*Somehow, when I thought about sleeping with the whelp, this wasn't exactly what I was picturing,* Spike thought wryly. They'd only been in the apartment for two days, but both days Spike had awakened in the evening with Xander curled up in bed next to him, reading a book while he waited for Spike to wake up. Xander hadn't really said anything, but Spike could tell that he was reveling in the new-found security of the apartment. For someone who had spent his entire life terrified of walking into a room and finding his father there, the freedom and stability of having his own place had to be heady. The two of them had gone out on short patrols the two nights previous and the intensity with which Xander fought told Spike that the boy was still very worried about his mother.

Spike fumed sullenly to himself. *Can't believe 'm going to be reduced to thinkin' up a plan to save that bint! I couldn't care less if she rots there, but it don't look like the whelp's gonna get out of brood mode until we go get her and we sure as hell don't need another Angelus lurking about. Bloody hell! The things I'll do to make him happy!*

Spike propped himself up on an elbow and rested his chin on Xander's shoulder. It was a little more of a proprietary gesture than he'd made before, and he was curious how Xander would react to it.

A soft smile curved Xander's lips and the boy's head shifted just the tiniest bit to the right, making a little more room.

Spike responded by nuzzling into the crook of Xander's neck and shoulder softly, rumbling deep in his chest when Xander just sighed in response. *God, we're so domestic, it's sickening. Glad none of the other demons are here to see this. Bloody laugh their arses off at me. It's like we're married, just without the sex.*

Despite himself, Spike was missing that. He was...sensual...by nature. That was putting it *very* politely. The demon in him was snarling that he still hadn't claimed the boy. Not in the real sense, or even the sexual sense. Each was just as impossible as the other, at the moment. Spike couldn't bite Xander, so the boy couldn't be claimed the way he should be, and he sure as hell couldn't fuck Xander, so he couldn't even be claimed by that half-assed method. Pathetic.

Bored and frustrated, Spike looked down at the book Xander was so immersed in.

And started laughing out loud.

Xander looked up at him in irritation. "What?"

Spike snorted and snickered for a minute, grabbing at the book Xander was holding before answering. "Sorry, pet. Just would have thought you'd get enough of the creepy crawlies living where you do. Never pictured you reading Stephen King."

Xander frowned and snatched his book back. "I happen to like Stephen King. After all the stuff we see here, you honestly think that walking topiary, dead women in bathtubs and bloody murders are going to scare me?"

Spike's eyes lit up. "Dead women in bathtubs? Bloody murders? Sounds like my kind of book. Don't know about the walking topiary thing, though. Sounds a little barmy to me." He snatched the book back again, looking at it a little more seriously this time.

Xander looked at him incredulously. "You've never read 'The Shining'?"

"Hmm...Nope," Spike answered distractedly, already absorbed by reading the blurb on the back.

Xander grabbed it back again. "Well you can read it after I get finished with it. I had it first, you know."

"Oi!!" Spike made as if to reach for it again and Xander yanked it behind his back.

"No! Bad vampire! Be glad I didn't say you had to go out and buy your own copy."

Spike sat back and looked at him, smiling angelically. After all, Xander worked the next day. Spike could just nick it while the boy was gone.

Xander squinted at Spike suspiciously before continuing slowly. "Anyway, you need to get dressed."

Spike looked down. Boxers and a black t-shirt. Nothing wrong with that. Xander, however, was staring at him like he was the world biggest moron. He must have forgotten something. What? Hmm.........

Xander sighed.

"No, wait. I can get it!"

Xander thumped him on the arm, but gently.

"Our pseudo-surprise housewarming party. Whereupon we have eight people in this apartment and no place for anyone to sit. I told them all to bring sleeping bags."

Spike slumped back on the bed with a groan. "They're *not* stayin' over! No sleep-over unless I get to eat one of them."

"Hey! No eating our friends!"

"*Our* friends?" Spike snorted derisively. "Right."

"Besides, it could have been worse. At least I remembered to go to the store and stop to pick up some movies. Just think what would have happened if we couldn't have kept them fed and entertained."

Spike smirked at him. "Bet I could have come up with something to keep them entertained, pet."

Xander whapped him on the back of the head with the book. "Get dressed, bleachboy."

Spike mock-snarled at him as he climbed off the bed and headed for the bathroom.

