long run, definitely fortunately, we were assigned a math project. Since there was an odd number, there was one group of three. Luckily, since I was sitting in the front, I got first pick and somehow got stuck in the threesome. The two were Paul Bowley and Scott Molleson. The plan was to go to Paul's house to work on it. We probably spent at least 3 times at his house.
Just as the Lord would have it, one day while working on the project, Mrs. Bowley asked, "Which church do you go to?" (or something to that effect). I answered, "I've visited First Baptist." "Really!" Paul answered, "that's where we go." <Coincidence? I think not. More like God's doing.> So then Paul and his mom encouraged me to go to Sunday School the next Sunday, and then various youth activities. There was something unique about the atmosphere of the Sunday School and the youth area that I couldn't figure out. At that time, I guess you could say, I was still 'numb' from what had led me to being in Georgia, and didn't pay attention.

However, I will point out one thing. It seemed that the overall mentality, for lack of a better word, of people around the church was more friendly. I don't know. I can't recall back in the day, looking forward to church because of people who cared. Now, don't think I mean that all the people I knew in church back then were mean, but I could tell people cared in PTC. From the Bowley family's hospitality; such as bringing me to a Braves game, like 2 hours before, and going to eat Cracker barrel; to the time in September '99 when my youth minister Jim, and three girls from Booth visited during the weekly Visitation; and other instances-I could see the Christ's love, not necessarily at the time, through the people.

So here comes Christmas time. I got settled into school, somewhat, and was into the routine of things. I attended the various youth meetings throughout the months. I was encountered with the salvation plan (for example, the ABC's, Admitting you have sinned, Believing Christ died for our sins, and Committing your life to the Lord), but in a way, Satan convinced me that I already believed in that stuff. No one ever came up to me and asked if I had ever accepted Jesus into my life. However, that was false.
I think it was either New Year's Day night, or a night after Christmas, when I decided to read and look into a little booklet/pamphlet entitled "Is Jesus God?" I think I had picked it up after my cousin, Sam, had left it in the pew the previous Sunday morning. This is what helped me come to Christ. In a nutshell, the booklet was answering the title. It gave a rational explanation of the Christian faith. It explained, in layman's terms who Jesus Christ was, why He came to Earth, and how you could have a relationship with him. This was taken from a lecture that was given to students at a Russian university. This was just the thing for my type of personality, who needed logical explanation to accept something. I prayed the sinners' prayer and got saved , but the thing was that I didn't know that I should tell people of my decision. I don't remember that night clearly. I believe that Satan was and is still trying to deceive me and made me doubt my salvation. So you can see it doesn't end here.

Now, it is second semester of school, and all is going okay. Our family, along with my uncle's family, joined the church on February 14, 1999. At that time, I still wasn't aware of the significance of the decision I had made. Between then and February 2000, I went to many youth retreats that had nourished my faith. Disciple Now provided many basics to the Christian life, but I don't think the points were driven across effectively. However, I was able to get closer to people in the youth group. Centrifuge brought a 'refreshing' feeling being around Christians for a whole week as we learned about love. The motto that week was "Whatever, you gotta gotta love." This was something important I learned. In the fall, at our weekly Wednesday night meetings, Priority, different lessons and topics were talked about. Also, there were some instances in which I look back, and wonder how I endured through the temptation, or had the courage to say something--only through Jesus.

It wasn't until the revival in February 2000 that I received a semi-wake up call from God. The speaker for the three nights of course, kept specifically to preaching salvation through Christ. What had jumped out at me was the way he described baptism. In a way, it is controversial among Christians, as far as baby baptism and believer's baptism. The evangelist said that baptism is like a wedding ring. Wearing a wedding ring won't make you married, just like baptism won't save you. He said that baptism is a statement of faith to everyone that you have given yourself to Christ and you want everyone to know that. Although it took about one year, God finally showed me that I should tell people and share with them my testimony and that I had given myself to Christ. I talked with my youth pastor, Jim, about baptism, and we eventually picked a date of May 14, Mother's Day. Ironically, because our pastor would have special plans for the Mother's Day service, Jim was to baptize the people that week. It was his first time. Also, after that, was Disciple Now 2000, w/the theme Worship House (you know, like Waffle House, it's a southern thing). And that focused on worshiping God in truth and spirit. So that came at a good time.

Well, guess what. Now it is June the 15th, of the year 2001! I never got a chance to finish this, and I probably wont get close. I've inserted a few changes from the earlier portion, but basically have left it alone. Now I will share with you my progress since then, and other tidbits.

