Merry Meet All,
This lesson was the most challenging for me, as I know it is for some other people. The visualization was not so difficult, but thinking about my trial by fire has made me realize it is not entirely over. My visualization actually closely followed the UEW script this time, unlike all my other visualizations. Major differences I noticed was that I felt the pull of the sun's gravity before it was mentioned in the script. Also the smith who forged my weapon was a man like creature with fiery eyes and glowing skin that looked like it would burn to touch, I did not know if others say him as human or not. The challenge of defeating the great salamander was a remarkable experience. I felt like one of the Welsh warrior women from the novels I read. In that moment I understood how important passion, anger and the warrior elements are to the practice of Wicca. I remembered points in my life where I have used this feeling to my advantage that I had previously forgotten. The most memorable of these was defeating my fear or the dark when I was younger. Some people say to children that a fear of the dark is stupid, but as a kid nothing was scarier to me. One night I had to see my parents in the middle of the night. I stood for a long time in the dark calling (in my head) the gods for help, and imaging myself as the bravest person I could be. This for me is an important memory as it shows me how I first used the element of fire for something constructive. After the visualization I had to ground and center as I was so hot, and full of energy that I thought I might spontaneously combust!
Thinking of my trial fire has been particularly hard. I know we are not required to do both the visualization and think of our trial by fire, but both seemed important to me. My trial by fire, which I have mentioned before I think, was learning to find the strength to trust Wicca after being sexually harassed by a Wiccan High Priest. I am generally not very good at standing up for myself. However after being sexually harassed a number of times I was able to tell my offender that his behaviour was unacceptable. After more repeated behaviour I had to come up with the courage to let others know what was happening, and leave the group I was with. I had to fight this man in order for him not to charge me with sexual harassment and from taking a restraining order against me. He believed that if he got to the police first, a court would not believe me if I decided to take the matter to court. The police didn't believe his story and I never took him to court. However after the incident I couldn't even mention the word Wicca without shaking, sweating and being terrified. The biggest trial of my life has being able to overcome fear in order to practice the religion I believe in. Even now I will not cast circle using any tools, or undertake works of magick. These activities remind me too vividly of my bad experiences. I continue to cast circle without any tools, but I am slowly starting to look at my athame` again, even if I still won't use it. I had never realized until studying for this lesson how much these events impacted my life. The courage to stand up for myself has stayed with me, and the now more understood power of fire, will help me continue in my battle with past issues.
In this period of learning about, and attuning to the fire element I have also been studying the god Apollo. I know that this is directly related to the lesson but I mentioned as I think sometime in the future I may make Apollo my Patron god. Thank you if you are still reading after all this time, and praise to the gods for everything they have given us, including the element of fire!
BB Miw Sheri