Xander watched the shapely backside as Spike stalked to the bathroom, something he had been doing quite often lately. The touches between the two of them were getting more frequent and more personal every day, it seemed. Xander wasn't stupid enough to think that Spike loved him, but he was slowly starting to think that the vampire cared for him, at least a little. Spike had been so careful with him during this whole mess with his parents that Xander really didn't know what to think anymore. Willow was the only one who had ever touched him gently at all. The only time people ever made any kind of contact with him was usually to smack him. Either in play, when he bugged the hell out of them, or in earnest, like his father. There was something incongruous about Spike, being who and what he was, treating him as carefully as he had. It threw Xander off-balance and made him suspicious, except for those rare times he let himself go and just enjoyed it without thinking about *why* Spike was doing it. A large part of Xander thought that, maybe, he needed to not think about it more often. It was certainly when he was the happiest lately.

Heavy pounding on the door made Xander's heartbeat speed up and his palms grow clammy. Normally, when he heard pounding, it was footsteps and it meant he was in serious trouble if he didn't hightail it. Even now, his muscles were tensed with the subconscious desire to bolt for the nearest exit. Taking a deep breath, he forced his hands to relax from white-knuckled fists and wiped his palms on his thighs as he stood up.

"Xander?" More pounding.

Buffy. Damn, the girl never did know her own strength. Forcing his voice into some semblance of cheerfulness, he called, "Coming, Buffy! Don't get your knickers in a twist!" *Good God! Did that really just come out of my mouth?*

Xander suppressed the urge to wince as he opened the door. He'd been hanging around with Spike *way* too much lately, if he was starting to talk like him.

Buffy looked at him curiously. "'Don't get your knickers in a twist?' You've been taking English lessons from Spike now?"

Xander flushed hotly. "Umm-"

"Here."

Xander grunted as a full grocery bag made forceful contact with his chest. "Good evening to you too, Anya."

"Hello, Xander. Buffy said you were going to entertain us this evening in exchange for bribes of common household items. So what are we watching first?"

Xander's lips quirked into a grin, despite himself, as he watched Buffy squirm uncomfortably. "Well, that's a pretty...unique explanation of a housewarming party, I guess." Xander got a kick out of watching the ex-demon and the Slayer together. Ever since Riley had left, Anya seemed to be making an almost-subtle-for-her attempt to cheer Buffy up. Even more amazing was the fact that it seemed to be working. Buffy still moped, but with Anya around, it was almost impossible for her to stay in a bad mood all the time.

Xander carried the heavy bag into the kitchen, depositing it gratefully on the counter before starting to rummage through it. "Jesus, Anya!" he hollered. "Did you guys get every type of junk food known to man?"

"We tried our best," Buffy said from right behind him, snickering softly when he jumped as if goosed.

Xander grinned to cover his discomfiture. He detested it when people came up behind him and scared him. "I'm gonna go ahead and call in the pizza order. Just let me go find out what the rest of the gang wants."

Buffy looked at him as if she were about to apologize for scaring him and he prayed desperately that she wouldn't. It was a lot easier for him to pretend that she had just startled him, if she didn't say anything about it. Thankfully she didn't. After a moment, her mouth closed and she mustered a rather forced-looking smile.

"Yeah, okay. You go call in the order and I'll get drinks and snacks set up for everyone."

Xander grinned at her again, for real this time. "Thanks, Buff."

She brightened at his acceptance of her unspoken apology. "No problem."

As she turned to the counter and started to unpack the chips and cookies, he headed out into the living room. Everyone had already pretty well made themselves at home; it wasn't as if they were strangers to roughing it a little. Sleeping bags had been tossed on the floor in front of the TV, the one floor lamp in the room casting a soft, cozy glow over the group as the sat and talked. Willow and Tara were snuggled up together, with Dawn sitting across from them. Anya was in the middle, sitting cross-legged, with the four of them forming a rough semi-circle.

Xander frowned. "Where's-"

The doorbell chimed.

"-Giles? Never mind." He pulled the door open, only to be greeted with the unlikely sight of Giles standing there, holding a dark blue sleeping bag. He raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Giles asked defensively. "You said it was a "bring your own sleeping bag and watch movies" kind of housewarming party."

"Well, yes. I did. Somehow, though, it just messes with my sense of reality to know that you *have* a sleeping bag. You're just not a 'sleeping bag'-y type of guy, you know?"

"I *have* been on sleep-overs before, Xander," Giles said dryly. "Granted, it hasn't been for a long while, but I'm not *that* ancient."

Xander shrugged. "Great. Well, come on in. You're just in time. What kind of pizza do you all want?" A moment later and he had one vote for meat-lovers, two for supreme, two for cheese and two for veggie.

"Umm...how about a large half-cheese half-veggie and a large half-supreme half-meat lovers?" Smiles all around and Xander was congratulating himself on his peacemaker skills. "Okay, then. I'll be back in a minute."

He headed into the bedroom, for the only phone in the apartment thus far, scowling as he went. *Chicken-shit vampire!* Not thinking, Xander opened the master bathroom door when he heard the shower still running.

