There was a little elephant, his name was pumpkin and all the other elephants made fun of him. So he grew and he grew and he grew....and one day, he was really big. And he finally implemented the plot he had been making for years, to take his revenge on all the other elephants! He crushed them like little bugs and trapped them in mud pits�he laughed and laughed.....MWAHAHAHAHA. Like that�and then he yelled out WHO'S THE PANSY NOW??? And ran off before being caught by the elephant police, who took him and put him in elephant prison. He was put on trial for the massacre of a few dozen elephants, but was accquited because the elephant judge had been teased by those elephants too as his name was sweetheart. So he was free and he ran off and lived in the mountains of zimbabwe, where he owned a bunch of cats, like crazy cat ladies, except he'd accidentally sit on his cats and kill them all the time. After finding yet another dead cat on his ass, he decided to move to japan to visit his friend the Biki. He found the Biki sitting on mt fiji, where he looked sad. "why are you sad?" pumpkin asked. "because my brothers Hiki and Piki are sick" said the Biki. Pumpkin, who had a degree in medicine by distance study he had done while living in the mountains of zimbabwe, examined hiki and piki. He made them a medicine by boiling the dead cats he had squished, and fed it too them and....*POOF!* they were all better. So now the Biki was happy and decided to give pumpkin a reward. So the Biki gave pumpkin a spaceship he had stolen from area 51, because he's the Biki and he can do that. Pumpkin flew across the galaxy to meet his alien pen pal he had been communicating with telepathically for years. But his pen pal was a tiny blob of goo, and pumpkin accidentally stepped on him! His penpal was a member of the royal family on his planet, so all the tiny blobs of goo came after pumpkin. Pumpkin was forced to flee after smashing millions of tiny blobs of goo. This incident was later known in their history as a preview of the apocalypse because so many died. Anyhow, pumpkin flew back and was sad because he kept killing things. So...he didn't want to kill himself. So pumpkin was back on earth with his spaceship, which he decided to sell on ebay. And by doing so, exposed the entire government conspiracy to hide their knowledge of the existence of aliens which caused widespread rioting throughout the untied states. Many people died. Pumpkin was really pissed off because he was gonna donate the profits to cancer societies to SAVE people instead of kill them, that was the entire idea. But the rioters took over Wa, D.C. and killed George W. Bush!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!!! The world rejoiced, and pumpkin made so many people happy, it made up for all those he killed. Pumpkin was then happy with himself...but was all of his self happiness only artificial? He wanted to find out, so he went to india and china to seek enlightenment. There he studied under many wise men, but did not find the answers he was looking for. So he became very depressed and after all the things he did and survived through�he got MARRIED! Little fucker! Had kids, bought a house in the suburbs, got a 9-5 job. Of course this was all very difficult as he was an elephant, but he managed anyhow. By this time pumpkin was a very old elephant, by our standards, but he didn't age because he had recieved the elixer of immortality on his penpal's planet. He started his own company making this elixer, and it quickly grew in size until it was the biggest company on the planet. But then the population exploded because no one died! So his efforts to help people once again resulted in their suffering. People used their technology to start spreading to other planets; like a plague of locusts they came. Little bastards. One day pumpkin discovered that people had "accidentally" blown up earth with all their stupidity. That was when he finally became enlightened! With his immense knowledge,. he proceeded to wipe out the majority of the human race, a "thinning of the herd" like he had done on his penpal's planet. Afterwards, he reached a new level of counciousness, and his very physical being changed. He became a blob of glittering bright light instead of an elephant. He was all seeing and all knowing, and ruled over the universe with his great benevolent wisdom. He kept people in check, and rooted out evil as he saw it. But then, he decided to start his own little universe, like the �god� before him had started one. He made it inside the current one, with planets and life and everything....and the cycle began again. The moral of this story is: anyone can become god, if you only rise to your own potential kids
the end!