So, where were we? Yeah, I just got baptized. Then, in June, was me and Ben's (my brother) trip to my dads place. We came back in early July, just in time for Centrifuge. The '00 theme was "Face to Face: Encounters with Christ." Now, those of you not familiar with Fuge, I will briefly describe. It is a weeklong camp, which mine is in TN. There are many other locals across the nation. We have daily Bible studies, infused with recreation times that brings team unity, and services (not like you think Sunday mornings) at nights. The usual mentality going into Fuge, for many who have attended in the past, is to not expect to learn anything big. I was one who thought that.

From my rusty recollection, the animated camp pastor, Tom, spoke on many things. One thing was this: pretend a stain-glassed window represents the world, and its material things; does God need to through a brick through it to wake you up? Anyways, none of the teaching was earth shattering to me. One of my dear friends, Caleb, however pointed one thing out. Maybe if you are already in good connection/relationship with God, you don't need a mountain top experience. (Huh, what are you talking about?) Many people after Fuge, have a "high." Of course, after a week surrounded my mainly Christians, and then coming back to everyday life, one will feel a drop. Another thing Tom said was that not to make the Christian experience a roller coaster ride. Up and down. That's that.

Coming out of Fuge, although not a mountain top experience, was good for me. After a week of relaxation with my relatives from out of town, came band camp. Yes, I said band camp. Two grueling weeks of extreme, intense preparation for the next 3 or so months where one will dedicate their lives to one cause (I think I'm over dramatizing a little too much). Anyways(you can see I like to use that word a lot, anyways)…I had a better focus, on witnessing to people. And guess what? Satan through out challenges indeed. From within my section and abroad, I was confronted with my faith, and many times stumbled and couldn't find the words. Sometimes, the cat just got my tongue.

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So I stand here, still unfinished with this ongoing testimony. I'll add more to it as I think of more.I don't know what to say next. Maybe you are actually moved by this, maybe you aren't. Maybe you're wondering how to become a Christian, maybe you think I'm a fool for believing it. Whatever the case, I'll still try love you in the way Christ loved the world by dieing on the cross for our sins. I'm NOT perfect, and no one else is. I've tried to criticize other Christians in my mind's eye, but realized how no one, especially me, is perfect. That's why Christ had to die. You could out argue me probably and we'd go back and forth and you'd still probably have more evidence then me, but I'd still believe. Its called faith. All I have to give you is the love of God, to look into the Bible, and my testimony.

How to become saved? Pray something along the lines of this; its not the words, but whether or not you mean it: "Lord Jesus, I ask you into my heart to be my Savior and Lord, forgive my sins, and give me the gift of eternal life." I havent had the chance to get Biblical references, but if you ask I'll get them to you. Its just the beginning from there. A long and narrow road in front of you. Please contact me(even if you didnt make a decision) or someone to share your decision.

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In this new color, I will add new findings and things I've learned, spiritually. Specifically now, I will share with you my experiences from the camp I recently attended, Centrifuge. To get this out of the way, Centrifuge is sponsered by Lifeway, and yes, a Southern Baptist organization. I have probably now turned away half the people by stating that. Please dont put denominational labels and bias on this. I just happen to have become a Christian, while in attendance of a SBC church.

It was located at Union University in Jackson TN, about a 7 hr commute from PTC, GA. I attended it during week 7, July 14-20, 2001. This was my third Fuge, the previous years during week 6. Going to Fuge, many "veterans" will have the mentality that nothing new will be gained out of the week, or that they dont want to be there. In some ways, I felt that. Afterwards, the spiritual high of the camp will wear off after a few weeks.

The past two year's themes were Whatever....you gotta gotta love /and Face to Face:Encounters with Christ. This years theme was Virtual Reality. I wont tell you day-by-day what I learned, but some of the main points. Each day's Bible study, with the family groups (ask me and I can explain about that), has a certain theme and memory verse. The theme was V.R. vs. Real Emotions. The Biblical passage was located in Ruth. It was about the emotions Naomi went through. We listed out emotions that go on in people's lives, and found some verse that related to it. It wasnt the lesson that impacted me as much as the simple memory verse.

In the mornings, we had a set aside time for quiet time. The verse for the first day, was Phillipians 4:6-7:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understading, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (NIV)

Our church pastor had done a sermon on that recently, but it had not affected me then. Throughout the day, the verse stuck with me. It told me that in everything, pray, with thankfulness, your worries to God, and you will receive a peace. Whether it was playing the guitar well during church group devotions times, or other minute worries, I could feel a calmness and no-stress. For Disciplenow 2001, our group leader, David, had told us not to just read and memorize verse and scripture, but to meditate on it. That is, think about it consistently, and what it really means. I think, by the time Fuge was over, I had eaten up that verse.