"All right, Spike! Enough stalling! You don't get to hide in the bathroom all night to avoid-" Xander's jaw dropped as he stared into the steamy room. Spike had paused in surprise when Xander opened the door and now they stood, both frozen as they stared at each other. Spike stood, half-in half-out of the shower, one hand holding the curtain as he dripped water on the floor.

He was magnificent. All symmetrical planes and sharp angles as Xander followed the path of the water down the ivory skin, his mouth going dry as he looked down past the hard muscles of Spike's abs. His eyes widened as they swept over Spike's cock, which immediately began to harden, as if looking at it was the same as a physical touch.

Heat rushed into his cheeks and Xander knew he was blushing furiously, even as he knew Spike must be able to smell him...smell how this was affecting him. "I-I'm sorry. I thought you were hiding in here to- I'll just-" He flushed harder. Damned if it didn't seem impossible to finish a sentence and this just obviously wasn't going to get any better so it would probably be best to- "I-I'll just-"

He fled, almost slamming the door behind him in his rush, completely unable to look Spike in the face even once before he went.

Sitting on the bed, he ran a shaky hand through his hair. *What the hell was that?* The surge of lust he had felt upon seeing Spike wasn't much of a surprise. He had definitely been working his way in that direction for awhile now. The *intensity* of it was the surprise. His response had been immediate and incredibly strong, as an image of pinning the vampire to the wall of the shower had flooded his brain.

A hint of a smile touched his face. Judging from Spike's reaction, the vampire must have been having similar thoughts.

*Of course he was. Why wouldn't he want to fuck you? That's the only thing he could possibly be hanging around for.*

Xander instinctively recoiled from the scathing inner voice. The matter-of-fact tone and almost bored delivery made it all the more devastating. That wasn't true. He knew it wasn't true. He had worth. He had value.

*Oh, come on. Give me a break. Your own father couldn't find anything redeeming about you but the fact you're good at taking it up the ass. That's pretty self-evident, even for you.*

Xander shuddered a little and resolutely pushed the voice far away as he reached for the phone to place his order for dinner.

Spike dried himself off slowly while he thought over the little encounter of a few minutes before. Granted, he had been taking a while in the shower. Perhaps taking a little extra time about getting his hair washed.

*Stalling*

Okay. So he'd been stalling. He'd finally gotten out, at least. Just in time for the whelp to open the bathroom door without so much as a hint of a knock. Spike had been honestly surprised, but he had been almost stunned by the flood of pheromones that had all but slapped him in the face.

He smirked. Xander had wanted him, that much was obvious. The blush had been cute, too. If the boy had gotten any darker red, Spike would have been afraid that he was going to spontaneously combust. Xander had run before Spike could say anything and the vampire was left wondering how he needed to handle this. Spike didn't want to push the boy, but he was afraid that if he pretended it hadn't happened, Xander would think Spike wasn't interested.

"Bloody hell. It's just like dealing with Dru," he muttered disgustedly. Well...almost like dealing with Dru. At least Xander didn't think the stars and moon were talking to him.

Spike hastily finished drying himself off and slipped into his jeans and t-shirt before opening the door to the bedroom. Xander was still sitting on the bed, talking on the phone. As soon as Spike came in the bedroom, Xander blushed again, his eyes lighting anywhere in the room, except on the vampire standing in the doorway.

Spike stood and waited easily enough as Xander finished ordering the pizza, noticing that the boy took a long time to put the receiver down, as though he would be giving up his last defense if he did so.

"I'm not going to force you, whelp."

Xander's head shot up instantly, his eyes locking with Spike's as he glowered at the vampire. "I never thought you would! If you were going to force me, you've had a lot more wonderful opportunities before this."

Spike ignored his outburst. "I'm not going to force you," he repeated gently. "I'm not going to pressure you. I wanna shag you, that much is pretty obvious, but I don't wanna shag you because that's all you're good for. You're worth more than that, Xander and I swear to God, when I get this bloody chip out of my skull, that's *one* thing your father's going to know for certain before he dies."

*Jesus,* Xander thought, averting his eyes again. *How sick is it that his threats to kill my father make me think I could love him, and that gleam in his eyes makes me want to fuck him through the mattress? That's pretty goddamn sick, Harris.*

The bed dipped slightly as Spike sat down next to him. Not much; Spike really didn't weigh a lot. Xander had often marveled that such an efficient killing machine could come in such a small package. Of course, Spike really couldn't be called a machine, either. Not with that soft skin and those gentle hands. Hands that were currently sliding up his arms, to his shoulders, one skating lightly over his throat and coming up to trace along his jaw. He shivered a bit, almost ticklish as the sensations coursed over him, and had the sudden, insane thought of a cat racing around in his mind.

