NIGHT TRAINING BOBBY (A Ballad of Pennsylvania Life) In a cabin on the flats Where the wild sumac grew Bobby had a problem That everybody knew Changing sheets one morning Momma made the plan "The boy must potty train" she said The vision was so grand At the cabin in the trees I was very small The shack out back was quite a ways And the seats were very tall I did my very best to make the goal on time But sack to shack was far and the obstacles a crime First, one night While sleeping so sound I woke with a start Out of bed with a bound But the dog was alert And did her job right She attached to my ankle With all of her might Trixie was sorry and licked the wound clean But the damage was done Down my leg ran the stream So they brought the dog in And where did she lay Why right by the bed And right in the way I woke in the dark, knew what to do Out of bed like a lark On the dog like a fool (The feeling was warm, but stung my leg too) Then the fall came And with it a bear To try for the shack I just didn't dare For I saw him that once And the hunger was there A very small boy is a feast for a bear So in the bed I lay I shivered and I cried I tried to hold it back And rolled from side to side But pressure gained the victory And I bolted for the door As I hit the step I heard the awful Roar He rose up before me A hulk of teeth and hair His breath was bad and his eyes were mean His method so unfair For I was just a boy And he a great black bear I let him have the night And went dripping back to bed I was running out of clothes I wish that I were dead The one time I made it I was saddened to see The paper was gone Oh Lord! Why me? But daddy taught me how And outdoors I went The leaves were so soft Almost heaven sent Well, fate ruled the morn As I woke with an itch I got the calamine Mama got a...Twitch Oh somewhere boys have plumbing And carpet leads the way No dogs nor bears nor cold of night No courage need display Well, Momma cut the weeds and Daddy shot the bear Trixie grew old And just didn't care I kept the quest for dry bed and rest Hoping my dreams to come true For when you're a boy There comes little joy From sleeping in a pool Potty trained like that Not everybody could The cold dark night, the plants and bears The rough cut seat of wood But I recall those ads with fondness For making me a man I finally made the outhouse And fulfilled my Mammas plan Robert L. Fish