In Christianity, God made the action by sending His only Son to die on the cross, and defeated death for the sins of all mankind. In other religions, man attempts to score brownie points to reach to God. Now, playing devil's advocate, or a skeptic, it may be said that in Christianity, Christians do good deeds, missions work, sharing their faith, etc. However, as Christians, we do what we do in gratitude for what the God of the universe did for us mere human beings. I John 4:19 says "We love because He first loved us." Yes, it seems that some Christians may check off a list every time they do a good deed, but the true heart and mentality should be that because of God's amazing love, that in return, we obey his commands. It is said that the greatest two commandments are to love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, mind, and soul, and to love thy neighbor as yourself (paraphrase).
If someone were to have saved your life, or such magnitude, you would want to pay them back, and treat them well because of what they had done for you. Because of God's sacrifice, we should obey his commands, not because of a set of do's and do not's, but just because of what he did.

Speaking of dos and do nots, one sermon one night was on Roman 7. On Paul's agony of struggling with sin. He said that the law identified sin, although the law is there for a good purpose. If someone says dont think of ice cream, you are bound to think of the rich chocolate syrup coming down the vanilla side of an ice cold sundae (I am exaggerating there). I hope you see my point. The more you concentrate on getting rid of a sin, or not thinking about something, the more likely you will think about it (duh ). Its like driving. If you focus on the bumper on the car in front of you, you will have a better chance of hitting it. However, if you fix your eyes on what is ahead, you can anticipate what lies ahead. Or, if you are on the interstate, between two large tractor trailers, you may look to either one. If you look to one on a side, you will have a tendency to drift over to the side. If you focus on the center of the road, you will be okay.

Focusing on Jesus will help you with sins and temptations. Give them over to Him so that you wont be stressed out about it.

Another topic addressed during the week was complacency, being satisified with where you are; specifically, in your relationship with Christ. This applies to the "nothing new" mentality coming into Fuge. Though I had not thought that I knew everything, I didn't think I would be changed much from the week. When our Bible studdy leader, Ali, talked about complacency, it hit me that I should never be satisified with my relationship with Christ. There is always more to strive for, new things to learn, to grow in Christ, and be more like him.

An illustration I liked:

At camp, we are plugged in consistently, in, for lack of better terms, a sterile Christian bubble. Though, there are still temptations present, not as many, in the real world. During Fuge, we have set aside times for worship and time with God. There are Christian friends around us to keep us accountable and be there for us. However, after camp, we are hit with the real world. Where there are problems present. Everything is not honkey-dorey. We can carry batteries with us so that we can continue in Christ. Remember that illustrations are illustrations, and are not perfect.

One day, we learned about Judas, and VR vs. Real Purpose, that is, purpose in life. Judas, the infamous disciple who betrayed Jesus, was with Jesus during His ministry on the earth. Though he knew a lot about Jesus, it never "clicked" with him, thus leading him to hand the Messiah over for 30 pieces of silver. One thing Judas strived for was money. When the woman poured perfume on Jesus' feet, Judas wondered why the perfume wouldnt be sold for money. Anyways, Judas ended up hanging himself after realizing he had betrayed an innocent man. The parallel to today is that many of us grow up in the church, whichever one it may be. We may be able to spit out facts about God, Jesus, and the Bible and drill out memory verses, but we may not actually believe in it all; never having a relationship with Christ. That will lead to an empty-purpose in life, such that Judas had.

This brings us to another thing I learned at Fuge, about God's will. In the past year, many times, I have asked God about what he would have me to do in areas of my life. Sometimes, the prayer answered, many times, not. I knew that prayer is not always answered quickly, or in the manner in which I want. The camp pastor had a good illustration. Knowing God's will would be listening to his voice. David stepped outside of the auditorium, and asked his wife to say instructions to a certain room in the building. David was not near his wife and couldnt heed the instruction. The same goes with us. If we want to know God's will, we must be close and near to God so that we can hear him. Part of my problem this year, was that I wasnt always, and truly, spending time devoted to God, consistently.

Here is my last topic for now. Spiritual brokeness-being broken before God, in a humble manner, giving Him your troubles and worries (my own definition). Not being prideful, and thinking that you dont need God. We should be close with God in the good times, and the bad times. Many times, it takes something tragic, or major in our lives to bring us to our knees to ask God for help. We should always be in "connection", with our power source, Jesus. Also, in connection with Judas, he thought that he could take his own life to account for giving Jesus to the Romans. However, our sins are too great for us to account for. It took Jesus blood from His death and resurrection to redeem us from our sins.