Helpless giggles rose in his throat as his mind churned out an image of a little white-blonde coloured kitten with golden eyes, rubbing against his face. Jesus God, what was wrong with him?

Spike's hands strayed down his chest, momentarily and Xander's breath caught in his throat a little as he stared at Spike, the vampire features nowhere in evidence this time, making it all the more real. Less dreamlike than the last time they had done this. The urge to laugh had completely deserted him.

Spike's head lowered and Xander tilted his own slightly, exposing the vulnerable line of his throat. Spike unexpectedly bypassed Xander's mouth and dipped down to his neck. Xander's pulse involuntarily sped up a little and Spike made soft, barely-there shushing noises as he scented the length of Xander's throat, starting just below the collarbone.

Xander shuddered a little as a cool tongue traced the line of his pulse and Spike's hand came up the other side of his neck to his face, cupping gently.

Never. Xander would never have thought that *anyone* could make him feel so special. So cared for. That anyone would take this kind of time with him and worship him with his mouth the way Spike was doing. And Jesus God, if Spike could do this to him just by licking his neck, what would happen if he were licking *other* parts of Xander?
"Please...please, Spike," he whispered.

Spike's mouth finally reached the ridge of Xander's jaw and traced over it to his mouth, tongue still tasting Xander's skin lightly and flickering at his lips gently.

Xander's mouth opened on a moan and Spike's lips seemed *so* soft as they traced over his own. Xander's hands came up, running over the human planes of Spike's face, so different from the ridges on its vampiric counterpart. His sharp cheekbones were in starker relief like this, and felt strangely delicate to Xander's questing fingers.

Spike's tongue lapped softly at Xander's lips, tracing over his teeth a moment before Xander's tongue tentatively stroked his, slightly cool meeting oh-so-hot in a contrast that shocked Xander, even as Spike moaned in the back of his throat.

An almost inaudible gasp and a very quietly cleared throat made the two jerk apart quickly.

Buffy stood in the doorway, blushing faintly. "If you guys are gonna extract each others' tonsils like that, you might wanna close the door first. I don't think Giles is quite ready for *that* much of a show yet." She seemed very interested in the bedroom's décor, but not much in the two occupants sitting on the bed, one blushing furiously, the other scowling just as furiously. "They're getting a little worried. You know, thinking Spike ate you or something."

Spike couldn't help the little snort of laughter that escaped and Buffy blushed harder. Taking that as a sign, she left, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Spike caught Xander by the chin before he could avoid Spike's eyes. The vampire's mouth swooped in again, this time in a quick, soft, almost chaste kiss on closed lips. "I can wait for you, pet," he murmured against Xander's closed mouth. "Take as much time as you need."

Xander blinked furiously. He *was not* going to cry in front of Spike, on top of everything else.

"Thanks, Spike."

By unspoken consent, the two of them got up to see to their guests, Spike wisely not commenting on the light sheen of moisture in Xander's eyes, or the husky quality of his voice.

Right before they left the bedroom, Spike felt Xander's fingers curl around his hand and give it a brief, almost loving, squeeze.

Spike couldn't help but think of the kiss as a breakthrough, but it definitely *wasn't* one he wanted to share with all the whelp's friends. More than anything, he wanted to walk through the door of the living room and find that they'd all disappeared.

"Hey, Spike! Go in the kitchen and grab the chips and salsa, would you?"

It was all he could do not to snarl at them. He *wasn't* the bloody serving boy. They were in *his* home. Monopolizing time he could be spending with *his* Xander. Could anyone blame him if he was a little pissy? Still grumbling to himself, he stalked over to the counter to get the requested items, moving things around just a little harder than necessary while chafing against the fact that he was acting like a five year old. Damn! Things had really gone to hell when he was reduced to this.

A touch of melancholy, as always, when he thought of times, not so very long ago, when he would rather have been a pile of dust than in the situation he was in now. Catering to a bunch of the Slayer's friends and, let's be honest, not entirely unwilling to do so. He knew the only reason for that, as well.

Deep down, in a part of him he would never admit to having, he enjoyed the fact that Xander brought out a bit of the mortal he had once been. He conjured up the good memories of what it was to be human. The painful, embarrassing moments were still there, but they weren't always the focus any longer and Spike was beginning to find that he could think about the mortal William with fondness. Without calling up all the defensive rage and sarcasm that 'Spike' had been created to personify.

