Application to Date my Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE:This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied
by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current
medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________

HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES___________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____

Do you have ONE male and ONE female parent? ___________________________

If NO, please explain
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ________________________________

If less than your age, explain
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

Do you own a van? _______________

A truck with oversized tires? _______________

A waterbed? _______________

A pickup with a mattress in the back? _______________

A condom? _______________

Pornography? _______________

Do you have earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? _______________

A tattoo? _______________

(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you?
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

Church you attend _________________________________

How often you attend ______________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

father? _____________

mother? _____________

priest? _____________

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________


C: A woman's place is in the:
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________


D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________


E: When I first meet a girl, the thing I notice about her first is:
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________

NOTE: if answer E begins with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises keeping your
head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised.


What do you want to do IF you grow up?
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________
_________________________________________________


What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF
MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE,
CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS,
AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name moron)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call
or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury)
If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing
white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).