Lost and Found:
My Time in the Fantasy World
Jacob Joyner
ENGL 1100.46

The ability to escape from reality could be considered one of the most important abilities for a person to have. For me, it has been a lifesaver. There are many avenues for one to escape. Some people retreat into their thoughts, others into video games. For me, I find my relief in books. Not books about teenage drama, or war novels written by ex-military men, instead I choose fantasy books instead. To me, a fantasy book is any book that lets me escape the current world I am living in. Whether it’s the fantasy world of Narnia crafted by C. S. Lewis, the rugged terrain of Mordor envisioned by J. R. R. Tolkein, or even the tales of far away lands where gallant knights slay dragons to prove their worth, fantasy writings have provided me with a means to escape the daily pressures of real life. In addition to the escape reading fantasy provides, it has proved to be an integral part of my writing, as much of my writing is set in nonexistent lands.

Even as a little child, it became clear that I was destined to be a follower of the fantasy world. When asked what story I would want read to me at bedtime, it would always be a tale of some knight, battling fiends. I would be told stories of how brave knights would fight fierce creatures, such as dragons or giants. My head would be full of such adventures, and I wished that I too could journey to lands far away. More often than not, I would neglect my studies in order to daydream about being a king, or a prince, perhaps even a jester in a court in a land nobody knew of.

From an outsider’s perspective, it may seem as if my childhood fantasy experience had little impact on my life. I’m not adventurous, and I am quite at home with a settled life. However, there is a sense of chivalry buried deep in my bones. The idea that there is an unspoken code of honor a man must adhere to in order to truly be considered worthy. I believe that the strong should protect the weak, and that men should treat women with respect. For example, I always find myself holding the door open for a lady, even if it means I have to wait for a few extra seconds. If it wasn’t for the knights of lore, then it’s quite possible that those ideas would not have the firm foundation in my life that they now do.

In 1996, my family moved to Greenville, North Carolina. I was in the middle of my fourth grade year, and I did not want to move. That move was a catalyst to a chain reaction that changed my life. Finding that I did not fit into the crowd, or even outside the crowd, I became quite reclusive. It is quite possible that I would have lost myself entirely, if not for books. Of course, the fantasy genre called my name. This time however, I did not turn to the happy-go-lucky world of knights who rescue damsels and go on to live happy lives. This time I turned to stories of haunted houses, where even happy endings were marred by loss. Though many call them horror novels, they were fantasy to me. They truly became my escape. Every afternoon, I would retreat to my bedroom, lock the door, and escape into a different world. I was almost shut off from society at the peak of my reading days. If a person was asked who I was at that time, they would only refer to me as, "the boy who reads." I became so addicted to books that in fifth grade I got in trouble for reading my books in class while I was supposed to be doing math homework.

The thought patterns that developed in my mind around those times still linger today. To say that a heavy impact was made would almost be an understatement. Anyone who talks to me about philosophy or any like subject, will see that the pessimism that manifested itself in my early adolescence still exists today. Any friend of mine could tell you that I can say the most sinister, or even sadistic things, and not blink an eye.

My childhood experiences with fantasy have had a moderate, though not large, impact upon my writing. Though I do not choose to write of knights in shining armor, many of my fictional characters have a moral code that they adhere to steadfastly, much like the knights of about whom I’ve read so much. It was my later delves into the fantasy genre that would shape the world I now write. It is not so far-fetched to say that my writing was probably more affected than my train of thought. No longer do I easily write happy stories, but rather stories where the main character loses himself, or others. Even the poetry I write today is rarely worth reading if one is in a good mood. My poetry is generally about an outcast from society, forced to watch other people enjoy life while he quietly passes on. This dark, sometimes depressing, writing has come to be what I consider a trademark.

The middle of eighth grade marked a turning point in my life. I began once again to try to assimilate myself into society. This time I met with moderate success. In turn, I began to read more and more books about adventure. The most notable one was The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien. I discovered this book in the school library one day, and found myself hooked from the very beginning. The lands of Mordor captured me like I had never been captured before. It took me no more than two days to read the entire book. If I could pinpoint one thing about the book that captured me more than anything else, it would be the fact that a little guy came though. Bilbo Baggins, a little hobbit in a world of men and elves, saved the day. I myself began to think that a nobody such as I could one day be more than anybody ever dreamed. I became inspired by this little hobbit, and it became a springboard into a happier time in my life.

This newfound optimism I was experiencing did not take long to manifest itself in my writing. Though I was unwilling to lose some of the negativity that defined me, I began to write more and more about a man conquering his faults. No longer did many of my stories reach a bitter end, but rather ones where the main character overcomes, no matter how much the odds are stacked against him. My poetry also was affected. I began to write love poems. No more did all of my poems center on the bleak and depressing. Upon my entrance to high school, I was, for once, writing of all things good.

Sadly, life is not one straight line. Sometimes a person might find himself right back where he began the trip. Though my optimism was soaring, a group of books called The Vampire Chronicles would change everything. A good friend recommended this set of books to me, and it was truly a Godsend. The dark, sometimes depressing, world of vampires shed new light upon my eyes, and I once again found myself drifting down the road that I had already traveled. Influenced by the images of the books, I began to formulate darker images within my own mind. During this period of my life, I was known to scoff at the unimportance of the human life. Oftentimes, I found myself wondering what I would be like if I had the supernatural qualities of a vampire. More than once, the results were scary. However, not all was bad with my journey among the vampires. It was during this time in my life that I wrote the poem that would become my personal favorite: "Teardrops." Though it is not a piece of fantasy writing, its speaker is a man who is shunned from society and certainly follows the path a vampire might follow.

My senior year in high school brought about a change that one could only describe as wonderful. Inspired by the previews for the movie, I started to read the Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis. His vivid description of a land where animals talk and humans exist alongside them as equals captured me. I would lose myself for hours in his fantasy novels. The main thing that captured me about Lewis’ writings was his symbolism. There were little hints and references to Christianity throughout the entire novel. It was an amazing experience to me. The novels changed me spiritually, which is an odd thing to say about a fantasy novel. However, due to the readings I have looked deep inside myself and found the inner good that drives all of us. I am once again regaining that idea of chivalry that I had as a child. Thanks to Lewis, the optimism inside of me has hopes of a brighter day. The main impact of C. S. Lewis’s writings came through my own writing style. More and more I found, and am still finding, myself writing as if I was telling a story, much like Lewis did. My writings have grown more passive as well. Much of my writings have also taken upon a more hopeful outlook on life then previous writings did. As things are looking his influence will transcend everything that has impacted me to this point.

Chronicling the impact literature has had on a person’s life is a daunting task. For me, it has awakened vivid memories that cannot be described no matter how I try. I am finding more and more than not only does my life impact what books I read, but the books I read impact my life. It makes me wonder whether I should read what I like, or like what I read. A tricky question indeed. But there is more that I’m finding. Not only is my life impacted, but my writing is as well. The content of my writings, as well as the style, has been ever changing based on what I am reading. No longer can I sit idly by and read a book and not think to myself, this may go on to be a huge impact on my life. From now on, I’ll find myself thinking more about the books that I read in hopes that they cause me to become a better person. So, how big of an impact has fantasy literature played in my life? Well, to that, I just say, big.