'Spike' hadn't appeared until sometime in the early twentieth century and the direct reason for this was the fact that the he had been terrified of Angelus losing interest in him. By God, if he was annoying the shit out of his adopted Sire, he wasn't being overlooked. He had been overlooked enough in his mortal life and he had sworn that would never happen again after he was turned.

For the first time in over a hundred years, he felt as if it *might* be safe to let go of a little bit of Spike. Might be safe to show Xander just a little bit of William, now and then.

Ruefully, Spike realized that William probably would have been able to handle Xander more easily than he was doing. He was constantly scared that he would do something wrong. Push too hard or not hard enough.

"Spike! Did you die in there? Oh, wait. I forgot. You're already dead!" Buffy's voice rang out from the living room, sounding completely normal. As if she hadn't walked in to see he and Xander getting hot and heavy in nearly full view of anyone who cared to look.

With a start, Spike realized he'd been standing motionless for a couple of minutes, a bowl of chips in one hand, a jar of salsa in the other.

"Yeah, yeah. Keep your bloody knickers on!" He banged back out into the living room just in time to see the strangest look cross Buffy's face. He stared at her in confusion for a moment, before slapping the bowl and the jar down on the floor in the center of the circle they'd all made.

The television was showing some old sitcom. Not something Spike had ever much gotten into, but it shed a soft, homey light over the group while the noise helped fill the silence a little. Willow and Tara were still snuggled together, wrapped tightly in their sleeping bag as they, Buffy, Dawn and Anya chattered. Giles joined in every so often, if asked a question, but mostly just sat with a soft, fatherly look on his face as he studied the group beside him.

Spike wondered, for a moment, what it would do to the Watcher when the Slayer was killed. Or one of the others in their little group. They insisted on getting themselves involved, so it wasn't a matter of *if* it would happen, but a matter of *when*. Spike supposed it was a shame, but to be honest, he could only see it as a shame in the fact that it would hurt his Xander terribly when the inevitable occurred. An insidious voice insisted on whispering how it could *be* his Xanpet that was killed.

No. It wouldn't. Never. Spike wouldn't allow it.

A strong hand reached up and caught his. Before Spike knew what was happening, Xander had dragged him down to sit in front of him and wound his arms around Spike's waist. Spike's ass was nestled comfortably in the "V" of Xander's legs. Nestled, in fact, right next to a semi-hard bulge that conjured interesting images for Spike's vivid imagination.

"You're thinking too much. I can see it." Spike's eyes widened in alarm. The voice was inches away from his ear, whispering softly. Spike knew what kind of picture they must have made together.

"Pet, what the bloody hell...?" Spike turned his head. Yup. They were definitely the center of attention now. Six pairs of eyes focused on them with emotions ranging from astonishment to calm acceptance.

Buffy appeared quite honestly shocked, but Spike figured she was probably shocked at Xander's open show of affection for Spike. She had probably thought Xander wasn't ready to tell the rest of the group just yet. Spike had pretty well thought that himself.

Dawn's eyes held the wide, curious gleam of adolescence that meant she was currently learning something new and heretofore undreamed of. It was with some relief that Spike and Xander both saw no hint of disgust.

Willow and Tara were staring at them and Spike had no trouble picking up the worry and half-formed accusation on Willow's face as she glared at him. He met her gaze evenly.

Anya had a strange, secretive gleam in her eyes as she stared straight at Spike, but there wasn't a hint of surprise anywhere on her features. The vampire shifted uncomfortably in Xander's arms, feeling unaccountably laid bare by the sharp intelligence in the ex-demon's direct gaze

It was Giles that everyone finally turned to, however. Xander more slowly than the rest, obviously frightened of what he would see there. Giles' eyes held only a little surprise. "I would suppose that this is the reason Buffy and Willow have been tiptoeing around me for the last month or so?"

Everyone jumped, the silent spell that seemed to have taken over the room the moment Spike nestled into Xander's arms broken.

Giles' voice was even, with no hint of anger and as Xander stared him in the eyes, he could have sworn he saw a hint of recognition. A feeling of tentative camaraderie. It gave him the courage he needed for his answer. "A part of the reason, yes."

All eyes were once again on him and Xander repeated to himself over and over that he needed to do this. He needed to tell them. A small part of him wondered if he might even feel better about the whole thing once it was out in the open. Xander had been thinking about this a lot in the few days since he had found out about the housewarming party and he had slowly realized that he just couldn't do it. He couldn't continue to go to meetings and head out for patrols, all the while pretending he was just tolerating Spike. He just couldn't stand to lie anymore. He'd been lying about his parents his whole life and he'd be damned if he was going to lie about his relationship with Spike, as well!

The silence in the room was heavy with expectation and all eyes were trained upon him, everyone instinctively knowing that something big was coming.

