I'm feeling nauseous right now, for no reason i can discern. Which pisses me off. I've been feeling fucked all day yet i can't get to sleep nor actually THROW UP. dammit. Anyhow, I'll attempt to make a useful rant of sorts. let's start with a tori amos quote that's been in my head all day! "I know a cat named Easter he says will you ever learn you're just an empty cage girl if you kill the bird..." Crucify, Little Earthquakes. That has a really good point in it. We all have our inner muse, right? But at one time or another we all choke it, or try to push it down for one reason or another. i do it on occasion when i'm feeling so discouraged that i don't think anything would help. But that's what always makes it better. Creativity ahhhhh I don't see how people CAN'T be creative. But i'm such an artsy freak that perhaps i'm a bit biased. everyone should have their own thing to excel in though. that's where the inner muse thing comes in. If you deny yourself that, you lose your very soul, hence the 'empty cage' phrase. You need the part in you that sings, the 'bird', otherwise you're NOTHING. Nothing at all. And who wants to live life like a zombie? I certainly don't, i mean come on. that'd be so fucked. I swear a lot more when i'm unbalanced i've noticed that this would be a good example of such. Anyhow, let's have fun with ANOTHER tori quote! (yes i listen to way too much tori and have a scary amount of lyrics memorized, but that's just me ok?) "These precious things, let them bleed, let them wash away...these precious things, let them break their hold on me..." Precious things, Little Earthquakes. I've been having a thing for her Little earthquakes album ok? But yea, that's a good quote too. haven't you ever noticed that some things just have so much control over you that they become destructive? An obsession that demands huge amounts of your time with little reward? Kinda like an abusive relationship that you stay in anyways even though it causes you great pain. You've gotta be careful not to let that happen, though you can always learn from your mistakes there are certainly easier ways to learn than that! And how can you learn when you're stuck in such a frame of mind as to exclude almost everything else, without room for change and growth? Now THAT'S death. that's when the above mentioned 'bird' often dies. And yet so many people walk around that way...scary isn't it? Not too many people would consider themselves truely happy. Unfortunantly i'm included in that one heheh, but at least i blame myself for my own problems and not other people! And my negative frame of mind at this time doesn't exctly help...sometimes i truely am happy :) just not when i'm FUCKING NAUSEOUS AND DEPRESSED! (well duh) ooooook new quote (yay!) "The threads that are golden don't break easily.." Horses, Boys for Pele. Another restraint quote. You know how some things look great at first? those 'precious things'? The 'golden threads' are great, and you love it. But then after a while, you realize that these threads aren't supporting you gently. They're binding you, holding you back. And that great thing is now a nightmare. Why do i have such a thing for these kinds of quotes? well maybe i've been *cough* in a few of these *cough* situations before *cough cough*. Yea i make mistakes. a lot of them. *hangs head in shame* but i'm learning. and so should you, my nonexistent readers! Go! Go learn! Let's all learn and grow! YAAAAAAY for evolution! yea yea yea! Let's see if i can think of an appropriate tori quote......no, but i can think of a good tool one. "...ride the sprial to the end we may just go where no one's been...spiral's out...keep going..." Lateralus, Lateralus. yea go tool. Enough of my delirious ramblings for now, and away i go...farewell my darlings
^.^ Fireflyhotaru
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page copyright 2002 fireflyhotaru. Yea i wasn't feeling too good when i wrote this. i was even too lazy to capitalize most stuff. Why would ANYONE steal this? i mean come on. It's so fucked! AAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA