I love the UK.  I love Ireland.  I love guys with accents from the UK or Ireland. 
If you’re a guy from one of those places e-mail me and I’ll send you an application and maybe we can talk.  You don’t have to be wonderful or perfect.  You just have to have a great voice.  That is what keeps those period pieces in business in the film industry.   People like me love the accents!  Seriously though I’ve been to the UK.  It rocks.  I get all chuffed to bits thinking about it.  It makes me want to ring someone on my mobile, buy trainers, watch The Big Breakfast and Eastenders on the tele, wait in the queue, yell out “CHEERS”, order some chips, meet a nice bloke, get pissed with some mates at a pub...all before I’ll ever get gutted.  AH Culture!  Don’t you just love it!  Oh wait this ISN’T the Love Connection Dating  form...OOPS I’m supposed to be talking about Five.  How embarrassing!   And to top it all off BEA and CAR took the good topics!  Well I’m talking clothes here then!

J:Okay so I figured he’s the oldest might as well start with him.  Umm unlike my fellow cohort BEA J does not “do it for me”.  Sure lately he suddenly has come out with a undeniably HOT BOD.  But peoples the boy wears wife beaters like there is no tomorrow.   Isn’t it cold and rainy in England?  You don’t see people with tank tops on all the time.   You see umbrellas.  J honey showing off the BOD is great but umm don’t get sick over it!   But J’s laugh is FUNNY AS HELL.  Umm for a “macho man” he has a really uh...interesting laugh.  I like his use of “OH MY WORD” in the Five Official Video...sounding a bit old there J.  It must be the hair growing on your back right?  Wife beaters don’t help in hiding it! 

Abs: Abs is the best dancer out of all of them.  He is.  It’s just the truth.  But Abs darling sometimes your umm “wardrobe” is a bit well...WHAT IN THA!?!  Basically it is strange.   What is up with the futuristic muscle type additions lately?  You know what I’m talking about!  Did anyone see the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party?  What in the hell was that!  To make it worse it seems to have influenced Ritchie.  GAG ME.  Abs I think those heating pads that you call trendy are starting to effect your train of thought.  You’ve begun to ramble about nothing sometimes too.  Do we not remember the “official interview” aardvark comment?  And finally...Abs please stay away from the jean jackets.  It screams 80’s.  D does not want to relive that traumatic period in her life. 
 

Ritchie: No matter what CAR says Ritchie is a “nice lad”.  I think he’s the most sincere.  Who else would ever in their right mind say “You’re killing the vibe.  Let’s all be friends” but him!  He’s like your best guy friend.  You know the cute one that understands you and is the best shopping partner...and then you find out after thinking he might finally ask you out that he...umm let’s not start about the Clueless innuendoes eh?.  His wardrobe is POSH to say the least and basically he dresses all GQ.  Like I said before GOOD SHOPPING BUDDY.   (I’m not implying anything about Ritchie ....NO SIR.  I love him.  I love Stephan Gately from Boyzone too.  Doesn’t he dress the best too!)  I like how he fakes his height with the heels on his shoes.  Nice one there.  My only Ritchie NO NO is those sleeveless shirts he’s been caught wearing like in the Five Official 2000 Calendar.  Have we taken lessons from J here?  And you already know what I think of the Abs influence. No Ritchie.  No.

Scott: I think SCOTT has a really great voice.  It makes you feel all sappy when he
sings...you think “ahh” how sweet.  What a sweetheart?  Scott IS the funny one.  But why does he have to mention hamburgers all the time?  But Scottie my boy until you gain more weight please stay away from tight pants and those sweaters that show that you’re well a STICK.  And please don’t do an Abs!  We saw the knee pads at the Smash Hits Poll Winners Party. No No No (And I am not talking a Westlife song here!  GO SHANE!).  Baggy could be a good look for you!
 

Sean:  I think that SEAN has the most talent and is the BEST dresser.  The boy always looks good!  He knows how to hide behind the clothes.  You know he’s skinny but hey he makes up for it by wearing baggy things and NICE sweaters that compliment his body frame!  I disagree though with the turtleneck thing and sweaters in warm weather.  You and J must be playing opposites huh?  He wears summer wear and you wear winter stuff?  Well whatever floats your boat!  It’s working for you...but never again that sweater and sweats combo from the US Disney Special okay!  We know you can say no sometimes Sean!   I don’t think Sean you’re silent because it’s in your nature.  I think you’re quiet because the other guys DROWN YOU OUT.  You try-but the other guys overpower you.   The poor boy!  But hey you dress better than the rest of them!
 
 

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