"About a month ago, Mom and Dad went to visit my grandmother. When they got back, my father was in a terrible mood, like he usually is after he visits her. He came after me the night that demon got Spike; you remember, Giles."

Xander looked over at the Watcher, quite obviously stalling as his hands gripped Spike's tightly and he squeezed his arms around the vampire's waist. Spike returned the pressure, giving Xander an anchor to hold onto.

Giles nodded his head slowly, his eyes searching into Xander's. "I remember, Xander."

Xander nodded almost convulsively. "Okay. You remember he couldn't move. You remember he was helpless. There was nothing he could do. You remember that, right?"

Giles leaned forward and repeated softly, "I remember, Xander. Whatever it is, I know Spike didn't do it."

Xander closed his eyes, his breathing speeding up as he swallowed heavily. Finally, he looked around again, nodding to himself.

*God, just *do* it, for Christ's sake! It's not going to get any easier so just *do* it!*

"I heard him coming and I pulled Spike in the closet just before he broke in." Xander was shaking now and he wondered why he was torturing himself with the details. Why he couldn't just spit it out in one sentence, instead of playing around with it?

Without warning, Spike turned quickly, and suddenly their places were reversed. He was being held against an impossibly strong chest, Spike's arms encircling him and oh God, this was what he needed to go on. Just that little bit extra.

"I've got you, pet. If you bloody *have* to do this right now, I'm here. Nothing's gonna hurt you. Not ever."

Spike spoke quietly enough that no one else could hear him, but Xander still detected the hint of irritation in the vampire's voice that the others were seeing what Spike considered their own, private moment. He squeezed Spike's arm in silent apology, but there really wasn't any other way he could see to do it. Not without having to tell the story six different times and he just *could not* do that. No way. No how. Buffy and Willow didn't even know the whole story and a part of Xander shuddered to think what might happen when they *did* find out...

"Thank you, Spike," he whispered. He continued at a normal tone of voice, giving it everything he had to not drop his eyes and stare at his lap. It didn't work. "He broke in just after I'd gotten Spike into the closet. He beat me. Bad. And...and he raped me." Gasps echoed in the large room. Xander continued without looking up. "Spike had to listen to it all and when he'd healed enough, he cleaned me up. Took care of me. Eventually persuaded me to move out. So. That's why we're here in the first place."

There was silence. No one asked any questions and, eventually, Xander couldn't stand it anymore and he looked up. Willow was crying softly, Tara trying to comfort her. Dawn stared at him in shock and he had a moment to wish she hadn't been there. He wanted very much to protect her, even as he knew it wasn't possible. Especially not living where they did. Still, she was like his kid sister and he loved her. She was so young to have to hear about something so horrible.

*You were pretty damned young the first time it *happened* to you, weren't you?*

Anya's eyes held a muted anger, but once again, no surprise. He supposed she'd seen a lot worse in her thousand years of life. Hell, she'd probably *done* a lot worse in her life.

Buffy and Giles, though. They scared him. Xander had never seen such ice-cold hatred in Buffy's eyes as he did at that moment. Giles...He could see where the name Ripper might have come from. Where Buffy was ice, Giles was fire. Glaring fury that burned as Xander watched.

"I'm going to kill him." Buffy spoke quietly and unemotionally and that scared Xander more than anything. Made him think that she was really going to. And what was worse, Giles was making no move to stop her. Xander opened his mouth to reason with her.

"The hell you are."

Xander blinked. That hadn't come from him.

A moment later, Spike and Buffy were in each others' faces and *now* there was emotion.

"He's my friend! Jesus, I saw what that sick fuck did to his back, but I never dreamed... I'm going to kill him. I'm going to go over there right now; right this minute, and serve him his spleen for dinner!"

"No, you're bloody well not! He's mine! Mine to torture and kill and you'd best believe I'm going to!"

"You," Buffy sneered. "You couldn't torture and kill a rabbit. How the hell are you gonna kill that bastard?"

"I have patience, unlike some! I can wait, until it can be done the way it *should* be done!" Spike roared.

Buffy reached out and shoved him, not really a fighting move, but more a demonstration of the rage and complete helplessness she felt.

Spike shoved back and they both stood toe to toe, while the others gaped at them.

"He's my friend and that fucking BASTARD deserves to die!" she screamed in his face.

"Yes, he does, but it's my right to kill him, not yours!" Spike didn't back down an inch.

"Why?!"

"Because Xander belongs to me and it's my right to avenge him, you stupid bint!!"

Buffy's face worked convulsively and for a moment, Spike was sure she was going to go all out on him. Maybe kill him. Instead, she let out a single sob and stepped forward to wrap her arms around him.

