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All to HELL… Scene 1:
AT THE APARTMENT!!!!!!
LAURA’S NEUROTIC MIND: (Hell I’m the damn VOICE I get to be the lead character!) Oh my God, why are they looking at us so weird. Here we are all bunched up against the wall, with our band history flashing before our eyes. Great, they’re gonna find out who we are, and my caffine high is crashing….oh, I’m gonna faint and these pictures…. SCOTT’S MIND: What are they hiding behind their backs…Bloody hell, those are pictures…of… who I wonder? Wonder if they are of me??? Nah, they don’t know us and we them…must be their supposed boyfriends. Oh, Julie is looking at me…do I look okay? Gotta look good for her. Wonder if I could do the eye thing to get her attention. JULIE’S MIND: Why is Scott looking at me??? Is my make-up okay??? God. My hair?! J’S MIND: Why’s everyone silent??? These American girls! What are they hiding? I wonder. Better not be pictures of some other bloody American boys. JEN’S MIND: Ohh, no. Oh, J…. SEAN’S MIND: I can’t believe that these American girls are the PARTYGURLS. I have to remain silent and boring like any English gentleman. Thank God I’m not pale and pasty and skinny for that matter. GRACE’S MIND: Hope they don’t find us out. God, Ritchie’s so gay. MICHELLE’S MIND: No he’s not…no, don’t think about Ritchie. They better not find us out. RITCHIE’S MIND: Am I gay…may be, I hang around these blokes all the time. Why is everyone so quiet. When everyone’s quiet, I begin to have doubts about my sexuality. Would someone please speak. “Don’t Speak, I Know What You’re Saying…” Oh, Stop Ritchie…no, I can’t be a pouf, I’m thinking about Gwen Steffani…But who needs Gwen when I have these girls in front of me. ABS’S MIND: Ah, bloody hell, it’s been too quiet. Oh no, Ritchie is re-evaluating whether he’s a pouf or not. I have to break this… End voice overs. End INNER-Monologue Abs: What the hell is going on, show us those damn pictures we know you are hiding! Julie: Pictures? What pictures? I don’t know what you’re talking about! (She backs slowly into the wall.) Scott slowly creeps up close to Julie. You can sense the sexual frustration. Scott: “Hmm, you smell like vanilla” (He slowly kisses Julie’s neck) Julie, caught up in the moment drops the pictures on to the floor.
Jen: SHIT! Michelle: The… (Dramatic pause. Hand gesture.) Laura: The (Extreme close-up!) Grace: PICTURES!!!! (Corny music plays. Shot of Antonio Sabato Jr in the background about to drop his pants! Imminent BUTT SHOT.)…NO! (Moves in slow motion towards the pictures.) NO! (Antonio winks. Grace stops forgetting the purpose of her denials.Eyes Antonio’s Butt) Oh baby! Julie jumps out of her trance and follows everyone’s eyes to the pile of pictures on the floor. There they are, all of the pictures of 5ive: Sean, Scott, Abs, J, and Ritchie. All of PARTYGURLS looks at each other with jaws dropped as the pictures behind their backs. Grace exaggerates her shock in an attempt to impress Antonio Sabato Jr. with her acting skills learned in Drama 10. It doesn’t work. She then goes into real shock as she is unnerved by the fact that Antonio Sabato Jr. has ignored her and put his pants back on. (SHOT TO FIVE MEMBERS) Sean, being silent the whole time, kneels down to pick up the pictures on the floor and examins them carefully as the rest of 5ive comes around his shoulders to peer over. Their faces change from curiosity to anger. Abs: What is this? (Arches eyebrows) Ritchie: They’re pics of us…oh (dramatic pause) I remember when we took this one, and this one, and oh, that was a fun photoshoot wasn’t it. Damn do I look good! (Turns to cameras and flashes brilliant smile and winks….eyes “dazzle”.) J: Shut-up you fake blonde! Whoa, there’s a nice pic of me, now. (Acts mildly surprised but turns to the camera and gives a thumbs-up.) Scott: Here I am doing that eye thing that Grace and Laura said I do, it is rather sexy isn’t it, right lads??? (Shot of "It’s The Things You Do" video flashes across screen, rewinds, and plays again…THAT's RIGHT and you know why? THIS IS MY SCREENPLAY DAMN IT!) Abs: Oh, nice pic of me. Hey what are we doing? What is this? Why do these girls have our pictures? Are you fans??? (Says over dramatically as learned at stage school and acts shocked…arches eyebrows AGAIN) All of 5ive looks up at the girls whose faces are horror stricken. Sean remains silent as usual. All of a sudden there is chatter. Grace: Well… Julie: Not exactly, but… Jen: Umm… Michelle: I don’t know, I'm supposed to be the comic relief I don't know what to do in tense situations. Laura: Ahh, you see, ah….