| Chapter Five: An Error in the Plans Hannah sat in the waiting room of Tennessee�s Christian Medical Center. She was very alone and very scared. She hadn�t seen her father yet; they refused to admit her, and that meant he wasn�t doing well. She wished she had someone with her. Like Amber, Will, or even Scott would work right now. She dropped her head in her hands and silently began to pray. *** Scott, Mark, and Flip were standing in the hallway. They, Flip and Tremonti, were trying to get Scott to go in and see Hannah. Scott wasn�t going for it. �No, no, no! I can�t go in there.� �She needs you.� Mark crossed his arms over his chest, an unhappy glare on his face. �What you want me to do? Just waltz in there with my three year old son, and be her knight in shinning amour again?� �Works for me.� Flip answered. �How would you like me to explain a six year absence in her life!� Stapp threw up his hands. �Let�s see, �I�m an idiot�, wouldn�t be a bad place to start.� Mark refused to give up. �She�ll want an explanation, and I don�t have one. We both know I ran away from her.� He whispered, quietly fingering the chain around his neck. �We know.� Flip and Mark groaned as they fell into chairs. There was a stiff silence as Mark debated on what to do, finally he thought of the words to say. �Scott do me one favor, look at her. Watch her as she prays for the only love she�s ever known and then tell me, tell me you don�t want to hold her. �Cause I can see it in your eyes, you�re fighting with yourself. Help her Scott, redeem yourself.� Anger and sorrow choked his voice, �For God�s sake man, look at her! If you don�t do something I will.� Scott watched her through the window of tinted glass that separated them. Her face was resting in her hands; her red hair was making a veil as it fell forward. Her shoulders shook and trembled, it was evident she was crying. She looked so small, fragile, like Jagger in some ways. He would act so tough and strong; with an �I don�t need my daddy� attitude, but the moment he fell down or a monster appeared beneath his bed he was in his father�s arms. Begging daddy, Uncle Mark, and Uncle Scottie to make the monster go away. Scott closed his eyes as he gripped the window edge. He�d been the cause of some many more tears, tears he didn�t need to see to know she had shed them. He didn�t deserve to comfort her now when he neglected her so many times before. Your eyes stare at me in the dark And I hope those eyes don�t steal my freedom My freedom Mark�s voice sung, like a musical backdrop to a very real, very ugly nightmare. Tears slipped down Scott�s face, he almost didn�t recognize them he was so numb. He�d been burying things for so long, he'd forgotten how salty tears tasted. As much as his wanted to friends wanted to believe, Scott had never cried on the anniversary of Hillary�s death, not even when he was holding their son. He�d been ignoring his feelings since way before that. Now they were all coming back. �That�s her song isn�t it � it�s Hannah�s song.� Scottie�s voice was low and slow, as Mark still sung the words. �Yes.� He answered, still not facing them. �You were scared, that�s what you meant by �don�t steal my freedom�.� Mark was now beginning to understand the meaning of the words. �She wouldn�t go away, she wouldn�t get out of my head. I missed her.� Mark listened to the sound of Stapp�s voice. He spoke of it all like it was past-tense, which it was, but it wasn�t buried under decades and decades of sand as he�d made it sound. That wasn�t making sense. �Scott, you wrote that song just last year.� Mark�s voice hung between them. Flip turned to Mark, stunned, as he realized Scott�s slip up. It wasn�t dead and buried; it was still brand new. Writing that song so recently just proved it. �You still love her.� Phillips voice had an almost angry edge to it, �You love her, and you still turn your back on her! I don�t care that you hid it from us, �cause I don�t care diddle about your love life. But you lied to her? When it was staring you straight in the face?� �This is different-� Scott tried to justify himself. �No, no! You shut up and listen.� Flip had finally heard enough as he stood inches from Scott, �This is not different, you just don�t want to hear it. You�ve never wanted to hear it when it came to Hannah. You love her, I know you do, she�s still got a hold on you Scott Stapp. Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, she�ll catch up with you one day.� �And weren�t you one who told me that I should make sure the people I cared about, knew that I did?� Mark was now on his feet, �Didn�t you tell me that �I should make sure my family knew I loved them�, loved them more then anything in fact, that�s exactly what you said. �Because you don�t know when you might not be able to tell them anymore�, do you remember those words coming out of your mouth?� Mark was now also toe to toe with Scott. �Yes, I remember that.� He answered quietly. �Then why the hell are you standing here�in the hallway, when you should be in there with her?� Mark fists flexed in and out from anger. �Because I don�t know how to help her.� His voice was threaded with pain. �Scott, she�s not asking you for the answers. She just wants someone to hold her.� Flip�s blue eyes shined with sympathy. �Okay, I�ll try.� Scott gave into the pleading eyes of his friends and walked into the waiting room. *** Phillips and Tremonti sunk into their respective chairs after Scott left. �Whew, I don�t think I could take much more of that.� Flip ran his hands through his hair. �I thought you were going to rip his head off!� Mark chuckled. �Me? You looked ready to run him through the window.� Flip laughed back. �If Jagger wasn�t in here I would�ve. But I didn�t think it would be beneficial for him to see his daddy go through a plate-glass window.� �Nah, I don�t think so.� Phillips grinned and shook his head. |