Once again, everyone in the room gaped but as Spike's eyes darted to Xander's, he saw pity there.

Slowly, he put his arms around the Slayer and rested his cheek on her head. This was something he could truly empathize with. He knew what it was like to feel the sting of failure, when you vowed to protect your charge and it was injured anyway. How many times had he sworn he would protect Drusilla from Angelus, only to listen to her screams as he wept in impotent fury. Enough times that, in the end, she had craved it. Craved the cruelty, more than she had craved him, even. He had known, then, the same bitter taste the Slayer must surely have in her mouth at this moment. The vile taste of failure at great cost.

The sound of a soft knock at the door was loud enough that it shocked all of them, as tense as they were. Tara emitted a tiny little "yip" of surprise and Xander jumped slightly before clambering up and heading to the front door.

He smiled nervously at the pizza boy who stared at him fearfully, obviously having heard the screaming match on who got to kill some poor guy somewhere.

'T-Twenty-four six-sixteen."

Xander handed him thirty dollars. "Keep the change." He took the pizzas and closed the door gently as the young man backed away a few steps, then all but ran for his car, not even bothering to put the money away first. Xander sighed. At least the police hadn't come. Yet.

"Pizza's here." Painfully forced cheer and a broad fake smile to accompany it as Xander tried to salvage what was left of their party.

He really knew how to ruin a mood.

At two in the morning, they had all, finally, departed, Giles insisting that he drive everyone home so he would still have a Slaying crew the next day. The party had, surprisingly, not been that bad once they had been able to get past the nasty surprise Xander had dropped on them.

Xander felt a little guilty, but, hell, it was his own party he'd ruined. It wasn't like the news he gave them was going to become any more pleasant if he'd put it off until some other time. As the group had shaken off the pall he had cast on the evening, they had loosened up and enjoyed the movies. Laughing and talking just like old times, and God, Xander had missed that. They had stayed, opening presents at their leisure through the course of the evening and Xander and Spike were now the proud owners of a new blender, a toaster, an entire stack of towels and washcloths, a set of semi-nice china and semi-nice silverware to go with it. A gift from an anonymous giver: a new set of sheets with a comforter to match. Solid black. Xander had blushed at this, as it was obviously something the vampire would like, that had been given to the both of them but Spike had been thrilled.

Buffy had winked at him mischievously and suddenly...miraculously...he'd been feeling a lot better. By the time they'd all left, Xander was actually feeling contented. And rich. Well, not really, but he and Spike had definitely made off with quite a haul. The rest of the group had been more than generous.

Xander sighed softly, still looking out the window, where he'd been standing since Giles' car had pulled away. A cool hand stroked his neck and his smile widened when he didn't even have to stop himself from jumping.

"You all right, pet?"

Xander leaned back into Spike, wishing for a moment that the vampire was taller, so he could rest his head on Spike's shoulder without getting a crick in his neck. "Yeah, Spike, I am. I really am."

Spike nestled his chin on Xander's shoulder, in what seemed to be his favourite position lately.

"I'm glad."

Xander heard the truth in the words and his heart swelled a little. "This lasted a lot longer than I thought it was gonna, Spike. It's way late. I have to be at work in exactly five hours, which means I'm gonna be a pissy zombie when I get up in the morning. I wanna take a shower, then go to bed."

Spike reluctantly released the boy when he turned around, then almost swallowed his tongue at the words that he heard next, whispered so softly he thought for a moment that he'd imagined them.

"Will you come with me?"

Spike couldn't prevent the small growl that rose in his throat, his cock hardening instantly as he saw images of a wet, slippery Xander covered in lather and nothing else. "Jesus, pet," he groaned.

Xander looked at him nervously, his eyes dilated slightly with desire.

Spike all but slammed his mouth down on Xander's, nowhere near as gentle as he'd been that afternoon. He thrust his tongue aggressively into Xander's mouth, but the boy didn't try to pull away, or struggle, except to try and get Spike's shirt off. Spike was extremely careful not to hold or restrain Xander in any way, keeping well away from the boy's hands so Xander wouldn't feel trapped. As excited as Spike was, he was well aware this had the potential to end very badly if he wasn't very careful. "Come on, pet." He tugged on Xander's arm, not wanting to give up his claim on the boy's lips for a moment, but needing to when he bent to take off his boots and jeans.

By silent, unspoken agreement they stripped as fast as possible, all but falling through the bathroom door. Spike already had the shower started and steaming by the time he turned to look at Xander.