(Extreme close-up. Dramatic romantic music plays as she eyes the lads. A scene flashes before her. She's about to marry all five of them when JC from NSYNC interrupts the wedding and takes her away. A shot of a steaming cup of coffee. End of random scenes. Back to hallway. Laura blinks. ) J: Good God, they’re fans, our fans. (Emphasizes the last bit like he's Sherlock Holmes.) Abs: I thought you said that you didn’t know us… Ritchie: No need to be angry lads! They’ve got some damn good shots of us. Hey can I keep this one??? (Holds up picture of him looking, as Grace says, “gay”…PARTYGURLS cringes as they stare at the horrid picture) Scott: How can you say that Ritchie? Don’t you know what this means? (Pauses like he was taught at HIS stage school.) They lied to us. (Said rather loudly and very soap opera like. Cheesy Dramatic Music Plays and close-up on Scott as he says words. J: Yeah! Abs: We liked you because we thought that, that…(Breaking down into tears as he braces himself against wall to stand in a dramatically pathetic pose as usually seen in dramatic scenes such as this when one finds out loved one has betrayed them.) Scott: That, you loved me! I mean us! (Crying) J: I loved you! (Starts to tear up) Ritchie: (Sobs) Why are we crying? Abs: I don’t know…And why do I have this sudden need to bust out in a rendition of "When I Remember When"? I hate that song. Sean: (the only composed one of the group) We thought that you liked us for who we are, not our celebrity! And Abs I like "When I Remember When"! J: You were supposed to like us for who we are not WHAT we are. (Still tearing up. Stops and turns to Sean patting him on the back.) But you’re right Sean it’s a good track. Jen: No, we do like you…really. And by the way "When I Remember When" is my favorite song on the first album. (Sean nods his head in approval and Abs makes a face before returning to his earlier upset and sobbing attitude.) Grace: HELL NO! "When I Remember When" SUCKS! (Clip of song plays. Grace shakes her head.) SEE! (All listen carefully and analyze the music.) Scott: WAIT A SECOND. (Everyone turns to him. Music stops playing abrubtly.) Stop! Can we get back to the fact that you guys lied to us instead of discussing our music? Michelle: Right! Where were we? Oh Damn. I forgot the line. (Calls out to side of screen.) What was the line again? LINE! (Voice calls out: We fell…) Oh yeah! Thanks! RIGHT then. (Dramatic pause, Michelle looks almost sorry…ALMOST….pulls A Jason Lee from a really good Kevin Smith movie….) We FELL for you guys. Julie: We liked you, just the way you are. (Think Bridget Jones Diary) Laura: Yeah! (Actually THINKING about Bridget Jones Diary) J: Thanks, girls. But I think it best that we be off. (shakes head sadly) C’mon boys, we need to go back to perform. C’mon, back to the bus, we’ve got a show to do. There are plenty of tissues in the bus. Slowly, the crying boys walk out of the apartment, all but Sean. As they leave, manager Antonio walks through the door. Antonio:
GIRLS. We had an interview to…OH! OH! Wait. Five…ummm….I
mean I needed to talk about an interview at…I mean my job interview…and
yeah. (Says this in an almost drunken like stupor.)
Sean:(Looks at Antonio as another realization dawns about who he actually is! He turns to Antonio.) You take care of the girls. (Begins to walk out the door). Oh (stops and reaches into his coat pocket and walks towards Jen) you might want this. Sean hands Jen the picture of PARTYGURLS, all five of them. He stares intently in Jen’s eyes with love and kisses her on the cheek. Jen is in shock of the picture in her hand. Michelle: What about me? Sean: Bye Michelle, best be off (Gives her a kiss on the cheek). Take care of yourself. Grace. Julie. (Leaves for bus) Julie: Sean, always the silent gentleman. (Sighs.) Laura:(Walks towards Jen to see the picture). Just my luck. Why didn’t he say bye to me??? Ohh lord, I’m gonna be Bridget Jones without a Mark Darcy. (Walks behind Jen.) Oh my God, that’s us!!! Julie: He knew we were PARTYGURLS the whole time. Oh no!!! Grace: Oh no!!! (Does Macauly Culkin Home Alone face.) Michelle: He’s just been sly. (Says dryly.) Laura: Where’s the 151? I need to drown myself in alcohol. Antonio: NO YOU DON'T! Someone needs to tell me what’s going on??? And you can tell me on the way! (Says as he pushes them towards the door.) All PARTYGURLS gives him confusing looks. Antonio: We have an interview to go to… PARTYGURLS: OHHHHHHHHHH… (Realization hits and they move forward.) Light blacks out. End Scene. WHOA. Change here. It's Over.
But wait! We couldn't leave it like this. CLICK
HERE for
THE
EPILOGUE
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