"Bloody hell, pet. Take your shirt off." Spike would have had to be a fool not to notice that the erection Xander was sporting drooped at bit at his command and his eyes immediately softened. His voice was rough, though, when he grabbed Xander's chin and forced his lover's eyes to meet his. "Don't *ever* do that! There is *no* part of you that disgusts me!" Spike's hands dropped to the hem of Xander's shirt and from the moment of panic in Xander's eyes, Spike knew he thought the vampire would just tear it off.

Spike gently pulled it up, tugging until Xander reluctantly raised his arms, then slipping it over his head.

Xander stared straight ahead, not looking at Spike at all, but his lower lip trembled just a bit. He was embarrassed. He just couldn't help it. The first time he had been able to crane his neck around enough to see the healed scars, he had been disgusted. They weren't thick, terrible scars like he would have had from a burn, but there were so many of them, striping him from the top of his shoulders to just below his buttocks. They were ugly. He knew. He *knew* Spike had seen them. Surely the vampire had the latticework memorized by that time. But this was different.

He wanted Spike. And he wanted Spike to want him. He wanted to be attractive to the vampire, but God, how could he ever stand up to Spike's ivory perfection now?

*Not that you could before, anyway* the hated voice chimed in again. Xander bit his lower lip viciously, determined not to cry.

The tip of a cool tongue traced the gouges in his lip, soothing them softly and lapping the bead of blood that welled up. Xander gasped raggedly at the exquisite sensation.

"Beautiful," Spike's soft voice whispered. "You're beautiful."

Spike slid behind him, stroking his skin softly as the sound of the running water pounded his eardrums.

*Wasn't I supposed to be taking a shower?* Did he really care?

A full-body shudder wracked him when he sensed Spike going to his knees behind him, a hint of movement spotted out of the corner of his eye. Then that tongue was on him again, tracing the contours of the scars marring his back, barely touching the skin and how could something so cool burn him like fire? Spike ran just the very tip of his tongue over the scars on Xander's buttocks, making the boy shudder and moan at the sensations. The vampire made the leisurely, sensual trip all the way up his back, making love to Xander with his mouth on a part of Xander's body that he'd never imagined to be an erogenous zone before.

By the time Spike reached the last of the scars just under the boy's neck, Xander was weak-kneed, with an iron grip on the sink beside him to keep him from sliding bonelessly to the floor. "G-God, Spike."

Spike's head was back on his shoulder again and the vampire's arms wound tightly around him. "We're gonna run out of hot water, pet."

"Uh huh," Xander said intelligently. He was so hard, he ached and was on the verge of begging Spike. *Anything*, just please, please. Do something.

Spike took his hands and pulled him willingly into the shower.

Xander pulled back a moment, taking the time to look the vampire over appreciatively. "God, you're beautiful."

An instant, honest smile crossed Spike's face, calling an answering one from Xander.

"You have a really nice smile. You oughta use it more often."

Spike looked at him, confused. "I smile all the time, pet."

"No you don't. You smirk. You glower. You leer. Those aren't smiles. Not like the one I just saw. It-it lights up your face." This last was said is a near whisper, but with a defiant glare thrown at Spike, as if daring the vampire to laugh at him.

Spike kissed the tip of his nose. "I'll work on it, pet.

Spike's hand seemed to come out of nowhere, holding a bar of soap that he appeared to be just as talented with as he was with his tongue.

Xander knew he'd never had a more enjoyable shower in his life as Spike soothed and pampered him, washing him lovingly from head to toe, touching every inch of him except his cock, which was rock hard and throbbing. He surprised Xander by even washing his hair and massaging his scalp for him as Xander's head lolled back and his hips thrust forward, working unconsciously.

When the long-awaited touch finally came, Xander's eyes snapped open, and a hoarse yell left his throat, his gaze locking instantly with Spike's as the vampire's slick hand worked him with an intensity that bordered on pain. A moment later and Spike's own hard cock touched Xander's, Spike's fingers closing around them both. Xander's head fell forward onto Spike shoulder as their pace quickened and his hand reached between their bodies to join the vampire's, needing to feel Spike. Needing to have an active part in their intimacy.

His eyes squeezed tightly shut a moment later and he let out a strangled sob as he spasmed, dimly aware of Spike's similar motions and the feel of a slightly cool, sticky substance against the water-heated skin of his stomach.

His knees buckled and Spike caught him, holding him upright with no apparent effort, regardless of their difference in heights.

Xander continued to drift in a soft cloud of contentment as Spike pulled him out of the shower and dried him off, only dimly aware of slipping, naked, under soft cotton sheets with a slightly cool body pressed against his back. The moment Spike stopped moving, Xander was asleep instantly.

It was only in the early hours of morning, as the promise of sunrise was prickling along his neck, that Spike allowed himself to whisper the words that had been circling in his brain for hours.

"I love you, Xander."

~*fin*~